You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: maybe it’s just me

  • YSaC, Vol. 1654: Ain’t nothin’ but a guy thang.

    guy thing

    Good one.

    I’m so glad someone has a good guy thing for sale. A good guy thing is hard to find. There’s stiff competition for the biggest ones, and they don’t come around too often.

    Wait, maybe I’m reading this wrong. (In which case, I think I need to take a cold shower.) Maybe it’s a guy THING, not a GUY THING, if you know what I mean. Which I don’t. What kind of THING might a guy want?

    Slightly used fleshlight for sale or trade!

    “Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit” is for sale. I’ve bought it for [amount of foreign currency] 3 months ago but haven’t used it much.
    It’s in great condition! I can trade it with a 500gb or higher capacity external harddisk
    Please only serious guys! Do NOT waste my time!

    *shudder* You know what? Never mind.

    Thanks, Ellen and Maggie!

    DISCLAIMER: If you do not know what a Fleshlight is, do not, under any circumstances, click this link at work.

  • YSaC, Vol. 1646: “Me fail business? That’s unpossible!”

    Happy New Year, everyone! New Years Day is about self-reflection, and carefully considering how you will make yourself a better person in 2014. It’s about making a fresh start, and about being optimistic about the year ahead. It’s about the joy and wonder we can each find in our fellow man. It’s …

    who can tell that what’s my GPA score?

    I do not know my GPA ? who can tell me ? need apply for school

    Oh, never mind. It’s all about the Sparkys, just like every year.

    Happy New Year! Thanks, Buff!

    * To be fair, there is no GPA listed here, and this appears to be a transcript from a British university where they don’t calculate GPAs. But since Sparky here had 100% attendance in his Business program, one might assume that he would (a) know that and (b) be able to conjugate English verbs. Also, if Sparky has completed a Masters degree, and is applying for school, that means … no, it’s just too horrible to think about.

  • YSaC, Vol. 1645: Something’s fishy.

    Porcelain Fish Tank

    Porcelain Fish Tank – bird motif w/base with gold fishes painted inside

    Tank: 11-1/2″H x 14″OD x 11-1/4″ID
    Base: 10-1/2″ OD x 2-1/2″H

    EXCELLENT HOUSE WARMING GIFT

    Fish tank. A porcelain fish tank. Let’s assume that it was the presence of decorative fish that led them to the conclusion that this was a fish tank. Why, then, would you not decide that it was a bird cage? After all, there are birds painted on the outside, so clearly it’s got something to do with bird containment. Although if the birds are on the outside, and the fish are on the inside … oh, I see.

    I mean, sure … you could keep a fish in there, I suppose, if you have a serious vendetta against the fish. The poor thing is just going to think that the goldfish painted on the inside are constantly chasing it.

    True story: years ago, Dan and I were in a large superstore and walked by the wall of fish tanks (um, real ones) to get to the grocery area. We passed a small group of sorority girls (I’m not stereotyping — they were wearing letters), one of whom loudly proclaimed (in the classic sorority girl/Valley Girl/Cordelia voice), “Oh my god, you guys, fish are soo creepy!”, to which the other girls immediately and emphatically agreed.

    So there you have it. This would be the perfect housewarming gift if you (a) don’t like fish and/or (b) don’t like the person you’re giving it to.

  • YSaC, Vol. 1642: Worst baby name list ever.

    Olive Edith Zola Koa Beatrice Chamois Petal Cindy Urna Lila – 19

    Arnold Cypress Merlin Puck Luke Mike,Mikey Dickens Kokamo Magic Hamlet Jock Fletcher Comet Falcon Basil Hobbit Morley Mako Gusevik Zog Elwood Fighter Bubby Friday Dalton Wiggles Houdini Juice Harper Piranha Kegger Bellamy Norman Wolfer Durango Micha Davinci Rusty Paloma Cowboy Flipper Cujo Joe Zepplin Horus Caliber Patches Felix Rooney Pylon Ronin Matera Bean Hunter Wiley Zephyr Fender Atlas Moose Loki Hart Funky Zeb

    I give this four stars. I want to give it five, but the third act was slow and a little hard to follow. Also the use of the deus ex machina to resolve the central conflict was a bit of a cheat. So really it’s only worth three stars, now that I think about it. And even that might be a bit generous. I mean, they introduce “Piranha” about halfway through and never develop the character at all. And you can see the twist ending with “Zeb” coming a mile away. So maybe only one star, minus one-half star for the comma splice and lack of punctuation.

    Thanks, Mike!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1639: Too hot! In the hot tub!

    Free 4 person Hot tub Trash compactor

    Free 4 -6 person hot tub 80″s ? No motor but inside is good with cover, Trash compactor works well older 90’S dishwasher door askew but runs. Again Hot tub does not have motor
    Call if interested you need to pick up we do not deliver
    Thanks for looking
    Jen xxxxxxxxxx

    I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this movie. The hot tub is really a time machine that will only take you to the ’80s, and once you’re there you realize you’re in the bowels of a spaceship with walls that are closing in and a trash monster that’s trying to squish you, but you’re able to escape because the motor’s broken and the door is half open.

    Kind of a disappointing third act, really.

    Thanks, Kit A!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1627: Blesmols soul.

    mummified mole rat

    It is scary ready for holloween tex me xxx xxxxxxx

    You know, this IS very scary, especially since that’s probably not actually a mole rat (you know, since they’re indigenous to Africa and Eurasia and not especially good pets), and is more likely their kid’s guinea pig that got trapped in what appears to be a stuffed animal hoarding situation behind it. Based on the look on this poor critter’s face, it wasn’t a pleasant death, either.

    The other scary thing about this is that since Craigslist has started mapping street addresses within ads, we can see that the person who thought it would be okay to sell the dessicated corpse of a former family pet as a prop for Halloween happens to live across the street from a large school. If children go missing, I think the police should start in the pile of stuffed animals in this person’s garage.

    Thanks, Andy!