YSaC, Vol. 556: Du bleicher Geselle!
Help – Need twin or lookalike for school
Hi, I’m a cosmetology student at [Place] , a Paul Mitchell school in [Location]. I really don’t feel like going in tomorrow, or any other time from now ’til the end of May or beginning of June. So I need someone to pose as a doppelgänger for me. E-mail [xxxxxxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com] for photos and more information.
Key qualifications are: must resemble me, or be willing to try and resemble me; must dress in all black and look like a professional Cosmetologist; must be able to work with hair, or be good at acting as if you can; must attend school for me Monday through Saturday, 9:30 AM – 5 PM unless otherwise stated; must take up clients and perform tests for me; and do whatever the hell the teachers tell you to do because I don’t want to anymore. Thanks. – Ash
Let’s pretend this isn’t probably a joke. It’s too bad “Ash” didn’t think this through before she started attending — if she’d only thought of this clever ruse before she signed up and had her ID picture taken, it would eliminate the need for the person to resemble her.
The truly hilarious part of all this to me is that this was listed in “Volunteers”. Ash wants someone to do all this for her — resulting in a cosmetology license that this person couldn’t use, since it’s in Ash’s name — for free. Not to mention that Ash will then have a license and no idea how to cut hair. Note to self: avoid Paul Mitchell salons.
Bonus points for the proper use of the word “doppelgänger”, though. Maybe Ash can earn some extra money in her spare time that she finds by not going to cosmetology school by writing term papers for students. She could advertise on Craigslist! I hope nobody asks her to write a term paper on cosmetology.
This newfangled interweb thingy really helps the whiners of the world. The platforms are vast for the venting. And let’s all hope the venting has helped and she’s on her way to class now. Or just drops out…like so many famed before her.
*giggle* The ads up top are for cosmetology schools. No Paul Mitchell salons, however.
“vast for the venting” sounds like a Decemberists lyric.
Ash, you seem different today. And you aren’t making any progress with Mrs. Finklestien’s highlights. Have you forgotten everything I’ve taught you so far?
Sorry ma’am. I had a terrible disfiguring accident that I managed to recover from over the weekend. It has left with with a remarkably different face and amnesia that extends to just before we started the class. I only remembered this stuff because I have a halo of post-it notes around my computer monitor.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, over? I didn’t mean to post here.
TODAY IS LOLA”S BIRTHDAY! Happy and many, Lola!
Hap-py Birrrthday toooo yoooooou,
Hap-py Birrrthday TOOOO yoooooou…
Haaap-py Biiirth-day, dear LolaandSaraJean…
HAAAAP-PY BIIIIRTH-DAAAAAY TOOOOO YOOOOOOOU!
And Sara Jean’s as well. Happy birthday to both of you.
Happy Birthday Lola and sarajean! May all your days be good hair days!
Yes, a wonderful birthday to you, [FEMALENAME517] and [FEMALENAME8058]… you both deserve it, if only for your natural [FEMALETRAIT2]!
Happy happy birthday! Hope it doesn’t allay suck.
Happy birthday to all who have birthdays today! Even those who I don’t know, and won’t even read this!
Happy Unbirthdays to the rest of the world.
There, I’m a big fan of not leaving anyone out.
Thank you, all! Best wishes to Sarajean. I think I remember her saying she would be turning 30, so I hope she’s all right with that and having a good day.
Happy birthday as well to any unknown lurkers who might be celebrating, too …
Best wishes to both of you!
I started a Birthday topic in the forum! Want to keep track and be like a social director, see. 8) I feel bad I didn’t know it was SaraJean’s BD until Ed enlightened me. So here’s a way to keep up. Yes, I’ll make a spreadsheet. Sheesh. 8)
I only knew because it says on Facebook.
A day late and a dollar short, but happy birthday wishes to you, Lola and sarajean! Hope your day was a good one 🙂
And of course, SaraJean! Have a Pithy Birthday!
Happy Gebortstag, ya shiksen!
L’chaim, Graham!
Happy birthday Lola and SaraJean. I have left out kittens in my neighbors yard for both of you.
Mmm, so kind of you bianchi, but I’m full, thank you. Sarajean, help yourself …
Thanks, but I’m full up on cats right now…
I do have some lovely Bavarian chocolate cake if anyone wants a slice.
Thanks everyone!
There is also a not too rusty Viking stove you can share in the field. Bring a truck.
I have no words for the Ash-chapeau, but I got quite a giggle from the Schwanengesang title.
You win the internet. I was sure nobody was going to get that one.
