YSaC, Vol. 599: I’m gonna sit right down…

2010 March 8

Writer Needed For Very Small Job


I need a writer to writer to write a letter for me about an unethical situation to an ethics board.

This letter needs to be extremely heartfelt and compelling.

Please let me know if you are interested.

Thanks

I assume you’ll want a writing sample, yes? How’s this:


Dear Ethics Board,

I wish to report an ethics violation. Specifically, I wish to complain about someone hoping to pass off another person’s correspondence as their own. They have been soliciting for someone to write a letter to an ethics board for them, which they would then submit under their own name. I find this highly objectionable, and would urge that you take immediate action to discipline this person for their actions.

Love and Kisses,
Dan the Ostrimu

What do you think? Do I get the job?

(Thanks for the submission, Naomi!)

114 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 March 8
    Camille permalink

    This person is looking for a “writer to writer” to write a letter. What exactly is a “writer to writer”? Apparently what this person really needs is an EDITOR.

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 March 8
      mudslicker permalink

      This post has The Who written to written all over it.

      When I say I need you you say you better
      You better you better you bet

      Adores: 7
    • 2010 March 8

      This an exaple of corporate buzzwords getting out of hand. Business to business, value add, high touch, action items…much more, too many to list.

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 March 8
      CapnMac permalink

      Dunno, I often communicate with other writers better than non-writers. Except for when I do not, naturally.

      I do try not to engage in convoluted Möbius logic quests though, unless the scribners are keen on Authorian ethos.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 March 8
        Tacowagic permalink

        I tend to communicate better with… stuff. I’m not sure though, I can’t… you know… things and that other stuff.

        But, you know what I’m sayin’ right? About the stuff? And the things??

        I’ll save you spinach head! Stuff.

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 March 8
          CapnMac permalink

          Bad, bad, wicked, evil Zoot! Stop lighting that beacon!
          The Moat d’Author is full eno-!!11!!

          Adores: 1
  2. 2010 March 8
    B....... permalink

    I just might be the right writer to write that ethics board. Then again, maybe not……..

    Adores: 3
  3. 2010 March 8
    Windrose permalink

    Dan-O, your letter is certainly heart-felt, but perhaps the tone is not exactly what this person is looking for.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 March 8
      Caro permalink

      No? I found the ostrimu kisses particularly compelling. Downright beaky, in fact.

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 March 8
      Lola permalink

      Windrose – tone, or facts? 😉

      Adores: 1
  4. 2010 March 8
    Windrose permalink

    So, how much is this person willing to pay the writer to writer to write? And how many people is he or she actually looking to hire? This could get pretty expensive.

    Adores: 0
    • 2010 March 8
      sarajean80 permalink

      I’ll write only the verbs for the bargain price of $12.75.
      Adverbs are an additional $19.95 each.
      Nouns require a credit check and co-signer.

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 March 8
        Lurker From the North permalink

        Adjectives $5.95 each or two for $15.00
        Conjunctions and Articles are two for the price of one or three for $10.00
        Interjections are $25.95 each

        But correct Punctuation is a minimum of $75.00. It’s just too hard to find.

        Adores: 4
  5. 2010 March 8
    TacomMmagic permalink

    Alternately:

    Dear Ethics Board,

    I wish to humbly and sincerely apologize for the numerous indiscretions I have participated in as the chair member of the board. These include, and are not limited to in any way: plagiarizing letters to the ethics board, sexual misconduct with the company mascot, use of board funds to purchase a full set of not.a.lion paintings, purchase of a free red table with board funds, hiring of a man to do all the things I won’t him to do, and many more that I haven’t yet been caught doing, too many to list. I wish to apologize to all of you for being caught doing these things, and I will endeavor to better cover my tracks and uphold the long lasting façade of ethical standards this committee has strived to maintain over the last 50 years.

    Thank you,
    Taco… Err, Chair of the Ethics Board… yeah.

