You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: maybe it’s just me

  • YSaC, Vol. 341: Have you tried AFF? They suck too.

    Flying solo is not as much fun – w4w – 21

    Well, this’ll be my last post over here … I’m going to head to clerotic.org if it doesn’t work out.

    I am a 26 year old, single female looking for a friendship that might develop into something more. I am an elementary school teacher and I love children and hope to have some of my own one day. I am looking for a good man with good, Christian morals who would like to have a family and live happily ever after when he meets the right woman. Maybe we are right for each other. We will never know if we don’t take a chance.

    1. Are you 21, or 26?
    2. Headline says w4w, text says you’re looking for a man.
    3. A good Christian man with good morals.
    4. And if you can’t find him, you’re going to try posting on clerotic.org — the “Craigslist Alternative for Erotic Services”.

    That sounds like a great plan. I’m sure you’ll find a good Christian man with good morals with THIS ad … and if not, I’m sure clerotic.org will work out, since there’s only 482 ads in the section for your area, 480 of which are w4m. (The other 2 are m4m.)

    Do you think this might possibly — just maybe? — be a fake ad? (On CRAIGSLIST? Say it ain’t so!) I’m guessing it’s meant to drive traffic to clerotic.org … because, you know, that’s where all the good, moral, Christian elementary school teachers are hanging out these days.

    C’mon, guys. At least make it plausible. “I’m a hot, horny slut and if I can’t find anyone here I’m going to clerotic.org.” THAT’S plausible. (Well, as plausible as believing that a nubile hot young thing would be posting on Craigslist in order to hook up with someone, anyway.) “I’m a good Christian 2nd grade teacher and if this doesn’t work out I’m going to browse clerotic.org from the computer in the school library?” Not so much.

    Sigh. Do I need a tag for spambots, too?

    Thanks to Kiersten for the submission!

  • YSaC, Vol. 331: A woman’s work is never done …

    secertary with photo shop expert

    WERE ARE LOOKING FOR A GIRL THAT KNOWS ABOUT PHOTO SHOP -AND TAKING PICS AND MAKING CATALOGS .
    PLEASE CONTACT ALLEN AT alen@xxxxxxxxxxxx.com

    A … secertary. That knows about photography, photoshop, and making catalogs. Maybe I’m crazy, but that sounds like a graphic designer to me. Or a photographer.

    And of course it has to be a girl, because secretaries are always girls.

    Sigh … so much to snark at. All caps, poor spelling, and misogyny. It was really hard for me not to leave the company name in the email. I would like to point out, though, that it looks like Allen spelled his name wrong in the email. I hope those female photoshop experts were able to figure that one out.

    This reminds me of one of my bosses from a while back; he actually uttered the phrase, “How did you learn so much about computers when you’re just a girl?” In my head, I translated that to, “Thanks for fixing my computer again.” It was the only way I could stop myself from kicking him in the shins with my shiny Mary Janes.

    [Thanks to Caryn for the submission!]

  • YSaC, Vol. 328: Not just Craigslist, Vol. 3

    We’ve had a few posts from kijiji.com in the past, and today I’d like to share a couple of posts from other online classifieds sites.

    From backpage.com comes this help wanted ad:

    … Aggravated Office Manager

    posted: May 22, 2009, 03:02 PM

    We need an office manager for local retail store. Good verbal skills are necessary, great starting wage, potential for advancement, no certification required.Great opportunity for someone who is outgoing with a pleasant personality. We will provide all required training for our staff.

    Salaries start at $750 to $1,000 per week.

    I can’t even think of what word they meant to put in the title. Motivated? Sure. Ambitious? Makes sense.  Aggravated? (But with a pleasant personality, of course.) Are they going to train me to be aggravated? Or do they expect that skill set already and will train me to be outgoing and pleasant? If it’s the latter, my mother has been trying to do that for years and it’s not gone well.

