YSaC, Vol. 782: Adventures in babysetting.

2010 September 7

Baby setting


stay at home mother would love to watch your kids. perver day but will do evenings any age. reply to email thank you

Ah, the lost art of baby setting. These days people think they can just put their baby down anywhere and it will do. That’s what’s wrong with society these days — people don’t take the time to do things the right way.

I might avoid letting this person set my baby during the day, though. That sounds a bit scary. I wouldn’t want anything to happen to my precious baby. Maybe I should keep looking. There must be better childcare options on Craigslist, right?

~3 grave yard openings ~


I am listed with DHS to provide care for 3 children! I have passed a background check. I have CPR ,FIRST AID,and a food handlers card. I have a safe loving home and look forward to meeting you and your kiddos!

Huh. I’m thinking she might want to take her CPR certification again.

Babysitting profemost compatbales available


Looking for a babmost awesome I can help . We are a quality babysitting business in operation for for the last 11 years. We get several of flexible, porfessional, porfessional babysitters accesible right now. See the babysitters that are free right now : BABYSITTERSNOW

The BABYSITTERSNOW link led to a spammy financial “services” site. But they’re profemost porfessionals! And they’re compatbales with my babmost!

Thanks, Andrea and Barbara!

208 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 September 7
    TacoMagic permalink

    I certainly see no problem at all with letting either of these three people/buisnesses/babmost set Tron. I mean I have lots of perver days myself (as you all well know) so I think it would be a grave mistake to judge these professional, professional postsers prematurely.

    Adores: 19
    • 2010 September 7
      MandaB permalink

      I only want porfessional, porfessional setters for my kiddos. And look – some of them are free!

      Adores: 4
    • 2010 September 7

      I dunno, Taco. You weren’t here on Saturday, that was a pretty perver day.

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 September 7
        MandaB permalink

        Pretty perver day is an understatement. Pretty perver day would also make an interesting band name.

        Adores: 8
      • 2010 September 7
        TacoMagic permalink

        And I regret missing it. However, the in-laws needed visiting and somebody’s gotta do it!

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 September 7

          Says who?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 September 7
          MandaB permalink

          Taco, you’re not too far from my in-laws. Would you visit them for me? Thanks!

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 September 7
          TacoMagic permalink

          Do they have cake or the predisposition for paying when going to restaurants?

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 September 7
          MandaB permalink

          Cake. Homemade pecan rolls. Fresh honey wheat bread with homemade peach butter. Always good food!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 7
          Grampdaddy permalink

          Mrs. Taco insisted on visiting the parents instead of a YSaC day devoted to Penis Costumes!?! Talk about screwed up priorities. Would you like us to talk to her for you Taco?

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 September 7
          CapnMac permalink

          Funny, I always preseumed a conversation which combined “people from YSaC” and “Mrs Taco” would also include the word “intervention” . . .

          Adores: 8
    • 2010 September 7

      1st craziness

      Candorman will “baby set” your kiddos. Perver day is when I take the pups on a field trip to the local pen for a look at some of the perveriest inmates.

      2nd craziness

      I’m assuming by “grave yard” you mean after 10p.m? If not…you’re a weirdo lady

      3rd craziness

      Wtf..? Learn basic grammar, and try again you “professional, professional, professional” R tard. Redundancy must = truth to this waste of unorganized cells.

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 September 7

      finally, some decent posts. I have good news and bad news that are one in the same.

      ~candorman is back!~

      bahahaha

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 September 7
        Jen permalink

        One *and* the same.

        Sorry, pet peeve. 🙂 Welcome back, O splay-legged kitteh of inappropriateness.

        Adores: 1
  2. 2010 September 7
    sarajean80 permalink

    :Man walks into jewelry store:

    “Hey, do you guys do settings?”

    “Of course, sir. Did you have something special in mind?”

    :Man places baby on counter.:

    “Do you think you can set this? Maybe something tasteful in platinum with a few diamond clusters? I want to surprise my wife.”

    Adores: 35
    • 2010 September 7
      LimeLolly permalink

      Diamonds are forever… babies, not so much.

