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YSaC, Vol. 416: Whatever you do, don’t cross the … drawers.

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drmk

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5 Drawer Dresser – $30

5 Drawer Dresser. In good Condition. We are moving soon and need to sell it. Call (xxx) xxx-xxxx if interested.

416

The ordinary reader would look at this and think, “They obviously made a typo and meant to say a four drawer dresser. Twice.” But we, we are not the ordinary reader, are we? We recognize that this dresser is obviously owned by someone who is not constrained by simple physical principles; someone who is capable of postulating spaces and dimensions — and drawers! — that don’t exist. That’s right, as improbable as it may seem, this dresser is owned by, and most likely intended for, a string theorist.

So what do we put in our imaginary drawer? (The Imaginary Drawers would be a great name for a band, wouldn’t it?) Oooh, we could put our stuff in the imaginary drawer! But if we put real stuff in the imaginary drawer, that might cause a total protonic reversal. Or something.

Let’s see if anyone else has any ideas about what we can keep in magical dressers.

Dresser

Looking for a decent dresser if anyone wants to get rid of one…could use one for my son and my clothes. Please email. Thank you.

This person could use four drawers for her clothes, and the extra magical fifth drawer to keep her son in. It’s like something straight out a Seinfeld episode. It’s perfect!

Thanks to Christine and Eric for the posts!

Comments

36 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 416: Whatever you do, don’t cross the … drawers.”

  1. drbtx1 Avatar
    drbtx1

    Clearly the space between the side of the dresser and the wall is the 5th drawer.

  2. JcT Avatar
    JcT

    See that little arch at the bottom? That is the fifth drawer. It is where Dad kept his “special” reading material. I’m shocked you didn’t see it.

    While I’m there picking up the 5-drawer dresser, can I go through that huge pile of jeans crammed between it and the wall to see if any of them fit me? What, were they thinking they were “out of sight” and no one could see them?

  3. Cled Avatar
    Cled

    A drawer to keep her son in following right on the heels of friend Billy is pushing the creep quotient way up.

    Couldn’t we have some French Prudential or a sperm pyramid scheme or something for light relief? Maybe a sex addict/control freak/wilderness camper/survivalist looking for baby making machines?

    You know, the lighter side. 😉

  4. KatieMB Avatar
    KatieMB

    That dresser is not worth $30, 5th drawer or no 5th drawer. Believe me, I know. Billy taught me all about dressers when he tucked me in last night.

    1. frigglesnitz Avatar
      frigglesnitz

      Katie MB,
      I am so jealous that Billy’s stalking you now! But I have to know, although it might break my heart, which drawer did he tuck you into? He swore (from the bushes outside my house) that I would be the only one he would tuck into the invisible drawer.

    2. jackie31337 Avatar
      jackie31337

      Billy is a bookcase. What does he know about dressers?

  5. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    Imaginary Drawers are for guys who don’t want to admit they go commando. Or that’s what I’ve been told. By Billy, of course.

  6. My Evil Twin Avatar
    My Evil Twin

    The dresser was storing 2 1/2 pairs of drawers (which are now packed beside it to show the astute CL observer). 2 1/2 pairs of drawers = 5 drawer, right?

    OK, so maybe that was a bit of a stretch.

    Anyway, I notice the the left side (which is actually the right side) appears to be taller than the right side (which is actually the left side). Maybe it’s an Escher dresser, and the 5th one is actually an inverse optical illusion (i.e., you can’t see it, but it’s really there), or possibly one of the drawers is a babushka drawer?

    1. jackie31337 Avatar
      jackie31337

      My best guess is that the top drawer has a divider in it, and is effectively two drawers in one. Still weird to call it a 5-drawer dresser though.

  7. Fraulein N Avatar
    Fraulein N

    Sadly, I am just relieved they’re not advertising/looking for “draws.”

  8. Mrphysic Avatar
    Mrphysic

    I thought I would be suitable for the 2nd ad but in truth I’m probably more of a snappy dresser than a decent dresser.

    Oh – and I think we have to give credit that the first ad manages to spell drawer correctly – unlike some of the other laughable examples we’ve seen in previous posts (cue link?)

