You Suck at Craigslist

YSaC, Vol. 272: He’s got a wocket in his pocket.

Written by

drmk

in

Living Breathing Dildo – m4w

ok let me put this as clear as possiable This is a for real deal !!! I am clean D&D free MAN looking too get LAID no games no hassels,just some straight up N.S.A,, I am not a pyscho or crazy Just going throuh a very shitty DIVORCE and dont need any BS in my life at this time.. Can and willing to be discreet, will travel too you.. ready willing and able for what ever you want to do,, as long as i get LAID…. now now for those of you who cant read small print… I WILL NOT GO AND JOIN ANY OTHER BS WEBSITE,,,AND IF YOU ARE NOT AN AMERICAN OR AT LEAST LIVE IN AMERICA DONT BOTHER REPLY’N.. This is your one best shot at the best sex of your life i will gaurintee you a orgasiam if not multiple… Friday— saturday—- sunday only then your S.O.L…

272

Danielle sends this in, saying:

“I am afraid to leave the house knowing that this guy is lurking somewhere in my small town. What amazes me is that someone would have the chutzpah to post an ad like this AND include a picture in a small town? There’s about 13,000 people in this town and it’s one of those places where everybody knows everybody else. I bump into people I know all the time at the grocery store & at the local restaurants- and I’ve only lived here for 1 year…I don’t know that many people. So the chances of me randomly bumping into this….cunning linguist…? at the local Wal-Mart are fairly high! A risk I’m not sure I’m willing to take!

However I am oddly curious as to what an “orgasiam” is….I don’t believe I’ve ever had one. Is that what happens when you have sex while reciting Dr. Seuss?  ‘I am Sam.  Sam I am.  Do you like orgas-i-am?  We can do it here or there….we can do it everywhere!  Orgas-i-am in a box!  With a fox!  On the rocks!  Wearing socks!’”

I’m not really sure how to tag this. I don’t have a “wet my pants laughing” tag, but I think this might just warrant it.

Comments

28 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 272: He’s got a wocket in his pocket.”

  1. Martha Avatar
    Martha

    I like how he spins it in the end so that, as a lady, I might miss out if I don’t respond quickly. No no, it’s not that he’s desperate…

  2. Brunogirl Avatar
    Brunogirl

    Hmmm, lets’ see – living, breathing, dildo. All I can think of from the headline is: that’s more than I want from my dildo. It kind of sounds like it will end up as just one more mouth to feed. That photograph will make it tough to resist, but I must summon my jedi powers and move on. ‘Those aren’t the manboobs you are looking for’….

  3. Wraith Avatar
    Wraith

    That pose and the low quality of the picture sort of make it look like he’s wearing a blue tutu.

    1. Colleen in MA Avatar
      Colleen in MA

      LOL! well, that seals the deal for me…

      1. Monica Hamburg Avatar
        Monica Hamburg

        Me too!

  4. Sam Avatar
    Sam

    *reads post* AWESOME LIVING BREATHING DIL…*sees the picture* ……..crap….

  5. jackie31337 Avatar
    jackie31337

    I’m confused by the abbreviations, and I know I can’t be the only one. “D&D free”? I’m guessing he means “drug and disease free”, but my first thought was that he was asserting he’s not a basement-dwelling role-playing gamer. I also can’t for the life of me figure out what “straight up N.S.A” means. He says he “Can and willing to be discreet”, so maybe it means he’ll Never Say Anything? Or maybe he gets off on illegally wiretapping people’s phones? His preference for non-foreign citizens also kind of points in that direction….

    1. jackie31337 Avatar
      jackie31337

      I just figured it out… N.S.A. = no strings attached. I don’t think it’s exactly common to abbreviate it that way though. Makes me wonder if this post is some kind of coded message.

      1. Caro Avatar
        Caro

        Ohhhhhh. My best guess was Neanderthal Sexual Activity. (And I thought the same about the D&D reference.)