    Adores: 44
    • 2010 March 8

      Thank you, Taco. You made me burst out laughing in this way too quiet college cafe. You are the reason I quit drinking any liquids while reading the comments.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 March 8
        TacomMmagic permalink

        Thank you, I adore being showered with *snerk* praise about furthering the dehydration of board members.

        *Bows*

        P.S. This board made me spew coffee out my nose once. Not nearly as pleasant as I’d imagined it to be.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 8
          mudslicker permalink

          Bernie Madoff thanks you too. Finally, a letter that sums up his heartfelt confessions.

          Glad to see you back TmMm…

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 8
          Lola permalink

          Mudsy, if it’s Madoff then you need a falling-on-his-sword line in there about how it was all him and his sons/brother/wife/etc. don’t know anything about it, so please don’t prosecute them … so they can’t access the Swiss/Cayman/gold Kruegerrand stash (but leave out the last part).

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 8
          mudslicker permalink

          Oh crikey. I was merely trying to cover the Craigslistian faux pas that TmMm touched up and that Bernie was finally fessing up to. Figured we’d leave the sword falling and the other bloody b.s to something other than a “very small job”.

          With Bernie, we should be grateful for the baby steps regarding anything in the ethical and heartfelt categories.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 8
          Lola permalink

          Mudsy, from what I understand, you’re being nicer than I in assuming ol’ Bernie has a heart to feel.
          Fun fact: he lived 8 blocks from where I work. When I found that out, I said, “I thought this was supposed to be a nice neighborhood!”

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 8
          mudslicker permalink

          Lola: Regarding Bernie, I honestly was trying to be totally over-the-top-snarky; meaning that he would be unable to come up with something heartfelt over even something as mundane as a CL ethical violation.*

          *apologies to Kurt Vonnegut for my use of the semicolon.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 8
          Camille permalink

          Lola, work-wise we may be neighbors!

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 8
          Lola permalink

          Camille, really? I’m on Park in the mid-E. 50s. 😀
          You have the same name as one of my cousins and I actually wondered whether you were she, but she has different dogs, and lives in California. No, our apparent connection may be something else.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 8
          Camille permalink

          Lola, I’m on Third Avenue in the mid-E.50s. And I’m definitely not your cousin in California.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 8
          Lola permalink

          *waves*
          Cool – that’s pretty close. And you’re in a neighborhood I like. Anyone else here in our metro area (c’mon, there must be)?

          We could have a Regional SnarkCom. Anyone seconding this idea can start a forum thread.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 8
          sarajean80 permalink

          Re: nose spew – Try it with Cheerwine, TMm. Not only does it burn like the devil, it looks like you are having a fizzy nosebleed.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 8
          Tacowagic permalink

          I nose spewed rice crispies once. That was interesting; thought it would have been better had they not landed in my still rather full bowl of breakfast.

          And once, I did a piece of ham. Ham in the nasal cavity makes it almost impossible to eat lunch meat for several days.

          I love to share.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 March 8
          Tacowagic permalink

          I hate it when I find the spelling mistake just as ajax times out.

          For future reference, in the above post please remove the second “t” from “thought” in order to make the sentence more… comprehensible.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 10
          emesis permalink

          Tw: Don’t leave us hanging!!! Did you finish the bowl or not???

          Adores: 0
  6. 2010 March 8

    Dear Ethics Board,

    Firstly, let me begin by noting that this letter was written by me, with no help whatsoever by another party. I hope it will prove heartfelt and compelling as only something written by me about such a devastating incident could be.

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 March 8
      PrincessLuceval permalink

      Dear Ethics Board,

      Please disregard that last letter, which was actually done with help from another party, unlike this one, which is truly heartfelt and real.

      REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Adores: 25
    • 2010 March 8
      CapnMac permalink

      This is my theory, it is mine, and belongs to me, ahem, ahem,this theory, what is mine, is this: Brontosaurus start out skinny, then get bigger, the are small again. That is my theory, which is mine, the end.

