YSaC, Vol. 238: The extra w is for extra WTF …

2009 March 13
by drmk

Amazing Web Designs – $299

You can create your website with our Incredible Website Builder or simply have our design team do the work for you. The only website solutions company that lets you change the complete design of your site at the click of a mouse to keep your entire content intact or request our designers to do the work for you! (your site’s visitors can enjoy a fresh new look every time they visit your site!)
Nine Great Reasons Why Your Website Should Be Designed By [Company Name].com

1. The only website solutions company with a stunning photo album that comes with absolutely cool zoom, pan and auto sizing features!
2. The only website builder that lets you add your own videos (promotional, informational, sales etc.) to provide instant interactivity and adds unmatched impact to your site!
3. The only website solutions company that lets you add your favorite MP3s and lets your site visitors enjoy them with a built in trendy mp3 player!
4. The only website solutions company that lets you add catchy greeting cards with personalized messages to create that special bond with your site visitors!
5. The only website solutions company that lets you change the complete design of your site at the click of a mouse to keep your entire content intact or request our designers to do the work for you! (your site’s visitors can enjoy a fresh new look every time they visit your site!)
6. The only website solutions company that lets you add a stunning online store with up to 240 products and comes fully integrated with Paypal!
7. The only Service that lets you receive Important Contact Enquiries from your website Instantly to your Mobile anywhere in the World !
8. The only website solutions company that lets you Record Live Video directly from your WebCam and publish it to your website Instantly.
9. The only website solutions company that offers Integrated Search Engine Submission Service to Top Search Engines in the World like Google, AOL, MSN Live etc! (This extra service is only $89.)

Visit our very informative website at http://wwww.[Company Name].com

Or Call Toll-Free xxxx-xxxx-xxxx

And, as John (the submitter) points out, the only website company who can’t spell “www”! (In addition to having four w’s in the text, the actual link directed to “wwww.[CompanyName].com” as well, meaning that you got an error message if you clicked on the link to visit their page.)

On top of that, the rest of the things they offer are (a) things that any decent website builder can do or (b) things that nobody should want any decent website builder to do.

“Lets you change the complete design of your site at the click of a mouse”? Um, yeah, that’s called a style sheet or theme.

“Your site’s visitors can enjoy a fresh new look every time they visit your site”? Let me, a non-web design professional, count the ways in which that’s a good idea. Okay, I’m done — I counted zero ways in which that’s a good idea. And just to be sure, I counted twice.

And apparently they’ve cornered the market on adding annoying mp3s and videos to their websites. Somebody let MySpace know that they’ve got competition.

34 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 March 13
    dogface permalink

    Y’know, I might have to try out the whole “I’m gonna sell you something that’s already been done, but crappier and cheaper!” thing for the next useless/unwanted product I try to peddle on Craigslist. Worst case scenario, I get some extra free advertising if it shows up here.

    Adores: 0
    • 2009 March 13

      I have nothing to add. I just like the spiffy new reply button.

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 May 12

        Hey, I’m from the future.


        Wait until you see the Adore button – it”ll blow your mind.

        Of course, seahorses now rule the Earth – but I think it was a fair price to pay for such awesomeness.

        Adores: 6
        • 2012 May 12
          P-rex permalink


          *grabs surfboard*


          Adores: 1
  2. 2009 March 13
    Colleen in MA permalink

    I have a feeling this “company” is some guy in his briefs at his computer in his parent’s basement. Nice try briefs guy!

    Adores: 2
  3. 2009 March 13
    Random Person permalink

    Dear Companies Whose Web Sites I Use Frequently: Please do not obtain web “design” services from this company. Especially not the MP3 thing. Thank you.

    Adores: 2
  4. 2009 March 13
    Courtney permalink

    Hey, at least it’s not a built in midi player circa 1997. Oh, dear God, those things were annoying. Let’s break out our keyboards and do our best rendition of Tubthumping with a salsa beat and put it on our website! Sorry, I digress. You know, for all of the idiots out there peddling things that we don’t need/that have already been done/that don’t need to be done – somebody will think it’s cool and buy it. Probably a few somebodies. It’s what makes the world go ’round.

    Adores: 0
  5. 2009 March 14
    Jackie permalink

    #1 So they link to a Picasa album?
    #2 So they embed YouTube links?
    #3 So they make you a MySpace page?
    #4 #5 Not sure about these.
    #6 So they set up an eBay seller profile?
    #7 Not sure about this one either.
    #8 YouTube again.
    #9 I hardly think they’re the only ones in the world doing this.

    Adores: 2
    • 2009 April 8


      Re: #4. Solved. I was curious enough to Google “Add greeting cards to your site” which got me this: http://www.thepcmanwebsite.com/affiliate_greeting_cards.shtml

      I agree with YSAC that #5 is a style sheet or theme

      I think #7 is Twitter or just any service that sends specific emails/messages to your phone.

