You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: unclear on the concept

  • YSaC, Vol. 405: One, two, three … ummmmm …

    Squier by Fender with Fender amp & Epiphone Les Paul Standard – $1000

    I am selling two of my guitars. I have a Squier stratocaster and an Epiphone Les Paul Standard. Also including a small fender bronco amp. Both guitars are in excellent shape and are ready to play. the squier is black and the epiphone is a cherry sunburst. for both guitars and amp i would like to get $1000, but am willing to take best offer. I’ll sell the Squier and amp for $220 and the Epiphone for $450 if you prefer to buy individually. (only asking that cause that’s what i paid and i want to at LEAST get my money back). For information, text Andrew at xxx-xxx-xxxx or e-mail xxxxxxxxxxandrew@yahoo.com. thanks

    Okay, you’re selling both for $1000, but you’ll take $220 for the Squier and amp and $450 for the Epiphone. Which, if I’m not mistaken, is … $670. Which is … less. Even if you meant to say you’d take $220 for the Squier and another $220 for the amp, that would still only add up to $890. Which is still less. So yes, I’d like to take all three, but I’d like to buy them individually, please.

    Of course there’s more … (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 403: Wait, I thought you meant a Volkswagen Thing.

    big golf thing

    it is a huge round thing used to hit balls into golf balls babee base balls and foot balls
    its free come and get it
    call me xxx-xxx-xxxx

    I’ve always wanted a big golf thing. I’ve been looking for one for years! Now my life is complete.

    Wait, what?

    Thanks to val_veeta for sending this one in!

    A bit of administrivia: Some eagle-eyed commenters have already noticed the comment scoring option I added over the weekend. Each comment now has a small +1 symbol inside it, which you can click to indicate your approval of a comment. I thought it might be fun — hope you enjoy it!

  • YSaC, Vol. 400: Birds of paradise?

    looking for a A-bird or two

    I am looking for an Attack Bird or a pair of Attack Birds to watch my home while I am at work. I have bad allergies and cannot have an attack dog or cat so I thought a bird would be my next best choice.
    Maybe an attack snake but I dont think you can train those like a bird? If you can please let me know.

    thanks Thomas

    I’ll get to the bird thing in a minute; I’m kind of stuck on the concept of an attack cat. I mean, I’ve known some mean cats in my time, but short of having a panther in your living room, I’m not entirely sure that a cat will fulfill the function this fellow is looking for. I have two cats — yes, I’m halfway to crazy cat lady — and if someone they didn’t know came into the house, their reaction would be to think, “Are YOU going to feed me?” while they fell on the floor and exposed their soft floofy underbellies to the intruder.

    Okay, the bird thing. An attack bird. That you can train. Hmmm. Well, let’s see what we’ve got out there, shall we?

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 398: Preserving the sanctity of marriage!

    Lets get married tomorrow – 22

    I decided tomorrow I want to get married, So any takers. Im attractive, not a psycho…well not completly:)- have a job, car, my own place, im very independent…i love sex and my husband will have to be able to keep up with me…ive never wanted to get married…ever. But life is pretty boring right now and i feel like if i get married at least its something exciting. So ur probably wondering if im all these great things why dont I have a man…ha I get asked that everytime i go on a first date. I always dread that question, but truth is once i sleep with the man i lose interest…stupidly. But i figure if im married, that means A this person is as spontaneous as I am, B I cant just walk away…and C hopefully he will satisfy me.
    AND I dont want to get messages saying marriage is sacred I cant do this blah blah blah because to that i say bullshit. Anyone should be allowed to get married to who they choose and get married for whatever reasons they choose. I choose to marry a stranger because maybe that stranger is who im looking for.
    I will send a photo if I recieve a photo…Im looking for someone thats between 21-33, attractive…obviously 🙂 Has their own place, job, ect. Someone who has his shit together but crazy enough to marry a stranger…
    PS i dont cook!

    Mandy sends this one in, saying:

    “What a way to cure boredom… for a day.

    My favorite part about this is that she doesn’t ever go past a first date because she loses interest once she sleeps with the man… at least we know she puts out on the first date.

    Plus, if she gets bored with a guy after sleeping with him once, why not marry him, and be stuck being bored until they inevitably get divorced! That sounds like a fabulous idea!!

    “Life is pretty boring right now.” I imagine her sitting around, thinking to herself, I am so bored tonight. What should I do? Take a walk? See a movie? Have a picnic? Nah… Those don’t sound exciting at all. How about I propose to a stranger? Perfect, boredom resolved.

    So… ANY takers.”

    Yep, that about covers it. I’m sure she sees this as spontaneous and romantic, just like in the movies — and in the movies, things always work out! Sure, there will be a rough patch or two and some obstacles that they’ll have to overcome, but eventually there will be a montage and love will overcome all. I’m sure she’s not considering things like the other crazy people who post personal ads on Craigslist. (Yes, each one of those words is a different link.)

  • YSaC, Vol. 397: Childhood is priceless. Childcare, not so much.

    need a sitter for 11:00 – $20

    sitter fell through earlier and i have to be at work at 12. my friend will be off at 5 and will come get my son right after. my son plays well with other kids. everyone tells me he’s an angel. and if you dont have kids of your own dont bother calling . and if youre a weirdo, you should be scared. i’ll only trust another mother. if you could come get him that woiuld be great, but i’ll make my way to you if theres no other way. and my name is xxxx by the way. thanks xxx xxx xxxx

    1. You’re offering someone $20 to watch your kid from 11-5 pm. In other words, the price you’re putting on your angel-child’s well-being is $3.33/hr.
    2. Oh, that’s right, you’re also offering to let a stranger pick your child up and take him away with them.
    3. I didn’t realize that mother and weirdo were mutually exclusive categories.
    4. For extra bonus hilarity, you posted this at 9:30 am, and you think you have the ability to be picky.

    I didn’t think it would be possible to find a worse offer than that, but of course I did. This one was from kijiji.com:

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  • YSaC, Vol. 392: If you act now, we’ll throw in these lead paint chips for the kids to chew on.

    REDUCED!!!!PROTECTIVE Pad for 42″ table – RETRO 1950’S – $40

    Protective pad for dining table. $40 OBO Make me an offer!
    46″ round; with leaf pad, 46″ wide X 62″ long. Was on my mother’s kitchen table for 50 years, table still looks perfect! It will definitely protect you tabletop! Even from cigarettes! The pad has a few, slight burns on it from my daddy smoking for 30 years!
    My son has the table now that they (my parents) are both deceased. He likes the look of the maple tabletop (that never saw the light of day while mama had it!) The leaf pad has only been used very rarely when we extended the table for holidays, it looks brand new!
    Backing is felt, it’s the brown side in the pic. If not the same as “THE STAR”, it’s very similar!
    The cats in the picture do not come with it, they just like their picture taken!
    So if you want a table pad that is (a) made of asbestos, (b) smells of 30 years worth of smoke, (c) has cigarette burns on it (good thing asbestos doesn’t catch fire!), and (d) may or may not have been used as a cat playground, here you go.
    JenB sent in this ad, saying, “It makes you wonder if the poster’s parents, now both deceased, died from the asbestos exposure or from her Daddy’s 30 years of  smoking.”