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 March 8
        Caro permalink

        “Much, much thicker in the middle” is one of our favorite family catchphrases.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 8
          Camille permalink

          My family can still get the giggles from the phrase “I have a theory.”

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 March 8
        Windrose permalink

        By Ann Elk, Miss brackets, end brackets.

        Adores: 1
  7. 2010 March 8

    I believe that this ad makes perfect sense if you apply CraigsList logic.

    Adores: 0
  8. 2010 March 8
    mudslicker permalink

    I will be happy to write you a letter worthy of the expectations of quality and high standards that we have all come to know as”The Craigslist Ad”. You get what you pay for.

    Deer Bored Memebers:

    i am a riter to writing a leeter abut an unethuncle situashun to yur ethics bored. pleez no that i am needing to be extreemly heartfeeling and cumpeeling abut this unethuncle problem that peopel are feeling there hearts abut. Thnxing you four yur bored ethuncle hearts.
    <3

    Is this job small enough?

    Adores: 19
    • 2010 March 8
      Tacowagic permalink

      Eye liek it! it espressus much hartfeldt sadnes, u git teh jahb 4 sur!!11!!11elebenty!+

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 March 8
        mudslicker permalink

        I was practically weeping when I wrote it.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 8
          Lola permalink

          From the pain of intentional misspelling? Awww. *pat pat*

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 8
          mudslicker permalink

          That, and the fact that my fingernails spontaneously fell off with each mis-stroke.

          As Jeff Foxworthy would say, “You might be a lexiconophile (my word!) if…..”

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 8
          Tacowagic permalink

          “You know you’re a leper if…”

          Adores: 5
    • 2010 March 8
      PrincessLuceval permalink

      It’s the little heart emoticon which makes it art.

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 March 8
      CapnMac permalink

      Amzing, rly, [name] bad!!11!! $550-16

      Adores: 0
  9. 2010 March 8
    Hartster permalink

    What are either Jayson Blair or Stephen Glass doing? The poster could get Blair to write the letter and Glass to represent him in front of the ethics board….

    Adores: 1
  10. 2010 March 8

    Okay, so Mr./Ms. Ethically Challenged is sooooo concerned about an ethical situation that he/she won’t even type of a freakin’ computer an anonymous letter voicing the concerns.

    Didn’t anyone tell this brainiac that this isn’t the 40’s anymore, and you can’t trace letters to specific persons via typeset?

    Sheesh….what.a.maroon.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 March 8
      Tacowagic permalink

      To be fair, in order to write a heartfelt and compelling letter about ethics, you have to actually be sorry for what you’ve done… or at least good at pretending you’re sorry.

      I’m guessing that this guy is neither of those things.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 March 8

        See, I was thinking he/she was wanting to voice concerns about someone/something/catmath elsewhere in the organization.

        You know, a whistleblower…

        Come to think of it, I like your interpretation much better…but it ups the “ewww” factor by at least 10.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 March 8
          Tacowagic permalink

          As greasy as this guy seems to be, and reading between the lines of how this request is phrased, I’ve been forced to draw the conclusion that he is going before the committee to defend himself rather than blowing the wistle.

          Specifically the following line is very suggestive:

          This letter needs to be extremely heartfelt and compelling

          A defensive letter would need these qualities, whereas a letter pointing out ethical violations of others would probalby do better without them.

          I end my sudo coreyism with this:

          I LIKE CHEESE!

          Adores: 7
      • 2010 March 8
        Artsy Computer Geek permalink

        I think someone needs to look up the word ethics for them. This person obviously has none.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 8
          sarajean80 permalink

          That’s what Google is for. Google has everything.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 8
          IrishFish permalink

          “That’s what Google is for. Google has everything.”

          Sarajean, your comment reminded me of this quote:

          “Disco pants & haircuts, baby clothes…this place has got everything.”

          Anyone care to name that movie??

