You Suck at Craigslist

Category: furniture

  • YSaC, Vol. 433: What this table needs is a badger with spray paint.

    Table Dinner – $250

    Its in good shap.
    the coloer is blech.
    and it has 4 chars.
    And price is 250 or less make me an offer.

    437

    The poster is absolutely, positively correct in the assertion that the color of this table dinner is blech.

    My problem is that I have no idea where on the RGB spectrum blech falls. I don’t remember a crayon with that name; all I remember are things like red-orange and orange-red and burnt sienna and raw umber. Blech is most definitely not an officially-sanctioned Crayola color.

    It appears to fall somewhere in the spectacularly, hideously neutral range — you know, in the range of colors that are so inoffensive that they’ve swung all the way around the spectrum and are back to offensive?

    But the price is $250 or less. Oooh, wait, I know this game from The Price is Right! I’m going to have to go out on a limb here and guess “less.” Do I win? Do I win the table dinner and char set?

    Thanks, Kelly!

  • YSaC, Vol. 431: Serious cat does not LOL.

    Animal Print – $45

    Large Animal print collection from Home Interior
    obo

    Only serious people respond – I am not looking to buy, sell, or engage in other activities on this website – so please do not bother me with other offers! I am a very serious person!

    433

    I am Serious Lion. This is serious post. Serious, I say! Serious Lion is not interested in your solicitations to view your webcam or refinance my mortgage. Serious Lion will not send money to Nigeria via Western Union. Serious Lion is only interested in sitting here, and being serious. And a lion. Because I am Serious Lion.

    (Before anyone yells at me, follow the “lion” link. I know it’s not a lion.)

    Thanks, Lesley!

  • YSaC, Vol. 418: Stain, stain, stain …. stain of fools …

    oversized chair (middlefield)

    This item is free, oversized comfy chair…would be great with a cover, and it’s free!
    415a

    I like how they’re really highlighting the “free” part. Unfortunately, free rhymes with the word I can’t help but thinking of when I look at this chair. That unfortunate linguistic coincidence disinclines me towards taking this chair, regardless of how “great” it would be with a cover. Unless that cover is made of antibacterial latex and is two feet thick, I think I’ll pass, thanks.

    Although, on second thought, it doesn’t look too bad compared to these …
    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 416: Whatever you do, don’t cross the … drawers.

    5 Drawer Dresser – $30

    5 Drawer Dresser. In good Condition. We are moving soon and need to sell it. Call (xxx) xxx-xxxx if interested.

    416

    The ordinary reader would look at this and think, “They obviously made a typo and meant to say a four drawer dresser. Twice.” But we, we are not the ordinary reader, are we? We recognize that this dresser is obviously owned by someone who is not constrained by simple physical principles; someone who is capable of postulating spaces and dimensions — and drawers! — that don’t exist. That’s right, as improbable as it may seem, this dresser is owned by, and most likely intended for, a string theorist.

    So what do we put in our imaginary drawer? (The Imaginary Drawers would be a great name for a band, wouldn’t it?) Oooh, we could put our stuff in the imaginary drawer! But if we put real stuff in the imaginary drawer, that might cause a total protonic reversal. Or something.

    Let’s see if anyone else has any ideas about what we can keep in magical dressers.

    Dresser

    Looking for a decent dresser if anyone wants to get rid of one…could use one for my son and my clothes. Please email. Thank you.

    This person could use four drawers for her clothes, and the extra magical fifth drawer to keep her son in. It’s like something straight out a Seinfeld episode. It’s perfect!

    Thanks to Christine and Eric for the posts!

  • YSaC, Vol. 408: Kurzsichtiger Epileptikerdachs, in case you were wondering.

    Custom Pink Coffee Table – $5

    Customized coffee table with lower rack and wheels.

    408a408b

    You know, there just isn’t a good way to describe this coffee table. “Customized” isn’t quite the right word, is it?

    Now that I think about it, I’m not sure English HAS the right word to describe this coffee table, since there isn’t a word that means “appears to have been spraypainted by a nearsighted epileptic badger with an anger management problem”. I’m sure German has a word for that, though.

    Thanks to “The Shanimal” for the submission!

  • YSaC, Vol. 387: Hand me that bag, I’m going to puce.

    2 Lazyboy recling chairs like new! Must sell ASAP!!!! want gone today – $150

    I am selling 2 lazyboy recliners, these are like new! One of them swivels, rocks, and reclines and the other one rocks,and reclines. I want theses gone ASAP!!!! Iwould like them gone today!!! both are the same color ( light kacki ) Please let me know if any questions. Please if interested make a reasonable offer and there yours!!!

    Naomi sends in this ad, with the following commentary:
    “Now, there are a couple of things you should notice about these chairs.  First, of course, is that they are recling.  So if you have ever wanted to recle in a chair, now is your chance.  You might not know about recling, but it is what you are doing when you are not being reckless, of course.

    “Second, there are two chairs, but they look like three, and they all take up the exact same space in the seller’s living room.  Don’t ask how — they are trained professionals; don’t try this at home.

    “Then, of course, there is the lovely kacki color.  If you’re not familiar, this is the color you turn on a bumpy plane ride, as in ‘Are you OK?’  ‘No, I’m feeling a little kacki.’

    “Apparently, the sale of these magical kacki recling chairs has something to do with the seller’s frustration over graduate school, because s/he wants theses gone as soon as possible.”

    Recling. Surely that’s just someone making a one-off typo in the title, right? I mean, they got it right in the ad itself, so surely nobody else would make that mistake, right?

    I have recling and other chair and 5 bucks for you

    hurry wont last at this price

    Oh. So, wait … I’ll get a recling, and a chair, AND $5? Is there any chance the recling is kacki?

    Second post courtesy of Martha F., who destroys my faith in humanity once again.