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YSaC, Vol. 468: I would have quoted something off of Version 2.0.

Written by

drmk

in

This is behind a cut because it’s long. And eye-gougingly painful to read. If you are of delicate sensibilities and are offended by inappropriate capitalization and run-on sentences, then — well, then, what the hell are you doing on this blog? But if you are of strong of mind, and think you can withstand the slings and arrows of outrageous grammar, then carry on.

Annoyying Trash Latly (Escondido)

Dear Escondido All Community There’s Been Alot of Trash Latly Around All Escondido I’m Sure I’m Aware That This City is Over 100 Years Old But This Annoyying Trash is So Unacceptible Too Me & Unfare That There’s Trash Around Here & So Me & My Brother Started a Cleaning Team of 2 Wer’e Just Concered About This Neighborhood There’s Broken Class & Cups & Annoyying Trash Behavior & Also Very Strange Abandoning Old Mimi Vans This Happen Also In Nov 2007 & Now 2009 It Happened Again In Sep 2009 & I Around Near My House Left at a Mail Box Very Annoyying What’s Happening Too America These Days No-One Seems Too Care Well Here’s 2 Two Heroes Defending This Non Sense Behavior & I’m Studing Too Get My ed & After That My Bachelor’s Degree In Criminal Justice Too Be a Real Life CSI:Crime Scene Investigator & It Would Be Nice If There Would Be More Help It Will Be Appreciated & Also There Will Be a Tip Cup That Maybe Community Members Might Pay $1 Dollars 2 3 4 & 5 That Appreciate The Help Boy Some People Have To Much Time On There Hands I Bet It Was The Orange Gangs Stuedents Behimnd This Mess 80 Percent of The Time & 20 Percent or 60 or Gangs or Drunks Here’s Something Too Inspire 4 Minutes Lyrics
Madonna Fearturning Justin Timberlake & Timbaland
I’m outta time and all I got is 4 minutes(x8)
Come on
Yeah
Break down
Come onCome on boy
I’ve been waiting for somebody
To pick up my stroll

Well don’t waste time
Give me a sign
Tell me how you wanna roll

I want somebody to speed it up for me
Then take it down slow
There’s enough room for both

Well, I can handle that
You just gotta show me where it’s at
Are you ready to go
(Are you ready to go)

If you want it
You already got it
If you thought it
It better be what you want
If you feel it
It must be real just
If you say it, it better be what you want

Time is waiting
We only got 4 minutes to save the world
No hesitating
Grab a boy
Grab a girl
Time is waiting
We only got 4 minutes to save the world
No hesitating
We only got 4 minutes, 4 minutes

Keep it up, keep it up, don’t be a pri, hey
Madonna, uh
You gotta get `em all hot
Tick tock tick tock tick tock
That’s right, keep it up, keep it up, don’t be a pri, hey
Madonna, uh
You gotta get `em all hot
Tick tock tick tock tick tock

Sometimes I think what I need is a you intervention, yeah

And you know I can tell that you like it
And that it’s good, by the way that you move, ooh, hey

The road to heaven is paved with good intentions, yeah

But if I die tonight
At least I can say I did what I wanted to do
Tell me, how bout you?

If you want it
You come and get it
If you thought it
It better be what you want
If you feel it
It must be real just
Say the word and im a give you what you want

Time is wasting
We only got 4 minutes to save the world
No hesitating
Grab a boy
Grab a girl
Time is wasting
We only got 4 minutes to save the world
No hesitating
We only got 4 minutes, 4 minutes

Keep it up, keep it up, don’t be a pri, hey
Madonna, uh
You gotta get `em all hot
Tick tock tick tock tick tock
That’s right, keep it up, keep it up, don’t be a pri, hey
Madonna, uh
You gotta get `em all hot
Tick tock tick tock tick tock

Breakdown
Yeah
(tick tock tick tock tick tock)
Yeah, uh huh
(tick tock tick tock tick tock)
I only got 4, minutes to save the world & Mariah Carey There’s a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don’t have to be afraid
Of what you are
There’s an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It’s a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don’t let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You’ll find the way

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

That a hero lies in you Thx For Reading This & Taking The Time Too View This No Means Too Offend Anyone Here Thx.

Oh, did I forget to mention the random quotation of the entirety of “Four Minutes” and “Hero”? Gosh, I can’t imagine how that slipped my mind.