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 8
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          Blues Brothers, as they are driving through the mall in the Bluesmobile.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 8
          IrishFish permalink

          Yup! Bianchi is right!. I love it! The police are chasing them, people are scrambling and they’re making comments like, “This mall is really roomy”.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 March 9
      jackie31337 permalink

      “Didn’t anyone tell this brainiac that this isn’t the 40’s anymore, and you can’t trace letters to specific persons via typeset?”

      Actually, you can still trace documents by characteristic marks left on the paper by the printer. Despite all coming off the same assembly line, each printer does leave unique characteristics on the documents it prints.

      Adores: 0
  11. 2010 March 8
    screamer permalink

    The ethics board received a complaint about a certain M & Ms science project mum who was trying to sell her kid’s project. No wonder she needs heartfelt and compelling given that was about as low as one can possibly go.

    Adores: 5
  12. 2010 March 8

    Dear Ethics Board:
    Something unethical has happened. Fix it. Or pay me money.
    Much love,
    Stephanie

    I have some sort of disease in my chest. My snark must be in my chest, too, because it seems to be lacking.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 March 8
      Bianchi Sound permalink

      As a doctor, I can tell you for certain that your snark glands are definitely in your chest.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 March 8
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        Can someone write a letter to the medical board for me? It seems that I am not actually a doctor.

        The snark gland thing is true, though.

        Adores: 12
        • 2010 March 8
          mudslicker permalink

          I will because, as so happens, I’m not actually a writer.

          And I have transplanted snark glands. Got ’em from George Carlin right before he passed.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 March 8
        Tacowagic permalink

        Since snark came up, I thought I’d share my latest plag- … fair use project with you all. It isn’t quite done, but I’ve been stuck on a few lines:

        The devil went down to Craigslist, he was looking for a sole to buy.
        He was in a bind ‘cos he was way behind: he was willin’ to pay quite high.
        When he came across this comment board raggin’ on a post and snarkin’ it a lot.
        And the devil created a quick profile and typed: “Guy’s let me tell you what:
        “I bet you didn’t know it, but I like to be snarky too.
        “And if you’d care to take a dare, I’ll make a bet with you.
        “Now you all snark pretty well I think, but give the devil his due:
        “I bet a red table against your soles, ‘cos I think I’m snarkier than you.”
        The boards replied: “Oh well, you want our soles, how original.”
        “We can’t think of anything wittier than a sole stealing devil, that’s all.”

        The devil bowed his head because the best snarker wasn’t he.
        And He posted that red table on craigslist and listed it free.
        The Boards said: “Devil just come on back if you think you get our gist.
        “Cause we told you once, you son of a bitch, there’s a bunch more, too many to list.”

        Adores: 28
        • 2010 March 8
          mudslicker permalink

          I knew there was a reason you shouldn’t be reading bedtime stories to small children. Hehe…glad you kept the “sole” in Sole Train…

          p.s. I hate Charlie Daniels. Saw him in a bar in Austin a long time ago and I swear, even back then, they had to grease the threshold just to get his head through the door. But thanks for sharing Taco.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 8

          That.Was.AWESOME.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 8
          Tacowagic permalink

          I’m not huge into Charlie Daniels either. But the song came up on the radio during my YSaC time and my brain kicked in. Stupid brain and it’s thinking. I’m gonna go attack it with vodka now. We’ll see who’s smart then!

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 March 8
          mudslicker permalink

          With your luck, all that you’ll be able to attack it with will be Bacontini.

          “During your YSaC time”..? Is that anything like Romper Room?

          “Za vashe zdorovie!”

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 8
          Bacontini permalink

          Yes, Bacontini happy to attack your brain! He even do it for free, minus de cost of de Bacontini and a small rehoming fee of course.

          All brains can be attacked wit de Bacontini! Especially de fine lady brains.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 8

          How strange, I’ve had that song stuck in my head since Friday. I guess it ain’t goin’ nowhere now.
          Awesome plage…er…fair use TacomMMmMmMmmmagic.

          ps: I always thought the devil’s fiddling was better than Jonny’s. Proof that I don’t know spit about fiddling or country music.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 8
          CapnMac permalink

          I always thought the devil’s fiddling was better than Jonny’s.

