You Suck at Craigslist

Author: drmk

  • YSaC, Vol. 409: In which drmk has writer’s block.

    Sigh. I can’t think of anything today. I can’t seem to put the words together in the right way. If only there was someone to help me!

    want to say something to someone in a letter

    hi-did you ever want to tell someone how you felt,or let someone know where your coming from??well for 22-dollars cash,you can tell me how you feel,or whats on your mind,,,and ill put it into words,and mail them a letter from you to get your point across,,anything from girlfriends-boyfriends divorce,to just letting a friend know how you feel,,trust me i have helped many by just putting words together and putting a point across,thank you,hope to hear from you,,jim

    Hoorah! I’m saved! Jim can help me put my words — and my commas — together! $22 is a small price to pay for having someone understand me so completely. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go divorce my girlfriends-boyfriends. Jim will take over from here.

    Thanks for the submission, Tina!

  • YSaC, Vol. 408: Kurzsichtiger Epileptikerdachs, in case you were wondering.

    Custom Pink Coffee Table – $5

    Customized coffee table with lower rack and wheels.

    408a408b

    You know, there just isn’t a good way to describe this coffee table. “Customized” isn’t quite the right word, is it?

    Now that I think about it, I’m not sure English HAS the right word to describe this coffee table, since there isn’t a word that means “appears to have been spraypainted by a nearsighted epileptic badger with an anger management problem”. I’m sure German has a word for that, though.

    Thanks to “The Shanimal” for the submission!

  • YSaC, Vol. 405: One, two, three … ummmmm …

    Squier by Fender with Fender amp & Epiphone Les Paul Standard – $1000

    I am selling two of my guitars. I have a Squier stratocaster and an Epiphone Les Paul Standard. Also including a small fender bronco amp. Both guitars are in excellent shape and are ready to play. the squier is black and the epiphone is a cherry sunburst. for both guitars and amp i would like to get $1000, but am willing to take best offer. I’ll sell the Squier and amp for $220 and the Epiphone for $450 if you prefer to buy individually. (only asking that cause that’s what i paid and i want to at LEAST get my money back). For information, text Andrew at xxx-xxx-xxxx or e-mail xxxxxxxxxxandrew@yahoo.com. thanks

    Okay, you’re selling both for $1000, but you’ll take $220 for the Squier and amp and $450 for the Epiphone. Which, if I’m not mistaken, is … $670. Which is … less. Even if you meant to say you’d take $220 for the Squier and another $220 for the amp, that would still only add up to $890. Which is still less. So yes, I’d like to take all three, but I’d like to buy them individually, please.

    Of course there’s more … (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 404: Sponge bath time!

    Care Giver for Elderly Nudist – m4mw – 51

    Experienced Caregiver or Elder Babtsitting while you go to store etc. Im a nudist and will care for your elderly free
    if I can do it nude. Up to 3 hours free

    I have face id; a longtime resident of [location] and am dd free. Im 51 male and have cared for people for
    about 25 years, family mostlty.

    Let me know

    Wait … what? If I parse the title, it sounds as though someone is looking for a caregiver for an elderly nudist. In the ad, though, it turns out you want to take care of old people while YOU, YOURSELF, ARE NUDE. And you’re willing to do it for free, IF YOU CAN DO IT NUDE.

    Oh. Hell. No. Look, I’m all for nudism, and I’m all for elder care, but some things just don’t mix, okay? And why is this posted in Strictly Platonic instead of, say, Volunteers or Services?

    Thanks for the submission, Mike!

  • YSaC, Vol. 403: Wait, I thought you meant a Volkswagen Thing.

    big golf thing

    it is a huge round thing used to hit balls into golf balls babee base balls and foot balls
    its free come and get it
    call me xxx-xxx-xxxx

    I’ve always wanted a big golf thing. I’ve been looking for one for years! Now my life is complete.

    Wait, what?

    Thanks to val_veeta for sending this one in!

    A bit of administrivia: Some eagle-eyed commenters have already noticed the comment scoring option I added over the weekend. Each comment now has a small +1 symbol inside it, which you can click to indicate your approval of a comment. I thought it might be fun — hope you enjoy it!

  • YSaC, Vol. 400: Birds of paradise?

    looking for a A-bird or two

    I am looking for an Attack Bird or a pair of Attack Birds to watch my home while I am at work. I have bad allergies and cannot have an attack dog or cat so I thought a bird would be my next best choice.
    Maybe an attack snake but I dont think you can train those like a bird? If you can please let me know.

    thanks Thomas

    I’ll get to the bird thing in a minute; I’m kind of stuck on the concept of an attack cat. I mean, I’ve known some mean cats in my time, but short of having a panther in your living room, I’m not entirely sure that a cat will fulfill the function this fellow is looking for. I have two cats — yes, I’m halfway to crazy cat lady — and if someone they didn’t know came into the house, their reaction would be to think, “Are YOU going to feed me?” while they fell on the floor and exposed their soft floofy underbellies to the intruder.

    Okay, the bird thing. An attack bird. That you can train. Hmmm. Well, let’s see what we’ve got out there, shall we?

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