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 September 7
        EclecticBlue permalink

        They’re like kittens, they get bigger… And then will eventually die, and start to rot, and that’s not really something you want on your finger.

        And that came across a lot more morbid than it was in my brain…

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 September 7

          Sounds like another Steven King knockoff.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 September 7
      CapnMac permalink

      Oooh, somebody call Jared’s, there’s probably an excellent niche market in surprise babby settings for that special cohort of our population whose relationships usually end with Deputies and Involuntary Psychiatric Restraing Orders . . .

      Adores: 0
  3. 2010 September 7
    MandaB permalink

    That last ad is like Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventures in Babysitting. They too are looking for babmost awesome.

    *sniffle* I wish someone thought I was babmost awesome.

    Adores: 11
    • 2010 September 7

      I think you’re the babmostest of them all, Manda!

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 September 7
        Bianchi Sound permalink

        My first pet was named Babmost, and I grew up on Awesome Way. So Babmost Awesome is my pron name.

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 September 7
          MandaB permalink

          What are the chances of that? They’re looking for you to set their babies.

          My pron name would be Tessie Lapham. HamCan, don’t even thing about it!

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 September 7
          TacoMagic permalink

          I’d be Jett 78th.

          Sounds more like a lame rapper than a pron name.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 September 7

          I think if it’s a number, you can substitute your grade school name.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 7
          mudslicker permalink

          Bianchi: I think you’re fibbing!

          My first pet was a rabbit. Her name was Sniffer. I grew up on Emerson Ave. So, I must bedazzle Sniffer Emerson on my thong.

          Later on, I had a German Shepherd named Bismarck and lived on Huntington Rd. Bismarck Huntington wouldn’t make me much money unless Jesse James was in town.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 7

          Lapham

          I never heard it called that before…

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 September 7
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Manda, I wouldn’t want HamCan to “thing” about my pr0n name, either.. Which I think is either Annie Antwerp or Nikki Wellington… Annie might not count as -my- first pet because she didn’t like kids and died when I was young, and I moved every 3 years growing up. I like the alliteration of Annie Antwerp, but Nikki Wellington sounds classy in a stripper kind of way….

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 September 7

          I’d be Chuck Del Mar. A totally plausible pron name, but I lack the proper plumbing and mustache to wear it.

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 September 7
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Also, if HamCan’s interpretation of “Lapham” is correct, does that mean that Manda’s pr0n alter ego is a transvestite? Because Tessie is usually a female name…

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 September 7
          TacoMagic permalink

          If we substitute my school:

          Jett South Bay.

          Yeah, I’m not good at this game.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 7
          kelli permalink

          My pron name would be Heineken Dean. It’s very manly 🙁

          *Edit* We children did not name the dog Heineken, our father did.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 7
          MandaB permalink

          Ummm…yeah…I meant to do that. Don’t “thing” anythink, Hammy!

          EB, I’m pretty sure Tessie is not s tranny. I think maybe she just gives “lapdances” to lunchmeat. And not the stud lesbian, boxer shorts and bra qrindinq lap dances.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 September 7

          Thank you for thinking of my thinging.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 September 7
          CapnMac permalink

          People with stable backgrounds clearly make up these rules.

          Nubby Neilsen-Babbett
          Suzie & Buddy Babbett-Bluebonnet
          Suzie Cedar Oaks
          Tabby Cedar Oaks-Preston
          Tabby Preston-St James
          Gemmy Tabitha
          Suzy & Adam Shady Hill

          Not having the one street to grow up on; and repeating 1st pets complicates things.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 7

          Mine would be Lucky Bayles…how original.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 7
          EclecticBlue permalink

          I agree, Capn. I have three more streets that I grew up on and don’t remember the name of right now. Unless you count high school as “growing up,” then I could also be “Nikki Telephone.” :-p

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 September 7
          mudslicker permalink

          CJ: That sounds like a cowboy pron name.

          😉

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 September 7

          “And now…the one…the only… Susie Seagull!

          Unfortunately, this has multiple sequels plastered all over it.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 September 7

          So either Sox Walsh or Eddie Fenwick.
          Yeah… those don’t really work.
          Eddie Fenwick would be a good accountant name, maybe.