          Hey, that’s a Ray Wylie Hubbard line

          [corey]Per an interview with CD, they actually used two fiddles for Nick’s bit, one of which was tuned backwards to give a definite “wrongness” when “sawd” (to use the fiddler term-of-art I learnt) the same.
          CD is also adamant that any who wish to learn either violin or fiddle not use Charlie’s technique as a guide.[/corey]

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 8

          Christina! Blasphemy!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 9
          jackie31337 permalink

          What I want to know is: is the devil looking for insoles or outsoles? Or maybe orthopedic soles?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 March 9
          Lola permalink

          Jackie, that’s an excellent question. It must be hard to fit cloven hooves. Plus, being thousands of years old, he might want something comfortable.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 March 9
          sarajean80 permalink

          And probably fireproof. Do they make custom orthotics in asbestos?

          Adores: 1
  13. 2010 March 8
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    I can totally write this letter. I have my Bachelor’s Degree in Jive.

    Oh, wait, it says Ethics Board.

    Nevermind…

    Adores: 12
    • 2010 March 8
      Libbysgirl permalink

      Oh stewardess! I speak jive.

      Adores: 6
  14. 2010 March 8

    You know, I’d be more likely to find this funny if I hadn’t spent days of my life catching and busting plagiarists (to many to list). Now I’m just wondering is there’s a similar Craigslist posting out there asking for someone to write a 3-page paper about Hart Crane’s syntax for next Tuesday.

    “It needs to be extremely heartfelt and compelling.”

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 March 8
      Tacowagic permalink

      Actually it’s for the symbology of Gatsby’s car, and I only need 2 pages.

      Err… I mean… damn.

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 March 8
      Lola permalink

      Isaac, I once had a doctoral candidate who was teaching say that finding sources when they suspected people of plagiarism was getting easier because they could find the “original” on the internet. Did you have to try to do this before the net was so prevalent, and if so, how did you prove it? And how can you prove, if you can, when someone else wrote the paper (to spec, not someone copying an already-extant paper)?

      Signed,
      Lola, the retentive, who never handed in late or handed in anything that wasn’t hers (seriously)

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 March 8
        Tacowagic permalink

        If I’m honest, I never plagarized anything either, Lola.

        Making stuff up though, that’s another story. I learned very quickly in my classes that the more generic the assignment, the less likely the instructer was to check your sources for accuracy.

        Granted that only worked for the first two years when most of my courses were “intro to [general subject]”.

        Once I was in the master’s program I learned that there is a bit of an expectation that you know what you’re talking about. Go figure.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 8
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          If I’m honest, I never plagarized anything either, Lola.

          Making stuff up though, that’s another story. I learned very quickly in my classes that the more generic the assignment, the less likely the instructer was to check your sources for accuracy.

          Granted that only worked for the first two years when most of my courses were “intro to [general subject]“.

          Once I was in the master’s program I learned that there is a bit of an expectation that you know what you’re talking about. Go figure.

          Adores: 27
        • 2010 March 8
          Tacowagic permalink

          Ahh, I see what you did there.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 March 8
          mudslicker permalink

          LMAO….touché Bianchi!

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 March 8

        I once plagarized a haiku, and got caught, whereby I was so shamed, I couldn’t comment for the rest of the day. Also, in fifth grade, I wrote an entirely fictional book report. The book didn’t exist, but I got an A. It would have been a good book though, maybe I should write it now.