      #9 Ab-so-freaking-xactly

      Adores: 1
      • 2009 July 17
        D / DM permalink

        My site is hosted by Yahoo… whose hosting service comes with a very simple pagebuilder that allows anyone to do #5. I would assume Yahoo and this guy are not the only ones doing that.

        I would also assume most also do #9… Yahoo did it for me for significantly less than $89. Like, for $89 less.

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 May 12
          P-rex permalink

          My web site was created by Spinnerets. (those babies are so silky smooth, yeah)

          Adores: 2
    • 2012 May 12

      #7: GMail and an Android phone, it’s a stock feature.

      This may not be applicable to ’09, but hey.

      Adores: 2
  6. 2009 April 8

    The “count the ways” comment is sheer brilliance.

    Adores: 1
  7. 2009 November 4
    greg permalink

    Did anyone else notice the extra digits in the phone number?

    Adores: 1
  8. 2012 February 23
    Black Ice permalink

    I initially thought the “extra service” was 89 cents. And then I realized it was in DOLLARS.

    Adores: 0
  9. 2012 May 12
    D / DM permalink

    drmk, I think hiring this guy for all your design web needs is a great idea! Did I say that right? Design web? Damn kids and your TV things.

    Anyway, while you’re at it, maybe you can get him to fix the Facetweets.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 May 12

      D, you’ve been around for a long time! A very long, long time. No wonder you get blamed for everything!

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 May 13
        D / DM permalink

        What? Of course a song rhymes! What kind of stupid question is that?

        Now go read the funnies or something and leave me alone. It’s time for my nap.

        Adores: 1
  10. 2012 May 12

    But, folks, it’s a trendy MP3 player! On second thought, maybe those things were trendy a decade ago. On third thought, they were annoying back then, too.

    Adores: 3
  11. 2012 May 12
    LimeLolly permalink

    There are several websites that already have these features (probably designed by this Sparky) .

    I rate them “E” for the epileptic seizures they might cause.

    Adores: 5
  12. 2012 May 12

    Back in 2009, this may have been true, but now there are literally dozens of website solution companies that can give you these services, and more! They are usually run by high school students who got Paint Shop Pro as a birthday present.

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 May 12

      I resent that remark!
      My mom bootlegged Paint Shop Pro 7 in the early 2000’s. 😛

      Adores: 6
  13. 2012 May 12
    Digitalaxis permalink

    This service is clearly for anyone who thinks GeoCities was the apex of proper web design. MP3s playing everywhere? Videos popping up as soon as you reach my site? (Wow, not just the animated gifs?) A design that changes every time you visit?

    I mean, I see “integration with paypal” and think, well, there’s one thing I don’t know how to do but might actually want. But then I consider: The other 8 items are horrible. Why the hell would I trust Sparky to integrate me with paypal, especially when it’s probably just an image that links to paypal? And personalized email?

    Adores: 3
  14. 2012 May 12
    P-rex permalink

    Nine reasons why spiders are better web designers.
    1. Spiders are born with the ability to design webs. We know exactly what we’re doing from day one.
    2. Spiders use their own materials. With the exception of Pirate Spiders, we don’t “pirate” what doesn’t belong to us.
    3.Spiders are the original world wide web designers, and our designs have always brought favorable results.
    4. No annoying MP3 player. Those are not the vibrations we’re looking for.
    5. No annoying videos. Visitors to our web sites are always amazed at the beauty of our sites au naturale.
    6. Spiders refresh their sites often. Each web designer keeps the same basic design of their site so that visitors to the site experience that familiarity we all crave.
    7. Our web designs are quite versitile. Whether used for traveling abroad or being a homebody, our web designs can fill your needs.
    8. A spider’s web site is designed to eliminate bugs in the system. Less bug bytes are better for everyone.
    9. If hackers destroy a web site, it doesn’t take long to rebuild. We can have the site up and running in no time.

    Adores: 10
    • 2012 May 12
      Brer Fox permalink

      Sure, but if you walk into Sparky’s web site, it’s not likely to get stuck on your face and make you look like a spaz trying to get it off.

      Adores: 7
      • 2012 May 12
        P-rex permalink

        But Sparky made websites are more likely to stick in your craw, choking off your sanity.

        Adores: 3
  15. 2012 May 12

    Hey guys, I found this cool place to make websites. It’s called Angelfire…

    Adores: 5
  16. 2012 May 12
    P-rex permalink

    I’m sure the tensile strength of Sparky’s web materials of similar dimensions of Spidey’s material, is inferior.

    Adores: 2
  17. 2012 May 12
    One Moving Violation permalink

    “Live Video”


    Adores: 3
    • 2012 May 12

      Hey now, I ain’t no ox-moron!

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 May 13
        D / DM permalink

        Why in the world would there be live video of…

        …oh no…

        What’s that jingling sound?

        No no no no NOOOOO!

        Adores: 3
  18. 2012 May 12
    kelli permalink

    Do you think Time Cube guy uses them?

    Adores: 3
  19. 2012 May 13

    Say, Dave, is that a new ferret? I see they have made good use of their time in the box! Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Serf City!

    Adores: 0

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