Have an upcoming parade? We built this castle for a “candyland” themed parade. It is light-weight (made of tissue and chicken wire) and built on pallets for easy lifting to your trailer or wagon. It stands a little over 6′ tall and about 5 feet wide. Hoping someone can use…it was a first place winner! If you pick up up….it’s yours!
Wait … if someone buys a pre-made parade float, how are they going to do the obligatory montage scene in the movie? You know the one — first you show the kids hard at work on the float, then you show the clumsy kid knocking something over and everyone laughing with (not at) him … then you show the hero and heroine conveniently working on the same part of the float, and something cute happens and they both smile and fall in love instantly … someone decorates something differently than what they’re supposed to and everyone comes over and looks at them disapprovingly but lovingly … and all the while, a catchy, peppy rock song is playing in the background. At the end, everyone collapses in exhaustion onto their impossibly perfect float, with flowers and sawdust impeccably placed in their hair to make them look adorable.
Seriously, you can’t just BUY a parade float … you have to montage one. Everyone knows that.
Also: Why is Santa dressed as the Pope of Candyland?
Dear Anonymous early version of Corey, that still doesn’t explain why Santa was in Candyland! Sure, I haven’t played the game in some years, so maybe it has changed, but to my best recollection Santa was not Pope of anywhere except the North Pole.
But you forgot the part of the montage where someone decorates the float in an obscene and anatomically correct way! That’s the best part! At least in the Monkey Household! *pouts* Christmas is ruined.
The float says “How Sweet It Is” on the side, so I expect it was made of real candy and was eaten shortly after those photos were taken. Now that would be a montage, especially when the fat kid falls into a sugar coma and they have to call the paramedics!
I think you have to start your own religion, and like worship Milton Hershey. Communion with Necko wafers, and everyone throws Good ‘N’ Plenty at weddings. Babies are dunked into soda fountains, and eating a chocolate Easter bunny once a year is required. When you can make flawless taffy without a thermometer, you are confirmed and given the Holy Cook Book of Aunty Oaks. I could keep going. Because I have too many days off and can easily procrastinate the things on my to-do list.
After which you will need to raise bishoprics, which will then require a peerage system to raise archbishops. Who will then need Cardinals elevated.
Once a College of Cardinals is raised, then, they will convene, and only after serious contemplation and meditation and inspiration, will nominate a Legate.
If the entire College of Cardinals agrees, the candy wrapper fires will cease burning with black smoke from overheated sugar, but will, instead burn white in the miracle of hard-crack glass sugars.
Papa vivit diu vivere Papae!
(We will make no mention of the schism of apostate white chocolateers; nor of the heathen carob infidels.)
One Moving Violation
Cardinals don’t need to be raised. They can raise themselves. They got wings.
CapnMac
“Heathen Carob Infidels” just has to be IF’s TMBG/REM cover band.
I’ve never been the Pope of Candyland, but for a brief time I was the Prophet of Battleship. (That was before the H-6 Incident, but I’m not allowed to talk about that.)
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