        Adores: 12
        • 2010 March 8
          Windrose permalink

          I know everyone is thinking it, so I’ll just say it. Refrigerator.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 8
          Lola permalink

          I think that “Refrigerator” should be the book title. 8)

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 9
          mudslicker permalink

          Steve-O:

          I think Isaac has,
          every haiku ever writ
          duly memorized.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 March 9
        jackie31337 permalink

        I’d like to say I’ve never plagiarized anything, but when I was in the first grade I copied down a poem from the other class’s blackboard and handed it in as my own. The teachers never figured it out, and printed it in the class “magazine”.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 9

          Epic Lola. That is perfect.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 March 8

      You know, I’d be more likely to find this funny if I hadn’t spent days of my life catching and busting plagiarists (too many to list).

      You and me both, honey. You and me both.

      Lola — before the internet, people actually had to go to the library and read books or articles, and deliberately retype them, to plagiarize. It made their job harder, just like it made the professor’s job harder to catch — that is, unless you knew the relevant literature surrounding the topic and were able to spot when people were copying from the sources.

      One way to prove that someone didn’t write their own paper is to sit down with them and have them talk about “their” paper: “Can you summarize your argument for me? Can you tell me what the word ‘misanthropic’ means? Tell me about this source you cited: how did it influence your argument?” If they can’t answer these questions, you can be relatively sure that they didn’t write their own paper. That, and you can usually tell when it’s not their “voice”.

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 March 8
        Lola permalink

        Pathetic as it is that people are always going to try and rip off other people’s work, I’m glad that those in charge of grading have a few more ways to catch the cheaters. I wouldn’t have dreamed of it, even back when the internet was still a curiosity; part of it was fear of getting caught and expelled, and part of it was pride/hubris – at one point in my life, not that you can tell so much now, I wrote reasonably well and with little effort. To be blunt, I was probably too arrogant/self-assured to copy.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 8
          mudslicker permalink

          The term is expeeled Lola….shall I cite my sources?

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 March 8

        I usually catch my plagiarists in a matter of minutes, once I realize that a fact or a phrase is outside the realm of their ready intellectual access. (I caught a kid once at the end of a poetry course, when I’d read more than a dozen of his adequate-but-not-challenging poems, when “he” used the word apothegm correctly in the first paragraph of “his” paper.)

        I have, on occasion, had to work harder. Some students will perform synonym substitutions on major nouns and adjectives, which makes the paper read awkwardly, and obscures the plagiarist’s tracks, but is still not impossible to catch.

        I never had to deal with it in the pre-internet age. I’ve often told my students, “If you can find a paper with Google, I can find it that way, too.”

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 8
          Camille permalink

          When I was in high school, a classmate in a Creative Writing class wrote a poem that was so good, the teacher read it aloud to us. It was particularly impressive because the classmate had never shown any signs of poetic genius before. Several years later, I spotted the poem in an anthology – written by someone else long before. I have no idea if the teacher suspected.

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 March 8

        Drmk, did you silently correct my memey “to many to list”? Wasn’t that the way the original poster spelled it?

        Adores: 0
      • 2010 March 8
        Meej permalink

        Yeah… my wife teaches high school math, and when the students are turning in papers (don’t ask – there’s some bizarre outgrowth of No Child Left Behind that has resulted in papers in math class) that, for a paragraph, are suddenly correctly spelled, grammatically correct, coherent, and not quite related to the paragraphs before and after, it’s easy to tell something’s afoot.

        Adores: 1
    • 2010 March 8
      BigUncleJohn permalink

      All I really needed to know, I learned in kindergarten: how to cut, how to paste, and how to share with others. “Sharing is Caring” is it not?

      [rant]
      I mean really, if you ask me a question and I copy the answer from a book is it plagiarism? If you ask me the vapor pressure of mercury at 100C standard atmosphere and I pull it from my Perry’s Handbook, is it plagiarism? It is a fact, right? Unless this is PChem Lab, I do not have to whip out my home physical chemistry set and measure it. So, how is it plagiarism if you ask me what the green light at the end of the dock means and I copy a paragraph from a reference book?

      I agree that passing off research you did not do or giving some original insight that is not yours as your own would be plagiarism. When asked for original thought, you should say what you feel. Nevertheless, when was the last time anyone really had a unique viewpoint on that [explicative-deleted] green light?

