You Suck at Craigslist

Author: drmk

  • YSaC, Vol. 219: Protected by dirt and junk since 2003.

    HEAD BOARD FOR WATER BED

    IT WILL CLEAN UP

    219

    Well, thank goodness. Tell it to start in the bathroom — it’s a mess in there!

    And if this wasn’t the fantasy bedroom furniture you had in mind while you were searching Craigslist, there’s always this, below the cut:

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  • YSaC, Vol. 218: Oh, and a Betamax too.

    128mb CompactFlash Memory Card

    For a digital camera. Like new. What do you have?

    Well, let’s see here. I’ve got one of them there newfangled push-button phones, an Atari Jaguar, and a machine that can play both cassettes AND 8-tracks!

  • YSaC, Vol. 217: A symphony of plaid.

    HIDEABED COUCH

    com in git dis couch pleeze
    oh, and itz got a bed in it
    it be on da sidewawk at 1702 Lincoln ave
    com git b4 it gitz wet
    oh, and it workz

    217

    All right, it is no longer cool or “1337” to substitute a “z” for an “s”. This makes it official.

  • YSaC, Vol. 216: But not cerise. Nobody uses cerise.

    Just in case you thought the last French Preventional entry was a fluke (which, I have to admit, I did!), here’s evidence to the contrary:

    French prevential 5 Drawer Chest-of-drawers / real wood – $35

    Five drawer,french prevential,real wood,chest-of-drawers.Needs a little TLC. Asking 35.00. If interested, please call [xxx-xxx-xxxx]. Please see piture.

    216

    At least they didn’t put “Chester drawers.” And that is a lovely piture.

    Mauve footstool – $20

    Mauve material, with brass button studs, wood legs. French preventional style.

    Those French Preventionists loved mauve. They weren’t afraid of color, like those French Prudentialists. The Prudentialists were all about being prim and proper and monochromatic — they were prudish with their colors, if you will. The Preventionists? They loved color. Mauve, puce, chartreuse, magenta, burnt umber — they used ’em all.

  • YSaC, Vol. 215: Who is Chester, and what is he doing in my lingerie?

    Variations on a theme:

    Antique Dresser and Chester Drawer – $500

    Moving must sell our antique dresser and chester drawer set. Purchased 20 years ago in an antique shop in very good condition.

    I’m not sure what the condition of the antique store has to do with it, but all right then. Surely this must be an isolated mistake, right?

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  • YSaC, Vol. 214: It’s a good thing the bear wasn’t German.

    Perfect last min. V-day present (BRAND NEW AND STILL IN BOX) – $30

    Vermont Teddy Bear. BRAND NEW AND STILL IN BOX!! Its a cream colored bear with bow tie w a heart in the middle that says “Ti Amo” (that is I love You in French just in case you didnt know) If you were to buy one off the net it would cost more than $50. So if you are still needing a Valentines Day present I have you covered, SHE WILL LOVE IT!!!! You can reach me at xxx-xxx-xxxx or by email.

    214

    That must be how you say I love you in French Prudential, since (as we’ve recently learned), French Prudential furniture is made by a guy named Al Italian.

    Sorry this is a little late to help those of you who were struggling to find gifts. I tried to help you, I really did. I’m sure that a “French”-speaking bear with severed hands would have been exactly the thing you needed.

    Edited to add: Some sleuthing by Courtney reveals that the suck-o-meter goes up to 11 on this one. Apparently the tag doesn’t even say “Ti amo” — it says “¡Te amo!” … which, of course, isn’t French either — it’s “I love you” in Spanish. So somewhere between looking at the bear (presumably sitting in front of her) and typing it in, the poster got the actual words AND the language wrong.

    Sent in by Lecia — thanks!