YSaC, Vol. 529: Pet Sounds? Hah! We have pets TYPING!
I LIKE TO LET EVERONE KNOW A PET STORE IS OPENING
THE store name is critters and more and we will be have all type of
pet thing for all you critters need we will be open next week for sure
we are trying for this firday wish us luck but you are all wecome to
came and see waht we have to ofter we will be having a dog wash and
baiec naile and wah dry we are wnt to have that open by the frist of
the year
WOW this is a post on you suck at craigslist and this is a site where
we will be have all time of craigslist adds and we make fun of them by
putting up a new post each firday and pineday and elmday and you
are all wecome for a dog naile wah dry and by the frist!
I wonder if the capitalization at the beginning is like that big illustrated letter at the start of illuminated medieval manuscripts. I also wonder if this entire post was actually written by one of the critters. Possibly a rooster with a typewriter. (buy a shirt!)
Thanks for the link, JD!
Wow, that’s a really long name for a store.
Why do I suddenly feel like playing Zero Wing?
All your base are belong to us?
You know what you doing take off every zig.
The Urban Dictionary was absolutely no help on this one. Justice well.
take off every ‘Zig’ is about half way through. Here are the “lyrics”:
For great justice, take off every ‘Zig’
Move ‘Zig’, move ‘Zig’, move ‘Zig’, move ‘Zig’
You know what you doing take off every ‘Zig’
Move ‘Zig’, move ‘Zig’, move ‘Zig’, move ‘Zig’
You know what you doing take off every ‘Zig’
Move ‘Zig’, move ‘Zig’, move ‘Zig’, move ‘Zig’
For great justice take off every ‘Zig’
Move ‘Zig’, move ‘Zig’, move ‘Zig’, move ‘Zig’
You know what you doing take off every ‘Zig’
Oh..I get it. Thanks for the lyrics Bdotdotdotdotdotdotdotdot
Base base base base base base base base base base base base base base base base base base
You have no chance to survive make your time
It was all based on the game “Zero Wing” which has the second best helping of Engrish in any game I’ve ever played. It’s also the most well known.
The best helping of Engrish is in the game “Battle Rangers”.
And I quote: “You! Invaders! Get you the hot bullets of shotgun to die!”
Since Ed’s doesn’t seem to be here today, I’ll do it for him:
“In Soviet Russia every Zig takes off you!”
Actually, this Engrish isn’t so bad.
DO NOT PANIC. A PET STORE IS OPENING.
Stephanie, don’t you think it was meant as a warning, though? That’s how I read it, anyway…”FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, STAY AWAY FROM THIS PET STORE. There are dogs being washed! Some sort of nail-based goings-on! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!” *hand wringing commences*
Or maybe it’s an evil pet store…… Built on an Indian burial ground. With animals provided by Pet Sematary….. And dogs being washed with hellfire. And luck being wished by Satan!
They couldn’t get Satan for the opening. They ended up getting Stan Johnson instead.
It’s the 4th installment of “Pet Cemetary”: “Pet Cemetary 4: The Pet Shock”.
EMS I NEED AN EMERGENCY KITTEN DELIVERY BY FIRDAY OR NEXT WEEK WISH ME LUCK
Only if I’m in Oregon and you’re in Florida!
Wow. I hope EVERONE sees this by the frist.
Sounds like a cowboy dude name or a Sci-Fi hero from the “fruture” or even a lame ass band name (probably only play instrumental).
I’d go because I need to get my dog nailed, but they didn’t mention whether appetizers (horses doovers) would be served.
Oh, and I agree, I also believe a monk wrote this illuminated manure script—Saint Bernard!
Saint Bernard illumination FTW.
Tell me about the Raccoon Plague again, pretty please!
Hehe..
And Saint Bernard spake:
Teh racoun plag comth on teh 4th knight dey come in flauks of ‘coons to devoor ur garbag dey spilt de garbag alls ova un day cass it 2 stinky much suk den de chillin’ clen it up an kry
(My thanks to steve-O for the original source material for the St. Bernard translation. My thanks also to anyone who can understand the passage from the book of Saint Bernard.)
Once upon a time, in the City IV destruction stratum of Tell es-Sultan.
That was bow-wow awesome tacomagic. Did you just get back from a Plantation (de chillin’?)…?
GrahamT: I love it when my dig reports start out with “Once upon a time..”
Arrgg… the site keeps timing out and comment editing is crapping out on me… there should have been ellipses at the end of my prior post.
The pleasure is all mine Tacomagic.
Well, erm, no sorry I give up. Normally I can sort of translate these things into something resembling English if I give it a few minutes. This one though is giving me a head ache. I think I see where sentences should start and end, and I think I get most of it, but…….
“dog wash and baiec naile and wah dry”
Anyone?
“Baiec Naile” is a French ska band; I’m almost sure of it.
I think they’re going to be playing at the opening of THE store. As well as washing and wah drying your dogs.
perhaps wah dry is the support act?
I hate it when unknowns open for the big bands. I go to see Baiec Naile and I have to sit around for an hour listening to the tone-deaf noodling of Wah Dry and Dog Wash.
I certainly want to attend this baiec naile! That’s a dramatic musical composition, often depicting a drunken revel. And if the music is as good as this poster’s writing, there had better be some drunken reveling going on.
For those interested – NetFlix has an ‘instant watch’ baiec naile in concert selection……..