*gasp* First time bumming about the comments section in a while and WINDROSE’S BIRD IS DIFFERENT! I am so bothered! D: Other one was prettier. Looked more like lava. Mmmmm lava.
Re: the ad…I’d definitely volunteer to do this if I looked vaguely like her. I’d show up drunk, set people’s hair ablaze/leave hydrogen peroxide on it for several hours, openly try to solicit the teachers for grades based on sex bribes, and possibly commit a few felonies along the way.
If she gets the license that I can’t use, she also gets the rap sheet that I can’t use, either. 😛
Less Ritalin with the morning cereal.
Or more…
If the Ritalin bit is about my lava comment…well, I try to keep it under wraps, but I have this, this thing, about lava. I’ve always wanted to either eat it or be it, and whenever I see it in pictures or on TV, I’m verrrryyyy mesmerized. I generally don’t talk about that part of my crazy, but sometimes it slips out.
Arallyn, I just changed it to the Norwegian Blue for a while, then got tired of looking at the dead bird, so I swithched to my blue bird of happiness. No doubt I will tire of that “FEED ME!” look soon, and pick another shot of Sunny or maybe my cat Rani. Stay tuned!
This one is quite pretty. Lovely shade of blue. All of the birds you’ve put on have really striking colors.
And Arallyn’s plan gives me just another reason to continue letting my aunt trim my hair. I’m pretty sure she’s my aunt and knows what she’s doing … if she isn’t, then her husband has even bigger problems than I would. Bad haircuts can eventually be recovered from; bad marriages take a while longer.
But think of the killer screenplay you’d have at the end of it all!
…ok, potentially unfortunate choice of words there. Especially if there’s a chainsaw involved.
You do mean downhill skis, don’t you?
Ahem.
http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/?p=3891#comment-23183
Sorry. Great minds, you know…
I saw that eye-roll.
I let my Mom trim my hair. She went to beauty school back in the late ’60s and was a hair model in the early ’70s, so I think she knows what she’s doing. She did let her license lapse about ten years ago, but it’s not like a lot has changed regarding hair.
I have a feeling this has worked in Ash’s favor previously.
However, I have still made a note to avoid Paul Mitchell salons at all cost. 😀
Then once Ash has that license she isn’t qualified to use, she’ll decide she doesn’t really want to go in to work, either. And advertise for a volunteer to take her work shifts.
Imagine her once she does get that degree (that she didn’t earn). Halfway through giving someone a hair-cut she stops, yawns, walks away mumbling “I don’t feel like doing this anymore…”
This might be how the Mohawk was created. “Well, I haven’t finished the buzz cut completely… but I think we’re done here. ”
Off Topic: I would SO buy a not.a.lion shirt.
I think we all would. Amazing idea!
Now we just need Silva’s permission.
Permission, and a high-res image mailed to yousuckatcraigslist@gmail.com so that I can set it up with the fine folks at Printfection, who are printing YSaC’s t-shirts without complaining about copyright restrictions.
http://www.printfection.com/ysac
Ok, I don’t know how it will do on a t-shirt, since the program I use said the print size will be 5 by 6 1/2 inches. But you’re free to use the image. Since, you know, I’d have no idea what a not-a-lion is without this site 😉
Thankyouthankyouthankyou! *places order for future delivery*
OMJ! The regular tees come in MY SIZE! LOL This will be the most popular YSaC shirt in the history of ever!
I’d be quite pleased with a polo or golf shirt and that’s the perfect size for one of those. Then I could even wear it to work.
Ed: snort!
Just get it on a T shirt and call it a Not. A. Polo. Shirt
Pssst ….. http://www.printfection.com/YSaC/NotALion/_s_334552
Ed, I don’t know if they do polo or golf shirts. I’ll look into it.
Yesssss…I love this design! Definitely getting one tomorrow when I find my credit card…
A golf shirt might look cool with this design, but a polo? it seems like it would be a bit odd-lookin.
Yay! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!!!
I’m so happy!
Must…find…money…
Sarajean — maybe you could post a Craigslist listing asking for ideas on how to make money off of your personal possessions…
Arralyn, odd-looking is my middle name.
Cannot resist lure of not.a.lion. mug. It’s sirenous call is making me pull out my credit card…
TM, I could be persuaded to drop the SF in exchange for one of those. While you have your card out, and all. 8)
In Soviet Russia, странный is Ed’s middle name.
Since Soviet Russia does/did patronymics, Ed’s middle name would be Страннович, actually.
SwissKat, did Corey send you? 8)
Oh, цапнуть!
