You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: no accounting for taste

  • YSaC, Vol. 376: Does whatever an effigy does …

    Adult Size Spider Man – $30

    This is a nice item to have in your home if you want to sit on the sofa as a decoy when you are not home. Or, you can let your busy kids jump all over him. You can even ride Spider Man in your vehicle when you are traveling alone because he looks so real. He is taking up a lot of space here and we just don’t have a need for him any more. So, take this good old boy home with you. He comes from a pet free and smoke free home. He is in excellent condition. He remains in the sitting position that you see in the below picture.

    376

    Yes, that’s right, you can use Spiderman here as a dummy passenger in your car so you can drive in the HOV lanes because he looks so realistic. The first thing a cop will think is “Oh, that car is fine; it has one person driving and Spiderman in the front seat. That’s totally normal.”

    And who would be stupid enough to rob a house when Spiderman is sitting on the couch watching TV? While wearing mittens and footies? With his head rolled back as though he’s been on a three-day meth and mezcal binge? NOBODY, that’s who. I mean, that would be like robbing a house protected by a lifesized cutout of Bea Arthur. It just isn’t done in civilized society.

    Thanks for the submission, Sara!

  • YSaC, Vol. 363: The rooster is a man, baby.

    Love To Read True Books About Animals! Then This Is The Book For You! – $36

    Displayed At The Bottom Of This Page You Will See The Book’s Front Cover.

    View the first 15 pages of this book? Click this link provided to view and order this amazing book. Delivery is 5 – 10 days. >> [link deleted]

    $1.00 of every book sold will be donated to the FeatherFoot farm.

    Enjoy reading true stories of pets and animals, then you will enjoy reading the true life story about these twin brothers, two rooster who grew-up together as brothers, who’s love only got stronger for each other, this love and devotion would take the brothers on a incredible journey, a journey that would test the brothers love, bravery and strength within as they come to face the days ahead. Find out what happens. It will touch your heart.

    Title of book: The True Life Story Of FeatherFoot
    The Tail Of An Unforgettable Brother’s Bond, Bravery And Death.

    A heart-warming story that will take you on an incredible journey, a look into the lives of two amazing roosters, twin brothers that will make you see chickens in a different light. Read the incredible life journey that these two amazing roosters had.

    Enjoy reading or please pass this book on to a friend and share the story about Cleo and Leo FeatherFoot (free-range chickens) who developed such an incredible strong bond for each other. Their bond gave them courage to stand together face to face against nature’s worst predators no matter what their fate would be. Learn what happen to each brother. It just may shock you.

    Discover what happened to the brothers when one of the hardest hit rainstorms hit Maple Ridge. Is their bond strong enough to keep them together, will they survive or perish?

    Book contains over 20 actual photographs of the FeatherFoot brother’s life on the farm. The owners of Cleo and Leo FeatherFoot have provided all photographs.

    Price
    Hardcover, Dust Jacket $35.95
    Hardcover, ImageWrap $38.95

    363

    I’d just like to point out that this person has a book out. I don’t have a book out. How come this person has a book deal and I don’t? I know how to use apostrophes. That should be worth something, right? More importantly, I’m not writing about roosters. Is there really a big market out there for poorly written and punctuated books about roosters? Because if I’m missing that lucrative market, I can certainly come up with something. I’ll just flail randomly at the keyboard and I’ll have a craptacular book about roosters written in no time.

    On a more serious note — how can roosters be twin brothers? Were they both hatched from the same egg? I’m pretty sure that’s scientifically impossible. As is the fact that this person has a published book out and that anyone will be willing to spend $36 for it. Not that I’m bitter or obsessing over that or anything.

    BTW, Cleo dies. He was trampled by sheep or something. It’s not quite the same order of spoiler as “Soylent green is people” or “He was dead all along”, is it? But I saved you $36. You can thank me later.

    Thanks for the submission, Lesley!

  • YSaC, Vol. 291: No, seriously. What. The. Hell.

    This post contains eight incredibly bizarre pictures of a NSFW coffee table. No, really. You have been warned.
    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 283: Turning water into rhine-stones.

    Jesus Last Supper Belt Buckle – $20

    Silver-tone and gold-tone with lots of bling rhinestones.
    Heavy metal belt buckle with Jesus at the Last Supper.
    Measures: 4″ W x 3 1/4″ H.
    Fits 1 1/2″ size belt.

