You Suck at Craigslist

Author: drmk

  • YSaC, Vol. CLV

    wedding set – $125

    I have a 10 k wedding set for sale…..what you see is what you get….little small but very attractive set……if interested contact xxxxxxxxx@aol.com….thanks

    Oh, you’re right, that’s lovely. I particularly like the way the … um … or maybe it’s the … hmmm.

    I’m actually half-convinced that this person posted a picture of their cervix. I can’t figure out what else this could possibly be.

  • YSaC, Vol. CLIV

    2 FREE MASSAGES FOR IPOD TOUCH!!!

    IM A MASSAGE THERAPIST LOOKING TO TRADE 2 MASSAGES FOR AN IPOD TOUCH..xxx-xxx xxxx


    (actual photo)

    Too bad she wasn’t trading the massages for an apostrophe. Looks like she could use one of those as well. What do you think is the going rate for apostrophes these days? I’d settle for a foot massage. She owes me two of them for the previous sentences alone.

    That’s it, I’m starting a euphemism tag.

  • YSaC, Vol. CLIII

    Gutter Cleaner – Gutter Fixer — Stop all roof leaks – $75

    I clean gutters and I repair Gutters. I fix leaks in Roofs . New roofs installed.

    Lic and Ins – 20 years Exp

    Call for a free estimate – xxx-xxx-xxxx . Prices start at $75.00

    Roof! Roof!

    Frankly, I’m surprised he can make it up the ladder.

  • YSaC, Vol. CLII

    man looking for a female friend – m4w – 32

    Hi. I am a 32 year old married man looking for some female friends. Yep, thats right, friends.. Through email or phone or in person, I’d like some females to get to know. I like a little of all kinds of movies and music. I enjoy playing basketball and soccer and to workout (with weights mostly). I am asking for female friends since I have plenty of male friends around, and I feel a little more comfortable with females.

    Well, take care and I hope I may hear from you sometime!

    If you’re married and you’d like to get to know a female, how about starting with …  I don’t know … maybe your wife? (I’m hearing Dana Carvey’s “Church Lady” voice in my head when I say that. That kind of scares me.)

    The “I feel more comfortable with females” thing doesn’t quite justify it, either. Nope, to me this reads like the start of a slippery slope to this.

    Let’s take bets. I’m betting this guy was married at 25, and this is the seven-year itch.

  • YSaC, Vol. CLI

    things you need

    in these troubled times we must repent! I have seen the light and it is glorious! I am embarking on a journey which provides no use for material items! my lifes belongings are free to the loving children of our lord jesus christ! so many things to see please call to see all the items! they must be gone by dec. 20th please call amber xxx xxx xxxx here are a few items i have pictures for! god bless

    Dibs on the creepy old guy!

  • YSaC, Vol. CL

    DEAR MEAT

    looking for dear meat…

    I think I saw this movie … wasn’t that Silence of the Lambs?

    “Dear” can also mean “expensive”, so maybe this person is actually looking for very expensive cuts of meat.

    Though somehow I don’t think so.

    Submitted by CM — thanks!