You Suck at Craigslist

Category: personals

  • YSaC, Vol. 280: It’s not just Craigslist, apparently …

    … people suck at other online classifieds, too. Witness this post on Kijiji, a Canadian classifieds:

    GREAT DEAL, MUST SELL ASAP

    Price: $250.00

    Ad ID: 1xxxxxxx

    Visits: 226

    14 YEAR OLD DEAF WHITE CAT. SPAYED AND SHOTS ARE UP TO DATE. 2 DIFFERENT COLOR EYES. WARNING: ONLY LIKES TO BE PET ON THE HEAD, DO NOT TOUCH HER BODY.  GREAT DEAL, ONLY SELLING BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE HER AS MUCH AS I USED TO. VERY SMART AND SNEAKY CAT, WOULD BE A GREAT ADDITION TO SINGLE MEN’S HOMES. SHE IS VERY POLITE. GIVE HER A CHANCE. ALSO YOU CAN RENAME HER BECAUSE SHE IS DEAF.  ONLY REPLY IF YOU WILL FEED HER SOFT STUFF.
    280f

    *bangs head against computer*

    Apparently this person is used to shouting at their deaf cat — that would explain the all-caps posting. As for the rest of it … apparently the cat is very polite AND very sneaky. She’s politely sneaky. Unless you touch her body, in which case she apparently turns into a whirling dervish of epic proportions.

    And does this person really think they’re going to get $250 for a 14-year-old cat? And that that’s a “great deal”? At that age, their warranty has pretty much expired. Yeah, sure, cats can live into their 20s sometimes, but that’s the exception. At 14, you’re pretty much dealing with a geriatric cat. (Suddenly, in my head, the cat has the voice of Abe Simpson.)

    There’s a bit of a disconnect between “MUST SELL!” and “Only selling because I don’t like her as much as I used to.” I mean, both are asshat-worthy, but tell a different story.

    You know, I don’t like my brother as much as I used to, either. I wonder if I could sell him? Oh, but he’s not deaf, so you couldn’t rename him. And he doesn’t eat only soft stuff.*

    *Full disclosure: I don’t actually have a brother, but if I did, I’m sure this guy would seriously consider selling him.

    Meanwhile, over in the motherland, England has a website called gumtree.com, which contained this post:
    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 274: Plagiarism FTW.

    This is behind a cut because it’s long. Very long. Remember the last time I said that? Yeah, it’s kind of like that.

    another year older today URRRGG!! read on if you dare to laugh!! – 37

    i have posted here a few times before just having fun, please read below and tell me what you think ? ohhh and drinks on me loljust your dorky/nerdy/goober next door neighbor washing his truck in the drive way waving at you as you walk down the street…lol ( and thinking…”yummy” ) lol
    and the next day in the row ahead of you in church farting and blaming the next guy laughing….

    really, i do work hard, yet play hard..own a business that keeps me hoping yet am flexible being the owner…love to meet new people and know no stangers…all walks of life may contact me , im here to meet people, just like you !!!!! so hit me up…

    can you answr my riddles ? for brownie points !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Q.What is the difference between “ooooooh”and “aaaaaaah”?
    answer :”??

    Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    anser ??????

    Q –What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

    Answer?

    ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok okkokooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh…………ok

    hope you like my below list i cam up with to show you a lil about who i am and also in hopes to make you laugh a lil bit…you should be open minded

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 272: He’s got a wocket in his pocket.

    Living Breathing Dildo – m4w

    ok let me put this as clear as possiable This is a for real deal !!! I am clean D&D free MAN looking too get LAID no games no hassels,just some straight up N.S.A,, I am not a pyscho or crazy Just going throuh a very shitty DIVORCE and dont need any BS in my life at this time.. Can and willing to be discreet, will travel too you.. ready willing and able for what ever you want to do,, as long as i get LAID…. now now for those of you who cant read small print… I WILL NOT GO AND JOIN ANY OTHER BS WEBSITE,,,AND IF YOU ARE NOT AN AMERICAN OR AT LEAST LIVE IN AMERICA DONT BOTHER REPLY’N.. This is your one best shot at the best sex of your life i will gaurintee you a orgasiam if not multiple… Friday— saturday—- sunday only then your S.O.L…

    272

    Danielle sends this in, saying:

    “I am afraid to leave the house knowing that this guy is lurking somewhere in my small town. What amazes me is that someone would have the chutzpah to post an ad like this AND include a picture in a small town? There’s about 13,000 people in this town and it’s one of those places where everybody knows everybody else. I bump into people I know all the time at the grocery store & at the local restaurants- and I’ve only lived here for 1 year…I don’t know that many people. So the chances of me randomly bumping into this….cunning linguist…? at the local Wal-Mart are fairly high! A risk I’m not sure I’m willing to take!

