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YSaC, Vol. 1758: Like whining for chocolate

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dan

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Since Mackenzie sent our first two posts this week, let’s go for a trifecta: (That’s Latin for “three fectas”!)

Searching For A Job Needing Help Without A Boss That…… (All Over)

IM LOOKING FOR A JOB THAT IS IN NEED OF HELP. BUT I AM NOT LOOKING FOR WORK THAT HAS A BOSS WHO IS A TOTAL JACK-ASS HIPACRITE!!!!!!! A BOSS WHO ISNT A WHINER, CRY-BABY, OR A PUSSY BOSS, WHO QUIET FRANKLY ACTS LIKE A LITTLE BITCH, OR NEEDS AND WANTS MORE THAN A KID WANTING CHOCOLATE. IF YOU ARE A BOSS THAT FITS THIS SUBJECT THEN DO NOT REPLY. I DO TALK ON THE PHONE, TEXT, AND SMOKE. BUT I GET MY WORK AND TASKS DONE.

This person meets ALMOST all of the criteria I have for a potential employee:

  • They smoke.
  • They text and talk on the phone while on the job.
  • They have no idea how to turn off caps lock…
  • …or when to stop using exclamation points.
  • They can’t spell “Hypocrite.”

That pretty much summarizes my ideal employee right there. Sadly, I also need someone who lives in (everywhere) rather than (All Over), so I guess I’ll be looking elsewhere.

Thanks for the week, Mackenzie! Next week, you can drive the YSaC backhoe if you like!

Comments

22 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 1758: Like whining for chocolate”

  1. MissMommyNiceNice Avatar
    MissMommyNiceNice

    Sorry. All we have here is jack ass hippo crates.

  2. Dave and Ferret Tribe Avatar
    Dave and Ferret Tribe

    Hi there, Sparky. I’m not a jackass hypocrite, a whiner, or a crybaby. The job is in the mercury mine at the far end of All Over County, and you’ll have only the most rudimentary equipment, but I’ll give you time to talk on the phone, text, and smoke. Deal?

    1. nojazzhere Avatar
      nojazzhere

      There!….I promised the lady down at Unemployment I would be looking for a job! NOW can I get my benefits????…..

  3. Ralph Avatar
    Ralph

    Sorry Sparky; all the bosses I know have taken the Hipacritic oath.

  4. HamCan Avatar
    HamCan


    Help, I need a job
    Help, not just any job
    Help, you know without a boss that…, help

    When I was younger I was dumber than today
    I never Asked for stuff or help in any way
    But now these days are gone, I’m now so self centered
    Now I find I’ve closed my mind and shut up all the doors

    Help me if you can, I need a job
    And I want one without a jack-ass snob
    Help me buy some smokes and text my mom
    Won’t you please, please help me

    1. kc Avatar
      kc

      Elebenty Doors for Hammy.

      (and belly rubs)

  5. camille Avatar
    camille

    You’ve got to wonder how a person like this could possibly be unemployed, given the immense personal charm that comes shining through the ad.

    1. bratty innocence Avatar
      bratty innocence

      But do you have a degree?

  6. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    I don’t know what to say about the posted ad. Luckily, I have other business to attend to.

    Manda! Punchity Punch Punch! Go get a job, you lay-about! Start smoking and texting to improve your qualifications.

    Good morning, Whiners, Jack-asses, Cry-babies, and Pussies!

    1. ArchedEyebrows Avatar
      ArchedEyebrows

      One of these things is not like the others. It requires prodding.

  7. SilvaNoir Avatar
    SilvaNoir

    Woah there I know Frank Quietly‘s art is kind of lumpy (and not to my taste), but no need for the angry insults.

    Also, Sparkster sounds like they are looking for a very manly angry boss. Maybe go to the SlimJim factory?

  8. Mackenzie Avatar
    Mackenzie

    Thank you for editing out the f-bombs! Although I do think they added a little extra sparkle to his obviously stellar character.

  9. Not-a-[censored] Lion Avatar
    Not-a-[censored] Lion

    Like Arrr! And the boss should like, keep ‘is hands off her booty and some junk, k? Cuz she’s like smokin’, you know?

  10. One Moving Violation Avatar
    One Moving Violation

    Avast! I got he perfect job for ye! Need you to search Davy jones’ locker for a certain item I’m looking for. Course you’ll be spending your on duty time under water, so smoke ’em if you can light ’em. Of course, talking on the phone and texting is approved so’s you can keep me updated on yer progress. Will require having a waterproof phone.

  11. One Moving Violation Avatar
    One Moving Violation

    Looking for a helpless job that wants to be changed.
    Without a crybaby boss that wants to be changed.
    A boss who doesn’t think is the boss of my p*ssy*.
    Maybe a boss that only wants vanilla.
    Or a boss that is a total Jenny-ass.
    Not a whiner, but maybe a sniveler.
    A boss that acts like 1% angel.
    If you are a boss that fits this reject, then do not comply.

    *Not actually mine.

  12. Demon Duck of Doom Avatar
    Demon Duck of Doom

    Having a pussy boss can be challenging.

  13. James Avatar
    James

    Funny linguistic tidbit (ok not so much “funny” as possibly inaccurate/ watered down): ‘Hypocrates’ were actors in that to be a hypocrate was to ‘pretend’ or play a part.

    I cite John Ayto’s Dictionary of Word Origins… I also cite the winds of the North and the East… but that’s for something different.

    1. One Moving Violation Avatar
      One Moving Violation

      So this person is not looking for work with a boss who just acts like a total jack-ass

  14. MissMommyNiceNice Avatar
    MissMommyNiceNice

    Be still my heart! I’ve been boxed!

  15. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    I had three fectas once. I think I drank the water somewhere I should not have. Took weeks of antibiotics to cure it.

    1. One Moving Violation Avatar
      One Moving Violation

      You either do fecta or not do fecta. There is no try fecta.

      1. nojazzhere Avatar
        nojazzhere

        But Mr. Fawlty!……I learning!…….signed, Manuel

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