YSaC, Vol. 1757: Hey, what’s this button for?
2014 September 17
doomesday preppers
are you ready to take the next step
I confess, the first three times I read this, I thought it said “doomsday peppers,” which I assume are basically like ghost peppers, but slightly hotter, such that consuming them brings about the end of the world. (They would only need to be slightly hotter than ghost peppers.)
However, a more careful reading indicates that it’s actually “Doomesday” peppers. So these are clearly peppers which are used to record land ownership in England and Wales in the 11th century.
Silly me.
Thanks for the post, Mackenzie!
Let Us Now Appraise Famous Men.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
If you ask for specifics, you can stow it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it,
And I feel fine.
Because I have enough expired food to feed an army!
Is there enough to feed an army aunt?
We’re Sgt. Prepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
We hope you will enjoy the woe….
It was twenty years ago today
Nucl’r winter turned the skies to gray
We’ve been running out of food for a while
And are clothes have all gone out of style
We’ll play a tune and then eat you
Hope you’re tender after all these years
Sergeant Prepper’s Doomesday Fun-Time Baaaaaaaa-hhaaa-aaand.
I didn’t know zombies had ear worms!
Windy? Do ear worms cause you to scoot the side of your face across the carpet instead of your butt?
I don’t think scooting your face across your butt is even possible, is it?
One, Brer, CORNER!
Having made the same misread, I have established in my mind that a “Doomsday Pepper” is clearly a Dr. Moreau crossbreed of ipecacuanha and Carolina Reaper.
The business of preparing for “doomsday” is clearly a personal one. This modern practice of then crowing about it to the four corners seems ill-advised. It rather smacks of keeping large sums of cash in easy-to-carry bags and letting that fact become public knowledge.
But, I may be better prepared for such things, whether doomsday or domesday.
I agree. I’m amazed at these people who let TV cameras walk through their fortresses and reveal their secret defense strategies and escape routes. But if they didn’t, the number of reality shows I watch would go down to 0.
And, of course, the cache is not where the (idealized) bug-out location is, either.
Not that Sparky has ever practiced a full-on, EOTWAWKI, bug out with all the gear and supplies and the like.
If this is pointed out, the DPS (doomsday prepared sparkster) will oft simply say, “Well, we’ll just get another truck. ” If they notice the speculative glance about, “And another, if we need to.” After a raised eyebrow, “Well, [the 7 y/o] could drive. Some.”
Step 1 – watch FOX News constantly
Step 2 – hoard ALL the food & guns
Step 3 – take the red pill
Step 4 – ???
Step 5 – Profit! *
*no seriously, you proclaim yourself a profit and start a cult
That’s not a suppository is it?
You know, because doomsday preppers have food suppositories and water suppositories and ammo suppositories and gun suppositories and suppositories for their toiletries (a suppository for their TP, toothpaste, etc.) and fuel suppos….
Um, I mean Depository.
*facepaw*
Be prepared.
Be afraid….be VERY afraid……
(and don’t eat M2N2’s expired food!)
I would like to say at this time I am not now and have never been a member of the Boy Scouts of America.
I’m a boy scout!
I don’t think scouting for boys is the same thing.
I, too, read “peppers” after the word “doomesday”, and thought…well, yeah…and it’s always the day after.
What’s this thing called, love?
You thought Imissed this, didn’t you? CORNER!
I only celebrate Do-Me-Day.
When I read the post, I immediately thought “Doomsday Preppies” going to Doomsday University. I’m just wondering if the poster is the dean or a rival football team. Perhaps s/he’s their Science Professor.
Take the next step to supervillainy.
They’re hoarding all the lacrosse sticks, dammit. How are we supposed to fight off the zombies?
Is Doomesday an entree or more like a side dish?
I hate these cookbooks, they never give you all the steps at once.
Appetizers – Doomsday Peppers
You will need:
Jalapeños (however many you want to make)
Cream Cheese
Thai Peppers (cut into slivers)(you can substitute Serrano Peppers for a milder taste)
Cayenne Pepper powder
Take Jalapeños and split open the length of the pepper.