    However I am oddly curious as to what an “orgasiam” is….I don’t believe I’ve ever had one. Is that what happens when you have sex while reciting Dr. Seuss?  ‘I am Sam.  Sam I am.  Do you like orgas-i-am?  We can do it here or there….we can do it everywhere!  Orgas-i-am in a box!  With a fox!  On the rocks!  Wearing socks!’”

    I’m not really sure how to tag this. I don’t have a “wet my pants laughing” tag, but I think this might just warrant it.

  • YSaC, Vol. 271: What should Debbie do?

    Looking for Debbie – m4w – 22

    Im looking for a girl named Debbie. We went on a date a little over a year ago and I was stupid and decided not to call you again. I have been thinking about you recently and wanted to find out how you are doing. I know I was a jerk but I feel as though you were the one that I let get away. If you are interested e-mail me and let me know where it was we went on our date. That way I can be sure its you, if you cant remember than tell me what profession you were studying while we were talking. I hope that it isnt too late to be doing this, you might have already found someone new and I cant blame you for that. Im going to stop talking now because I am probably starting to sound like a bit of a pansey. Hope to hear from you soon, Kyle

    [poll id=”2″]

  • YSaC, Vol. 267: ‘Monogamous Gerbils’ would be a terrible name for a band.

    There’s two entries today, Vol. 266 and 267, so be sure to scroll down. (This was an accident, but I’m going to leave it that way and pretend I meant to do that. You may fawn obsequiously in the comments.)

    All it takes is one… – w4m – 26

    “Nice girl with a big heart looking for a sweat guy. I like bathes and showers as well. Most people only like one if that!!! I like to keep my options open. Tired of being pushed around and mistreeted. Iwant someone who respects me for who I am and knows how to treat a cute girl. Being able to listen to lots of opinions I might have when I’m drunk is always a plus. So is knowing how to handle a gerbil. I have 7 and they are like my kids, I luv them, alot!!! N*E*WAYZ I will go now if you want to know more just ask, I’m an open book. i prefer at least 6 inchers. I can deal with less but it’s not near as fun. no small weiners! lol “

    Why is this in quotes? Is it a transcription? Was she dictating this to someone?

    It’s a good thing she likes baths and showers if she’s going to be looking for a sweat guy.

    I’m still trying to figure out the “N*E*WAYZ I will go now”  bit. I mean, I know what it means, but why would someone write that in a personal ad? It sounds like something a third grader would write in a letter to a penpal. “Dear Jimmy, How is your summer? My summer is fun. I went to camp and then went bowling. N*E*WAYZ I have to go now, it’s time for dinner. Johnny”

    And I’m hoping I’m not the only one who (at first) thought that ‘6 inchers’ referred back to the gerbils.

    As a special Friday bonus, here’s a series of ads sent in by Tonya. I’m leaving the dates intact on this series for a reason… (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 266: It’s Flatulence Friday!

    NICE OLD SOFA BLUE LOOK  – $389

    I HAVE GORGOUS OLD BLUE VINYL SOFA. THIS BABY IS ORIGINAL THE RIPS OR TEARS IN IT ARE NATURAL FROM GAS OR FARTS. YOU WILL NEED TO PICK UP.

    266

    This was Lindsay’s very first submission to YSaC. She says she will be combing her local Craigslist for “Midwest stupidity.” Apparently there’s plenty of that to go around. I’m mystified by the pricing of the sofa — but even more mystified by the fact that the listing has since been modified to “sold pending pickup”! Someone actually bought that thing?

    Anyway, as we all know, I’m all about making connections for people … it’s just my giving nature. Read on to find out more:

    (more…)