Since you’ve made such a legend out of the man, it has to be excepted that he sends out minions to do his work for him.
(I’ll know to use an emoticon the next time to de-Coreyfy my comments)
Let’s be clear… In my opinion, not everyone providing factual information is a Corey, just those who clearly don’t get the entire point of the website. I think SwissKat’s comment here is interesting, and does not fall under the “Corey” heading.
That, and I just think Cyrillic lettering looks cool. Every now and then I consider not deleting some of the Cyrillic comment spam we get, just because the letters look so neat.
Dan, these Corey Creds will look lovely on your mantle. 8)
SwissKat, no worries, your comment was quite pithy and much appreciated. But I have never been able to resist a little jab or jape.
Why, thank you, Dan and Windrose. I have a long and colourful, albeit not always a happy history with the Cyrillic.
As to the typo in my previous comment: I failed to edit it because immediately after I had pressed the “Submit” button, I had to go to the living room and give directions to aliens who use our house as a calibration point to beam down on their way to skiing holidays in Davos.
*nodding vigorously
SK, I totally believe you! And I know a woman who’s first name is Davos. Her parents named her after the place she was likely conceived. 8)
Does “try[ing] and resembl[ing] me” require grafting a chainsaw in place of your right hand? Because that’s not the sort of haircut I’m going to the barber for.
But you’ve got a tonsure, Isaac. Doesn’t that involve an unspeakably painful couple of hours with a pumice stone, at least if you’re doing it old-school? I might actually prefer a chainsaw – it would be quicker…
Ah, this is just a figurative tonsure. I’m a pedant only a little more than drmk is a nun.
<corey>Speaking of old school, barbers used to be surgeons. </corey>
+10 for XML-compliant corey tags.
Chainsaws give new meaning to the term, ‘buzz cut.”
+10
Don’t try to tell me that’s a chainsaw. I know a ski when I see one.
Hey, wait a minute. If Edward Scissor hands can practice without a cosmetology license, why can’t this person?
He was more adeppt.
Mwahahahaha. I literally laughed out loud at that and had to explain all of today’s post to my hubby. You got the classic “eye roll” from him. 😉
Now I want a croissant l_c.
Why? Why? Why?
I’m not so sure this isn’t a bad deal. Back in the early 90s I looked into cosmotology and found that school was about $15k. Now, provided I look like Ash, I could spend $50 to change my name and have a fall back in the event that things in my current field fall through.
Silva Noir! Wow, first time poster, long time lurker, in the box with fan art that needs to go on a tee shirt! Congratulations, here’s your shiny new card and the first punch.
Oh, great. Now the powers-that-be are picking the Don’t Suck Box based on talent and wit. I’m screwed…
But seriously, SilvaNoir, great drawing. No one’s ever deserved the box more.
The bar has officially been raised.
Whew. Thank goodness I made it in just under the wire!
Okay, who wants to start working with me on the You Suck at Craigslist 3-D movie, toy and video game franchise?
I might be interested. What will be our budget for explosives?
I dunno… what’s a ton of fertilizer going for these days?
Thanks foe getting us on the FBI’s watch list, big guy.
Would that be a metric shit ton, or just a whole ass-load?
One metric shit ton of ammonium nitrate: $100 to produce. $330 to buy after production.
(seriously. just placed an order for the lab farm)
See Bianchi, there’s a legitimate reason to be inquiring about the price of fertilizer. We’ll make sure to file for the proper permits. If Bob Lazar can do it, so can we.
Maybe we should just call those Mythbusters guys. They always seem to have high explosives just lying around.
And if there’s no large explosives just lying around/no budget for that much fertilzer, I’ll settle for a big spool of detcord. That stuff rocks! 8D
Hi Sarajean! Hope you are having a good day today. Welcome to your 30s. Just about everyone I know says they like them better than their 20s. Hope you feel similarly.
Mmmm… detcord.
Just use that time-machine-bathtub to go back to when you could buy dynamite at the corner store.
Those were the days…
Well.. if you drill a hole in the bottom of a Piccolo Pete it’ll explode when it’s done.
That’s about as harmless a firework trick as I know. The other ones would just get me in trouble.
Drilling a hole in it will make it shoot around like a rocket. Pinch it with pliers to make it explode.
*GT, can we make sure you handle the explosives around these people…
@ Lola – It was surprisingly painless. I’m not as concerned about being 30 as my mother is, I’m her “baby”.
She did take me out for Chinese and a nice manicure.
Whee!
