You Suck at Craigslist

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  • YSaC, Vol. 377: Dachshund is the new chihuahua …

    I am looking for a chihuahua douchound mix

    I have always wanted a chihuahua douchound mix or just a douchound or toy chihuahua i just really want a small dog with that doesnt have long hair. my mom finally said for my 18th birthday/ graduation gift she would get me one. So if you are giving a way or selling i would be interested please.

    As you all, know, we here at YSaC are all about helping people get what they want*, and this person wants a chihuahua/douchound mix. She’s wanted one for so long that she’s actually gone to the trouble of learning how to spell chihuahua correctly, so we can reward her a little bit, right?

    Although really, honey, you don’t want a douchound mix. They smell like vinegar and summer’s eve fragrance. Let’s see what else we can find out there.

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  • YSaC, Vol. 376: Does whatever an effigy does …

    Adult Size Spider Man – $30

    This is a nice item to have in your home if you want to sit on the sofa as a decoy when you are not home. Or, you can let your busy kids jump all over him. You can even ride Spider Man in your vehicle when you are traveling alone because he looks so real. He is taking up a lot of space here and we just don’t have a need for him any more. So, take this good old boy home with you. He comes from a pet free and smoke free home. He is in excellent condition. He remains in the sitting position that you see in the below picture.

    376

    Yes, that’s right, you can use Spiderman here as a dummy passenger in your car so you can drive in the HOV lanes because he looks so realistic. The first thing a cop will think is “Oh, that car is fine; it has one person driving and Spiderman in the front seat. That’s totally normal.”

    And who would be stupid enough to rob a house when Spiderman is sitting on the couch watching TV? While wearing mittens and footies? With his head rolled back as though he’s been on a three-day meth and mezcal binge? NOBODY, that’s who. I mean, that would be like robbing a house protected by a lifesized cutout of Bea Arthur. It just isn’t done in civilized society.

    Thanks for the submission, Sara!

  • YSaC, Vol. 375: The starch helps you stay up.

    Not sure what these are

    Not sure what these are, they are too heavy to float, but they look like surf boards. They have legs under them like a very tall table. I think they are some sort of surf training tool. If you would like one or both of them, please let me know if you would like them.

    375

    This was posted in Boise, Idaho, which is well-known as the second surf capital of the USA. (Second only, of course, to Casper, Wyoming.)

    My mother — who to this day still irons her sheets — would have an apoplectic fit if she saw this.

  • YSaC, Vol. 372: Excuse me, stewardess? I speak jive.

    Heather sent in this first post, saying, “I don’t understand this at all. Is this code for something? Just trying to read it makes me a little dizzy.”

    Hasings a Wanting: Varg Doll

    Here is foodpeeple
    Has wants of these here mans:
    A ONE Varg doll from the Burzum. BUT and here and exclusive to here is CATCH: must have approvings for the from Varg himselfed.Tragedy happen: last Varg doll purchse?//? MOUNTAIN DUDE BOTTLE EXTRAED WITH DOGHAIRED STAPLED ONAND ALSO THIS VARGHEAD TAPE ON IT!11!!

    Serioused reply to thanks

    thanksed to you mans
    – foodpeeple

    A little digging on Craigslist turned up a few more “foodpeeple” posts, which were all made around the same time:

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  • YSaC, Vol. 371: She’s Lump, she’s Lump, she’s Lump …

    Reading Lump – $7

    Reading Lump without a bulbPlease call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx or e-mail me.
    First come, First serve!!

    369

    Reading. If it hurts, ur doin’ it wrong.

    What is it about lamps that makes people laconic?

    Antique-ish brassy lamp – $5 (downtown)

    I love lamp.

    369b369c369d

    There isn’t even any good reflectoporn in the listing. I’m terribly disappointed.

    Lamp, meet table.

    Edited to add: Ah-ha, it’s an Anchorman reference. Still, not the best way to sell your grandmother’s ugly lamp, is it?

    Submitted by Katie and Julie — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. 370: I’m too sexy for my …

    Stripper clothes for sale 4 outfits – $100

    only accept paypal will ship anywhere once payment is received
    some only worn a few times. out of the business no longer need them.

    I’m trying to imagine a stripper routine that would involve unhooking a corset. Those things are terribly fussy. Someone apparently forgot to tell this person the difference between skimpy and sexy. Also, who knew that strippers could only wear pink?

    LOOKING FOR A EXOTIC DANCE/POLE PARTNER

    IM 35 AND STUDYING THE ART OF EXOTIC/POLE DANCING AND WANTED TO FIND SOMEONE WHO USE TO /OR IS CURRENTLY A EXOTIC/POLE DANCER/TEACHER.(MALE OR FEMALE)..THAT CAN SHOW ME OR STUDY WITH ME……ITS BORING WHEN YOUR STUDYN ALONE…..PLZ CONTACT MS. LIBRA@xxxxxxxxxx…PS…EVEN MATERIALS FOR LEARNING LIKE BOOKS,POLES, STRIPPER SHOES,ETC WILL BE A BLESSING….SERIOUS REPLIES ONLY….!!!!! DONT CALL IF YOUR PLAYING AROUND……

    Do you need some stripper clothes? Do you like pink? Are you shaped like a piece of plywood? ‘Cause if so, I think I can hook you up.