You Suck at Craigslist

Author: drmk

  • YSaC, Vol. 364: It’s a crock, all right.

    FROGS FROGS FROGS!!!!

    HELLO ! =)

    I HAVE 4 TREE FROGS (THEY ALL CROCK)

    3 OF THEM ARE DUMPY WHITE TREE FROGS AND THE OTHER ONE IS A RED LEGED TREE FROG

    I WAS HIDING THEM FROM MY PARENTS AND THEY COUGHT ME SO NOW THEY HAVE TO GO =(

    THERE GREAT EATERS , THEYRE REALLY HEALTHY,AND SUPER EASY TO TAKE CARE OF

    THEY LOVE KRICKES AND BEING IN THE WATER BOWL

    THEYER REALLY FRIENDLY LIKE TO BE CARRIED

    THEYRE REHOMING FEE IS $21 EACH

    THERE AS BIG AS YOUR PALM OF YOUR HAND

    Today’s lesson: statistics.

    Let’s say you have three forms of a word that sound the same but are spelled differently and mean different things. I don’t know, let’s say those words are there, they’re, and their.

    Now let’s say that you write something that uses those words five times. What are the chances, if you use one of the three different spellings randomly each time, that you will get the proper word in the proper place completely by accident at least once? (The answer is, of course, 1 out of 3 — each time you choose a word at random, there’s a 33.33% chance that it was the right one.)

    Let’s add in an additional complication, just for fun: let’s say that you aren’t content with just the existing (and correct) three forms of the homonym, and you decide to add in your own incorrect version of the word, theyer. Now what do you think the chances are of getting the right version of the word in the proper place at least once is? (The answer is, of course, 1 out of 4, or 25%.)

    Okay, okay. Let’s move on and do a different type of problem. Let’s say that you have four frogs, all of which apparently are capable of enlarging their vocal sacs to act as a resonant chamber for the air being pushed through their larynx. Let’s say that you’re keeping them in your house. What do you think the chances are that your parents will not be able to identify this sound and its location?

    Given those odds, and the spelling in the rest of this ad (crock? leged? cought? krickes?), for bonus points: What time will Train A arrive in Chicago?

    Thanks for the submission, Kim!

    Also: Be sure to check out the update I posted late last night, just below this post. It’s a dramatic adaptation of an earlier spambot posting done by a reader, and it’s fantastic.

  • Update to YSaC, Vol. 333: Database fail LIVE!

    A while back I posted this shining example of when spambots go hilariously awry, featuring this post:

    The craigs list – 34

    Hello. I am an MAN looking for an WOMAN who is LAID BACK. I am 21 years old and I like to WATERSKIING and also to CAMPING. I am a good sense of humor with a fun and tall.

    My favorite movies are TITANIC, FRIED GREEN TOMATOES, and [ERROR: MOVIE NOT FOUND], but I’m not into chick flicks.

    I like to take my dog, MIFFY in the back seet of my HARLEY-DAVIDSON MOTOR CYCLE. Maybe you would like to ride with us?

    My favorite music bands are ABBA, AC//DC, and AIROSMITH.

    336

    Not content to leave awful enough alone, boyofutica has turned this post into a live-action dating video:

    This. Is. Awesome. The rubber duckie bit at the end made me cry with laughter. Thank you!!

  • YSaC, Vol. 363: The rooster is a man, baby.

    Love To Read True Books About Animals! Then This Is The Book For You! – $36

    Displayed At The Bottom Of This Page You Will See The Book’s Front Cover.

    View the first 15 pages of this book? Click this link provided to view and order this amazing book. Delivery is 5 – 10 days. >> [link deleted]

    $1.00 of every book sold will be donated to the FeatherFoot farm.

    Enjoy reading true stories of pets and animals, then you will enjoy reading the true life story about these twin brothers, two rooster who grew-up together as brothers, who’s love only got stronger for each other, this love and devotion would take the brothers on a incredible journey, a journey that would test the brothers love, bravery and strength within as they come to face the days ahead. Find out what happens. It will touch your heart.

