Tag: punctuationally challenged

  • YSaC, Vol. 284: Short, sweet, and utterly inexplicable.

    Potentially NSFW or children — it depends on how your workplace/child feels about bits of the female anatomy in bold capital letters and discussions of oral sex (or the lack of it). (No pictures.)
    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 281: Comma, comma, comma, comma, comma chameleon …

    ladys this post is for you! please read! what a real man has to say – 38


    what im asking, is very , very, simple, my pictures are on here, so you see who i am, and im real, and my heart is real, my words are real, you see my pictures, yes , true, but a picture, can not tell you what im about. yes true, so please read my words, so you may understand,what this real man, is looking for, and asking , please here my words, feel them in your heart, for my love is real, my trust is real, my respect is real, my friendship is real,for i am real, what im looking for is you, the woman, who got used, im looking for the woman, who got played, im looking for the woman, who gave all her love, to someone and got no respect for it, im looking for the woman, who is so hurt for loving that someone, somuch and so true, who got her heart broke , for that love see shared, im looking for that one woman, who is so afraid to love again, becuse of the fear of getting her heart hurt, im looking for that woman, that was quit on, left behind , becuse someone wanted someone else, i looking for that woman, who is alone, and reading this , maybe crying inside becuse of the loss, and hurt, someone did to her, im looking, for the woman, who is having it hard , becuse she is fighting so hard to keep things going, im looking for the woman, who seeks, trust, im looking for the woman, who wants respect, im looking for the woman, who wants to be loved, for all the right reasons, not the roung ones, im looking for the woman, who has read, many, many, of these post but never answered one, im looking for the woman, who misses the family life, im looking for the woman, who puts her kids first, im looking for the woman, who still belives in happy ever after, im looking for that woman, who fights hard to build things, and works hard to see things grow, im looking for the woman, who never has to ask a man, for nothing, becuse a real man already knows what see needs from him, with out ever having to ask, him, well im a man, a real, good man, i have much love in my heart, no shame, for saying i love, well who ever reads this , please trust me for i understand love, and i have much pride in my heart, becuse i love, love is real, it is in us all, love is not a game, its not something to be played with, true, im looking for that woman, who gave everything, and got left with nothing, becuse she trusted the roung person, becuse she loved the roung person , yes i want to help you, and you help me, fill our voids in our lives, so that maybe you and i, will never have to search again, or wait, again, or hope, im looking for the woman, who has kids, or the woman who doesnt have kids, im looking for the woman, who wants a real , man, so maybe if you have read this far, your thinking is this post for real? yes, so here is what im looking to offer and give to you, my friendship, my trust, my respect, my word as a man i will never cheat on you for trusting me with your heart and love ! i will never say i love you and not mean it, i will never yell, at you , or fight with you, i will never disrespect, you, i will never lie to you, i will stand strong and be beside you, down the road of life, no matter how hard it is, or easy, and will not quit you, i will not give up on you, i will take how ever long it takes, to get the job done, i will never fail , me, you, or fail any promise, i make, i will buy flowers, i will give you gifts, of love, i will tell anyone and everyone, that no matter what anyone says i will belive in only your word, first, i will do all i can, to give us the best life, i will not steal, never have never will, what i want, no drugs, no bs, no lies, no fake i love you, no user or users of love, no quiters, no drama , no games, im looking for a woman, of value, a woman, of respect, and great worth, im looking for the woman, who belives in me, im clean, im in great, shape, im real, i have somuch good in me to give, to share, to offer, but i will tell you one thing i have never left a woman in my life, i have been, used, lied to, hurt, played, used for sex, used for money, cheated on, betrayed, on, i have been yelled at, quit on, left alone, i have paid much price for love, so yes men hurt women and women hurt men, i cant help that or change that, but ill i can do is offer what im about, who i am, what im willing to give and share, if you reply and we click, great, if not i will not tell you, or you tell me, we will stay friends, im not on here for sex, im on here becuse i belive the truth always get the truth, when you do mean it, please understand my word, i do belive you see were im coming from, im just me, and im saying good men, and women, still are out here looking for each other, im hear so please reply, send me a picture lets just talk, i have much more to share, take a chance, on me and maybe us, i will not let you down or make a fool out of you ever, i have way tomuch class and respect for women, i will read and reply to all, well this man has put his heart and truth out here for everyone to read and see, my email is open, my heart is open, and my love and friendship is open, this post contains nothing but the truth, so its important you only reply if your realy seeking, or wanting or looking for a real good man, thats free and clean, and real, and ready and waiting to find his soul mate for happy ever after, reply any time day or nite, this post will go to my phone, i give you much, respect and many thanks and hope to hear from you soon, just one man, looking for one woman, who has the other half of my biggest heart in texas, i do so hope your out there and reply back to me,,,,,thanks….