Squeeze open (like a coin purse), using a small spoon, scrape out the seeds.
Fill Jalapeños with Cream Cheese until the split is about 3/4″ wide.
Sprinkle Cream Cheese with Cayenne Pepper.
Place 1 or 2 Thai Pepper slivers on top of Cream Cheese.
Place on baking sheet.
Place in pre-heated oven at 350º – 400º for 5 to 7 minutes. Do not cook the peppers through, but just enough to heat them up. (it brings out the sweetness in the pepper)
Serve!
No, I’ve never tried this. I just made it up. It is a modification of a Stuffed Jalapeño recipe I’ve used in the past. (Jalapeños, Cream Cheese, and shredded Cheddar)
Lest you think you are merely teasing the boundaries of pepper absurd, there is a recipe for Habeñeros stuffed with cream cheese and either Ghost or Reaper pepper garnish.
Rest (if possible) assured, there is almost no level of absurd in hot pepper preparations that has not been tested and gazetted as a recipe.
I have no doubt. I even looked some up on the web. I just could not try something much hotter than the stuffed Jalapeño.
They call him Prepper, Prepper
Last of the living
No one you see
Can live quite like he.
And we know that Prepper
lives in a hole that’s a bunker
drives an old clunker
full of Twinkies.
And we will know
when doomsday does come
we’ll stop making fun
of Preparation H(e)
What can we do?
We had not a clue
what the next step ought to be.
They call him Prepper, Prepper
Last of the living
No one you see
Can live quite like he.
And we know that Prepper
lives in a hole that’s a bunker
drives an old clunker
full of Twinkies.
There, fixed it.
Corrections & Errata:
Dan: The word is preppers not peppers. I saw the ‘r’ right away.
Dave &c: I do not believe those are the correct lyrics to the American Rock band REM’s song.
MissMommy: you wrote the wrong word the second time. it should read prophet.
I would go on from there as I am sure that many more historical, political, and pop cultural inaccuracies abound herein upon the section. Of. Commentary.
Hello everybody! I was trying to be the hyper literal unfunny commentator but then I forgot Poe’s Law (again) sorry about that people who misunderstood my “humor”.
But as they say, when in Rome, assassinate the head of state!
James, around here, the hyper literal unfunny commentator is known as “Corey.” The original Corey can be found in the comments to this post.
I thought James was going for the title. After all, he’s around and we haven’t seen Corey in a coon’s age.
How long is that, anyone? Beuhler?
I’m not sure, but my ‘coon’ is old enough to need support hose and adult diapers. :/
Dangnabbit, git offen mah lawn!
[corey]We also engage in purposeful misidentification for purposes of satire. We also engage in spoonerisms, dubious portmanteaux, and sore abused Shakespearean soliloquizes. We’ve been known to break out in haiku, too.
What we generally do not do is to identify large predatory African felinidae as being either ice green nor as Asian Panthera tigris.
Oh, and we also willfully misconstruct html codes for our own purposes, too. [/corey]
*hands around tubes of haiku cream* this happens every time Taco sneaks in those jalepenyo pepper coffee slices.
MandaB and Hammy, this is just like old times! I think. I can almost remember old times. I can almost remember yesterday. Here’s what I haven’t forgotten. Punchity Punch Punch!
Yep, same bleeding and flipping me off.
Good Morning, Dromedary Pipers!
Dumbsday peepers.
*rolls eyes*
Thank you, ma’am! May I have another?
I’m just going to clean up Hammy’s corner of the box and stay for another night. It’s cozy in here.
Just don’t erase the programs from the DVR…
I like the doomesday jockers and greasers and nerders better than the doomesday preppers. I hate their end of the world Lacoste shirts with their stupid little alligators.
Nice literal use of the “humanity is doomed” tag
And here I thought this was a colonoscopy reference.
Never mind and carry on.
KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON…….there, fixed it for ya.