Okay, I’ve got to break this one down for a translation. There’s too much.

I’m Sure I’m Aware That This City is Over 100 Years Old

If there’s anything I’m sure I’m aware of, it’s that. Grammar and punctuation, not so much, but I’m sure I’m aware of that.

There’s Broken Class & Cups & Annoyying Trash Behavior & Also Very Strange Abandoning Old Mimi Vans This Happen Also In Nov 2007 & Now 2009 It Happened Again In Sep 2009 & I Around Near My House Left at a Mail Box Very Annoyying

The trash behaves annoyingly. It abandons the vans that belonged to Mariah Carey during her “Emancipation of Mimi” period, thus explaining the Mariah Carey quotation. This happened in 2007, 2009 and 2009, and I left my house at a very annoying mail box.

Boy Some People Have To Much Time On There Hands

No, “Too Much Time on My Hands” was Styx, not Mariah Carey. It was during Tommy Shaw’s unfortunate page boy haircut period, so I can see how you’d get those two confused.

I Bet It Was The Orange Gangs Stuedents Behimnd This Mess 80 Percent of The Time & 20 Percent or 60 or Gangs or Drunks

That’s right, eighty percent of the time and twenty or sixty percent of the time, it’s gangs of orange students behind this mess. Or gangs. Or drunks. Or maybe gangs of drunken orange Mariah Careys.

Thanks to PB Heather for sending this in!

Comments

145 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 468: I would have quoted something off of Version 2.0.”

  1. sfaye Avatar
    sfaye

    Well, “The Help Boy” refers to himself and his brothers as heroes, so that explains the Hero reference. Although if he was looking for inspirational quotes, I think he needs to expand his horizons. Hey, the Rocky theme would have been a better fit. I vote we confiscate his tip cup and use it to send this guy back to elementary school.

    I also have a feeling that the criminal population may be expanding in the future if this guy plans on being a crime scene investigator. Just saying.

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      I would not want this guy anywhere near a forensics lab. No good could come of it.
      Of course, he’s probably talking about those courses you see advertised on TV, where you can learn something like neurosurgery from the comfort of your own home.

      And why the heck is he asking for donations for volunteer services? Did he fail to learn the definition of ‘volunteer’ while getting his “ed”? (I assume he meant GED. The G must be silent, right?)

      Oh, I forgot; he’s a hero. They are usually rewarded with lavish feasts and the serving wench of their choice, right?

      1. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
        Igor the Vigorous

        When I stroll into town, Sarajean, I don’t take anything less than half the village’s store’s in food and their finest virgins as an offering.

      2. JL Avatar
        JL

        I don’t know about the GED, he clearly says he’s studing for his ed. I assumed he’s been fornicating like crazy to have a son he hopes to name Ed. (You can tell it’s a person’s name because it’s the only non-capitalized word in there. It’s special.)

    2. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      Wasn’t the Rocky theme primarily an instrumental, with the exception of a few “Gotta fly now!” moments?

      1. sfaye Avatar
        sfaye

        Exactly. Inspirational and leaves less for him to spell out.

        1. Kogarashi Avatar
          Kogarashi

          Come on, you know better than that. Half the ad would’ve been repetitions of “Duh duh daaaaah! Duh duh daaaaaaah!” instead.

          And somehow he would have managed to misspell even that.

        2. Isaac Avatar
          Isaac

          Nothing to worry about. Probably he would just cut and paste the Duh-dah-daaaaaaahs from the internet.

        3. sfaye Avatar
          sfaye

          Ah, yes. I was quite impressed that the lyrics weren’t turning my brain into mush as well. Although he did spell “Fearturning” wrong. That, or he’s onto some sort of new intense exposure therapy.

          Dance your cares away,
          Worry’s for another day.
          Let the music play,
          Down at Fraggle Rock.

          …It would explain the song lyrics.

      2. bitbot Avatar
        bitbot

        i thought it was ‘Getting stronger’…

  2. sarajean80 Avatar
    sarajean80

    Holy crap. I think my brain melted.

  3. Gridlock Avatar
    Gridlock

    See, before the internet he’d have had to laboriously make up large florescent placards detailing the situation, and hung them out of his windows.

    In which section was this posted? Is there one for those who self-identify as “cat lady-level insane” or is it more of a meritocracy?

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      “cat lady-level insane”

      *giggle*

      I have three cats that I refer to as my crazy-cat-lady starter set.

