You Suck at Craigslist

YSaC, Vol. CXXXV

Written by

drmk

in

EMERGENCY SEARCH-BUYER OF FRENCH LOPS [LOCATION] 10-08?

DESPERATELY SEARCHING FOR THE BUYER OF THE PERSON WHO BOUGHT FRENCH LOPS IN [LOCATION] APPROXIMATELY 1 MONTH AGO. I HAVE TWO OF THEM MYSELF, DOES. I HAVE INFORMATION AND OTHER THAT YOU WILL WANT FROM ME AND WANT TO KNOW FOR ALL GOOD REASONS FOR YOURSELF. ANYONE KNOWING THIS PERSON AS WELL, PLEASE HAVE THEM CONTACT ME. SINCERELY, KAREN, [LOCATION]. xxx-xxx-xxxx

Wait, let me get this translation right. I’m going to have to break this down bit by bit.

DESPERATELY SEARCHING FOR THE BUYER OF THE PERSON WHO BOUGHT FRENCH LOPS IN [LOCATION] APPROXIMATELY 1 MONTH AGO.

You’re trying to find the person who bought the person who bought French Lops from you a month ago. That’s pretty clear.

I HAVE TWO OF THEM MYSELF, DOES.

Apparently you’re Gollum.

I HAVE INFORMATION AND OTHER THAT YOU WILL WANT FROM ME AND WANT TO KNOW FOR ALL GOOD REASONS FOR YOURSELF.

You need to tell the buyer of the person who bought the French Lops some information and other. Other, I’m assuming, is pointless stuff. And they’ll want to know both the information and the pointless stuff for all good reasons. Does that mean that all the reasons for wanting to know the information and other are good, or that they’ll want to know the information and other for all the good reasons that exist everywhere? I mean, that’s a lot of good reasons. But at least the good reasons are for themself.

ANYONE KNOWING THIS PERSON AS WELL, PLEASE HAVE THEM CONTACT ME.

So, if you know the person who bought the person who bought French Lops, have them call Karen.

The mind boggles what information and other Karen might have. I’m assuming it’s about the French Lops; I wonder if they turn into were-rabbits or something?

Comments

44 responses to “YSaC, Vol. CXXXV”

  1. Alvin C Avatar
    Alvin C

    I think that the two does are a pair of female rabbits.

  2. Olson Avatar
    Olson

    At least Karen is sincere.
    (That was really the only clear thought I got in the whole message)

  3. drmk Avatar
    drmk

    Oh, darn, a rational explanation. I liked my Gollum theory better.

    1. Jen Avatar
      Jen

      Even after reading the comments, it took me three goes to read that as ‘female rabbits’ rather than the third-person present singular form of the verb ‘to do’.

      Now my brain hurts. *rubs knee*

  4. dani Avatar
    dani

    My favorite is “Sincerely, Karen, [location].” I have noticed that this is a sure giveaway of Someone Who Does Not Understand How The Internet Works – they treat everything from website comments to instant messages as formal letters. If they sign it, you’ve got a live one….

  5. Malcolm Avatar
    Malcolm

    Don’t forget. It is an “EMERGENCY!”

    1. ghostcat Avatar
      ghostcat

      The only “EMERGENCY” I can think of would be that the female rabbits Sparkles got have spontaneously produced lots of little rabbits.

      It’s probably some sort of voodoo hex that requires a close relative of the rabbits to lift.

      1. CapnMac Avatar
        CapnMac

        Or, the “emergency” could be that the does are, in fact, gelded toms . . .

  6. anontastic Avatar
    anontastic

    Dang, your commentary just made me laugh so hard I cried! You rule, keep up the hilarious work on this blog!

  7. Innana Avatar
    Innana

    This is obviously a Bunnicula owner.

  8. LimeLolly Avatar
    LimeLolly

    * bbbrrrring*

    Hello? Did you buy french lops in [location] a month ago?

    Um, yes.

    I need to tell you something very important about them.

    What? Who is this?

    Listen carefully. I also purchased some french lops from [location] and I’m telling you, you need to keep them locked up, especially at night. Make sure they do not sleep in the same room … do you have kids?

    Why?

    Do not leave your kids alone in the room with them.

    What? Why? Who is this?

    For the safety of your family, trust me on this. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in 3 weeks. DO NOT let them roam loose.

    Are you insane? They’re just bunnies.

    Ha.. that’s what they WANT you to think. Trust me, you need to be extremely careful with them because…. I gotta go, one of mine has somehow managed to pick the lock on the cage. Remember… don’t be alone with them!

    1. kelli Avatar
      kelli

      Smurfs. 80% of all bunnies sold in the world are, in fact, cleverly disguised Smurfs. This is part of their plan for world domination.*

      *I never said it was a •good• plan.

    2. CapnMac Avatar
      CapnMac

      Lookit t’Bones, why ‘e’s got a killer streak a mile wide.

    3. LurkingLoo Avatar
      LurkingLoo

      My first thought…BUNNICULA!!!
      Also, it’s my birthday! =)

      1. Smedley Avatar
        Smedley

        Happy Birthday! At least de-lurk long enough to retire the quilt square.

      2. drmk Avatar
        drmk

        Happy birthday!

        1. LimeLolly Avatar
          LimeLolly

          Ditto.. Happy Birthday… and where is everyone?

  9. Astro Avatar
    Astro

    “Apparently you’re Gollum” was when I broke down and had a sinus enema.

