Tag: Ow! My eyes!

  • YSaC, Vol. 283: Turning water into rhine-stones.

    Jesus Last Supper Belt Buckle – $20


    Silver-tone and gold-tone with lots of bling rhinestones.
    Heavy metal belt buckle with Jesus at the Last Supper.
    Measures: 4″ W x 3 1/4″ H.
    Fits 1 1/2″ size belt.

    $20.00 cash / pickup or meet at convenient location.
    Will ship. Buyer pays S & H.

    Jesus was all about the bling rhinestones. The BeDazzler is Jesus’s way of saying he loves us.

    In my mind, heavy modifies metal in that sentence. It’s a heavy metal belt buckle. I can totally see Rob Halford wearing this. Rock on!

  • YSaC, Vol. 281: Comma, comma, comma, comma, comma chameleon …

    ladys this post is for you! please read! what a real man has to say – 38


    what im asking, is very , very, simple, my pictures are on here, so you see who i am, and im real, and my heart is real, my words are real, you see my pictures, yes , true, but a picture, can not tell you what im about. yes true, so please read my words, so you may understand,what this real man, is looking for, and asking , please here my words, feel them in your heart, for my love is real, my trust is real, my respect is real, my friendship is real,for i am real, what im looking for is you, the woman, who got used, im looking for the woman, who got played, im looking for the woman, who gave all her love, to someone and got no respect for it, im looking for the woman, who is so hurt for loving that someone, somuch and so true, who got her heart broke , for that love see shared, im looking for that one woman, who is so afraid to love again, becuse of the fear of getting her heart hurt, im looking for that woman, that was quit on, left behind , becuse someone wanted someone else, i looking for that woman, who is alone, and reading this , maybe crying inside becuse of the loss, and hurt, someone did to her, im looking, for the woman, who is having it hard , becuse she is fighting so hard to keep things going, im looking for the woman, who seeks, trust, im looking for the woman, who wants respect, im looking for the woman, who wants to be loved, for all the right reasons, not the roung ones, im looking for the woman, who has read, many, many, of these post but never answered one, im looking for the woman, who misses the family life, im looking for the woman, who puts her kids first, im looking for the woman, who still belives in happy ever after, im looking for that woman, who fights hard to build things, and works hard to see things grow, im looking for the woman, who never has to ask a man, for nothing, becuse a real man already knows what see needs from him, with out ever having to ask, him, well im a man, a real, good man, i have much love in my heart, no shame, for saying i love, well who ever reads this , please trust me for i understand love, and i have much pride in my heart, becuse i love, love is real, it is in us all, love is not a game, its not something to be played with, true, im looking for that woman, who gave everything, and got left with nothing, becuse she trusted the roung person, becuse she loved the roung person , yes i want to help you, and you help me, fill our voids in our lives, so that maybe you and i, will never have to search again, or wait, again, or hope, im looking for the woman, who has kids, or the woman who doesnt have kids, im looking for the woman, who wants a real , man, so maybe if you have read this far, your thinking is this post for real? yes, so here is what im looking to offer and give to you, my friendship, my trust, my respect, my word as a man i will never cheat on you for trusting me with your heart and love ! i will never say i love you and not mean it, i will never yell, at you , or fight with you, i will never disrespect, you, i will never lie to you, i will stand strong and be beside you, down the road of life, no matter how hard it is, or easy, and will not quit you, i will not give up on you, i will take how ever long it takes, to get the job done, i will never fail , me, you, or fail any promise, i make, i will buy flowers, i will give you gifts, of love, i will tell anyone and everyone, that no matter what anyone says i will belive in only your word, first, i will do all i can, to give us the best life, i will not steal, never have never will, what i want, no drugs, no bs, no lies, no fake i love you, no user or users of love, no quiters, no drama , no games, im looking for a woman, of value, a woman, of respect, and great worth, im looking for the woman, who belives in me, im clean, im in great, shape, im real, i have somuch good in me to give, to share, to offer, but i will tell you one thing i have never left a woman in my life, i have been, used, lied to, hurt, played, used for sex, used for money, cheated on, betrayed, on, i have been yelled at, quit on, left alone, i have paid much price for love, so yes men hurt women and women hurt men, i cant help that or change that, but ill i can do is offer what im about, who i am, what im willing to give and share, if you reply and we click, great, if not i will not tell you, or you tell me, we will stay friends, im not on here for sex, im on here becuse i belive the truth always get the truth, when you do mean it, please understand my word, i do belive you see were im coming from, im just me, and im saying good men, and women, still are out here looking for each other, im hear so please reply, send me a picture lets just talk, i have much more to share, take a chance, on me and maybe us, i will not let you down or make a fool out of you ever, i have way tomuch class and respect for women, i will read and reply to all, well this man has put his heart and truth out here for everyone to read and see, my email is open, my heart is open, and my love and friendship is open, this post contains nothing but the truth, so its important you only reply if your realy seeking, or wanting or looking for a real good man, thats free and clean, and real, and ready and waiting to find his soul mate for happy ever after, reply any time day or nite, this post will go to my phone, i give you much, respect and many thanks and hope to hear from you soon, just one man, looking for one woman, who has the other half of my biggest heart in texas, i do so hope your out there and reply back to me,,,,,thanks….

    Um, I think you’ve got a little comma splice there. Oh, and there. And there. And … oh, never mind.

    For the record, there’s only one period in this entire post (other than the four at the end). For those of you playing along at home, there’s 1,152 words in this post, and one period. Apostrophes? None. Commas? 242 of ’em.

    Vanessa sent this one in, saying, “This sounds like a script for Christopher Walken.”