*feels very lucky*
Wanted some one who looks like me or is willing to try and resemble me to finish my marriage for me. Must be willing to perform all wifely duties.
perhaps someone pulled this trick off before, and is now thinking, “gee if only I had actually gone to school, I’d know what to do, maybe I can pretend to be someone who is going there”? And thus the cycle continues.
Also I now have “Beauty School Dropout” stuck in my head.
I’m seeing the Olsen twins with that same stupid song playing. ‘Hey, this is an unheard of and novel idea that no one will even expect: we could pretend to be each-other! *gasp* Genius!
This has all the makings of a classic teen movie.
In a world where beauty school is just. too. hard…
One man will step up… with apparently no incentive…
*shotgun chambering* *chainsaw starting*
Bruce Campbell is…
Beauty School Look-Alike
“Can you layer and highlight my hair?”
“Highlight this!” *shotgun blast*
Rated R. Starts Friday
What makes this work for me is the presence of “Evil Ash” doppelgängers in the second two Evil Dead movies.
But Beauty School Look-Alike had better be directed by Sam Raimi, or I’m not renting it.
Exactly! I almost put “Bruce Campbell and… Bruce Campbell in…” but that was dangerously close to Eddie Murphy territory.
Sam Raimi is definitely going to be producing, no word yet on the director.
I’m pulling for Quentin Tarentino to direct. What that man can do with a timeline and firearms (or chainsaws) for appendages makes me shiver.
I’m hoping the ending portrays George Clooney taking “Ash” down to Mexico for a few cold ones as the sun is going down.
Bruce Campbell is currently doing second lead in “Burn Notice,” and my favorite part of the opening credits is when he says, “You know spies, buncha bitchy little girls.”
Per the Evil Dead reference, I am now picturing him saying this with a loaded Sig Sauer in one hand and a teasing comb in the other – “You know beauticians, buncha bitchy little girls.” Then he gets pelted by a bunch of pastel curlers.
Nobody else thinks this is funny? I’ll get me coat.
I wonder what Ash thinks the likelihood is for her to find not just a willing look-alike, but someone who is her twin. Does it have to be an identical twin? Could it be her twin brother, separated at birth?
Hey Ash,
I saw your ad on craigslist. Thanks for trying to replace me.
Bitch!
Your twin sister, Kassidee
Hi, I’m a commenter at [Website] , a You Suck at Craigslist blog in [Internet]. I really don’t feel like making a post tomorrow, or any other time from now ’til the end of Time or beginning of Doomsday. So I need someone to pose as a doppelgänger for me.
Key qualifications are: must use my avatar, or be willing to try and be fussy about grammar and the hyphen in Spider-Man’s name; must dress in monastic habit and look like a professional Pedant; must be able to work with sarcasm, or be good at acting as if you have sarcasm; must visit the website for me Monday through Saturday, 10:30 AM – 11:00 PM unless the post is about a car or a guitar; must take up running gags and make “In Soviet Russia” jokes for me; and do whatever the hell Lola and Sarajean tell you to do because it’s their birthday. Thanks. – Isaac
In Soviet Russia, Isaac make joke for doppelgänger.
Dear sir,
I feel that we may have much in common, and indeed, I may be the person for whom you are searching. I have meticulously probed the archives of this site in order to find clues as to whether our belief systems and grammar standards are a match. During my thorough probing, I have encountered several comments that confuse me, but I believe that you have a good heart and a sincere commitment to the faith.
Because English is not my native language, sarcasm is not my strong point, but I have been known to cause a chuckle or two when circumstances are appropriate. Your “Soviet Russia jokes” do not amuse me, as the proud and noble motherland is never a laughing matter. Those issues aside, I will be able to meet your hourly requirements, in between my frequent self-flagellations.
Always Willing To Help A Brother Out,
-Isuuc
I must agree. You definitely ‘suuc’.
Your email address is probably just your name “at” Craigslist.org, right?
Job’s yours if you’re willing to make the “In Soviet Russia” jokes. But those are a deal-breaker. No one’s going to be able to fake my role here without assaulting the occasional deceased equine.
He said self-flagellations.
He said “probing.”
iSuuc- Apple’s Worst. Product. Ever.
Isaac – This would be my resume.
In Soviet Russia avatar pick you!
The fact that it’s under Volunteers tells me this probably isn’t serious. Ash may just be frustrated with her classes and is letting off steam by making an unrealistic joke post about it. ^_^;
… which is why I started off the post with “Let’s pretend this isn’t probably a joke.”
Oh, never mind. I’ve wandered off into Corey territory.
I think it’s in the bylaws, subparagraph 7b(6) that the owner can not be eligible for a Corey. Sorry.