    You’d think I would have learned not to load up YSaC while I eat breakfast…

  10. TacoMagic Avatar
    TacoMagic

    Information of having do I of the lops purchased person and of is will you buying of price not without the telling compensation.

    *passes out*

    1. LimeLolly Avatar
      LimeLolly

      My brain squeaked trying to read that. Must have been a lops.

  11. HamCan Avatar
    HamCan

    Translation:

    FRENCH LOPS

    Guillotine

    I HAVE INFORMATION AND OTHER THAT YOU WILL WANT FROM ME AND WANT TO KNOW

    Don’t stick your head in it!

    SEARCHING FOR THE BUYER OF THE PERSON

    You forgot his head.

    1. kelli Avatar
      kelli

      You forgot his head.

      So you’re saying Karen is giving head?

      1. SisterLyle Avatar
        SisterLyle

        *points Kelli toward the corner*

        1. Artsy Computer Geek Avatar
          Artsy Computer Geek

          She may be there for a couple of days this time.

  12. Smedley Avatar
    Smedley

    Sorry, I keep defaulting to the “Soups and Stews” section of my Betty Crocker Cookbook.

    1. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      That’s a load of hasenfeffer!

      1. Smedley Avatar
        Smedley

        OT/
        Speaking of owls, I was on the back porch of Casa Smed last evening, and was treated to “Rock Band: Screech Owl Edition”. There were at least three of them. I don’t know if it’s mating season, or if it was a mouse pellet deal gone bad, but there was much to-ing and fro-ing in the dark with the flapping and the crashing through the branches, and always the hooting! The hooting will haunt me. It was about five minutes of “Nature Gone Wild” in my backyard. It was cool. /OT

        1. Windrose Avatar
          Windrose

          Smedley. that is awesome! The flapping would have to be some other bird because you can’t hear owl wings flap. It’s part of their stealth hunting agreement. My thought is that there were parent birds teaching young to rend and tear and shred freshly killed or soon to be killed prey. Depending on the type of owl, this may be the second or third clutch of eggs to make it this far.

          Thanks for sharing!

      2. CapnMac Avatar
        CapnMac

        “hasenfeffer”

        Gesundheit! *hands owl-appropriate tissue*

        1. Windrose Avatar
          Windrose

          *sniffle* dank cue, Cabin.

  13. Dave and Ferret Tribe Avatar
    Dave and Ferret Tribe

    I bought up a man who bought up a girl who bought up the Prince of Wales.

  14. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    Oh, but the lops are so cute! Hi bunnies! Do you want to play? Do you want a carrot? Wait, one at a time! Hey, bunnies have big teeth! OW! Squawk!

  15. kelli Avatar
    kelli

    Why can I only picture the cave scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail?

    1. CapnMac Avatar
      CapnMac

      Because it represents a singular and unique zenith in satirical BritHumor at its zaniest; managing to meld mid-evil[sic] knights at battle, blood-n-gore, madcap humor, and even some scatological hijinx, with a complete sense of the absurd for comedic intent?

      Or, is it the bunny?

      1. kelli Avatar
        kelli

        Yes

  16. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    It’s the bunny.

  17. ToBScholarly Avatar
    ToBScholarly

    Quit scoffing people. Have a heart!

    This CL ad is an EMERGENCY! Maybe one of the lops needs a kidney transplant and they need to test the others for a possible match? Ever think of that? This Lop needs LIFE!

    1. Smedley Avatar
      Smedley

      Matt? Is that you?

  18. SilvaNoir Avatar
    SilvaNoir

    I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to buy and sell people in this country.

    1. CapnMac Avatar
      CapnMac

      Now, now, we all know nothing illegal on CL, it’s all anonymous you know.

  19. David:) Avatar
    David:)

    I didn’t know there was a way to buy slaves on CL, somebody should look into that, since apparently this guy who bought some nice lops was bought.

    Also, does it seem scary to anybody else that the guy writing the ad apparently has two people who bought lops in his possession?

    1. Mudd Avatar
      Mudd

      If Craigslist existed in Colonial America:

      (Thomas Jefferson and George Washington on FB chat:)

      GW: How’s it going, old boy?
      TJ: I’m busy, George.
      GW: But, whatever can you be doing on this fine summer’s eve?
      TJ: I’m drafting the Declaration of Dependence, fool, like I told you I would do!
      GW: You’re always so ill-mannered.
      GW: Besides, I know you’re just playing Farmville. I saw that you acquired some new sheep, always so competitive.
      TJ: Um, whatever.
      GW: Mmmkay…
      *crickets and cicadas chirping*
      TJ: Hey, George, how does this sound: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” ??
      GW: That’s pretty good! We are all equal, aren’t we? Well done, old boy!
      TJ: Aw, thanks.
      TJ: Well, I’m going to take a break now and browse Craigslist.
      GW: Oh yes, I love that site. I get all my best slaves from CL.
      TJ: You can get slaves on CL? For real?
      GW: Oh yes, some people are just, like, GIVING them away, in the FREE section!
      TJ: Why didn’t I think of that? I need some new slaves!

  20. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    Smedley, Punchity Punch Punch!

    G’Night, Frenchies!

    1. Smedley Avatar
      Smedley

      Danke Schoen, Mistress! Ach! You haff made me mach die liverbeiten!

      And it’s on my fridge.

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