      1. Lola Avatar
        Lola

        As a librarian and currently single, I refuse to get more than two cats (and only have one now) so as to avoid potential crazy cat ladydom, or at least the stereotype thereof.
        That said, most of the cat lady types I’ve encountered are more articulate than this guy. And they refrain from quoting song lyrics at me, which is always commendable.

        *~*~*~*~*
        OT: Did anyone else see a post of #469? It was there, and then after I read and commented on this, it was gone.

        1. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Wow, that would be a double helping of cliché.

          I think I’m fairly coherent for a crazy cat lady.

        2. drmk Avatar
          drmk

          Technical error. It wasn’t supposed to post yet.

      2. Meredith Avatar
        Meredith

        Ummmm…that’s not a starter set. My dear…you’ve arrived.

        Now what are you waiting for? Find out where this hot number is located and give him a call!!!

        What? You got a problem with “heroes”??? He’s getting rid of ANNOYYING trash!

        1. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          I have restrained myself from dressing them up in little outfits and giving them adorable names like Mr Fluffikins. Do I get any credit for that?

          I don’t think I could handle a “hero” of his caliber. In fact, I’m sure I would not want to handle him.

      3. My Evil Twin Avatar
        My Evil Twin

        Do imaginary cats count?

        1. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Only if you talk to them.

        2. tigprincess Avatar
          tigprincess

          Always.

        3. HappyNat Avatar
          HappyNat

          No, but mine know the alphabet.

      4. SoundsLikeVla Avatar
        SoundsLikeVla

        I was told I’d crossed the threshold into crazy cat lady land when I let a friend leave the fourth one at our house and my husband promptly posted it on CL and found it a new family…poor cat, but he was right to do that. I can’t say no even when I want to and in reality, I didn’t want 4 cats. He sent number 3 to the farm to be a “mouser” for his grandparents shortly thereafter and now we have reached a compromise-he leaves my 2 original cats alone and I refrain from spinster behavior when I’m no longer single! After all, I still have my teacups and Pride and Prejudice to comfort me….hehehe!

        1. Lola Avatar
          Lola

          I have a friend who had one cat and married a man with three! He’s a definite “guy’s guy” type – the sort I’ve always associated with large-dog ownership – and yet obviously loved his kitties (all girls). And didn’t mind my friend bringing hers. Unusual, from my observation.

        2. emsies Avatar
          emsies

          oh no… don’t tell me you fell for the old “Mr. Fluffikins went to live at the farm to be a mouser for my grandparents” trick…

        3. Windrose Avatar
          Windrose

          Twenty Cockatiels, 10 love birds, twelve budgies, 4 conures, 4 parrotlets, 12 society finches, three canaries, one green singer, two cut throat finches, three bourkes, and ten zebra finches. Crazy bird lady nods to crazy bird man whom she married.

        4. toxictink Avatar
          toxictink

          I know what you mean about not being able to say no. I got a cat from a friend’s grandparents who were taking care of an outside stray. Now I’ve got a stray who comes to my apartment every night for food and cuddling and it is killing me to leave her outside but I can’t possibly take another cat into my one bedroom apartment (I already have previously mentioned cat, a dog, and a lizard).

      5. sfaye Avatar
        sfaye

        My aunt now has 10 cats in her small 2-bedroom condo, mostly long-haired. If she works late, she’ll actually call and leave a message for the cats. I’ve heard these, they include a lot of lovey-dovey kitty names and profuse apologies. She is married, and her wife brought bearded dragons into the mix, but no more cats, thankfully.

        1. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Part of me wanted to say,”That’s crazy!”, but then I looked around at the nice shiny walls of my glass house and decided to drop the stone.

        2. Lola Avatar
          Lola

          I once supervised a girl who called home so she could meow to her kitten by having her mother put the phone near the cat.

        3. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          So, what kind of label do I get if I own two adorable little cuddly half-dwarf lop bunnies?

        4. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Igor – You’d be able to keep your macho rep if you told everyone they were killer bunnies.

          I don’t know if there’s is a male equivalent to crazy cat lady. In my family it would be “Uncle Billy”.

        5. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          Not…. Not gas station Billy? Right?
          I’m not THAT weird.
          And they ARE the masters of my bedroom (where they live), and they probably would kill *someone* if he didn’t feed them fast enough…
          Oh, and they like Skillet’s new album- if I listen to it while playing a video game, they’ll jump on they keyboard and get me killed.
          Does that count?