      Personally, I have always chafed at the intellectual snobbery disguised as justified elitism so rampant in the Language Departments. I have never understood why they get so wound up in their undergarments over the fact that I chose to cut and paste facts without embracing the joy of re-writing another author’s work. Seriously, I have lab results that need to be translated from Geek to Finance which requires serious legerdemain.
      [/rant]

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 March 8
        Tacowagic permalink

        Facts are different than whole copying for one reason only:

        Facts are not covered by copyright law, the words used to express those facts are. Partial copying of another’s work, if properly cited is allowable under the Fair Use in Title 17 sections 107 through 118 of the US copyright code.

        You may therefore rip off as many facts as you want, provided you present them with your own words OR you attain the original author’s approvial (via written permission) to use his exact words if you wish to use more than is allowable by Fair Use quotation.

        Plagerization in the legal world is understood to be stolen copyrighted content by copying intellectual property beyond fair use without expressed consent by the original author. Further, in instituationalized acadamia it is expected that you do your own work, so whole copying of another’s work is considered, at best, lazy.

        In actuallity, you could write an entire book based on the facts in another book provided that it was all your wording (and not simple re-wording of all content). This has been done in the past… quite a lot actually. Since facts are not protected by copyright law and are considered public domain, you can do whatever the heck you want with them. It meerly helps your case if you can cite more than one source. Cest la vie.

        Glad I could corey that up for you.

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 March 8
          Tacowagic permalink

          It should be noted that people love to sue schools almost as much as they love to sue doctors. So they do tend to be hypersensitive to plagarization above and beyond what is actually required by the law.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 8
          BigUncleJohn permalink

          All facts and ideas are in the public domain.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 8
          BigUncleJohn permalink

          [corey]
          The fair use of a copyrighted work…
          for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching (including multiple copies for classroom use), scholarship, or research, is not an infringement of copyright.

          To qualify as fair use:
          1. the purpose and character of the use, including whether such use is of a commercial nature or is for nonprofit educational purposes;
          2. the nature of the copyrighted work;
          3. the amount and substantiality of the portion used in relation to the copyrighted work as a whole; and
          4. the effect of the use upon the potential market for or value of the copyrighted work.

          Titles, short phrases, and format, are not copyrightable.
          [\corey]

          [Opinion]
          So, to lift a FACT, which is therefore public domain, and paste the short phrase which is its definition from a copyrighted work, where only a fraction of the overall original work is used, into a document which is a scholarly and non-commercial work that would in no way
          substitute or diminish the market potential of the original, is NOT plagiarism.

          So, “The green light is [insert copied definition here].” cannot be defined as plagiarism, yet I would surmise that you have dinged offenders, such as I, as having done so.
          [\Opinion]

          [Fact]
          We are way off topic, and I should have never started this. Mea culpa.
          From now on, I will stick to Snark and Adventure Stories. BTW, it was yellow.
          [\Fact]

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 8

          All facts and ideas are in the public domain.

          This isn’t exactly true. Facts like “the year Benjamin Franklin was born” or “the names of Benjamin Franklin’s parents” are in the public domain, and wouldn’t need to be cited. However, if you opened up a book on Benjamin Franklin and copied the opening paragraph of the book, which stated when he was born, what his parent’s names were, and where they were born and what their occupations were — and you copied the paragraph exactly, without changing anything, that would be plagiarism. The facts and ideas themselves are public domain or common knowledge — it’s the way of expressing them that is the concern here.

          For another example, if someone writes an article making a connection between Author X and Musician Y, and you’re writing a paper about that idea, it is not YOUR idea and you need to cite it — even if you’re not directly quoting from it! The connection was found by that scholar, and unless you have done all of the exact same research the scholar did, you are using their ideas even if you’re not using their wording.

          BigUncleJohn, I sense that this is a sore subject for you. It is for me as well — but for me it’s a sore subject because I have to deal with students cutting and pasting whole paragraphs and pages from books, articles, and Wikipedia entries on a regular basis.