    Um, I think you’ve got a little comma splice there. Oh, and there. And there. And … oh, never mind.

    For the record, there’s only one period in this entire post (other than the four at the end). For those of you playing along at home, there’s 1,152 words in this post, and one period. Apostrophes? None. Commas? 242 of ’em.

    Vanessa sent this one in, saying, “This sounds like a script for Christopher Walken.”

    There were pictures with the post, but I’m going to take pity on the guy and not post them here. Why? Because deep down, I’m a softy. He sounds really sincere. I believe he’s looking for love — I just think the written word might not be … let’s see, how can I put this delicately? I don’t think it’s his strongest suit.

    If there was ever a post that qualified for both “Ow! My eyes!” and “punctuationally challenged,” this is definitely it.

  • YSaC, Vol. 279: I can has vampire?

    Searching for a vampire – m4m


    So I’m in desperate search of a vampire. Its been 19 long years and through all my effort to find one, you all still seem to evade me. Though I’m truly not surprised at all. I mean I know that you guys generally don’t associate with humans and view us rather as prey, but I had hoped that I would have ran into at least one of you by now. Guess, If you guys don’t want to be found you wont. I’m particularly sure that my search was unsuccessful because I manly searched in the day and lord knows you guys hate the sun. I would have searched at night but I have to sleep and I think I would like rather suspicious roaming dark alleys,tunnel ways,and god knows what other sources that hold the dark well at 3am. So I think this is my last resort. If your a vampire please,please contact me! Male or female is fine.
    I no longer wish to be a pathetic human. I want to become a child of the night. I know the transition of going from human to vampire can be rather difficult. From being bite, dying, reawakening as a child of the darkness,getting used to your fangs, so on and so fourth. But I’m very willing to go through it all to shed this pathetic existence as a mortal. I’m willing to leave my family,friends,and old life behind to become one of you. I’m thinking that perhaps you can bite me in my house, and while I’m passed out, put my body in the shower and turn it on. Maybe that way it will look like I slipped,fell,and died. Then call 911 and alert the police.(Your a vampire so its not like any human will be able to trace the call back to you,let alone find you). They take my body to the morgue,put me in the fridge,have my funeral a few days later and you come that night and dig me back up. Hopefully I should be awake by then.(How long does it take for the whole vampire process to be complete. Is it instantaneous?) I figure a proper funeral will give my family some closure,rather than me just disappearing.
    I also don’t have a lot of money,so I’m probably going to have to take my coffin with me, so I’ll have somewhere to sleep in the day(unless we just wonder from place to place). I figure a good source of payment for having to go through all of this will be you biting me and having a free meal of my blood. I really would like to follow you for a few months so I can get the do’s and dont’s of our lifestyle. I’ve heard its hard out there for a new vampire on his own. So If you think you are able to help me out please contact me. I’m sure you can find me no problem.

    P.S- If you turn into a bat to get into my house,please fly upstairs and into the room on the left and just hang on the wall till I get home. Nobody goes in there and MAKE SURE ITS THE ROOM ON THE LEFT! If my aunt sees you, she will literally have a heart attack and hit you with a broom.

    Yep, the whole “having to sleep” thing really puts a crimp in your vampire-searching style, doesn’t it?

    I think the worst part about becoming a vampire would be the “getting used to your fangs” part. I mean, you’d be biting your own lip all the time, and you’d have to wait for the calluses to build up on your cheeks like when you get braces for the third time because you never wore your retainer.

    I wonder if vampires ever have to get braces to keep their fangs straight? There must be vampire orthodontists. Nothing would be worse than a vampire with an overbite.

    Unless it’s being a vampire and being hit with a broom. Thank goodness our poster thought of that contingency and warned against it. It’s the ROOM ON THE LEFT, for heaven’s sake!

    I think someone’s been reading a little too much of the Twilight series. Here’s something I don’t get — how come Buffy never shows up in the Twilight series? I mean, she’s a vampire slayer, right? SHE’S SUPPOSED TO SLAY VAMPIRES. What, just because Willow has a new gig, she’s not fighting evil anymore? … Or maybe Neil Patrick Harris is really a vampire, and Willow is just biding her time until she can slay him. Okay, that makes sense.

    Well, about as much sense as this Craigslist post, anyway.

    Sent in by “Nuclear Mosquito” (speaking of vampires …) — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. 274: Plagiarism FTW.