  9. Brian Avatar
    Brian

    Wouldn’t it fit perfectly if the son’s name is Chester? Then you could put him in a drawer and it truly would be a “chester drawers” 🙂

  10. frozen_midwest Avatar
    frozen_midwest

    And here I thought the 2nd was for a straight trade – I give her my dresser and in return I get her son and her clothes

  11. MoxieHart Avatar
    MoxieHart

    Oh, gross, that dresser just flashed me! It’s not wearing any drawers!
    Also, it seems to have a tail.

  12. Lola Avatar
    Lola

    Erm, the fifth drawer is a pair of underpants left inside of one of the other, wooden drawers, perhaps?
    … Even if in the pant-related case, the drawers are plural even if it is a single pair? (I never thought about how confusing that was before.)

  13. TigerShark Avatar
    TigerShark

    I heart YSaC.
    Whenever, I read the comments, I think nice it’d be to have a coffee shop where the YSaC fans could gather to pick on the losers of CL. It could be filled it “French Prudential” and “preventional” furniture, a lovely badger attacked table, and walling hanging of “lions.” Even a “surf practice area” could be created. All while we wait for FemaleTraits2 (if she’s not a spambot) to show up and wow us with her dance skills. AND we would be safe as long as we have our life sized Spider Man and giant inflatable banana to protect us.

  14. Cazio Avatar
    Cazio

    Are you guys telling me that no-one else uses their square-root of negative one-st drawer?

  15. corn flakes Avatar
    corn flakes

    If i understand my dimensions correctly (and i’m sure i don’t) than the 5th drawer is a gateway to time travel.
    So now the question is if you can kill Hitler as a baby, would you?

    *sources- H.G. Wells & Jesus

    1. My Evil Twin Avatar
      My Evil Twin

      Well, babies can be very unscrupulous; but I don’t think I would have the upper-body strength required to kill Hitler if I’m just a baby.

      So you’re saying this is TARDIS furniture?

      *sources- Doctor Who & insanity

  16. Legion, for we are many Avatar
    Legion, for we are many

    AWESOME Ghostbusters reference in the title, Egon….

  17. Unpossible Avatar
    Unpossible

    2 + 2 = 5 according to George Orwell. Obviously these people have been properly retrained.

  18. emily Avatar
    emily

    i have a dresser from IKEA that looks like it has three drawers, but there is a hidden drawer inside the top drawer for like jewelry, etc… maybe this is the case?

  19. SisterLyle Avatar
    SisterLyle

    Instructions included.

    Step One: Open drawer.
    Step Two: Insert son.
    Step Three: Close drawer.
    Step Four: Celebrate job well done.
    Step Five: …Profit!

    1. valarie Avatar
      valarie

      Just watch out those pesky underwear gnomes don’t come in the middle of the night.

      1. Windrose Avatar
        Windrose

        val, ew?

        1. valarie Avatar
          valarie

          Oh sure. The one time I mean something entirely innocent with no double entendre. Except for the South Park episode. Sigh.

          corner is lonesome

  20. valarie Avatar
    valarie

    My only question is why does the dresser seem to require a source of power? I checked my dresser just now and it is cord-free. What is the Energystar rating?

    1. Dave and Ferret Tribe Avatar
      Dave and Ferret Tribe

      The power is needed to keep the wormhole around the fifth drawer from imploding.

      1. SisterLyle Avatar
        SisterLyle

        That, and to make sure the beer in the 3rd drawer stays cold.

        1. valarie Avatar
          valarie

          Yes! A dresser with a cooler. I’d almost never have to leave the bedroom.

      2. lee Avatar
        lee

        no, that’s for the flux capacitor.

  21. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    Dee is in the box today. Which actually is the 5th drawer on the Dresser of Infinity. Good luck there, dude!

  22. D / DM Avatar
    D / DM

    Why is it so dark in here? Where are my eerily luminescent Mason jars?

    1. valarie Avatar
      valarie

      Cap’n did some remodeling. He may have moved them.

    2. SisterLyle Avatar
      SisterLyle

      Luminescent Mason Jars for album name of the day!

  23. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    D/DM, here’s your fresh, just out of the box Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Chester!

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