You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: unrealistic expectations

  • YSaC, Vol. 469: In which drmk spends too much time researching guitars.

    Small pervy guitar amp

    I have a small pervy guitar amp that I dont use anymore and I need money so I want to sell it.
    It would come in handy if you dont want to carry around a large amp all the time.
    I would like at least twenty bucks for it lol
    If your interested call or text xxxxxxxxxx

    Andy sends this one in, saying, “A Pervy amp doesn’t sound like a good deal to me. I wouldn’t let it in my house. It’s also not allowed within 100 yards of a school, and it has to check in with its probation officer once a week. Now if it was a Peavey (http://www.peavey.com/) amp, that’d be different.”

    We’ve established before, though, that guitarists aren’t the sharpest lightbulb in the crayon shed. And as if we needed more evidence, here’s an ad sent in by Joel:

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  • YSaC, Vol. 460: This messed with Texas.

    Custom bull bike

    This one of a kind work of art took over 100 hours. The Texas base is all hand carved, 24ct gold on motor, has won several awards at ceramic shows. Asking $3,500.00 make reasonable offer

    460

    I’ve had this in my queue forever, because it’s … well, because it’s that. But I just can’t spin a creative story about what would prompt someone to make something like … well, like that. A ceramic bull with horns that look as though they were made from a limb from a Barbie doll, on a motorcycle, on top of a skull, on top of a handcarved Texas, on top of a mirror on top of wood. It’s a feng shui nightmare. All I know is that when this bullcycle reanimates, and those wooden legs start walking stiffly off the mirror, carrying this monstrosity around looking for its creator to exact its revenge, I don’t want to be anywhere near it.

    Thanks, Blake!

  • YSaC, Vol. 436: In every dream home, a nightmare.

    doll house – $50

    this house is in great shape thers carpet in the house very great shape name katrina email me

    Is it my imagination, or does this dollhouse look like it’s a foreclosure that’s been tagged by gangs — albeit, gangs of three-year-olds with crayons, but still?

    I half-expect to see that the copper wiring has been pulled out of the walls. Speaking of which, aren’t dollhouses usually only missing the back wall? This one seems to be standing up on the strength of the crayon wax alone.

    I’m reasonably certain that it’s infested with dollhouse-sized roaches and rats. (You can get those at the better dollhouse supply stores.)

    I’m guessing that this person’s definition of “very great shape” and mine have a few fundamentally irreconcilable differences. There’s certainly a difference in our definition of carpet, anyway.

    Thanks for the submission, Natalie!

  • YSaC, Vol. 433: What this table needs is a badger with spray paint.

    Table Dinner – $250

    Its in good shap.
    the coloer is blech.
    and it has 4 chars.
    And price is 250 or less make me an offer.

    437

    The poster is absolutely, positively correct in the assertion that the color of this table dinner is blech.

    My problem is that I have no idea where on the RGB spectrum blech falls. I don’t remember a crayon with that name; all I remember are things like red-orange and orange-red and burnt sienna and raw umber. Blech is most definitely not an officially-sanctioned Crayola color.

    It appears to fall somewhere in the spectacularly, hideously neutral range — you know, in the range of colors that are so inoffensive that they’ve swung all the way around the spectrum and are back to offensive?

    But the price is $250 or less. Oooh, wait, I know this game from The Price is Right! I’m going to have to go out on a limb here and guess “less.” Do I win? Do I win the table dinner and char set?

    Thanks, Kelly!

  • YSaC, Vol. 418: Stain, stain, stain …. stain of fools …

    oversized chair (middlefield)

    This item is free, oversized comfy chair…would be great with a cover, and it’s free!
    415a

    I like how they’re really highlighting the “free” part. Unfortunately, free rhymes with the word I can’t help but thinking of when I look at this chair. That unfortunate linguistic coincidence disinclines me towards taking this chair, regardless of how “great” it would be with a cover. Unless that cover is made of antibacterial latex and is two feet thick, I think I’ll pass, thanks.

    Although, on second thought, it doesn’t look too bad compared to these …
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  • YSaC, Vol. 398: Preserving the sanctity of marriage!

    Lets get married tomorrow – 22

    I decided tomorrow I want to get married, So any takers. Im attractive, not a psycho…well not completly:)- have a job, car, my own place, im very independent…i love sex and my husband will have to be able to keep up with me…ive never wanted to get married…ever. But life is pretty boring right now and i feel like if i get married at least its something exciting. So ur probably wondering if im all these great things why dont I have a man…ha I get asked that everytime i go on a first date. I always dread that question, but truth is once i sleep with the man i lose interest…stupidly. But i figure if im married, that means A this person is as spontaneous as I am, B I cant just walk away…and C hopefully he will satisfy me.
    AND I dont want to get messages saying marriage is sacred I cant do this blah blah blah because to that i say bullshit. Anyone should be allowed to get married to who they choose and get married for whatever reasons they choose. I choose to marry a stranger because maybe that stranger is who im looking for.
    I will send a photo if I recieve a photo…Im looking for someone thats between 21-33, attractive…obviously 🙂 Has their own place, job, ect. Someone who has his shit together but crazy enough to marry a stranger…
    PS i dont cook!

    Mandy sends this one in, saying:

    “What a way to cure boredom… for a day.

    My favorite part about this is that she doesn’t ever go past a first date because she loses interest once she sleeps with the man… at least we know she puts out on the first date.

    Plus, if she gets bored with a guy after sleeping with him once, why not marry him, and be stuck being bored until they inevitably get divorced! That sounds like a fabulous idea!!

    “Life is pretty boring right now.” I imagine her sitting around, thinking to herself, I am so bored tonight. What should I do? Take a walk? See a movie? Have a picnic? Nah… Those don’t sound exciting at all. How about I propose to a stranger? Perfect, boredom resolved.

    So… ANY takers.”

    Yep, that about covers it. I’m sure she sees this as spontaneous and romantic, just like in the movies — and in the movies, things always work out! Sure, there will be a rough patch or two and some obstacles that they’ll have to overcome, but eventually there will be a montage and love will overcome all. I’m sure she’s not considering things like the other crazy people who post personal ads on Craigslist. (Yes, each one of those words is a different link.)