    This is behind a cut because it’s long. Very long. Remember the last time I said that? Yeah, it’s kind of like that.

    another year older today URRRGG!! read on if you dare to laugh!! – 37


    i have posted here a few times before just having fun, please read below and tell me what you think ? ohhh and drinks on me loljust your dorky/nerdy/goober next door neighbor washing his truck in the drive way waving at you as you walk down the street…lol ( and thinking…”yummy” ) lol
    and the next day in the row ahead of you in church farting and blaming the next guy laughing….

    really, i do work hard, yet play hard..own a business that keeps me hoping yet am flexible being the owner…love to meet new people and know no stangers…all walks of life may contact me , im here to meet people, just like you !!!!! so hit me up…

    can you answr my riddles ? for brownie points !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Q.What is the difference between “ooooooh”and “aaaaaaah”?
    answer :”??

    Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    anser ??????

    Q –What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

    Answer?

    ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok okkokooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh…………ok

    hope you like my below list i cam up with to show you a lil about who i am and also in hopes to make you laugh a lil bit…you should be open minded

    (more…)

  • Vol. 273: Miss Teen South Carolina sells furniture, y’all!

    WHOLE DINNING TABLE – $450


    WHOLE DINNING TABLE AND OTHER BIG CLOSETS THAT YOU CAN USE THAT ARE MADE FROM OVER THAN 65 YEARS AGO WICH IS THE STYLE AND LOOK BEAUTIFUL.YOU WILL NEED A BIG TRUCK TO BRING HE THINGS OUT.THE DINNING TABLE CAN BE SPLIT AND FIT 24 PEOPLE!IT COMES WITH A COVER THAT IS NOT TO HARD AND COVERS THE WOOD THAT LOOKS BEAUTIFUL AND FEELS LIKE IT IS GLASS BUT IT IS NOT.IT COMES WITH 6 CHAIRS,BUT YOU NEED TO ADD MORE CHARS TO MAKE IT 24 PEOPLE .IT WILL NOT HAVE LESS SPACE THAN 24 PEOPLE TO FIT IN.REMEMBER IT IS CHIP FOR THIS PLUS THE CLOSET AND THE SHELVS THAT COME IN ANOTHER CLOSET BUT IT DOES NOT USED FOR CLOSE,IT IS USED FOR GEST FOR A NICE LOOK BUT YOU CAN STELL PUT STOFF ON OR IN IT.SO E-MAIL ME KNOW AT YOU CAN CALL ANY TIME FOR MORE INF. AT CELL # xxx-xxx-xxxx [NAME]60@YAHOO.COM!

    I PERSONALLY BELEVE THAT THE REESON CHILDERN CANT FIND THE DINNING TABLE IS BECUASE NOT ALL PEPLE HAVE DINNING TABLES, AND IF YOU HAVE A DINNING TABLE BUT ONLE 6 CHARS YOU NEAD MAOR CHARS TO MAKE IT 24 PEOPLE. AND THE CLOSET THAT DOES USED FOR GEST NOT PEPLE BUT THERE ARE SHELVS FOR STOFF. AND THE IRAQ AND THE SOUTH AFRICA EVERYWHERE LIKE SUCH AS.

    Edited to add: This was submitted by Victoria. Thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. 272: He’s got a wocket in his pocket.

    Living Breathing Dildo – m4w


    ok let me put this as clear as possiable This is a for real deal !!! I am clean D&D free MAN looking too get LAID no games no hassels,just some straight up N.S.A,, I am not a pyscho or crazy Just going throuh a very shitty DIVORCE and dont need any BS in my life at this time.. Can and willing to be discreet, will travel too you.. ready willing and able for what ever you want to do,, as long as i get LAID…. now now for those of you who cant read small print… I WILL NOT GO AND JOIN ANY OTHER BS WEBSITE,,,AND IF YOU ARE NOT AN AMERICAN OR AT LEAST LIVE IN AMERICA DONT BOTHER REPLY’N.. This is your one best shot at the best sex of your life i will gaurintee you a orgasiam if not multiple… Friday— saturday—- sunday only then your S.O.L…

    272

    Danielle sends this in, saying:

    “I am afraid to leave the house knowing that this guy is lurking somewhere in my small town. What amazes me is that someone would have the chutzpah to post an ad like this AND include a picture in a small town? There’s about 13,000 people in this town and it’s one of those places where everybody knows everybody else. I bump into people I know all the time at the grocery store & at the local restaurants- and I’ve only lived here for 1 year…I don’t know that many people. So the chances of me randomly bumping into this….cunning linguist…? at the local Wal-Mart are fairly high! A risk I’m not sure I’m willing to take!

    However I am oddly curious as to what an “orgasiam” is….I don’t believe I’ve ever had one. Is that what happens when you have sex while reciting Dr. Seuss?  ‘I am Sam.  Sam I am.  Do you like orgas-i-am?  We can do it here or there….we can do it everywhere!  Orgas-i-am in a box!  With a fox!  On the rocks!  Wearing socks!’”

    I’m not really sure how to tag this. I don’t have a “wet my pants laughing” tag, but I think this might just warrant it.