          I find Laurence Lessig’s idea of a “remix culture” simultaneously interesting and somewhat upsetting; on the one hand, as someone who produces artistic, literary or musical works, I want to make sure that my rights to those works are protected for a reasonable period of time. On the other hand, I hate that Disney’s copyright extension act (oh sorry, the Sonny Bono Copyright Extension Act) has made it so that the vast majority of art, musical and literary works created in the 20th century will never fall out of copyright.

          You’re right though — we’re pretty far off topic. There’s always the forums if you’re interested in further discussion.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 9
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          I highly recommend “Fair Use – The Story of the Letter U and the Numeral 2” by Negativland. It documents the band U2 suing the band Negativland for using samples of “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” as the basis of one of their singles and (Probably more importantly) for making the title of the single (U2) bigger than the name of the band (Negativland) on the single’s cover, thereby potentially fooling people into thinking they were buying a U2 single.

          Sounds dry, but it is a great read. At one point the Negativland get The Edge on the phone and he pretty much agrees with them, but by then there are too many lawyer involved, and well… You gotta find a copy.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 9
          Tacowagic permalink

          As put by the ministry of cultural purity: “Are these goodfacts™ or truefacts?”

          Remember, we don’t want to dirty ourselves with inconvenient truefacts when the goodfacts™ are so much more wholesome for the people of Earth.

          Speaking of which, I’m pretty sure the craiglist poster is on the board of cultural purity.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 March 9

          Hey…are you my b-i-l??? He’s an intellectual property/patent attorney with an offbeat and wacky sense of humor.

          He’d agree with your assessment.

          And, I might add, that as a writer (which I am for blogs, etc) I must be ever-careful not to “borrow” someone else’s work. Besides, I’m a snob and wouldn’t dream of passing someone else’s work off as my own.

          I’m much too brilliant a writer to stoop so low.

          😉

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 March 11
          Tora permalink

          Cest la vie? Ahhh, French. My favorite language (next to Irish and English)
          Waoh, I’m tri-lingual. GASP, not the Bi-Lingual rant! RUN AWAYYYY! *snark*

          Adores: 0
      • 2010 March 9
        jackie31337 permalink

        I was taught that it’s fine to quote, paraphrase, or otherwise borrow other people’s ideas as long as you cite the source. I was practically obsessive-compulsive about putting the MLA citation after anything that wasn’t the most obvious generality, or my own original thought (even when I was rephrasing the idea in my own words) back when I was in college.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 March 11
          Tora permalink

          Can music be plagerized? Because I just sent Ysac ™ a VERY BAD rant about someone complaining that Kanye West “sampled” music from The Alan Parsons Project without using a Cite.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 March 9
      jackie31337 permalink

      Even worse than catching student plagiarizing, my partner caught one of his professors plagiarizing the entire content of one of his courses. He brought it up with the dean, who sided with the teacher and gave him an incomplete for the course.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 March 9
        Lola permalink

        No good deed goes unpunished, for certain!

        Adores: 3
  15. 2010 March 8

    http://www.medleague.com/blog/2010/02/17/should-a-nurse-go-to-prison-for-reporting-concerns-about-a-physician-by-pat-iyer/

    Sending supposedly anonymized letters to ethics boards can be hazardous if the complainee is unethical enough…

    Adores: 1
  16. 2010 March 9
    Windrose permalink

    bitbot. bitbot? bitbot. bitbot. Here, bitbot. Punch time, bitbot. Come on, then, get your card out! bitbot, where are you?

    Adores: 0
  17. 2010 March 9
    Murphy Jacobs permalink

    You get the job only if you stop using the plurals “their” and “they” as neutral pronouns for a singular noun “someone”.

    I am now crawling back into my grumpy-grammarian cave, wherein I will grouse for hours about “fewer/less” confusion and bemoan rampant apostrophe abuse.

    Adores: 2

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