    And then, from OLX.com:

    Suddenly, shots rang out…

    in the food court of one of the area’s busiest shopping malls. It was Saturday afternoon. Hundreds of people, consisting mostly of kids and women, were chaotically scrambling for cover. When the smoke had cleared, it looked like the scene from a movie set. Lots of bloodied bodies, muffled moans of pain, and cries for help. Can you imagine yourself, or your loved ones, caught up in such a nightmare? I can’t, which is where the concept of [Crappy online mall aggregator, or COMA for short] originated. [COMA].com is a web-based mall, consisting of a virtual hodge-podge of stores, which, unlike conventional malls, specializes in wholesale items, great deals, bargains galore, discounts, low prices, and great selections. You’d be hard-pressed to find a bricks and mortar establishment with more varieties of stores ( and more are being added daily ). I put [COMA] together with the hopes of keeping my loved ones out of the malls ( and my nightmare ) as much as possible. It has been pretty effective so far. The kids have been the hardest sell, probably so because their main reason for going to the mall is to socialize. I’ve gotten rave reviews from them about the site, however, so it has been somewhat effective on them. So take a tip from the kids. Take a trip to www.[COMA].com. You’ll be glad you did. You’ll not only save money on items that you purchase, but you will save gas, because all of the stores deliver to your door. So come see why, at [COMA], our name says it all.

    Well, maybe the name I gave you says it all — your store is a crappy online mall aggregator. It’s poorly designed, and whoever is writing your copy has no idea about the proper use of apostrophes or conjunctions. (Seriously: “You’re childs toy’s”? Really? Apparently the online bookstore in this COMA doesn’t have any dictionaries or writing books.)

    Worst of all, you’re preying on people’s fears to drive business to your site. “Shop with us, and you won’t get gunned down in Abercrombie & Fitch like a commerce-driven dog!”

    Maybe not, but I also won’t get that guy standing in the food court offering me samples of bourbon chicken, now, will I? Until you figure out how to offer free samples of bourbon chicken through the internet, I’ll take my chances in the mall.*

    *Though I’m not going into Hot Topic. You can’t make me.

    [Thanks to Sarah for the “Aggravated Office Manager” listing, and thanks to the folks at OLX for calling my attention to their site by offering me money [which I didn’t take] to promote them here. (I’m too damned ethical — I also didn’t take a free piece of jewelry from some site that wanted me to link to them.)]

  • YSaC, Vol. 314: Her name is Rio, and she needs to have huge cans …

    Cover Band Seeks Hot Female Keyboardist w/ Giant Cans!!

    Yup…you read correctly. We are a killer 80’s cover band and if you think you fit…that would be sweet!

    So, maybe I’m crazy, but given that a lot of music from the 80s was primarily synth-based, wouldn’t you be more concerned with whether your keyboard player was competent instead of hot and stacked?

    I mean, the talentless girlfriend has her place in the band, but it’s usually playing tambourine and singing tuneless background vocals into a dead microphone.

    Thanks to Lisa for sending this in!

  • YSaC, Vol. 313: Then again, Fergie is probably a spawn of Satan as well.

    FREE FEMALE BLACK LAB

    WE HAVE A 5 YEAR OLD FEMALE BLACK LAB “FERGIE” THAT WE WOULD LIKE TO FIND A GREAT HOME. WE GOT HER BECAUSE FRIENDS HOUSE BURNT DOWN AND SHE WAS DISPLACED AND THEY NEEDED TO GET HER A HOME. SHE IS SUPER SWEET AND HATE TO GET RID OF HER BUT SHE HAS STARTED KILLING OUR NEIGHBORS AS WELL AS OUR CHICKENS. WE HATE TO KEEP HER IN A PEN ALL THE TIME. SHE WEIGHS ABOUT 80 POUNDS AND LOVES TO SIT IN YOUR LAP, SHE IS GREAT WITH CHILDREN. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN HER PLEASE CALL STEPHANIE AT 843-xxx-xxxx.

    This dog sounds a bit problematic. First she burnt down your friend’s house (I’m conjecturing there, but it seems like a reasonable conclusion to me), and now she’s killing your neighbors and your chickens? And yet, you say she’s good with children? (As long as the children don’t taste like chicken, I’m assuming.)

    I think I’d have to rename this dog Cerberus.

    Thanks for sending this in, Katie!

  • YSaC, Vol. 303: The sofas go marching two by two …

    2 piece Sofa(Good Condition – $45)

    Good price and good condition.
    (Each price $45)
    Please, email me.(pick up &cash only)

    303

    Amy sends this one in, saying, ” ‘Round these parts, we call it ‘chairs’.”

    So wait a minute … it’s $45 for the 2-piece sofa, or $45 each? Man, I can’t decide which is a better deal.