You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: wtf?

  • YSaC, Vol. 266: It’s Flatulence Friday!

    NICE OLD SOFA BLUE LOOK  – $389

    I HAVE GORGOUS OLD BLUE VINYL SOFA. THIS BABY IS ORIGINAL THE RIPS OR TEARS IN IT ARE NATURAL FROM GAS OR FARTS. YOU WILL NEED TO PICK UP.

    266

    This was Lindsay’s very first submission to YSaC. She says she will be combing her local Craigslist for “Midwest stupidity.” Apparently there’s plenty of that to go around. I’m mystified by the pricing of the sofa — but even more mystified by the fact that the listing has since been modified to “sold pending pickup”! Someone actually bought that thing?

    Anyway, as we all know, I’m all about making connections for people … it’s just my giving nature. Read on to find out more:

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 258: It’s no Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich …

    This was posted in “general”. I suppose it’s because Craigslist doesn’t have a section for “miracles and revelations”.

    GOD MAKING ADAM… – $500000

    A WATER STAINED CEILING TILE FROM A BROKERN WATER PIPE
    ON THIS EARTH …GOD MAKING ADAM…

    STARTING BID $500,000.00 OR HIGHEST BIDDER

    CALLS ONLY TO xxx-xxx-xxxx
    adam

    Um. I think we’ve found the seventh wonder of the stupid world.

    Actually, it’s probably the sixth wonder. The seventh wonder will be that someone will probably buy this from him.

    *goes off to smash some water pipes*

  • YSaC, Vol. 257: I think the desk is a metaphor.

    This was posted in m4w.

    Seeking smart woman for mahogany desk job LTR? – 38

    Career dreamer seeks icy snapper to sharpen my pencils in.
    I would like a partner to plug into my desk.
    I came upon this beauty a few months ago doing a cash side job on the West Side.
    Me and this guy named Sky were moving a prickly little poodle past her orifice,
    when divine intervention manifested destiny!
    We dropped her custom made Italian Mahogany partners desk down a manhole.
    She was married to this classical fellow who built a fortune from an erector set,
    but his eyes fell out and her cats ate them.
    She had to move on. So she’s trained in some kinda cerebella palsy… (powerful stuff),
    and she picks up this desk off Ruby Lane for a couple O G. Well this desk must have had some magic dust in it or something cause she started sucking up more clients then her little cube could handle.
    That’s where me and Sky came in. You tell us “where” and we ask you “why”. Sky came up with that one. Boss wouldn’t paint it on the truck though.
    So we were moving this tricky sweet pony uptown when she goes into a caramel latte slide and completely upsets our feng sway. Down goes the partners desk and the manhole is burping like an alcoholic barber.
    There was crap all over the place, and she wanted our heads. I looked up at Sky and said
    “The custom Italian Mahogany desk has fallin.”
    He just passed over man, like it didn’t even matter. I looked down at that beaded old purse and she was flapping like a wind sock on Mount Washington.
    Took me close to a month to find work again, (due exclusively too the mostly unkind ways in which she remembered us in the police report) but 30 days later I’m under the street sucking sludge for a guy named Demillo- and BOOM, its that desk!
    I hauled my prize back to the storage unit/apartment I rent- and there she sits.
    Its got two holes in it, I just need a partner to fill the other side. If you have a chair that adjusts it would be perfect as she lost a little height in the fall.
    Also- please be a highly educated professional gainfully employed white collar type,
    Cause I cant get the drawers open. There is magic dust in there!

    Well, there you go then. I wish I could say this was an April Fools joke of some kind, but I think this guy really brought the crazy out for this one.

    For the record, there’s actually a lot that’s GOOD about this post, too — the imagery is vivid, he has a good sense of cadence, and for the most part his spelling is accurate. And after about the fourth or fifth time reading through the post, you can start to get a general sense of the narrative. But there’s a lot that’s wrong with it, too.

  • YSaC, Vol. 249: Iw4mW,B II: Aphasia edition

    Very serious, deep-thinker, educated and ready to discuss the – w4m – 21

    Very serious, deep-thinker, educated and ready to discuss the

    I am too! OMG, we’re like very serious, deep-thinking, educated twins! So what do you think about the

    [Sent in by Wendy — thanks!]

  • YSaC, Vol. 248: It’s w4m week, bitches!

    A reminder (and plea), folks: if you think the ad you’re sending me might get flagged for removal, copy and paste the ad into your email! If you can include pictures, even better. Quite a few of the w4m ads that folks sent in disappeared between the time they were sent in and the time I got to them.

    Actually, it’s a good idea all around — when my job/life gets in the way, sometimes I don’t get to look at listings until a couple of days later, and things do disappear off of Craigslist in that time. (Yes, I have to work! Believe it or not, this ad-free site does not support me in the manner to which I desire to become accustomed. I don’t even have a lucrative book contract. I know, I know … there is no justice in this world.)

    Anyway, by the time I got to this one, the ad had been flagged; luckily, Emily had included the text in her email … but sadly, not the picture. Emily’s vivid description helps fill in the mental image, though.

    I want to hear from a romantic man.. – 30

    some words that describe me are witty, sporty, optimistic, and single.
    I am quite sweet, FEMALETRAITS2, FEMALETRAITS3, and FEMALETRAITS4.  I have an hourglass figure, a beautiful face, and a beautiful personality to match!  I am searching for a person who cares what I have to tell them.  Please be sensitive, drama-free and sure of what you are looking for in a woman. If you like what you’ve read then just contactl me and we’ll go from there.

    Emily says, “How could any man pass her up? She’s looking for romance, that’s why she’s wearing eyeliner like a 14-year-old who hasn’t figured out the difference between slutty and sexy. And, don’t forget, she possesses not only FEMALETRAITS2 and FEMALETRAITS3, she’s also surprisingly, refreshingly FEMALETRAITS4. If I were a man, I’d “contactl” her right now.”

    You know, I can never get the database merge function in Word to work either. (I always end up sending things to FIRSTNAME LASTNAME in CITY, ST.) I’d never have thought about failing to use database merge correctly to spam Craigslist with fake w4m ads. I guess that’s why I don’t earn the big bucks — I have a lack of vision on how to fail.

    Edited to add: Since I queued this one up, there have been articles on Reddit (among others) about this very topic … apparently the Database Merge Fail Scenario is exactly what has been happening! If you do a google search for craigslist +femaletrait2, you get a whole pile of results, tons of which point to deleted/flagged Craigslist posts (or those posts aggregated to other sites) from the same stupid spammer.

    I’m very, very amused.

  • YSaC, Vol. 246: Is there a world record for simultaneous reclination?

    4 Recliner Curved Sofa

    Want to buy a curved 4 recliner sofa

    Is that a question, or a statement?