You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: humanity is doomed

  • YSaC, Vol. 439: Message in a … mason jar.

    THE PERFECT GIFT! NITA PEETA’S SWEET POTATO POTS! GROWN IN HER KITCHEN – $30

    This would be great as a gift and is grown from Grandy Nita’s own kitchen and put in a pot with a prayer for you and you can add your own destiny message. This is beautiful when it goes into full bloom and only takes about 3 weeks to start looking pretty. It comes with a message from the universe to you or your favorite friend!!!! Will deliver locally for 10.00
    Please Call
    Nita (Grandy)
    xxx xxx-xxxx

    439439b439c439d

    Um, it’s a potato. In a pot. I’m pretty sure you’ve given away your trade secret here, Nita.

    Although you do get a message from the universe with each one. Too bad the message from the universe is probably something like, “Hey jackass, you just bought a potato in a pot.”

    Thanks to MsMarvel for the submission!

  • YSaC, Vol. 426: RVPS, plz.

    invitationes four your event

    I made invitatationes four your event
    if you want more information can you
    send meil !!
    tenks..

    They’ve made invitations for my event! I haven’t even told them what my event IS yet, but they’ve already made them! I hope their company name is the Psychic Printing Service. That’d be awesome — you walk in and say, “I need …” and they say, “We know,” and hand you your already-completed order.

    The only problem is that your invitations would end up looking something like this:

    Mr. and Mrs. Becky and Tim requesest you’re prersents

    at the baptitizim of there daog Miffy.

    Pleze can you send meil two let us no if your comming !!

    tenks..

    Thanks to Corie for the submission! (This was posted under “Clothing & Accessories” for some reason, so I’m categorizing it there as well as where it should belong.)

  • YSaC, Vol. 423: The dishwasher hates children, though.

    ONE OF A KIND WHITE FRIDGE TOP AND BOTTOM ONLY – $250

    THIS REFRGERATOR IS EMMACUANT AND VERY FAMILY FRIENDLY. THIS FRIDGE HAS BEEN GOOD TO ME. I HAVE NO COMPLAINTS ALL HOUGH THE BEST THING ABOUT IT IS THAT IF YOU PUT SOMETHING IN THE FRIDGE PART WITHIN 10-15 MINUTES ITS COLD. I HATE TO GIVE IT UP BUT I AM MOVING AND NEW PLACE ALREADY HAS FRIDGE. IF INTERESTED PLEASE EMAIL AT
    STEPHEYxxxx@YAHOO.COM

    HAVE TO PICK UP

    423

    Tonya sends in this ad, saying, “Okay … first of all it’s “one of a kind” — umm … it’s a fridge. I don’t have to go into the all caps section of our program, but I do have to mention this line: ‘ALL HOUGH THE BEST THING ABOUT IT IS THAT IF YOU PUT SOMETHING IN THE FRIDGE PART WITHIN 10-15 MINUTES ITS COLD.’ In a fridge!? NO WAY! That’s just amazing.”

    The thing that makes this fridge a one of a kind is clearly that you only get the top and bottom of it. There’s no middle to the fridge. Think about it: is there a middle of the fridge in that picture? See? Q.E.D., bitches.

    I’ve known people to get oddly attached to some pretty strange things, but this person sounds a little too fond of her fridge. The fridge has been good to you? She’s one step away from insisting that it go to a good home and calling the sales price a rehoming fee and requesting visitation rights.

    Thanks, Tonya!

  • YSaC, Vol. 412: It’s not like the name is on the box or anything.

    Trogan Magnum Condoms

    I recently decided to get brave and see if I fit into these bad boys. I bought 2 boxes and decided I didn’t “measure” up. So I’m giving the other box away to the lucky person who is responsible enough to not want to soak up all of the tax money that I am currently spending on people that “slipped” up and now rely on the state to help them out with their situation. Send me an email and they’re yours!

    As Martha points out, this ad has it all: Illiteracy! Condescension! Self-emasculation! Superiority complex! Free condoms!

    Thanks, Martha!

  • YSaC, Vol. 405: One, two, three … ummmmm …

    Squier by Fender with Fender amp & Epiphone Les Paul Standard – $1000

    I am selling two of my guitars. I have a Squier stratocaster and an Epiphone Les Paul Standard. Also including a small fender bronco amp. Both guitars are in excellent shape and are ready to play. the squier is black and the epiphone is a cherry sunburst. for both guitars and amp i would like to get $1000, but am willing to take best offer. I’ll sell the Squier and amp for $220 and the Epiphone for $450 if you prefer to buy individually. (only asking that cause that’s what i paid and i want to at LEAST get my money back). For information, text Andrew at xxx-xxx-xxxx or e-mail xxxxxxxxxxandrew@yahoo.com. thanks

    Okay, you’re selling both for $1000, but you’ll take $220 for the Squier and amp and $450 for the Epiphone. Which, if I’m not mistaken, is … $670. Which is … less. Even if you meant to say you’d take $220 for the Squier and another $220 for the amp, that would still only add up to $890. Which is still less. So yes, I’d like to take all three, but I’d like to buy them individually, please.

    Of course there’s more … (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 398: Preserving the sanctity of marriage!

    Lets get married tomorrow – 22

    I decided tomorrow I want to get married, So any takers. Im attractive, not a psycho…well not completly:)- have a job, car, my own place, im very independent…i love sex and my husband will have to be able to keep up with me…ive never wanted to get married…ever. But life is pretty boring right now and i feel like if i get married at least its something exciting. So ur probably wondering if im all these great things why dont I have a man…ha I get asked that everytime i go on a first date. I always dread that question, but truth is once i sleep with the man i lose interest…stupidly. But i figure if im married, that means A this person is as spontaneous as I am, B I cant just walk away…and C hopefully he will satisfy me.
    AND I dont want to get messages saying marriage is sacred I cant do this blah blah blah because to that i say bullshit. Anyone should be allowed to get married to who they choose and get married for whatever reasons they choose. I choose to marry a stranger because maybe that stranger is who im looking for.
    I will send a photo if I recieve a photo…Im looking for someone thats between 21-33, attractive…obviously 🙂 Has their own place, job, ect. Someone who has his shit together but crazy enough to marry a stranger…
    PS i dont cook!

    Mandy sends this one in, saying:

    “What a way to cure boredom… for a day.

    My favorite part about this is that she doesn’t ever go past a first date because she loses interest once she sleeps with the man… at least we know she puts out on the first date.

    Plus, if she gets bored with a guy after sleeping with him once, why not marry him, and be stuck being bored until they inevitably get divorced! That sounds like a fabulous idea!!

    “Life is pretty boring right now.” I imagine her sitting around, thinking to herself, I am so bored tonight. What should I do? Take a walk? See a movie? Have a picnic? Nah… Those don’t sound exciting at all. How about I propose to a stranger? Perfect, boredom resolved.

    So… ANY takers.”

    Yep, that about covers it. I’m sure she sees this as spontaneous and romantic, just like in the movies — and in the movies, things always work out! Sure, there will be a rough patch or two and some obstacles that they’ll have to overcome, but eventually there will be a montage and love will overcome all. I’m sure she’s not considering things like the other crazy people who post personal ads on Craigslist. (Yes, each one of those words is a different link.)