        6. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Not the gas station Billy…I don’t think.
          You can never tell with him.

          Virtual deaths count.
          Hail Igor, Master of the Killer Bunnies!

        7. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          “Run away! RUN AWAYYYY!”
          That’s what happens when you underestimate the killer bunnies, folks. 😉

        8. bunnymuffin Avatar
          bunnymuffin

          Perhaps Igor has Sinter Bunnies? I would have to see pictures before I would be able to determine if they were Killer Bunnies or Sinister Bunnies. Sinister Bunnies still kill…they’re just better at hiding the bodies. 😉

          The Bunnymuffins would qualify for Crazy Cat People status based on the Feline Overlord’s toy box alone. Not to mention the water fountain, the Cat Genie, the pink crystal dish or the pantry just for her food. We are so whipped. Sigh.

  4. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    Holy Local crap! This is my home town! Could there be two Escondidos in the US? I think it’s slightly older than 100 years, but there is annoying trash behavior and broken class everywhere I look. I am inspired to go pick up trash, but it’s raining today.

    1. JAMen Avatar
      JAMen

      Why bother if you don’t get any tips?

      1. Windrose Avatar
        Windrose

        Good point, JAMen! The sun is coming out now, I needed your input!

        1. JAMen Avatar
          JAMen

          Tooooooooooo-morrow! Tomorrow! They’ll write more, tomorrow. It’s only a day we’ll wait. Sorry. Sun will come out…you get it. It’s late. There are pumpkins to lobotomize.

  5. JAMen Avatar
    JAMen

    When I have too much time on my hands and am dealing with trash, I revert to lyric recitation, as well. But then, I pick up the phone, dial 10 digits, speak to a human who I at least know heard me, and then get on with life. But I’m pretty sure, doing it his way, he can rest assured, since “This No Means Too Offend Anyone Here,” and I don’t think it did. Made us laugh, but did not offend.

  6. Lola Avatar
    Lola

    I feel bad for poor old Mimi Vans, being abandoned like that! I guess you can’t expect much from people with broken class.

    1. Meredith Avatar
      Meredith

      Now I’m seeing vans painted up like the woman off that Drew Carey show.

      1. sarajean80 Avatar
        sarajean80

        That much blue eyeshadow on a headlight could be a driving hazard. Maybe that’s why she was abandoned.

    2. tigprincess Avatar
      tigprincess

      I’ve been looking for my Aunt Mimi Vans for ages, I’m so glad someone has found her. She was embarassed by her class and wanted to find a hero to save her from orange students who took the pip out of her too much. Do you think I could ask this poster to ship her back to me ? COD of course?

      1. sarajean80 Avatar
        sarajean80

        You could send him a cashiers’ check to deposit into his account. He would then just have to wire a portion of it back to you.

    3. Mimi Avatar
      Mimi

      Hey, I didn’t know I had vans in Escondido!!! Guess I should go pick them up.

  7. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    Did anyone else see a post about a guitar up a second ago? Maybe I should go back to bed. My computer is playing tricks on me again.

    1. Lola Avatar
      Lola

      I saw it too, per comment above.
      *feels relieved that I am not apparently imagining things*

    2. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      Maybe this one scared it off.

    3. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      Technical error. Wasn’t supposed to post yet. I’ve pulled it.

      1. Windrose Avatar
        Windrose

        Thought so! Well, at least I have my comment for tomorrow all ready! 8)

  8. Amy Avatar
    Amy

    I hate to discourage anyone’s career aspirations, but let’s face it – a career in a crime scene investigation lab requires some basic math skills. For example, one must be able to solve the equation “80 + X = 100”. Perhaps a career in the fast food industry might be more appropriate?

  9. MMCQuarterback Avatar
    MMCQuarterback

    I am dying to know what section this was in. I’m thinking Rants n Raves, as in the Rants of a stark Rave-ing lunatic.

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      drmk has it in “volunteers”

      1. drmk Avatar
        drmk

        Yup, it was in Volunteers.

