You Suck at Craigslist

YSaC, Vol. 337: The Dead Milkmen did it better.

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drmk

in

Punk looking for Punk Girl – 33

Im still living at Home, and dont have a Car, so I will understand if no girl wants to answer me back,
but Im a very nice guy, not to nice, and loves Animals, Im realy into 80’s Hardcore Punk and Punk Rock,
not todays Bands, Im also a Musician, I like going out to Dinners to eat, renting Movies love Horror,
um I dont know wha else to say, I love my 2 Cats more then Life, and hate People who abuse Animals,
anyway if your interested in talking more and are not black, then contact me, and no my hair isnt long
anymore I have a Skater hair cut.

338

Wow! I like going out to dinners to eat too! What are the odds? Most people I know like to go out to dinners to bowl.

I’m also a big Fan of capitalizing random Nouns and of writing what looks like the Word “SUICIDE” at the Top of old Pictures of Myself.

But causing that needle-going-off-the-record sound by saying things like “… if your interested in talking more and are not black …”? Yeah, um, I’m not such a big fan of that. (Or of Skater hair cuts.)

Way to break in that “still single?” tag, there, buddy.

Comments

28 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 337: The Dead Milkmen did it better.”

  1. Siobhan Avatar
    Siobhan

    Oh dear.

    That’s all I have to say about that.

  2. corn flakes Avatar
    corn flakes

    Using Line breaks,
    After commas is the new cool thing To do

    “not black” ? Some people dont have room to be choosy.

    This is a mess from top to bottom. If the picture doesnt look like you, dont use it,
    “hate People who abuse Animals” Is that really unique? I dont meet many people who love people who abuse animals.

    And since “life” is capitalized, I assume it’s a proper noun. Now i’m trying to figure out if he likes his cats more than Life magazine, the board game, or failed NBC show

    1. Monica Hamburg Avatar
      Monica Hamburg

      Agreed (and laughing)

      “Oh good! I finally found someone isn’t cool with animal abuse. The search is over.”

      1. corn flakes Avatar
        corn flakes

        I’m so happy for you both.
        You’ll have a great life together based on the strong foundation of “not approving of animal abuse”.
        As long as there’s enough room in his parents basement for you, him and the cats.
        (although you may have to watch out for Lulu)

        p.s. I also visit and enjoy your blog, Monica.

        1. Monica Hamburg Avatar
          Monica Hamburg

          Score! Thank you! And I appreciate your well-wishes. I’m just a little concerned about moving into his place with one of my cats – as she’s black.

    2. jackie31337 Avatar
      jackie31337

      “And since ‘life’ is capitalized, I assume it’s a proper noun. Now i’m trying to figure out if he likes his cats more than Life magazine, the board game, or failed NBC show”

      Or the cereal….

  3. Colleen in MA Avatar
    Colleen in MA

    Also: humanity is doomed, punctuationally challenged, this can only end badly, unclear on the concept, unrealistic expectations, wtf?

    1. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      You’re right. I’ll add in punctuationally challenged. I’m not sure how I missed that one.

  4. Lulu Avatar
    Lulu

    wow. yea im TOTALLY looking for a “nice guy” that doesnt like black people.

    aw and hes an animal lover! im ALMOST sold on the guy…

    wait, wait! ANNNND he has a “skater” hair cut? oh em geez. my dream dude! SOMEONE QUICK! GIMME THIS MANS EMAIL. I WANT HIM! I NEED HIM!

    THE SEARCH IS FINALLY OVER!

    ha.

  5. dissimilitude Avatar
    dissimilitude

    Well, so your hair isn’t long anymore, but do you still have the chin pubes? I just can’t imagine why a 33 year old guy who lives with his mom and doesn’t have a car is having trouble finding a date.

  6. Spizzlefish Avatar
    Spizzlefish

    Wow, a racist 33-year-old with skater hair who has no home, no car, and (I’m going out on a limb here) no job, and who proudly poses for intimidating “suicide” photos in front of the breakfront displaying his mom’s teapot collection? MY PRINCE!!

