You Suck at Craigslist

YSaC, Vol. 360: The problem is you have to count to 4.

Written by

drmk

in

Brand new Tamporeen for sale! – $5

Brand new Tamporeen for sale! In perfect condition! Contact Kelly xxx-xxxx if interested

360

Legend has it that Hemingway was once asked to write a story in six words. The result was “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” Somehow “Brand new tamporeen for sale!” isn’t quite as evocative as Hemingway’s missive, although it’s very sad to contemplate the possibility that Kelly couldn’t even get the role of the talentless girlfriend in the band right. (And that’s saying something. Even Linda McCartney played that role well.)

Thanks for the submission, Rob!

Comments

39 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 360: The problem is you have to count to 4.”

  1. giraffe326 Avatar
    giraffe326

    By the name ‘tamporeen’ I was expecting some sort of tampon/canteen combo. Which I thought would be strange because one would absorb the other.
    And then I saw the picture and breathed a sigh of relief because I was wrong. It is just another idiot. Whew!

    1. Jinx Avatar
      Jinx

      Although I could use some musical accompaniment for “that time”…

  2. C. E. Avatar
    C. E.

    This girl must have walked up to the first band she saw, said “I can play the tam-por-een just swell good!” and been soaked by the spit flying from the mouths of the laughing musicians. No wonder it’s in “perfect condition”.

  3. WordSprite Avatar
    WordSprite

    Wish I had seen that add. Great price and I at least can play the thing. (And the vibraslap.) LOL The Tampon/Canteen Combo- maybe that was the name of the band she tried out for?

    1. jackie31337 Avatar
      jackie31337

      I may regret this, but I have to ask: what is a vibraslap?

  4. WordSprite Avatar
    WordSprite

    OMG I said “add” instead of “ad”! HORRORS!!!!

    1. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      You should be able to edit your original post for a short period of time after you post it!

  5. MoxieHart Avatar
    MoxieHart

    I’m concerned about what the tamporeen is sitting on. What is that? *Squints*

    1. CapnMac Avatar
      CapnMac

      Some sort of couch or furniture-like item–cannot determine if snake-infested or auntie-stained; could be up-ended, though. Said items could be sale for free, though–even though that may not be naugha skin upholstery, though.

  6. Lola Avatar
    Lola

    Tamporeen = a new Tampax product specifically marketed toward teens.
    … Not sure if the picture is a picture of the product or not, because … the chimey metal bits on the sides look, er, uncomfortable for an item of that nature.

    1. D / DM Avatar
      D / DM

      I was thinking the Tampax Tamporeen was the first musical instrument designed by an ob-gyn…

    2. ratwoman Avatar
      ratwoman

      “So discreet and comfortable, only you will know you’re wearing it!”

      Until you try to move, breathe, walk, sit down, run, swim, ride a bike… I could go on.

      1. HamCan Avatar
        HamCan

        So that’s what makes the Taco thong jingly!

  7. Roxiee Avatar
    Roxiee

    So, if someone in the band has a surprise period…they can still be musical?

    1. CapnMac Avatar
      CapnMac

      It is my understanding of human physiology–limited as it will be by being male–that the absence of menses is what, normally, constitutes “surprise.”

      I am aware that there are entire tomes listing common and ordinary variations in distaff cycles; I’ve just no experience of being around same. So, unexpected onset could be more common than my understanding of such things.

      Having been sent, post haste, to merchants to collect ‘feminine products’ more than once, I know remain surprised that more of the packaging does not jingle-jangle-jingle; every other attention-getting artifice being used thereupon.

  8. Mrphysic Avatar
    Mrphysic

    I once considered buying a second hand tamporeen – but I was put off when I found out that there were strings attached……(comedy drumbeat)

    1. Maureen Avatar
      Maureen

      You win the thread.

    2. CapnMac Avatar
      CapnMac

      No, Bad! Wicked, evil Zoot! Brickbats of squick by the hundredweight flung upon thee!

  9. Geno Avatar
    Geno

    Hey… I liked Linda McCartney!!

    1. CapnMac Avatar
      CapnMac

      My first thought was that the llamanun (bbuh) was suggesting that kelly was some sort of latter-day Yoko Ono, only in a smaller, less-Japanese, never-to-be-famous sort of way.

    2. tankerbell Avatar
      tankerbell

      Plus, that’s coming uncomfortably close to insulting Davy Jones (although he also played the maracas, ‘cuz he was multi-talented). Too soon, man!

  10. aine Avatar
    aine

    What I want to know is how is it staying on that chair? couch? like that? Do tamporeens have adhesive on them?

  11. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    I had to go look up vibraslap. Here’s an excellent link to the explanation:

    http://www.music.vt.edu/musicdictionary/textv/Vibra-slap.html

    Sigh. Now I have to go look up jawbone. 8)

    1. tankerbell Avatar
      tankerbell

      Now that is one wicked-looking thing. Thank God Tampax doesn’t make something that looks like that.

  12. princessluceval Avatar
    princessluceval

    Now I can play “Mr. Tamporeen Man.” Yeah, it’s an oldie. Get offa my lawn, now!

  13. Constance Avatar
    Constance

    Oh duh, I thought it was some kind of Tampax holder/applicator at first glance. Took me some time to figure out what was pictured. Oy, I was having a senior moment.

  14. D / DM Avatar
    D / DM

    I’m not in a band
    I play all the time
    I can’t play guitar
    I cannot keep time
    So I got this thing
    I hold in my hand
    It rattles and rings
    Now I’m in the band

    They let me play with my
    Tamporeen.

    Tamporeen.

    1. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      Dee! Long time, dude!

      1. D / DM Avatar
        D / DM

        Holy crap. I don’t even know how I got here.

        I mean, hey Windy!

  15. Dave and Ferret Tribe Avatar
    Dave and Ferret Tribe

    Drop your five bucks for my tamporeen.
    Help a Sparky shelve her pretty dream.
    Rhythm-challenged, can’t play anything.
    No one would let me play
    My new tamporeen.

    1. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      Ah, an ear worm of which I am in total favor. Loved that song, and can still recite most of the words.

  16. One Moving Violation Avatar
    One Moving Violation

    She was my neighbor, she walked into my place.
    She jingled as she walked, a smile upon her face.
    She wore a tat and a long multicolored scarf.
    She offered me… this Kelly baby.
    But her tamporeen just made me laugh.

  17. LimeLolly Avatar
    LimeLolly

    Poor couch.

    He just wanted to be musical.

    Maybe vibrate a little.

    Poor, poor dashed dreams of couch.

    1. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      LL, congrats on being box-worthy, and taking Silva with you!

      1. LimeLolly Avatar
        LimeLolly

        Yay. I knew having 10 different computers would pay off someday. *whistles innocently*

  18. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    Oh, I’ve played this game before! Musical Chairs!

  19. One Moving Violation Avatar
    One Moving Violation

    I have a katarist, anna dummer, anna base player, anna sinner, anna obo bloor, anna ki-bored player. Now all I need is a tamporeenist and Ill have a kelly banned.

  20. tankerbell Avatar
    tankerbell

    At last! Now I can finally live my dream of being Tracy Partridge!

  21. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    LimeLolly, Punchity Punch Punch!
    Silva Noir, Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Costa Rica!

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