          Substituting elementary school name:
          Sox Devine or Eddie Devine.

          (Sox was a dog named after the Red Sox. Eddie was a rabbit. I didn’t name either)

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 7
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Sox Devine could work! You would just have to have nifty knee- or thigh-high socks be your gimmick. *has apparently thought way too hard about this*

          Edit: “Way too hard”? Hmm, that could be taken the wrong way… I have thought way too long about this, then… long and hard…

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 September 7
          TacoMagic permalink

          If we go out one road towards the city and use the first cat I ever had:

          “Shorty Johnson”

          Yeah… that’s not very flattering at all.

          Adores: 12
        • 2010 September 7
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          Shorty Johnson- that’s a hard on to live with.

          Adores: 10
        • 2010 September 7
          anacsadder permalink

          My name would be Sandy Springwood. I think it has a nice ring to it.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 September 7
          Jen permalink

          Wilfred Lucy. Mmmm, geriatric. If I a more recent pet/street combo, I can get Griffin Royale, but that just sounds like a fancy biscuit.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 September 7

          Brer Poplar, Brer Green, Tiny Poplar or Tiny Green. None of those are really working, are they? I mean, Tiny Poplar sounds like something you get an ointment for from the doctor.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 7
          LimeLolly permalink

          I’ll jump right in with ‘Goldie River Road’. That would make an awesome stage name, but the mental image… erk.

          My Bob, I miss that cat.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 September 7
          EclecticBlue permalink

          LL, that sounds like the kind of perver that you get to charge extra for.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 7
          zodiac permalink

          Jack Upton, Jack Colonial or Jack Main…hmmm…Jack colonial sounds more like a sleazy realtor than a good Pr0n name. Even if I went with my second pet(parakeet)and first street that I grew up on I would be Tweets Upton. That one sounds like a bass player to me.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 September 7
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Merri Sherwood. Sounds like I should be Robin Hood’s entertainer.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 September 7

          So… so…

          I’m Gretel Bramblewood?
          Sounds more like a spy than a pronstar…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 7
          Lou Stool permalink

          Grey McLeigh (pronounced McLay). Woot.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 September 7

          If I borrow my sister’s first pet and the second street I grew up on I get Willie Woodhill. Maybe a pronigraphic cartoon character?

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 September 7

          Oh, if I follow your altered formula, then I’m…

          Mr. Fish Whiteoak.

          Nope. Still doesn’t work.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 September 7
          Not My Name permalink

          Ha ha! My pron name would be Lucky Johnson.
          (Also, why do you say pron? Is it so hard to say…errr…”it?” I’m not saying “it” because there might be a legitimate reason why no one else says “it.”)

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 September 7
          Big Uncle John permalink

          Cecil Burke, here.

          Sounds more like a poisonous vine to me. As in, “oh, don’t touch the Cecilburke, you’ll have a rash fer sure!”

          According to wikipedia there was a real Cecil Burke who was famous as a lower-order right-handed batsman and a leg-break and googly bowler.

          Something to aspire to, I’m sure.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 7
          CapnMac permalink

          NMN, that goes to how some nanny programs block things spelt

          Papa Oscar Romeo Novemeber

          but do not block

          Papa Romeo Zero Novemeber (pr0n)

          Which has become a wide-spread inteweb meme of its own.

          —————

          Just got an email from relatives, may have been a shoat adopted from an uncle’s farm in my past.
          Meaning I may actually have a Borg pr0n name:
          11-CR204

          Adores: 3
    • 2010 September 7
      Grampdaddy permalink

      Daddy does – and always will.

      Adores: 2
  4. 2010 September 7

    Scene One

    The perver approaches the babby setting in the grave yard.

    Perver: Hey babby…you are the babmost profemost compatbales I have ever seen…heh..heh…wanna come down to the river and get some “candy” from my van?

    Babby: Wanna see something really scary? Babby produces meat geberts – 20 of them – and asks Ever hear of soylent green?

    Close-up of babby’s glowing-green eyes and fade to black as Perver’s screams can be heard in background

    NO idea where that came from.