  7. kristen55 Avatar
    kristen55

    I’d be more offended by the ‘not black’ part, except I think enough ‘blacks’ have high enough standards that he wasn’t in any danger of hearing from them anyway…

  8. Lola Avatar
    Lola

    And my mother wonders why I’m still single … because the further you are past 35*, the more there are of these, percentage-wise, in the dating pool. That’s why.

    *I know he’s 33; I date younger than myself from time to time, and besides … it’s not like there’s a high likelihood of him NOT being single by the time he is 35.

    1. arallyn Avatar
      arallyn

      Would your mom like you better if you got involved with Igor? Because I’m totally thinking he’d be into that, AND you said you date younger than yourself from time to time 😛

      1. isaac Avatar
        isaac

        Geez, don’t give Igor any ideas. It’s not that long a drive from Concord to NYC (assuming the lad can drive), and getting there by train would be easy, too. Keep an eye out, Lola! He may be coming to get you!

  9. marx Avatar
    marx

    The Dead Milkmen actually have more apropos songs for this guy. Selections that come to mind are “Nutrition”, “The Thing That Only Eats Hippies”, and of course “Stuart”.

    1. ed snyder Avatar
      ed snyder

      I’m thinking “Tiny Town,” too.

  10. j Avatar
    j

    New tag: is this real?

  11. Violet Avatar
    Violet

    Wow, you guys are so critical. I see nary a flaw in this posting except that he obviously meant to write “I hate black people who abuse animals.”

  12. aimee Avatar
    aimee

    I think that was one of the funniest ones I’ve read on this site…I love how he threw that “and if you are not black” in there.

    I choked on a Triscuit! I wish he would’ve taken a picture with his new haircut…might’ve made all those figurines behind him look a bit more manly.

  13. SockHead Avatar
    SockHead

    I love that he has to clarify the fact that he’s not too nice. ‘Cause, y’know, I can forgive a racist basement dweller with no car, no friends, and barely enough education to get by, but add nice into the deal? Psh. I am so over that.

  14. Julia Avatar
    Julia

    Sad, but its totally normal to specify race in British personal ads, though people are usually a bit less weird about it.

    Not that this guy wont be mobbed with attractive, white, blue eyed ladies looking to love his cats more than life. Just because thats how these things work.

  15. Bald Outing Avatar
    Bald Outing

    what a catch! if only i wasn’t black!

  16. Canaduck Avatar
    Canaduck

    I’m pretty sure there is nothing remotely “punk” about being 33, living with your mom, and relying on her for transportation.

  17. Lou Who Avatar
    Lou Who

    Maybe if he got himself a bitchin’ Camaro he’d have more luck.

    This is a perfect example of why I am happy to be a single mom at age 39.

  18. gormster Avatar
    gormster

    Okay, first of all, for those screaming “RACIST” maybe he is just not attracted to black ladies. It’s unfortunate, but if you’re not attracted to someone, it’s tough to start a romantic relationship. So that’s that thing. I’ve got a good deal of Asian friends (I know, they all say that, but I actually do, grew up in a predominantly Asian school), but I’m not attracted to Asian guys. I don’t know why, I’m just not.

    Here’s my big problem: you’re a musician, but you don’t like “todays bands”? Um, does that include your own band (which I assume you have – a fairly grand assumption on my part)? Or have you not played a lick of music since 1989?

  19. Pete Avatar
    Pete

    As a representative of the Benefit of the Doubt Department, I give you Wikipedia’s Suicide page, which uses the word “punk”.

  20. ZenKeys88 Avatar
    ZenKeys88

    My favorite part of any personal ad is when someone puts the worst possible information about themselves right up front, THEN expects you to somehow completely accept it and be proud of them or something. That, or they’re all defensive about it. I remember I saw an advert on OKcupid where some girl said “I’ve been in and out of the mental hospital four times and I like to cut myself.” or something like that, and then had the nerve to say “if that is a problem for you, then just stop reading now!”

    I’m just so impressed that this guy can admit so prominently that he lives at home and has no car at age 30.

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