  10. sarajean80 Avatar
    sarajean80

    Who else thinks that

    “…After That My Bachelor’s Degree In Criminal Justice Too Be a Real Life CSI:Crime Scene Investigator…”

    really means

    “… I’m Going To Buy A Batman Costume After Halloween And Wear It While I Sweep Up Broken Class And Pretend That I’m On A Hit TV Show With More Spinoffs Than Law And Order…”

    I can see it now – CSI: Lunatic Asylum

    1. Meredith Avatar
      Meredith

      I keep picturing my old neighbor. He liked to wear boxer shorts, wading boots, an orange hunters vest, and a baseball cap….that was his snow gear.

      He wasn’t really a “hero” though. He was more the problem. But I picure that look on a man who thinks himself the next Grissom. And he doesn’t REALLY get that TV is IN NO WAY like reality.

      I wanna see this guy in Carusso sunglasses, too.

      1. sarajean80 Avatar
        sarajean80

        And do that “staring off into space like it’s dramatic” thing that he thinks passes for acting.

        My brother-in-law told me once about this guy who lived next to the kayak shop where he worked. In the summer he would pitch a tent on the front lawn (only a few feet from where a major road ran) and fill it with a collection of large stuffed animals. He would then spend most of the day talking to them and on occasion arguing and wrestling with them.

        Did I mention he would only wear a pair of tighty-(not so)whiteys?

        1. Lola Avatar
          Lola

          I’m calling plushie fetishist on that one (among, probably, other disorders/pathologies).
          Now I’m wondering what the original poster does in his spare time, when not trash-wrangling.

        2. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          The vast kaleidoscope of human oddities no longer surprises me. It does amuse me a great deal, though.

        3. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          Ah, humanity…
          How you make me giggle so…
          What with your broken chains of logic,
          Your hopelessly detached,
          And your mindless egocentricity.

          That little poem is supposed to be read in a cheery tone, by the way. 😛

        4. mudslicker Avatar
          mudslicker

          Plushie Fetishist
          opening for
          Grammar Slap

          One Night Only!!!!

          I’ll take 2 tee shirts please…

    2. sfaye Avatar
      sfaye

      I would give that one a try. Lunatics in costume are entertaining.

    3. Isaac Avatar
      Isaac

      I Want Too Wish The Origginel Postr Lukck With That Degree And Jobb Hunt Because I Foumnd Out The Hard Way Thet Most Degree Proagrams Ask You Too Do Some Writting And Then Any Ways Most Of The Time Thats What A Policman Has Too Do Too There All Ways Filing Out Reports And Writting Up Descriptins And What Not Mostly Its Pretty Boring Not Like On tv After All

      1. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
        Igor the Vigorous

        -Projectile vomits and crawls under bed-
        ISAAC! DID THEY BITE YOU?!

      2. sarajean80 Avatar
        sarajean80

        AHHH! I saw this movie! Beware the pod people!

        1. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          According to the Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z, we have to hang him from a tree with a pistol so he can distract them while we get away.
          Or something like that.

        2. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Wait – Do we use the pistol to tie him to the tree or tie him up and then give him a pistol?

        3. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          Tie him up high in the tree (that way, they can’t get him but he’ll make enough noise to attract ’em all), then give him a pistol to defend himself with- that way, he can last (possibly) until he starves or turns.
          Hypothetically, of course.

        4. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Of…course…

          I’ll just go put this rope back in the shed. Be right back.

  11. Jenn Avatar
    Jenn

    My eyeballs just tried to get a divorce from my head because of abuse and torture.

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      Nice.
      I want a T-shirt with that on the front.

      1. Lola Avatar
        Lola

        And a discreet, subtle “YSaC” on the back.

        1. Jenn Avatar
          Jenn

          Ha, thanks. I guess “because of” should be replaced with “on grounds of” to be more legal-like… that would make a nice t-shirt, I agree 🙂

    2. My Evil Twin Avatar
      My Evil Twin

      To nitpick; shouldn’t your head be getting the divorce from your eyes (since the eyes are seeing it, making your head attempt to process it)?

      1. sarajean80 Avatar
        sarajean80

        The eyes were assaulted by it first, though.

        1. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          And the brain did NOTHING!
          The horror of it all!

  12. Gridlock Avatar
    Gridlock

    Oh, and a shout-out for the Garbage reference too.

    1. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      Yay, someone got it!

  13. Sherri Avatar
    Sherri

    Well, at least slush reading isn’t as painful as THAT. I feel positively encouraged!

    Also, a little sick, but that will pass. I hope.