    Adores: 26
    • 2010 September 7
      Windrose permalink

      *crosses CJ off the invite over for tea list*

      Adores: 15
    • 2010 September 7
      Yancy permalink

      CJ, wanna collaborate on a script? With the drivel Hollywood puts out these days, I think your storyline would trump all horror films coming out these days. You could do the writing, and I’ll do the managing, and I’ll pay you a small percentage. But if you do something I think is stupid I might have to fire you and keep the script.

      Adores: 13
      • 2010 September 7
        TacoMagic permalink

        You two would never make it in Hollywood. Your script is too good and not nearly derivative enough.

        You need to pump it through the Blandigizer™ so that it conforms to the tried and true Hollywood movie equation.

        Adores: 6
      • 2010 September 7

        Yancy…I wrote a pithy reply to your equally-pithy comment about 3 hours ago…and it never showed as my un-snarky ‘puter was being a diva this morning.

        Sigh…I shall try to re-create said pithiness…

        In my oh-my-gawd-can-your-head-really-explode?! addled-brain (PAIN!!)state this (PAIN!!) morning, I read your “…I might have to fire you…” as “….I might have to set you on fire…”

        See, it woulda been sooooooo much funnier earlier….I coulda been a contenduh….

        STELLA!!!!!!!!!!

        Adores: 4
    • 2010 September 7
      TacoMagic permalink

      *Pumps CJ’s Script through the Blandigizer™*

      The attractive, yet dense and self absorbed teenage boy (played by a 36 year old) walks into “Mall” where he is greeted by also attractive, neurotic and self absorbed teenage girl (Also played by a woman in her 30s).

      Teenage girl accuses boy of something she misunderstands and he leaves in a huff. Girl’s friend explains situation and girl is regretful. Boy is apparently wrong anyway and apologizes for no apparent reason; he is forgiven by girl after tense scene.

      They make out; everyone is happy forever. The End.

      The Blandigizer™ has done it again! Another cookie cutter hit! Thanks for the script CJ, I’ll make sure that you earn a pittance when it makes best picture.

      *Foams at the mouth, goes to lie down*

      Adores: 12
      • 2010 September 7

        Gosh Taco….I truly think your story has Pulitzer Prize written all over it….in crayon.

        Adores: 10
      • 2010 September 7
        mudslicker permalink

        I’d give it a Tony if it was made into a musical.

        Adores: 3
      • 2010 September 7
        TacoMagic permalink

        *Pumps his script into the Blandigizer™*

        Youth is misunderstood because, while being like everyone else, they are unique and special and nobody understands this uniquity.

        Somebody from a magical land/outer space/secret organization realizes the hidden worth of Youth and recruits/kidnaps him/her. Youth has escapades which culminates in him/her saving the world/kids who misunderstood Youth.

        Everyone now appreciates uniquity in Youth because it directly benefited them and there is happiness forever! The End.

        I think if I pump it through again I get an action movie staring a police officer who his supervisor hates.

        Adores: 9
        • 2010 September 7
          sarajean80 permalink

          Or something involving anthropomorphic animated animals who all happen to be professional-level dancers and singers with impeccible musical timing.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 September 7

          So long as the bad guy dies by falling….a….long….way…

          Seriously, think about all the drivel movies that Hollyweird has produced in the last, say…60 years – how many bad guys have met their demise by falling?

          :Jeopardy theme plays in background:

          See what I mean?

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 September 7
          CapnMac permalink

          TM, you forgot to include how everyone depicted as being older than 30 barely knows how to tie their own shoes, has to use a dial phone, and would not recognize an alien if one is standing behind them using a straw to suck out their brains.

          But, the Entire Government is capable of technology far in advance of any alien, and makes no errors at all, as they have all the super-sophisticated tech, but nobody knoes ’cause gr’ups is soe stoopid.

          And, then ‘sploshuns, flashue bits, an kool ‘fects. Then the nerdy hero rescues the girl, ’cause he’s got, like, super powers he never kneww ’bout, but can use widdout any practise ‘coz theys sooper, y’know?

          The End.

