You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: speeling prolbems

  • YSaC, Vol. 463: A different use of the “slimy” tag …

    1959 UNOPEND CRISCO – $25 (GILFORD)

    1959 UNOPEND CAN OF CRISCO VEG.SHORTINING WITH THE TWIST KEY STILL ATTCHED
    ASKING 25.00 OR BEST OFFER. EMAIL INQUIRIES TO CANTFLAMExxxxx@YAHOO.COM

    1959 was a very good year for Crisco. It had an excellent growing season, with not too much rain. This 1959 Crisco is drinking well now, and will continue to age well for the next forty to fifty years. The Shortening Enthusiast gives it a 94. Pairs well with cheese, particularly a 60-year Gouda. Good mouth feel, with a slight slime factor on the first taste that is taken over by the final taste of rancid.

    What is it with people on Craigslist and expired Crisco? At least those people weren’t trying to charge actual money for it.

    Thanks, Matt — I don’t think I’ll be eating anything for a while after seeing that.

  • YSaC, Vol. 461: I think we’re going to need a bigger condom.

    I am hardier(in the sea looking for sharks) – m4w

    My condom is big.Please come.Why i invites you.Come over and we can watch good things.I like good movies only.No bad movie.I have titanics and Godfathers.

    Regular readers of this blog may recall that I haven’t seen Titanic. Nonetheless, I don’t remember there being sharks in the movie; if there had been, I might have actually gone to see it.

    Rose: Oh, Jack, I’ll never let you go.

    *shark jumps out of the water, eats Jack*

    Rose: Oh, Jack!

    Shark: Nom nom nom.

    And let’s be honest here: if you’re using the plural version of Godfather, then you’re including Godfather Part III — which means Sofia Coppola. I think the term “good” is up for debate here. It’s certainly better than, say, Miss Congeniality II: Armed and Fabulous (I herald that movie as one of the signs of the impending apocalypse), but good?

    Although he’s using the plural version of Titanic as well, so maybe he’s including The Poseidon Adventure … although watching an aquatic Shelley Winters might not set the right mood.

    Looks like we found someone who can help out this guy, though.

    Anyway, I can’t remember who sent me this one — I apologize!

  • YSaC, Vol. 459: When the moon hits your eye …

    Words borrowed from other languages can be confusing, y’all. I mean, they don’t sound like they look — or is that they don’t look like they sound?

    Take armoire, for example. Oh, it looks so innocent just sitting there, but don’t let it fool you. It is an evil, evil word. Witness the mayhem it causes on Craigslist — and these are just from the titles of posts!

    Armor
    Amour – $250
    ARMORIES – $500
    2 Amoure, excellent condition (thats’s storage things for guys) – $40
    1950’s antique mirrored amoir – $100
    Entertainment Center/Armwour
    NICE ARMOUR AND DRESSER
    TV Armwaure – $50
    Armory and Piers
    Aromora and Chest of Drawes : Must Go – $10
    Armwor – $500

    (later misspelled again as “aourmor”)

    These listings are courtesy of Jenny, Dani, Sara, Ciera, Cynzano, Ethan, hdickie, Chelsea, KCBlueGal, Steve, and dakota.

    And then there’s Jess, the patron saint of armoire misspellings, who submitted these armoronic treasures:

    Mahogany Amoire
    TV armiore/entertainment center
    Armoir – TV Entertainment Center – $125
    Mirror Armore for sale – $150
    Armoure with drawers and hanging rack
    Pier 1 Imports Amore’ – $250
    Cabinet Admoir closet – $225

    I think my favorites are the armwaure (just keep adding letters, you’ll get there eventually!) and Amore’. (It’s foreign, it must require an accent, right? But don’t bother figuring out how to actually make an accent, just use an apostrophe.)

    I also like the condescending yet misspelled and ungrammatical “thats’s storage thing for guys” — I’m unclear on whether this person thinks that only males may use an armoire, or whether they think that guys are too uncultured to know what an armoire is. Dan thinks that it means that that’s where one stores one’s guys … um, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go clean out my armoire before Dan looks in there.

  • YSaC, Vol. 454: Can I leave my asschapeau on?

    AFRICAN FISH – 50 (DREXEL HIL)

    Goood mourning –
    I am seeking an angle to come to my house and bring me two 20 oz wawa coffees with cream and NO sugar. Any apple fritters would be a big plus. A slow soft wet and deep blow job after the coffe followed by spooning untill we both fall asleep would be the perfict ending to our first meeting. Open to long term comitment with right lsdy, but you must have increadable tits to hold on to and a great big ass to use for my pillow. Sound nice? Hit me back with your stats and a pic and tell me how long it will take you to get here, and this may be your dream date come true. Please noone over 5’4″ and keep your wig on.
    Bob

    Andrew sent this ad in with the following commentary/translation:

    “I found this little gem whilst trying to cheer myself up a bit this morning — juxtaposing why I’m single to people who actually deserve to be so.”

    “Our friend Bob here appears to be an diabetic ichthyologist from the Sudan, recovering from the death of a loved one. He apparently needs some coffee, some apple fritters, and oral release to complete his magnum opus on the psychosocial dynamics of the koi pond in his condo in DREXEL HIL(L). Pity, really — the editors at Nature have been calling him for weeks. Do you know an angle with increadable tits for him? The world of science rests on your shoulders. Perfict, thanks. Remember your wig.”

    Andrew, there isn’t a single thing I can add to this, except … how on earth does reading something like this make you feel better about being single? Anyway, I just want you to know that the application of the “still single?” tag is on Bob’s behalf, not yours.

    Edited to add: Apparently this showed up on Date Wrecks a couple of days ago, also submitted by Andrew. Jami, we need to coordinate these things!

  • YSaC, Vol. 453: [Error: age must be a real number.]

    Summer fun with your Daughter? – w4m

    Hi, New to area, looking for open-minded man for some fun. I am ”’ lb. and have ish hair and blue eyes. Would like to find a play mate for kinky role playing encounters for my boyfriend and I , must be open-minded. Looking for someone who loves to recieve oral and give facials! Those with a pic on profile will get first response. Would prefer them to be local and with in the age limit of

    Aunty Christ sends this ad in, saying, “This is great because (1) The headline alone is priceless. But the idea of “summer fun with your daughter” in conjunction with kinky role playing, facials, and oral is pretty gag-worthy. (2) I have ish hair too! We will get along wonderfully. (3) This was posted in “strictly platonic.” Someone needs to explain some words to some people. Or ‘people.’ “

  • YSaC, Vol. 451: Shake the decease.

    Looking for MR. Right Now – 28

    How are you, I’m looking for a attractive guy to keep me busy and entertain my wild desires on call. Lately my life has been a tire so I’m up for dirt biking too. Please be decease and drug free and reply to this ad with photo.

    want a female nsa – m4w – 40

    4o hispanic male looking forn some nsa action ,i want a clean ,drug and decease female for fun if u interested hit me back ,race and age unimportant.u pic get mine.i want this to be descreet as possible thanks

    Will you be mine? – 24

    MondayI’ll be arriving in Multnomah County for a month on business and will be back often. Be drug n decease free and ready to show aphoto. Kisses!

    Despite the questionable grammar, I’m going to hazard a guess that ads #1 and #2 are not actually looking for a decease(d) person. Then again, look how much fun the Weekend at Bernie’s franchise makes dead people seem (damn you, Andrew McCarthy!) — I suppose anything is possible.

    Best I can figure out, if someone is decease-free, that means they’re not a zombie or a vampire. And I don’t know about you, but that’s something that I look for in my dating pool.

    Thanks to Imogene, kb, and Jesse for these ads!