You Suck at Craigslist

YSaC, Vol. 396: That would be a strange CSA share.

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drmk

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Giant inflatable banana

I am willing to trade my enormous yellow inflatable banana for something interesting and curious. This banana is as large as a child or small adult and weighs as much as a big balloon or many small balloons. There are two black handles at one end, which make like calm, friendly eyes for the banana if you are looking for a banana companion. There are two green, smaller inflatable compartments to either side of the main banana. You can think of these as leaves or even more imaginatively as young bananas yet to ripen. Interesting trades ONLY. This banana is priceless so I will accept no prices offered. Call (my number backwards is xxxx-xxx-xxx) or email.

401

Let’s see, what do I have lying around that I could trade for a giant inflatable banana? How about a stuffed raccoon? A dolphin/swan lamp/fountain? A cardboard cutout of Bea Arthur? A stuffed Spiderman?

Wait, I’ve got it!

highly suggestive carrot

This one of a kind, sexually charged vegetable can be yours today! What would I need an extremely phallic carrot for, you ask? Party favor, gag gift, collectible, whatever! Best offer gets this totally unique item. Email me with your best offer!
396

Who could resist the allure of a anthropomorphically sexualized root vegetable in trade for an inflatable tropical fruit? (I’m pretty sure that sentence has never been uttered before in the history of the English language.)

Thanks to Nicole for the inflatable banana, and to Steve for the pornographic carrot. (“The Pornographic Carrots” would be a great name for a band, wouldn’t it?)

Comments

32 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 396: That would be a strange CSA share.”

  1. TeDiouS Avatar
    TeDiouS

    Is it wrong to hate the carrot for having better thighs than I do?

  2. dogface Avatar
    dogface

    Y’know, I once found a Cheeto that looked like a hand flipping you off. If I had known in sixth grade that ten years later, people could sell odd-shaped food online, I so would’ve saved it.

    P.S.

    This reminds me of peter peppers, the delightfully phallic spicy pepper.

  3. Jane Avatar
    Jane

    Um…why would the banana person write the phone number backwards? Oh, I know: it’s a test. If you aren’t smart enough to figure out how to do it right, you aren’t smart enough to adopt the banana.

    1. Wendy Avatar
      Wendy

      Probably so it doesn’t get picked up and sold to telemarketers.

  4. Spizzlefish Avatar
    Spizzlefish

    Dear Person With Whom I Will Never Go Produce Shopping,

    A carrot shaped like the lower half of a naked lady is not “phallic.” A carrot shaped like a CARROT is phallic.

    All the best,

    S

    1. neverfirst Avatar
      neverfirst

      It’s got a very small penis. Although I agree the legs are very feminine. It could possibly be a hermaphroditic carrot. Now the price is double.

    2. Martha Avatar
      Martha

      You might want to look closer at the apex of the legs….

      1. Irregular Fractal Avatar
        Irregular Fractal

        Wait, so the carrot’s a drag queen?

        I’m so confused.

  5. cleaseltheweasel Avatar
    cleaseltheweasel

    And when that carrot starts to shrivel it will look like the lower half of a very old naked lady.

  6. PrincessLuceval Avatar
    PrincessLuceval

    The carrot has a penis, if you look closely.

    While growing up on a farm, we once dug up a potato that looked like a foot. It had five little potatoes attached to the end of it. To think we could’ve sold it on craigslist to some spud/foot fetishist. But we ate it, instead.

  7. Lola Avatar
    Lola

    Does the pictured bike helmet come with it? If not, I’m not interested. No helmet, no banana.

    1. ByteTrash Avatar
      ByteTrash

      YES!!! Exactly what I was thinking. What’s with the helmet anyways?

      1. LurkRealClose Avatar
        LurkRealClose

        You wouldn’t want your banana companion to become injured, would you?

    2. Tankerbell Avatar
      Tankerbell

      It took me a minute to figure out the helmet. It initially looked to me like a plastic ladybug humping the banana. *scratches head and scowls fretfully on the way to the corner*

  8. dissimilitude Avatar
    dissimilitude

    I’m almost positive the banana is a beach/pool float.

    1. Mimi Avatar
      Mimi

      It’s actually something you tow behind a boat – like an innertube – but more…. banana-ish

      1. kristen55 Avatar
        kristen55

        Great, so you’re supposed to ride the banana? This is getting more perverted all the time…

  9. Colleen in MA Avatar
    Colleen in MA

    An open-ended request to trade for “something interesting and curious” on CL? This is a brave person. I SO MUCH want to see the offers s/he gets!

  10. MoxieHart Avatar
    MoxieHart

    The OP is right, the handles *do* look like calm eyes. The banana could be my new, zen friend.
    Unfortunately, I could never part with my life-sized Bea Arthur. I hope they’ll accept my lizard mummy instead.

    1. mudslicker Avatar
      mudslicker

      Not to mention the blowup Spiderman that can double as your driving companion in the Car Pool lane…

  11. casualencounters.com/blog/ Avatar
    casualencounters.com/blog/

    That carrot’s legs go on FOREVER.

  12. wordsprite Avatar
    wordsprite

    The carrot reminds me of the traditionally suggestively-posed ginger root, but hermaphroditic.
    Huh.

  13. Fraulein N Avatar
    Fraulein N

    Hee. That carrot reminds me of Ann-Margret. I’m pretty sure that’s not a penis; it looks more like … camel toe, maybe?

  14. Jerod Poore Avatar
    Jerod Poore

    From the banana ad:

    This banana is as large as a child or small adult…

    Is that some sort of crypto-midget reference? Have the microphiliacs gotten wise to YSaC and are now using code to make their intentions known? There are some highly suggestive phrases in that ad.

    banana companion

    young bananas yet to ripen

  15. DooeyD Avatar
    DooeyD

    “…weighs as much as a big balloon or many small balloons.”

    ^My favorite part.

  16. Heidi Avatar
    Heidi

    hahaha at first, I really REALLY wanted the banana…I could trade my verdigris swan for it, or my chicken pillow or…but that is moot, anyway…because when I saw the carrot…whew! gotta have that carrot!

    sexy carrot

  17. Monty Python Avatar
    Monty Python

    I kind of just realized that I actually own a large beanbag made to look like a banana. Weird…

  18. LurkRealClose Avatar
    LurkRealClose

    Giant banana
    He inflates and is your friend
    Priceless trade only

  19. abwh Avatar
    abwh

    Slippery haiku there, LRC! Bravo!

  20. Sashira Avatar
    Sashira

    How friendly he is!
    The smile of the banana –
    Implied yet not there.

    1. Crossfire905 Avatar
      Crossfire905

      From BananaCo!
      New inflatable fruit with
      calm and friendly eyes!

  21. Jigglypuff Avatar
    Jigglypuff

    I was thinking The Sexually Charged Vegetables would be a good band name, but I suppose Sexually Charged Vegetable could be The Pornographic Carrots’ first album.

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