          “Mom! Gimme ‘nuther #11.55! The next matinee is starting! Gimme!”

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 7

          And remember that if the movie if a crime drama, the cops/detectives will be brilliant, but if it’s a horror movie, they will be dumb as bricks.

          And I’m very, very tired of the outcast boy discovers powers, saves the day and gets the hot girl stories. Very, very tired. (Ditto of the CGI dancing/signing/pop-culture quoting animals)

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 September 7
          TacoMagic permalink

          CJ: Two words for you: Railing Kill.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 7

          is, IS a crime drama. goshdarnit. *out of edit time*

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 7
          TacoMagic permalink

          I think I’m going to start replacing all my ifs with if. That’ll make things interesting!

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 September 7

          How if the weather? If it raining? If it sunny? What time if it?

          What if the meaning of life?

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 September 7
          TacoMagic permalink

          If you’re using an unblubler, if it raining?

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 September 7
          CapnMac permalink

          Sliva, 42, we all know this already.

          Which, since you mentioned ut, will be the audience share for the CGI dancing/signing/pop-culture anumated outcast nerd boy saves planet and get ultra-hot girl who is secretly nympho for nerds using sooper powrs.

          See, h’wood will fall upon a franchise like this, like a flock of starved ducks upon a junebug convention. This, as it means the male lead never grows too old to be the child star. Which means the franchise can be milked so as to get all the parsites their 2-5% cut in near perpetuity.

          Now, if we took the idea to the NZ fims scene, or maybe the Czech, possibly even the S. Africa studios–then we could get a fascinating movie perfectly willing to lampoon the satire of “modern” media culture. Potentially, even, movies with, gasp, less-good endings. The better to reflect how life often has less good endings. Or that “endings” are largely artifical, and imposed collectively and subjectively. But, I could be biased.

          Adores: 2
  5. 2010 September 7

    Certified food handlers with graveyard opening just makes me feel that I need to be more selective about where I dine out.

    Adores: 10
    • 2010 September 7
      MandaB permalink

      “Okay, I’ll take the #2 meat gerberts with a side of pamper potatoes to go.”

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 September 7

        Pamper potatoes? I think I just threw up in my mouth a little….

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 September 7

          Pampered potatoes: Food fit for a Luxury woman!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 September 7
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Just as long as they’re not Pamper potatoes with gravy…. I already regret typing that.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 September 7
          SpaceBug permalink

          CJ, Since becoming a regular reader of YSaC, I’ve had to acquire a spittoon to keep near my desk at work for just such an emergency.*

          *My co-workers keep insisting that I change my brand of ‘chaw’.

          Adores: 4
    • 2010 September 7
      CapnMac permalink

      [time shift corey]In a tiny (itsy-bitsy) fairness to Sparq, I’m wondering if this is care during a graveyard shift (around 2300-0800) or for people working graveyard.

      That latter group always torn with the choice of sleeping in the morning or in the evening.
      [/corey]

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 September 7

        I do both. Sleep a little before work, a little after. (If you consider a start time of 3:30 in the morning to be “grayeyard shift”)

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 7
          TacoMagic permalink

          Graveyard shift? I think 3:30 am is more like zomb

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 September 7

          I tell ya, most of the time, that’s what I feel like there…
          Didn’t help when a manager one year stopped referring to us as workers and started referring to us as “bodies”. “We need another body over here!”

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 September 7
        CapnMac permalink

        I worked Swing (1500-0100) in my first job out of college. It was a weird experience near Downtown Dallas in the 80s. Nobody but nobody with a “day” job “got” how my lunchtime was about 1800, on the supper menu of every place but the fast-food joints. Or that a simple trip to the mall meant getting up at the equivalent of 0500 for me (if “noon” for the straights).
        Equally weird was that, for me, all the bars closed at the equvalent of 1800. And, since the d-bags I was working for required us to work an hour of unpaid OT, I rarely got to see bars. Just as tough was the required 1200-1700 Saturday shifts–like OT at 0500.