    $20.00 cash / pickup or meet at convenient location.
    Will ship. Buyer pays S & H.

    Jesus was all about the bling rhinestones. The BeDazzler is Jesus’s way of saying he loves us.

    In my mind, heavy modifies metal in that sentence. It’s a heavy metal belt buckle. I can totally see Rob Halford wearing this. Rock on!

  • YSaC, Vol. 266: It’s Flatulence Friday!

    NICE OLD SOFA BLUE LOOK  – $389

    I HAVE GORGOUS OLD BLUE VINYL SOFA. THIS BABY IS ORIGINAL THE RIPS OR TEARS IN IT ARE NATURAL FROM GAS OR FARTS. YOU WILL NEED TO PICK UP.

    266

    This was Lindsay’s very first submission to YSaC. She says she will be combing her local Craigslist for “Midwest stupidity.” Apparently there’s plenty of that to go around. I’m mystified by the pricing of the sofa — but even more mystified by the fact that the listing has since been modified to “sold pending pickup”! Someone actually bought that thing?

    Anyway, as we all know, I’m all about making connections for people … it’s just my giving nature. Read on to find out more:

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 251: Iw4mW,B IV: Pick one extreme, plz. Kthx.

    Wheres my bed buddy at? – w4m – 21

    It’s amazing how much thought i’ve put into this little post, so here goes.

    You’re right … it’s astounding. It’s almost as though you’ve thought about it at all.

    On the other extreme, there’s this, sent in by Kati:

    Cowboy Take Me Away… far away – 21 (Here)

    hmmm… Well, my dream man is:

    at least 6′ tall, not fat but not anorexic either (preferably semi-muscular), drives a truck (preferably a chevy).. if it’s not a chevy, it’s ok.. but I will make fun of you everyday, especially if you ever have the misfortune of breaking down. country music is a must (at least half the time). you don’t have to own a gun, but be able to shoot one. –not an alcoholic– DOESN’T OWN ANY PINK SHIRTS —THIS IS A DEALBREAKER!!! I WILL BURN IT. please at least believe in God. i won’t have you talkin trash about every country song that uses God’s name when I’m listening to it. (i don’t go to church a lot either) Trash-talking just annoys me. I don’t believe in abortion… (sorry… actually, no.. i’m not sorry) If we’re arguing and you ever have the balls to hit me first, I will make sure you don’t have the balls to do it again. However, if I hit you first(which i’ve never done in my life), hit me back… What the hell are you thinking?! You’re just gonna sit there and let me beat your ass???!!! Are you a man or not? hmmm Don’t have any diseases (just in case i ever do get around to doing that with you). You must be able to go to Wal Mart with me, even if it’s just to stand in the hunting/fishing section the whole time I do the shopping. Have a decent job (there shouldn’t be any question about this if you’re plannin on keepin that pretty truck of your’s). I know it’s branded across your little redneck heart, but PLEASE try not to say “Gitterdone” everytime someone says anything. Please don’t dip either (eww). I prefer non-smokers, but this is negotiable since obviously 90% of people in GA are dumb and want cancer. You need to like four-wheelers, mud boggin, kids, obviously trucks, going out occasionally, and the fact that i like t-shirts and jeans. You must own boots; if you don’t own any, I’ll know you’re fakin’.

    ok… well, I think I might be done. Who knows? I could be forgetting something. But, it doesn’t matter, does it because the man I’m looking for (if he does in fact exist) probably doesn’t know how to use a computer. ..so he will never even see this ad. … at least I provided ya’ll with some entertainment for a minute… If you do think you’re this guy, don’t be over 30. Email me, and I’ll reply. People who don’t think you’re this guy but just wanna bitch because I’m too picky. Please don’t email me. That just annoys me, and this is what I’ve wanted since I was 14 years old. Hey, if he’s out there, why shouldn’t I find him?

    I don’t think she’s thought about her fantasy man at all, do you? I mean, it’s not like anyone who responds is going to be compared to an imaginary standard that they’re going to fail to live up to in one way or another.

    What do you think is up with the pink shirt thing? For me, a man secure enough in his masculinity to wear pink is kind of hot.