  14. queensbee Avatar
    queensbee

    doo-whacka-doooo. as we used to say in my old neighborhood – yo, shut the f*ck up and stop yelling.
    and get some medication.

  15. Jami_no_e Avatar
    Jami_no_e

    It’s a good thing this heroic band (I say band because they obviously have musical tallent since they quoted Madona/ Justin Timberlake) of brothers is there to save this poor, aging town. I hate with when those “Orange Gangs Stuedents” get “Behimnd” messes, broken class strewn about everywhere is a tragic sight. Those poor mimi vans don’t deserve to be subjected to that kind of treatment any percent of the time.

  16. J0sie Avatar
    J0sie

    Maybe they’ve got a large population of Oompa Loompa’s in the neighborhood. They’re numerous, orange and certainly could resemble stuedents. I can’t see them tolerating a mess though. At least not without a song…

    What do you get when your neighborhood’s trashed
    Filled up with trees where the mimi van crashed

    What do you do when it smells like poo
    Call on the Escondido cleaning team of 2

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      Professor Farnsworth: Who are those horrible orange creatures over there?

      Glermo: Why, those are the Grunka-Lunkas! They work here in the Slurm factory.

      Professor Farnsworth: Tell them I hate them.

      First thing I thought of when I saw that.

      1. Tara Avatar
        Tara

        I must say, I was considering boarding my house up, smashing my computer and doing anything else needed to cut myself off from “civilization” after reading this post. My husband, who introduced me to YSaC, actually avoids it now because he claims he looses all hope. After this post, I completely understand…

        But your comment made everything okay again. Love the song and love the Futurama reference.

      2. Meredith Avatar
        Meredith

        SaraJean:again…LOVE!!!!

        1. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          Igor calls dibs on the wedding night tapes.

        2. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Honey, you couldn’t handle it. Once all the blood left your brain your skull would implode. Then the killer bunnies would eat you.

        3. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          If that’s true, I think I’ll do whatever it takes to get those tapes… 😛

  17. Keelhaulrose Avatar
    Keelhaulrose

    When the cut and paste lyrics of a Madonna song are the most coherrent part of a post I give up before I start. I have too much to do today than to try to make sense of the drivel.

    Very much a “If it weren’t for my horse…” post

  18. Rick Avatar
    Rick

    …Cocaine’s a hell of a drug

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      I don’t know. This lacks the coherency of a cokehead. I would guess he’s been snorting Glade air freshener or some sort of industrial cleaner.

      Oooh, I’ve got another quote!

      “Wow! A superpowers drug you can just rub onto your skin? You’d think it would be something you’d have to freebase.”

      I should really get out more.

      1. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
        Igor the Vigorous

        It may just be a case of Attention Deficit Disorder paired with severe, almost idiotic, naivete.
        (I know. Accents are the bane of my existence.)

        1. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          I found if you open a text document and type the word, it then adds the accent and you can cut and paste it into your comment. If you’re pedantic about that sort of thing.

        2. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          I can, but too much French class as a kid has trained me to moan and groan at the sight of a translator/the possibility of having to type an accent.

      2. Chagnasty Avatar
        Chagnasty

        I think even Fry’s unique brain would be hurting after this one…

  19. JcT Avatar
    JcT

    Broken any class latly?

    This person is beyond hopeless, but I am still pressing his reset button while Tuffy gives him a first-class Grammer SLAP!

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      Tuffy needs to pull out the big guns. Give him a Grammar Knock-Upside-The-Head.

      1. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
        Igor the Vigorous

        I think we’re approaching Grammer-Hammer territory here, Sarajean…

        1. drmk Avatar
          drmk

          Grammar Hammer! Love it!

        2. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          I wouldn’t want to dislodge what gray matter remains. Then the poor soul would forget how to breathe and I cannot have another death on my conscience.

        3. Andrea Avatar
          Andrea

          I keep picturing the Hammer Bros from Super Mario. Man, I hated those guys.

        4. Meredith Avatar
          Meredith

          HOLY…I don’t even have words. Igor: :::making “call me” sign:::

          Sarajean…we may have to talk…it’s not you, it’s me.

      2. My Evil Twin Avatar
        My Evil Twin

        What, no Grammar Fatality?

        1. My Evil Twin Avatar
          My Evil Twin

          FINNISH HINM!!!

