You Suck at Craigslist

Category: wanted

  • YSaC, Vol. 354: The confert will kill you.

    free set of couch

    i have a confertable set of couches that i give away, this couches are in fear condition. but is free no purchase so come and pick up. bring truck and someone can help you . [address]. call before you come. you can come from 6 p.m to 8 p.m but call firts.

    354a354b354c354d

    Lindsay sends this one in, saying:

    “*ring ring* Yes, hello, Firts? Hi there, Firts, I’m calling about the free set of couch. Is they still available? Ah, wonderful. Now tell me something, Firts, is they indeed as confertable as you say? When you mention fear condition, are we talking Nightmare on Elm Street fear or The Grudge 2 fear? There’s a huge difference, you know. And how is it that I’m able to call you when you don’t list your phone number?”

    Thanks, Lindsay, although I think you’re being a little hard on poor Firts. He’s obviously in a fear condition over those ugly couches. And it’s obvious how you’re able to call him — the call is coming from inside the house!

    Anyway, since I’m all about philanthropy and doing good deeds here at YSaC, I’ve matched Firts — who has couches he’s clearly afraid of and would like to give away — with the fellow in this next post:

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 338: Then again, my baby pictures ARE kind of embarrassing …

    Old photos and letters (home)

    Possablly free please since its for school and work. I need old photos for a project and i would take care of them. I mean old letters and photos from before 1980’s. I am hoping i can get for free and possablly keep if that be ok. If not i would give back. Please tell me in an email what you got and how many. and if you want them back or not. P.S.
    If you dont let me use them and possablly keep them for free i cant work with it sorry i dont have money to spend thats why i hope free please.
    P.S.
    Photos of the items in an email first so i see if it is usable. I need these so bad. My HS grade depends on them plus my college grade.

    A couple of things here:

    1. Since when did pre-1980s become OLD? [Now get the hell off my lawn, you damned kids.]
    2. How can both a high school grade AND a college grade depend on whether or not you can find someone to give you/loan you old photographs and letters? How can it be for school and work? What kind of project is this?
    3. How can someone possibly spell possibly as possablly? And possibly more important, how can that person possibly go to college?

    I can just see someone thinking to themselves, “You know, we don’t actually USE those letters that Grandpa wrote to Grandma while he was in the Army during the war … let’s let this nice kid have them for his project so he can pass high school and college.”

    Thanks to Martha — seriously, Martha, WHAT is wrong with people where you live?

  • YSaC, Vol. 323: I’d ask them if Jesus rode a dinosaur.

    An Unabridged Interview With Jesus

    I’m conducting an interview for a book with a person who remembers the life of Jesus. If you were to take part in the interview, what would your question or questions be?

    Now’s your chance, folks — if you were to interview someone who remembers the life of Jesus, what would you ask them?

    [Thanks for the submission, Catherine!]

  • YSaC, Vol. 241: Nobody wants Ponce de Leon.

    WANT TO BUY DEAD EXPLORERS

    WANT TO BUY DEAD EXPLORERS CALL DEBBIE OR GARY AT xxx-xxx-xxxx

    Alyssa sends this in, saying, “This is missing some valuable information, such as the answers to: Is Magellan worth more or less than Columbus? Will you pay more for a completed set (like Lewis and Clark, as opposed to just boring old Clark)?”

    I wonder if they’ll consider a trade. I’ve got Vasco de Gama lying around, and I’d really like a mint condition Sir Francis Drake.

  • YSaC, Vol. 202: I’d like you to meet my brother.

    Someone to do my Job

    I have 2 jobs, a day job and a night job, and I need someone to do my night job. My night job sucks cause it cuts into my drinking and jacking around time. I am looking for someone to do my night job whilst I be goin out partying and whatever else…I will pay you half of what I make to do the job. If this works out, I might look around for another job for you too.

    The pursuit of life, liberty, and jacking around time is what made this country great. That, and the spirit of outsourcing.

    Too bad I couldn’t hook him up with this person:

    let’s trade…I need a

    full time permanent job for my brother…he is draining my resourses. I have his resume and will forward it to a person that can help. we can negotiate what we will barter. thanks in advance.

    If you outsource your brother to an outsourcer, does that make you an outsorcerer? (Or a pimp?)

    Thanks to Christine and bmillis for the submissions!

  • YSaC, Vol. CXCVI

    Wanted Raccoon meat

    I want to buy a couple of dressed raccoon carcasses for a outdoors banquet. call Don xxx.xxx.xxxx

    I’ve never been so happy to not be invited to something in my entire life. You see, this ad comes from a state that has recently been (and was currently, at the time this was posted) experiencing high temperatures of something like minus eleventy. An “outdoor banquet” doesn’t sound particularly appealing, much less one involving raccoon carcasses. In the meantime, there’s always this. Sure, you can’t eat it, but it would look nice and fluufy on the table!

    Submitted by MF — thanks!