    Title of book: The True Life Story Of FeatherFoot
    The Tail Of An Unforgettable Brother’s Bond, Bravery And Death.

    A heart-warming story that will take you on an incredible journey, a look into the lives of two amazing roosters, twin brothers that will make you see chickens in a different light. Read the incredible life journey that these two amazing roosters had.

    Enjoy reading or please pass this book on to a friend and share the story about Cleo and Leo FeatherFoot (free-range chickens) who developed such an incredible strong bond for each other. Their bond gave them courage to stand together face to face against nature’s worst predators no matter what their fate would be. Learn what happen to each brother. It just may shock you.

    Discover what happened to the brothers when one of the hardest hit rainstorms hit Maple Ridge. Is their bond strong enough to keep them together, will they survive or perish?

    Book contains over 20 actual photographs of the FeatherFoot brother’s life on the farm. The owners of Cleo and Leo FeatherFoot have provided all photographs.

    Price
    Hardcover, Dust Jacket $35.95
    Hardcover, ImageWrap $38.95

    363

    I’d just like to point out that this person has a book out. I don’t have a book out. How come this person has a book deal and I don’t? I know how to use apostrophes. That should be worth something, right? More importantly, I’m not writing about roosters. Is there really a big market out there for poorly written and punctuated books about roosters? Because if I’m missing that lucrative market, I can certainly come up with something. I’ll just flail randomly at the keyboard and I’ll have a craptacular book about roosters written in no time.

    On a more serious note — how can roosters be twin brothers? Were they both hatched from the same egg? I’m pretty sure that’s scientifically impossible. As is the fact that this person has a published book out and that anyone will be willing to spend $36 for it. Not that I’m bitter or obsessing over that or anything.

    BTW, Cleo dies. He was trampled by sheep or something. It’s not quite the same order of spoiler as “Soylent green is people” or “He was dead all along”, is it? But I saved you $36. You can thank me later.

    Thanks for the submission, Lesley!

  • YSaC, Vol. 362: Bonus points for an alexandrine.

    free bike

    free bike it wokes nice
    giving out to any1
    cant ride no more

    This is, disappointingly, one syllable (and one profound meaning) short of a haiku.

    I think more people should write their Craigslist ads in poetic meters. Imagine reading ads in iambic tetrameter:

    The dainty water fountain and
    The graceful neck of swans aloft
    Conceal the greater truth since it’s
    A lamp with dolphins, damn it all.

    And speaking of the rare dolphin-swan lamp-fountain, Althea sent me an email pointing out that the “swan fountain” had been recently relisted with the exact same text (and same price). Obviously they would have had more success selling it if they used my quatrain above.

    Bike post sent in by atomic cate — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. 361: The kid stays in the picture.

    American Bulldog Pit Mix

    Free to a good home. Our lives are too busy to care for him the way he needs to be cared for.

    361

    I don’t know. The kid doesn’t look like a bulldog/pit mix to me. He looks more like a terrier/spaniel mix. Anyway, it’s a shame that these folks be throwin’ away a perfectly good white boy like that. (Warning: YouTube video, which is supposed to cue up to 2:51 but doesn’t seem to be doing so.)

    Thanks for the submission, Jen!

  • YSaC, Vol. 360: The problem is you have to count to 4.

    Brand new Tamporeen for sale! – $5

    Brand new Tamporeen for sale! In perfect condition! Contact Kelly xxx-xxxx if interested

    360

    Legend has it that Hemingway was once asked to write a story in six words. The result was “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” Somehow “Brand new tamporeen for sale!” isn’t quite as evocative as Hemingway’s missive, although it’s very sad to contemplate the possibility that Kelly couldn’t even get the role of the talentless girlfriend in the band right. (And that’s saying something. Even Linda McCartney played that role well.)

    Thanks for the submission, Rob!