        1. Igor The Vigorous Avatar
          Igor The Vigorous

          Actually, it’s pretty common for guys to use it. Mostly the ones who do are major dipsh*ts though.

  6. Jerod Poore Avatar
    Jerod Poore

    For the life of me I can’t fathom why any woman would let this guy go, let alone put him “throuh a very shitty DIVORCE.”

    Plus he signs off with “your S.O.L.” How can anyone not love a fan of MST3K? Calling himself the ‘Satellite of Love’ is so sweet.

    Chicks are just crazy.

  7. Daniel Avatar
    Daniel

    It’s a good thing he put MAN in all caps. I never would have known from just the photo and the fact that this was posted in m4w.

    Jackie: That’s the first thing I thought of when I read “D&D free”.

  8. dogface Avatar
    dogface

    Dildos don’t go through divorces and are almost always discreet (unless you put them out on display). They also don’t have bad tattoos or wear blue wifebeaters.

  9. Monica Hamburg Avatar
    Monica Hamburg

    I was gonna say that he wrote “orgasiam” because he clearly couldn’t guarantee an actual orgasm (see above ad). But then he I saw the “gaurintee”, so I got nothing.

    I had the same response as Danielle. I don’t plan to leave the house ever again now that I’ve seen this ad. And I live in Canada.

  10. specialkt Avatar
    specialkt

    i dont see any difference in font size he must have some wonky vision

  11. Mrphysic Avatar
    Mrphysic

    I’m struggling on the S.O.L sign off still….especially as he preceeds it with a mention of ‘Friday, Saturday, Sunday only then your S.O.L’.
    I thought maybe ‘Short On Luck’ but it could equally be ‘Short On Looks’.
    ‘Slobby Old Layabout’?
    No – obviously (correcting for grammar) it’s ‘Fri, Sat, Sun only – then you’re Several Orgasiams Lighter’

    1. jackie31337 Avatar
      jackie31337

      That one I got right away… Shit Out of Luck

      1. Igor The Vigorous Avatar
        Igor The Vigorous

        No- he’s calling himself the Satellite of Love. From a video game. I think. :/
        Maybe he’s calling himself the sun? Maybe that’s his name?

  12. Kelly Avatar
    Kelly

    Living, breathing dildo–at least he’s advertising truthfully.

  13. Babelglyph Avatar
    Babelglyph

    This man gives a bad name to dildos. 😐 For that matter, why would you WANT one that’s living and breathing? Wouldn’t the generic “sex toy” make more sense?

    I do like “reply’n” though. It’s like ‘d only for progressive forms!

    1. dogface Avatar
      dogface

      Well, I hear the makers of those RealDolls are coming up with a mechanism that simulates breathing and a heartbeat. They don’t want to add artificial intelligence. They’re afraid the dolls would gain sentience and would demand normal human social interaction, and they don’t want to scare off their customers.

  14. CE Blog Avatar
    CE Blog

    I don’t get it. He’s super-hot, honest to a fault, and ready, willing, and able to rock some lucky lady’s world. Where’re the lulz?

  15. Catherine Avatar
    Catherine

    He is clearly just too cheap to get a prostitute.

  16. fhrblig Avatar
    fhrblig

    Doesn’t he know it isn’t “orgasiam” anymore, but rather “orgathailand”?

  17. Prudence Jourdan Avatar
    Prudence Jourdan

    I want to know how he plans to recompense those who do NOT received his gaurinteed orgasiam. Few people realise that a gaurintee is NOT to be broken.

  18. Nathan Avatar
    Nathan

    I wouldn’t want to play D & D with him anyway. I bet he fudges his dice rolls.

  19. bonni Avatar
    bonni

    He uses “BS” since he’s too shy to write “bullshit,” but he’s comfortable calling himself a living breathing dildo???

  20. Cheryl Avatar
    Cheryl

    He’s obviously not quite as capable of discretion as he thinks he is.

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