THE thing taht is bad is i tired to reed this loud to my husbad but it cuased a terbel studder that wont go awy so now im damged for alwys and i think i need to call a lawer to suu this ad writre for damges.
(p.s. That was unbelievably difficult to type)
Its sorda liek talken too somewon with a thic acant if you tlak to dem two longe u ende up sonding liek dem on accadent.
(P.S. It’s getting easier to type like that, thank you so much YSaC.)
Mimi we both screwed up. Let me quote the mistake we both made, it was the same one for both of us:
“damges.”
“accadent.”
Shame on us.
Steve-O for the punch win! Congratulations.
I have been waiting for this moment for so long! I remember when I was a small child, all I wanted was to be a fireman and to be on the You Don’t Suck sidebar. Check and check. This makes my whole day! Back to bed with my emesis basin, bleh. Sick day.
*wipes off hole punch* Hope you aren’t contagious. Get better soon!
I can just picture an over-enthusiastic young store owner saying this whole thing in one breath. Maybe this is another case of a too-literal (and illiterate) typist?
Please please please don’t be selling animals, critters and more…
I need to see the bank loan application this person(?) filled out to get the money for this business
Hai I wild lyke to apply moeny laon for pet store. Baecally, I am want to hav critter adn more for sell store complet with dog wah. I will be have all sort thing for
critter and pet. Will be wild sucess fir dog animal.
If you be give me loan I be happ to giv free wah and stuff for pets. Plase I am wnt to hav my oun biznuss so bad.
I’m sorry Stephanie, but you used periods 6 times and 1 comma.
I give Appoliguiz for overus teh punkuatens was tryeng so hardz to look good for f teh bank laon moeny
APPROVED
Sadly I have actually seen loan applications that would make this seem well written.
I think this broke my brain.
I must admit opening on Firday seems very appropriate.
Yup, it’ll give them the whole weekend to fill out the bankruptcy paperwork.
I think Furday would have been even better.
Is that the day before Caturday?
That pun needed a ba-dum-ching at the end.
Any guesses as to what “baiec naile” is supposed to be? I’m guessing “bacchanal”, in which case, yes, I will be attending this pet store opening.
Oh, and it’s going to take place on the Bill Frist of the year. Awesome!
Baiec naile looks like scots gaelic to me…
Maybe they’re opening in the Bacchanal resort! According the resort’s webpage, it’s a “Palm Springs gay male clothing optional PET FRIENDLY resort.”
I’m totally on board with “baiec naile” being gaelic of either Irish or Scots origin.
… Either that, or someone with a cold was dictating again. “Baiec naile” = bake sale (what this has to do with pets and critters – don’t ask; I’ve been on planes far too long today and feel like I’m still moving, even though I’m home).
After checking two of my mail accounts and Facebook, I logged onto this site. This is the first non-mail/non-network site that I open these days. Is that good or bad?
HOLY SHIT REALLY I’M SO EXCITED I COULD COME IN MY OWN FACE
*WAVE HANDS ABOVE HEAD*
*GIBBERGIBBERDROOL*
So this is what the text looks like for a dying advertisement robot… you can hear the juice running out the more you read.
FRIST!!!!!
Ed, Ed, Ed! I don’t know which is funnier, quoting the misspelled word or doing it so far along in the conversation! LOL
>I LIKE TO LET EVERONE KNOW A PET STORE IS OPENING
I like to watch Bogart films. Everyone needs a hobby.
>THE store name is critters and more and we will be have all type of
>pet thing for all you critters need
Sorry, I don’t need any critters right now. Got any varmints?
>we will be open next week for sure
>we are trying for this firday wish us luck but you are all wecome to
>came
Welcome to came? Say…weren’t you selling a picture frame a couple of weeks ago?
>and see waht we have to ofter we will be having a dog wash and
>baiec naile and wah dry we are wnt to have that open by the frist of
>the year
wah dry: your dog is blown dry by a trombone player making sad “wah wah wah waaaaah” sounds.
Rom
It’s so nice to have everybody back! Of course, everyone near San Francisco is on their way to Noc Noc, right? So close, and yet, so not within driving range.
I was in that time zone earlier today (now on other side of country) but no closer; would have liked to stop in. Hope everyone had a great time. Even though we’ve put pictures on here, seeing people and talking together would be really interesting!
I’m getting ads for “Critter Out.”
I got raccoon repellent! I think I better stock up.
“Cat Scram.” I can say that on my own and don’t have to pay anyone.
There once was a questionable store,
It’s name was critters and more.
The owner was spastic,
The money, elastic,
Oh snap, this poem is a bore!
I thought I was just getting dsylexia towards eht dne. Or, wsa it just em?
I’m afraid you misspelled “ti” and “jsut” at the end there.
I didn’t know I could naile and wah dry my baiec. I just let it air dry in its cage, and it seems perfectly happy. Some people overindulge their pets.
I believe this person is using the 12 Beer Advertising writing style. First, the writer drinks 1 beer, then he writes the title line. The writer continues drinking 1 beer after writing 1 complete thought (no punctuation necessary), until he has drunk all 12 beers.
Using this method, the ad writer attracts the potential customer’s attention with a legible, capitalized title line. By the time the potential customer reads the entire ad, he is so befuddled that he is willing to buy whatever the advertiser is selling.