You Suck at Craigslist

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  • YSaC, Vol. 469: In which drmk spends too much time researching guitars.

    Small pervy guitar amp

    I have a small pervy guitar amp that I dont use anymore and I need money so I want to sell it.
    It would come in handy if you dont want to carry around a large amp all the time.
    I would like at least twenty bucks for it lol
    If your interested call or text xxxxxxxxxx

    Andy sends this one in, saying, “A Pervy amp doesn’t sound like a good deal to me. I wouldn’t let it in my house. It’s also not allowed within 100 yards of a school, and it has to check in with its probation officer once a week. Now if it was a Peavey (http://www.peavey.com/) amp, that’d be different.”

    We’ve established before, though, that guitarists aren’t the sharpest lightbulb in the crayon shed. And as if we needed more evidence, here’s an ad sent in by Joel:

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 468: I would have quoted something off of Version 2.0.

    This is behind a cut because it’s long. And eye-gougingly painful to read. If you are of delicate sensibilities and are offended by inappropriate capitalization and run-on sentences, then — well, then, what the hell are you doing on this blog? But if you are of strong of mind, and think you can withstand the slings and arrows of outrageous grammar, then carry on.
    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 467: Yay team!

    CHERRLEADING COUACH AND OR DANCE COUACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    mMy cherrleading team at [name of high school] colligent does not have a coauch this year and we really need one asap!!! We are not allowed to do any stunting till we have a certified coauch please we really need your help!!!!!!!!
    We are a great group of girls dedicated and passoinite about our work. This would count as volenteer hours for you. Practic and scuedual will work for you we will plan it to how it works for you. Thank you!!

    Your North American public school system at work, ladies and gentlemen. It’s too bad that their dedication and passoin doesn’t extend to, say, their coursework.

    “Gimme an S!
    Gimme a U!
    Gimme a C!
    Gimme a K!

    What’s that spell?

    No, really, what’s that spell? I have no idea.”

    Sometimes the stereotypes just reinforce themselves.

    Thanks to Wren for passing this one along from Kijiji.com! (I’m not going to use 38 exclamation points. I’m tempted to,* but I won’t.)

    *This may not actually be true.

  • YSaC, Vol. 466: Seemed like a good idea at the time.

    lets smoke and see where it goes 420 – m4w – 26

    looking for a laid back chick to smoke with, im 26, white, 6 foot 3, good looking, and ready to get high and hang out with a cool chick. Im d and d free, you be too. Open to age and race and looking for tonight. open for pretty much anything, im an oral expert if it goes there, also good at giving messages. bbws and shaved a plus.
    466

    You’re d and d free, you say? I’m going to assume that means that you’ve never played Dungeons & Dragons, because otherwise you’re really unclear on what “d and d free” means.

    Oh sure, there’s the “marijuana isn’t really a drug” argument, which I’m sure this guy will be happy to make at great length until you distract him with a shiny object and a bag of Cheetos, but for all intents and purposes, “d and d” free implies something that the rest of this ad refutes rather overtly.

    But he’s good at giving messages. Can you take a message for yourself, dude? It’s from you in the future. That’s right, it’s a message from Future Sparky. Future Sparky would like to tell himself that it’s a bad idea to advertise marijuana on Craigslist. He would have told himself himself, but he’s doing six to ten and lost his internet privileges when he got into that fight with the guy named Bubba.

    The second part of the message is to avoid guys named Bubba.

    Thanks for the posting, Mark!

  • YSaC, Vol. 464: They’re really good at croquet, though.

    NICE,NICE BATHROOM SET(BURGANDY) – $15 (INCLUDES 2 1/2 GARBAGE TO MATH NICE)

    xxx-xxx-xxxx

    464a464b

    464c464d

    I don’t want my garbage to be nice. I also don’t want it to be able to do math. Especially fractions. Everybody knows that garbage is terrible at math, especially fractions. Don’t believe me? Look for yourself!

    trash can used cheap

    used trash can for $10 OBO only
    call xxx-xxx-xxxx464e

    See? $10 is NOT 2 1/2 times $5. Garbage cans are bad at math!

    Thanks to Jennnnn and Bethany for these submissions!

  • YSaC, Vol. 463: A different use of the “slimy” tag …

    1959 UNOPEND CRISCO – $25 (GILFORD)

    1959 UNOPEND CAN OF CRISCO VEG.SHORTINING WITH THE TWIST KEY STILL ATTCHED
    ASKING 25.00 OR BEST OFFER. EMAIL INQUIRIES TO CANTFLAMExxxxx@YAHOO.COM

    1959 was a very good year for Crisco. It had an excellent growing season, with not too much rain. This 1959 Crisco is drinking well now, and will continue to age well for the next forty to fifty years. The Shortening Enthusiast gives it a 94. Pairs well with cheese, particularly a 60-year Gouda. Good mouth feel, with a slight slime factor on the first taste that is taken over by the final taste of rancid.

    What is it with people on Craigslist and expired Crisco? At least those people weren’t trying to charge actual money for it.

    Thanks, Matt — I don’t think I’ll be eating anything for a while after seeing that.