    There were pictures with the post, but I’m going to take pity on the guy and not post them here. Why? Because deep down, I’m a softy. He sounds really sincere. I believe he’s looking for love — I just think the written word might not be … let’s see, how can I put this delicately? I don’t think it’s his strongest suit.

    If there was ever a post that qualified for both “Ow! My eyes!” and “punctuationally challenged,” this is definitely it.

  • Vol. 273: Miss Teen South Carolina sells furniture, y’all!

    WHOLE DINNING TABLE – $450


    WHOLE DINNING TABLE AND OTHER BIG CLOSETS THAT YOU CAN USE THAT ARE MADE FROM OVER THAN 65 YEARS AGO WICH IS THE STYLE AND LOOK BEAUTIFUL.YOU WILL NEED A BIG TRUCK TO BRING HE THINGS OUT.THE DINNING TABLE CAN BE SPLIT AND FIT 24 PEOPLE!IT COMES WITH A COVER THAT IS NOT TO HARD AND COVERS THE WOOD THAT LOOKS BEAUTIFUL AND FEELS LIKE IT IS GLASS BUT IT IS NOT.IT COMES WITH 6 CHAIRS,BUT YOU NEED TO ADD MORE CHARS TO MAKE IT 24 PEOPLE .IT WILL NOT HAVE LESS SPACE THAN 24 PEOPLE TO FIT IN.REMEMBER IT IS CHIP FOR THIS PLUS THE CLOSET AND THE SHELVS THAT COME IN ANOTHER CLOSET BUT IT DOES NOT USED FOR CLOSE,IT IS USED FOR GEST FOR A NICE LOOK BUT YOU CAN STELL PUT STOFF ON OR IN IT.SO E-MAIL ME KNOW AT YOU CAN CALL ANY TIME FOR MORE INF. AT CELL # xxx-xxx-xxxx [NAME]60@YAHOO.COM!

    I PERSONALLY BELEVE THAT THE REESON CHILDERN CANT FIND THE DINNING TABLE IS BECUASE NOT ALL PEPLE HAVE DINNING TABLES, AND IF YOU HAVE A DINNING TABLE BUT ONLE 6 CHARS YOU NEAD MAOR CHARS TO MAKE IT 24 PEOPLE. AND THE CLOSET THAT DOES USED FOR GEST NOT PEPLE BUT THERE ARE SHELVS FOR STOFF. AND THE IRAQ AND THE SOUTH AFRICA EVERYWHERE LIKE SUCH AS.

    Edited to add: This was submitted by Victoria. Thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. 262: Today’s lesson — the singulare tantum.

    FREE UNDERWEARS!!!


    anyboody want some free underwears? i got 9 mens large breefs. desent shape, no big holes, no skid marks. i didtn wear them hardly much and dont fit no more. my loose is you’re gain!

    257

    Juliet sends this one in, saying, “I do like the variety of underwear displayed. You have the leg-hugging shorts, lots of basic black (it’s always chic, a man’s version of the little black dress), and theย  velour couch-print speedo-style; but my favourite for sure are the beigey-pinky briefs. It doesn’t get any sexier than those. And no skid marks? How awesome is that? Cuz, when I want free underwears, skid marks are a dealbreaker. So are big holes, although I don’t mind a few small ones. One has to have standards when it comes to free underwears. I can’t just take just any free underwears from just anyboody. And best of all, their loose is my gain! How can anyoone pass up such a great offer?”

    Yup, that about covers it. Unlike those leopard-print speedos.

    Is it really geeky of me to be amused that the phrase singulare tantum has a plural form? Yeah, I thought so.

  • YSaC, Vol. 252: Iw4mW,B V: I think she’s on the way to the second circle, too.

    This Friday installment of w4m week is brought to you in conjunction with the lovely and talented Date Wrecks, who has been very patient with me for infringing on her territory all week long. Thanks, Jami!

    Sugar Lips Sharon Wants YOU!!!! – 39


    Easy going, loving, blonde bomb shell. Loves to give and recieve ๐Ÿ˜‰ anything goes with this wild child. Lick in the front poke her in the back is my life motto. Also for the guys with wifes and girlfriends just remember EATING AIN’T CHEATIN!
    Send me an email if you are interested. Looking to do something soon!

    Let me count the ways in which I am appalled and horrified by this.

    1. You have two pictures of yourself on the toilet, and one picture of your ass. None of them are particularly attractive pictures of you, you realize, although I’m taking some comfort in the fact that you know to wash your hands.
    2. You can’t get the “liquor in the front, poker in the rear” saying correct, even though it’s your “life motto”. You know, some people have mottos like “Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing” (Helen Keller). Just saying.
    3. Seriously, honey, if you’re going to use cheesy phrases to illustrate how slutty you are, at least get one of them right. Either include both ‘g’s or drop both: “eating ain’t cheating” OR “eatin’ ain’t cheatin’. Pick one.
    4. You are not only wearing, but prominently displaying, a religious icon. Now, I’m not particularly religious, but isn’t one of the primary tenets of the religion that icon symbolizes something like “thou shalt not propose oral sex upon married men with a vulgar rhyme”?

    It’s official: humanity is doomed. The first sign of the impending cultural apocalypse was Miss Congeniality II: Armed and Fabulous, followed closely by the indisputable second sign, Beverly Hills Chihuahua. [Warning: one of those links contains sound and video. Your guess as to which!] This Craigslist ad is surely the third sign.

  • YSaC, Vol. 217: A symphony of plaid.

    HIDEABED COUCH


    com in git dis couch pleeze
    oh, and itz got a bed in it
    it be on da sidewawk at 1702 Lincoln ave
    com git b4 it gitz wet
    oh, and it workz

    217

    All right, it is no longer cool or “1337” to substitute a “z” for an “s”. This makes it official.