  20. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
    Igor the Vigorous

    I managed to get through the whole thing…
    I’m so glad I take my Adderall every day, otherwise, after a while, I might have ended up like THIS.

  21. Andrea Avatar
    Andrea

    Maybe this is just his passive aggressive way of complaining about that Old whore Mimi Vans. With all her trash behavior and broken class he has a right to complain. And her cups… those cups are bad news.
    Oh, never mind. It seems he’s defending this nonsense behavior. Scoundrel!

  22. KB Avatar
    KB

    Annoyying Trash Latly (The Internets)
    Dear Internets (Espcially Cragslaist) All Community There’s Been Alot of Trash Latly Around All Internets I’m Sure I’m Aware That This Internets Was Invented By Al Goe But This Annoyying Trash is So Unacceptible Too Me & Unfare That There’s Trash Around Here & So Me & My Brother Started a Cleaning Team of 2 Wer’e Just Concered About This Neighborhood There’s Broken Class & Cups & Annoyying UTubes Behavior & Also Very Strange Abandoning Old Mimi Vans…

    I Think My BrainCells Just Died.

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      I think we need to call 911 for KB. That made my brain bleed just to read it, I can’t imagine what it did to theirs.

  23. Ping Avatar
    Ping

    I don’t have the patience required to Capitalize Each And Every Word Because That Requires Using The Shift Key More Than I’d Like.

    I didn’t even read it.

    I want a sandwich.

    1. Shark Blank Avatar
      Shark Blank

      That was my first thought. It’s hard to type like that. I know because when I’m excited about something, but not excited enough to use all caps, I type like that. But to type 3, 4 paragraphs? Ugh…

  24. Melp Avatar
    Melp

    This is what I imagine a mental breakdown by e.e. cummings would look like.

  25. casualencounters.com/blog Avatar
    casualencounters.com/blog

    MY EYES.

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

    1. Chagnasty Avatar
      Chagnasty

      I think we just discovered what was inside the Ark of the Covenant in Raiders…

  26. Mrphysic Avatar
    Mrphysic

    I feel cheated after my analysis. I read this all the way through…and I think I lost a few IQ points in the process.

    But the song lyrics kinda hacked me off – I noticed that in his original tirade he uses ampersands (‘&’s)whereas the song lyrics actually feature the word ‘And’ several times. which leads me to the conclusion that he merely copied and pasted this from somewhere.

    This hacks me off because it means I spent more time reading the bloody thing than he did writing it – and that strikes me as being unfair in the extreme.

  27. ginger Avatar
    ginger

    So, sadly, I think I have an insight into what that guy means when he says “orange gangs” – not, in fact, California citrus gone wild, but work-release prisoner crews (in California, they wear orange jumpsuits). They do a lot of the maintenance on the freeway shoulders and grassy median strips, and they might litter sometimes. Mind you, a major part of what the crews do is pick up litter, but since this is a crazy person, expecting him to be consistent about who he blames for the problem is silly.

    1. isaac Avatar
      isaac

      Maybe he means gangs from Orange, CA? It’s not a huge distance from Escondido, though that seems sort of an improbable explanation for local trash…

  28. CapnNoni Avatar
    CapnNoni

    <3 broken class <3

    1. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
      Igor the Vigorous

      Seriously? On a site that corrects terrible grammar and txtspeak, you choose to less than three something? /sigh

      1. drmk Avatar
        drmk

        Igor! Dude! Lay off the commenters! We WANT people to comment on the site, not to scare them away.

        I’ve been known to <3 things from time to time, to be perfectly honest.

        1. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          I know, I less than three things too, but I’m so HUNGRY!

        2. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
          Igor the Vigorous

          Also- -Grumbles something Clint Eastwood-y for dramatic effect, using the phrase “too old for this shit” despite the fact that he is only 16-

      2. Count Blah Avatar
        Count Blah

        “<3" is a symbol rendered using just the regular keys, which makes it an emoticon, not bad grammar or txtspk.

        I <3 emoticons. 🙂

        (p.s. I already posted this but it never showed up for some reason)

  29. Chagnasty Avatar
    Chagnasty

    So many possibilities of culprits. I’ve known people who call their grandmother “Mimi”, so could this mean a van that belongs to an old lady? Also, “stuedents” is just as close to suedents (Possibly people studying to become tailors using exclusively suede? Or people who dress exclusively in suede?) as it is to students… Then again, it’s also as close to Sue Dents as it is to students. So, does this mean that a gang of Christian vampire novelists are running around with old ladies? Or is it a gang of old ladies wearing orange suede? Either way, I’m not going to drive through Escondido again until these brave brave people get on CSI or whatever their goal was… sorry, my brain hurts.

