You Suck at Craigslist

YSaC, Vol. 326: You should see her follicles.

Written by

drmk

in

WANTED LIVE PORE TAPE – m4w – 40

I AM LOOKING FOR LIVE PORE TAPES REAL WOMAN

Katey sends this in, saying, “I knew my large pores would be appreciated someday!”

Dude. You are On. The. Internet. You managed to press the right buttons (well, most of them) to post an ad on Craigslist. HOW CAN YOU NOT FIND YOUR OWN PORN? I mean, maybe spelling “porn” right would help, but still … I manage to find porn even when I’m NOT looking for it, and an hour or so later I have to close the window.

Plus, this was in men seeking women. If he’s looking for a real woman in there, he’s screwed — they’re all bots and ads.

Comments

29 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 326: You should see her follicles.”

  1. Colleen in MA Avatar
    Colleen in MA

    Wait, does he mean “live” as in happening right now? But then it couldn’t be on a tape, right? Unless he means “live” as in women who are alive. But then what’s the alternative? I’ve had my coffee and still none of this is making sense. But this reminds me I’ve got to pick up some more face cleanser…thanks pore tape guy!

  2. dogface Avatar
    dogface

    Am I the only one imagining what kind of weird fetish subsets would be involved in live pore tapes? Like, exfoliation or zit tapes or something?

    1. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      Whatever fetish you can imagine, there is already porn of it.

      Both of those links are safe for work, though the second one a little less so if you click through to the gallery.

      1. dogface Avatar
        dogface

        Ah, yes, the magical Rule 34. I’ve run across adult My Little Pony fanfiction before. XD (No, I didn’t go looking for it, ya weirdos!)

        1. Nicole Avatar
          Nicole

          You know, dogface, I wouldn’t have thought you went looking for it. Now that you have stated you didn’t, it makes me think you DID.

  3. SJ Avatar
    SJ

    Tape? People still have VCRs?

  4. jackie31337 Avatar
    jackie31337

    “I manage to find porn even when I’m NOT looking for it, and an hour or so later I have to close the window.”

    For some reason, I took that literally, like there were people outside your window making porn, and you had to close the window to keep them from disturbing you. Upon re-reading it, I got the correct meaning. Interesting mental image the first time around, though.

    1. Colleen in MA Avatar
      Colleen in MA

      Yes – I took that literally too. Was trying to find the connection between watching internet porn and closing a window in a house. Myself, I close the windows before I watch internet porn just for the privacy.

      1. drmk Avatar
        drmk

        Sorry. Should have said “browser” window to make the joke more explicit.

        1. Monica Hamburg Avatar
          Monica Hamburg

          It actually worked either way, dmrk

        2. EclecticBlue Avatar
          EclecticBlue

          Heh heh, she said “explicit.”

  5. Jill Avatar
    Jill

    Porn!!! You have got to be kidding me, I just sent this guy all of my used biore pore strips:)

  6. "Lyle" Avatar
    “Lyle”

    Live pore tapes? This must be a spokesman for Bioré.

  7. Nicole Avatar
    Nicole

    Wondering why this ad is posted in m4w when clearly it states they are a “real woman” looking for live pore tapes? I am certain she just wants a fresh box of pore tapes…like “active cultures” in yogurt or something.

  8. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    Obviously Sparky has been looking for Porn in all the wrong places! If only he could speel it cirrecktly, his troubles would be over! His money would be gone, his career ended, his family life ruined, and his parents may even make him move out of their basement.

  9. HamCan Avatar
    HamCan

    “Not like the bronzed skin of Greek fame,

    Without medicated stride from pad to pad;

    Here not sea-breeze washed, gunk she hates shall stand

    A naughty woman with a stoma, whose fame

    Is the imprisoned soiling, of her face

    Mother of exfoliates. From her broken glands

    Growls, Witch-hazel unwelcome; her mild eyes command

    No oxy-clean slathers that thin gritty face.

    “Keep, ancient sands, your sordid pimples!” cries she

    “Give me your tape, your pore,

    Your pockmarked masses yearning to sweat free,

    The wretched refuse of your teeny orifices,

    Send these, the videos, no cost to me,

    I lift my t-shirt beside the golden lotus!”

  10. Dave and Ferret Tribe Avatar
    Dave and Ferret Tribe

    Stop the tape! I do not have pores! My pores are cute! My pores are tiny!

    1. ghostcat Avatar
      ghostcat

      : tosses door at Dave and Ferrets for Daria reference:

  11. SilvaNoir Avatar
    SilvaNoir

    N isn’t even anywhere close to E on the keyboard. How did this happen?

    1. LimeLolly Avatar
      LimeLolly

      Finger stutter.

      1. Smedley Avatar
        Smedley

        Is that a euphemism?

        1. ghostcat Avatar
          ghostcat

          It is now.

  12. TinyBallOfLight Avatar
    TinyBallOfLight

    Gosh, I really wish there was a website out there where you could watch a video of anything in the world, in privacy — for FREE.

    Anything from: knitting a purl stitch tutorial; to kids copying lame pop stars in front of their webcams; to squirrels sliding down greased up bird feeder poles; to illegal copies of movies and tv shows; to people squeezing their own blackheads…

    Why oh why isn’t there something like this out there, it would change the world, it would…

    1. ghostcat Avatar
      ghostcat

      It’d only be popular if you could show people doing all that stuff naked.

      Knitting naked is a bit tricky, what with all the pointy sticks involved, and squirrels are notoriously hard to shave bare. Just ask Taco.

      1. CapnMac Avatar
        CapnMac

        We know it’s the fashion in Morganville–which is what they called Shelbyville in those days–to put badgers down your trousers for purposes of wagering. But, that’s hard to do if you are sans cullottes.

        Onions on your belt certainly being possible; unless there’s a war on, and you can;t get the white onions, not even for four bees; the nickles in those days having bumblebees on’em–did i mention them war-time red onions leave stains . . . ?

    2. CapnMac Avatar
      CapnMac

      Oooh, excellent avatar!

      1. CapnMac Avatar
        CapnMac

        The above would make far more sense, were it nested below TBoL’s post, with it’s exquisite new avatar.

  13. Hannah Avatar
    Hannah

    So, if I’m reading this right, he wants live tapes… of one woman… examining her pores closely in one of those magnifying makeup mirrors.

    I’ll bet if I searched Google for that, I would find it. But I don’t wanna. Bathing my eyeballs is so tiresome.

  14. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    Coffy and Ghostie, inna box, Punchity Punch Punch. *done gently because my head is splitting*

    G’Night, Shelby-Morganville!

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