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YSaC, Vol. 284: Short, sweet, and utterly inexplicable.

Written by

drmk

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Potentially NSFW or children — it depends on how your workplace/child feels about bits of the female anatomy in bold capital letters and discussions of oral sex (or the lack of it). (No pictures.)

I am hungry for LABIA – 44

One Night Stand is not accpet, I want more than ONE. I am looking for 40’s Hairless and CLEAN for Great Wet Eachother. I do shaving your.
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Translation: I have a very specific fetish, and will probably not be able to perform sexually unless we address my fetish each and every time.

its me – 57

hi guys,im a retired widow ,handicap somewhat.im seeking the right guy that wants me for what i am ,,not what they can make me.im of baptist faith,do not believe in oral,so if u r interested write me,

Okay, I’m not Baptist, so can someone point me towards the Baptist doctrine that discusses the existence/morality (or lack thereof) of oral sex? Do Baptists have a different set of commandments than the rest of Christianity? Is there one in there that says something like, “Thou shalt not fall on your knees”?

Comments

29 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 284: Short, sweet, and utterly inexplicable.”

  1. marn Avatar
    marn

    Apparently, some conservative Christians believe that oral sex is caused by demons or a sign of demon possession (see URL):

    “Other demons’ specialties include pornography, blood transfusions, Valium, fantasy, bankruptcy, greed, oral sex, scorpions, divorce, four-leaf clovers, Rubik’s cube, frogs and many dozens of others. Yoga, Halloween, country music, self-help programs, men’s and women’s lodges, World Council of Churches, psychiatry, and the Hippocratic oath. All non-Christian religions are demon associated.”

    1. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      There’s a demon who specializes in the Rubik’s cube? That’s awesome.

      1. eeyore19 Avatar
        eeyore19

        Maybe they got the Rubik’s Cube confused with the puzzle cube from the “Hellraiser” movies?

    2. Babelglyph Avatar
      Babelglyph

      The Hippocratic oath?!

      1. Transit Avatar
        Transit

        Could have something to do with the whole “I swear by Apollo, the healer, Asclepius, Hygieia, and Panacea, and I take to witness all the gods, all the goddesses…” part. Not that anyone actually still uses that version.

    3. blake Avatar
      blake

      I hope the Scorpion Demon is really Dwayne Johnson.
      I recall him being the Scorpion King.

      The lady reminds me of Mama Boucher from the Waterboy.
      Mama said Ben Franklin was the devil.

      …….two references to bad movies in one comment ………embaaarassing.

    4. silversilence Avatar
      silversilence

      oh I KNEW there was a demon for country music!

      I just KNEW it!

    5. Maryjohn Avatar
      Maryjohn

      You can add Roman Catholics, Orthodox, Jews, Muslims, and dancing to the list. I think they are leery of everybody.

  2. Amy H. Avatar
    Amy H.

    Ohhh, what’s that URL? I soptted at least 3-4 demons on that list that are good friends of mine and I want to see if I can find some more!

    1. Babelglyph Avatar
      Babelglyph

      Click marn’s name… 🙂

      karate or judo causes a person to be possessed. I wonder about aikido.

  3. D / DM Avatar
    D / DM

    Baptists don’t like oral sex because it leads to drinking and dancing. And because it is a trademark of Catholic youth.

  4. cf Avatar
    cf

    I was raised Baptist.
    I was never a big fan of it.
    I had always wondered why.
    Now i know.

  5. Katy Avatar
    Katy

    I think Mr Labia should make up his mind- does he want the woman hairless, or does he want to shave her? You can’t have your, erm, cake and eat it too, you know.

    1. Liz Avatar
      Liz

      I’m guessing he’d rather have pie than cake anyway.

  6. Monica Hamburg Avatar
    Monica Hamburg

    Damn I wish that starving poster had finished his request. Way to leave us, er, dangling.

  7. Oni Avatar
    Oni

    I’m pretty sure the handicapped Baptist lady isn’t into oral ’cause it’s considered a form of sodomy according to the Bible, and therefor a sin.

    I don’t see what the big deal is personally, but hey, whatever blows your hair back.

  8. Lola Avatar
    Lola

    I was raised Baptist (I’ve since evolved to Episcopalianism), and don’t remember specific prohibitions against oral sex. I suspect that they’re against it simply because it’s ENJOYABLE. We can’t have that!

  9. drmk Avatar
    drmk

    I once knew of a woman who refused to perform oral sex because she was convinced it would cause wrinkles around her mouth.

    1. katie Avatar
      katie

      I can just see the bumper sticker now: Sexy and single at sixty!

  10. Courtney Avatar
    Courtney

    I’m sorry – if this woman ever got it from anyone who even had the slightest clue about what they were doing, she’d change faiths. lol.

  11. Hiyame Avatar
    Hiyame

    I followed that link, and I have to say… Why does the Council of Churches count as a demon? Am I missing something? Seriously? I also enjoyed the two demons that were sent by Satan to possess our computers. Talk about adjusting to the 21st century!

  12. simonJester Avatar
    simonJester

    Could the Baptist lady mean Oral Roberts? If so I could see why she does not believe in him. I always get a giggle when I hear his name.

    There’s a demon of Valium? Really? That must be one laid-back otherworldly menace.

  13. Sidekickboy Avatar
    Sidekickboy

    I’m a Baptist and can tell you…I enjoy a good taco. And my pastor has definitely never said, “no blowjays.”

    More importantly than what anybody’s pastor says, I’ve read through Leviticus, which is where all of that, “You shall not lay with your first father’s third wife on the twelfth night, especially if you’re the seventh son; that is detestable to the LORD” (NIV) stuff is. I certainly don’t recall any prohibitions on mouth-to-south action.

    I do think it’s a stupid rule made up largely by Christians who would be ashamed to admit that they think sex is fun (which is unfortunately most of us).

  14. D Avatar
    D

    I don’t really get the “I don’t believe in oral sex”-thing. I mean, by the definition, believing is a thing of mind, like “I don’t believe in god” or something. Oral sex on the other hand is a physical thing, something that one person does and the other one receives.

    So, when the handicaped baptist lady says, she doesn’t believe in it, to me it sounds like she acts like blowjobs don’t exist. I wonder what’s the next thing she refuses to believe in? Cars? Well, at least until she gets run over by one, because she doesn’t believe in traffic lights either?

    1. Catherine Avatar
      Catherine

      I’m guessing it has something to do with the prohibition against spilling your seed onto the ground.

      1. Alice Avatar
        Alice

        Well, if you do it the fun way it’s not going on the ground, is it?

  15. BootsBryant Avatar
    BootsBryant

    My parents are extremely religious, though not baptist, and they always said that oral sex was invented by homosexuals and therefore forbidden. I’m sure all the different religions have their own reason why it’s unclean or whatever. So stupid.

  16. Blake Avatar
    Blake

    Actually, Orthodox christians believe that men aren’t allowed to finish through oral, at least – men can’t deliberately ‘spill their seed’ except inside a woman. I don’t know if they also consider oral foreplay wrong, or how they feel about women getting off from it.
    I believe that, if you look at the written rules of the catholics, that similar statements apply, though obviously they are often ignored by its practitioners.

    1. Sexy Magic Taco Fingers Avatar
      Sexy Magic Taco Fingers

      [corey][/corey]

      Here you go, Blake, I think you dropped these.

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