    1. Jami_no_e Avatar
      Jami_no_e

      I think it might be a gang of old, orange clad, Christian, vampires studying to become mechanics. I mean it makes sense, what with everything you said plus the dead vans all around. The vampires must drain them of their life source (gas, oil, etc. depending on the vampire) before moving on. The broken class just shows that these are obviously sophisticated vampires who are used to Bentlys and Rolls Royces, not vans.

      I think this is actually a call out to vampire slayers, or atleast someone who can reason with them. Where’s Sookie when you need her?

      1. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
        Igor the Vigorous

        I just assumed “Suedents” would be one who is currently attending law school?

    2. tigprincess Avatar
      tigprincess

      Christian Vampire Novelists – great band name, fronted of course by Snorting Glade

  30. brashieel Avatar
    brashieel

    Okay, when did the concept of Capitalizing Every Word become common among the stupids? Its entirely wrong, and it takes more work to type that way than to get it right. A lot of errors I (reluctantly) understand as either ignorance of laziness, but the omnipresent capitalization is just weird.

    Also, he copy-pasted entire songs into his post. Why would someone do that? WHY?

    1. Cyrus Avatar
      Cyrus

      I am also very confused about the Capitalizing Every Word phenomenon that has gripped the less-inclined English speakers of the internet. You know right away that there’s a few bolts missing when every word is used as a proper noun.

      Where’s Grammar Slap when you need them?

      1. isaac Avatar
        isaac

        I’ve got it! Maybe the whole first paragraph of the post is the title of that song!

  31. Count Blah Avatar
    Count Blah

    The whole ad makes my eyes bleed, but this is the part that really outrages me:

    Well Here’s 2 Two Heroes Defending This Non Sense Behavior & I’m Studing Too Get My ed & After That My Bachelor’s Degree In Criminal Justice

    Hopefully the criminal justice program will teach him what the word “defending”means.

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      I totally missed that. It was lost in the sea of horribleness.

    2. SwissKat Avatar
      SwissKat

      I was counting the comments until someone mentioned this.

    3. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      I assumed that he just forgot the word “against”.

  32. screamer Avatar
    screamer

    Can anyone say “remedial English, spelling and grammar” before he can start work on his Bachelor’s Degree in Criminal Justice?

    Wouldn’t it be great if we could force the perpetrators of such horrible spelling and grammar to read all the comments made about them on this cite? Of course, they wouldn’t understand most of them, and certainly wouldn’t understand that the folks here are NOT commenting in their favour.

  33. Caryn Avatar
    Caryn

    Can someone say Meth? I’m starting to think these long ranting posts found on sites like Craigslist are Meth-induced. There is no other explanation.

    1. Igor the Vigorous Avatar
      Igor the Vigorous

      Igor knowth hith couthin maketh meth for theveral Craigthlitht pothterth.
      Do you know that one third of CL pothts are meth-induced?
      Or at leatht, according to the CL-Igor-thervanth.

    2. Elle Avatar
      Elle

      Hmm, meth you think? I was leaning towards a huffer. I bet if you found this guy he’d have a ring of silvery paint around his face. The most notorious huffer we had in my neck of the woods actually first sacrificed his feet to frost bite because of it and eventually just killed off enough brain cells that he dropped dead. But, if he had had internet access in his earlier days I could totally see this post from him.

  34. Jinx Avatar
    Jinx

    I think this ad was written just a little after 4:20….

    Analyzing the ramblings of people writing ads under the influence of greenweed is useless…. Even they can’t remember what they were trying to say….

  35. Queen Amygdala Avatar
    Queen Amygdala

    “Broken Class” you be a good name for a band.

    1. Elle Avatar
      Elle

      When I see “broken class” I hear Annie Lenox singing “Walkin’ on, walkin’ on broken class”.

  36. pixie721 Avatar
    pixie721

    There’s only one person with broken class in this neighborhood.

  37. nate Avatar
    nate

    WOW. (and not the World of Warcraft kind…)

  38. Lizzi Avatar
    Lizzi

    this kid’s medicine clearly ran out lol

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