Hi, I’m a cyborg medical officer on “Nostromo” , a Weyland-Yutani Corporation ship leaving for Earth. I really don’t feel like going in tomorrow, or any other time from now ’til the crew discovers my true identity. So I need someone to pose as a doppelgänger for me. E-mail killercyborg@gmail.com for photos and more information.
Key qualifications are: must resemble me, or be willing to try and resemble me; must dress in white spacesuit and look like a ship’s medical officer; must be able to work with alien life forms, or be good at acting as if you can; must travel from Thedus to Earth, with stops as necessary to pick up deadly alien life forms; must allow alien into ship and perform tests for me; and must ensure the return of the alien life form to the Company’s laboratories, even at the expense of the crew members’ lives, because I don’t want to anymore. Thanks. – Ash
Damn auto-log-in gravatar rrrraww grumble ruin joke rant grrrrrrr
You have my sympathies.
I’m screaming but no one is hearing me.
Wazzup wit dat?
Damn, that would have been bloody brilliant.
I just need to get to that pub in Port Townsend that will take me back to mid-2008 and wait until this morning to repost.
Seems worth it.
Minus whale. Just try not to hook up with your own mom when you’re back there.
Whatever you do, don’t forget your acid re-flux capacitor. And don’t let the guy dressed as Jack Sparrow touch you. See you there!
Mr. Ash, I don’t see it, but I’ve been told that I look very much like an older version of you. I’ve recently been relieved of much responsibility and am very interested in more adventures. Your ad sounds right up my alley.
Am willing to get wrinkle treatment if necessary, at your expense.
Wanted: A twin or lookalike to go to court for me. I’m sick of these cops getting me on bogus, trumped-up charges, and I just don’t want to go anymore. Qualifications include: looking like me, a reasonable ability to act like an entitled brat with a bit of a drinking and driving problem, and nothing much to do for the next five to ten.
Contact me in Mexico, where I’ll be hanging until the statute of limitations runs out.
+ eleventy!
Invasion of the Beauty Snatchers?
No?
Darn.
deer ash: i like dont look like you at all, and i’m like a lot older. like probly 40 yrs. but if you like give me skateyate billion dollahs, i’ll fill in for ya. will i get my hair care products for free? or should i tell your mamma to find you, and beat the lazy outta you? actually, i’d disown ash. lawdy. ive turned into a major geezer. hope she someday gets her lazy ash in gear.
It’s a trick. Get an axe.
Just posting this to see if I can have all 5 of the Talk Amongst Yourself boxes…
Ed ruined it for you. Then I ruined it for you again.
*Read as Jerry to Newman*
Snyder!
So is it just me, or is the queensbee post just a little bit, um *whispers* r a c i s t?
*reads post carefully*
What are you saying, queensbee, that all ash people are lazy?!
She hates deer people.
Good grief, you’re right! She hates ash and deer people! *dials furiously* Yes, Al?
Minus whale?
Get a room!
Cat math!
Yahtzee!
Okay, totally off topic, but Dan the Ostrimu – I’m pretty sure I saw you on Overthinking It. I’m reading old posts, and what do I see but an Ostrimu named Dan, talking about playing Portal and having his wife (Hi, drmk!) watch, and now she knows the song at the end, too. (Wow, that was a rambly sentence. This is why I’m a lurker.) Mostly it made me laugh cause that’s exactly how my husband and I did that too! Is that you, oh wise husband of the Llama Nun?
Yes, it is he! Your keen powers of observation have not failed you … which means you should comment over here more! *nods wisely*
I’ve been trying to talk the OTI guys into having me on their podcast, if for no other reason than the fact that my last name comes before Fenzel in the alphabet, which would hopefully annoy him no end. I was in the same marching band as them, but slightly earlier.
Well, if you’ve already got the alumnus connection, you may not need this, but a couple of the OTI contributors are former students of mine, and if you want me to try to put some “listen to your teacher” pressure on them, just say the word.
Wow… small world.
Ah, I particularly like the fact that Ash doesn’t describe what she looks like, so you’d have no idea if you looked like her until you requested a photo. I might resemble her I guess. I know I’m a guy but you never know until you request a photo…
Ash, you better take the day off. You look really bad in that dress, and, ahem, you need to shave. The customers are talking.
Well, off to work, and no new post yet. That sucks, but I shall, I say, I shall return!
Windrose, perfect reason to convince your husband to let you get a phone w/ net access. Suddenly you start taking more restroom breaks, but what are they going to say? It’s a medical issue. 😉