        Adores: 0
        • 2010 September 7
          Moira permalink

          I once worked a 0430 to 1330 shift (Pacific) to cover our East coast sales folks but I never got more than 2-3 calls prior to 0700 Pacific unless something was BADLY wrong. Jack in the Box became my best friend because they were the only place serving lunch at 9 am.

          I loved getting out of work with so much of the day still available to me but it got a little rough when I headed to bed seeing as I live right next to a college and am pretty well surrounded by student housing. Even earplugs didn’t help much.

          I sure hope the houses across the street are rented to slightly less shallow and noisy people this year. The neighborhood was not improved by lounge chairs in the driveways, beer pong and beer skeeball… nor by the aspiring band with a FLAT singer.

          Edit: Damn, I’m getting old, aren’t I?

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 September 7
        MandaB permalink

        Beer skeeball???? My parents should be very thankful there was no such thing around when I was in college. I never would have graduated and my liver would have shriveled up and died. I love skeeball! Beer is great and all, but skeeball! Wheeee! Skeeball!

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 September 7
          CapnMac permalink

          A “Flat” singer?

          Cardboard cutout?
          Would-be marilyn manson?
          Or, as I hope, and under-melodious singer under-taught in sharps?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 September 8
          Moira permalink

          A singer that frequently wanders above the notes makes my ears bleed. But when the correct note always seems to be somewhere over the singer’s head, I want to kick small animals. This becomes a problem when my husband is listening to certain of his CDs.

          Of course, my own aim can be erratic at times, too, so I generally only solo when I’m solo.

          Oddly, an honestly monotone singer doesn’t bother me so much. You know where they are and that’s where they stay. 🙂

          Adores: 4
  6. 2010 September 7
    Windrose permalink

    My babmosts are 20 and 17, and I still wouldn’t pick any of these to set them! Will they get hot meals? Will there be edumacational activities? And what about nap time? It’s so difficult to get a 17 year old to nap. I am not yet convinced of their suitability.

    Adores: 10
    • 2010 September 7
      TacoMagic permalink

      Are you sure it’s difficult to get a 17 year old to nap? It seems like if you just told them “Either nap for 1 hour or mow the lawn”…

      Adores: 9
      • 2010 September 7
        Not My Name permalink

        I know which one I would pick….gnight everyone!
        (Don’t take this out of context later, it’s 10 in the morning at the time of my typing this.)

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 7

          When I was a teenager, it was hard to convince me NOT to nap. *was very lazy then*

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 September 7
          Jen permalink

          I’m in my 20s and could still nap for England. I got into a bad habit during Uni of spending most afternoons watching cartoons on the couch and napping (English and Law meant not many class hours). Stressful life, it was…

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 September 7

      1.) The hard part isn’t convincing us to nap, it’s us actually managing to pull off the act. Believe me, we’ll try.

      2.) Sure, there will be edumacashunal activities! I mean, they’re going to watch those Vegetable Tales things. You know, the claymation version of Children of the Corn X, Cloverfield, all sorts of edumacashiunal things!

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 September 7
      LimeLolly permalink

      What’s a nap?

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 September 8
        Whirlwitch permalink

        It’s the direction of the fluff on fabrics. You know how hard it can be to get teenagers to set a sleeve correctly. Apparently when you’re setting babmosts, getting the nap right is even more important.

        Adores: 3
  7. 2010 September 7
    camille permalink

    I am looking for a setter for my baby.* I would prefer an Irish Setter because they’ve got such lovely coats, but English Setters and Gordon Setters are OK too. In addition to setting babies, must also be able to set alarm clocks, the table, and phasers to stun.

    * This may not actually be true. My baby is a Tibetan spaniel and already knows how to set.

    Adores: 11
  8. 2010 September 7

    *Opens door, tosses baby in, closes door, turns dial on Maytag to baby*

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 September 7
      MandaB permalink

      Oooh! And the new models have the “perma dry diaper” feature.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 September 7
        EclecticBlue permalink

        And the new models have the “perma dry diaper” feature.

        WANT.

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 September 7
          MandaB permalink

          ME TOO! I’ve been changing diapers for almost 5 years straight now. I’m down to one in diapers and one in pullups (only for bed) and I’m over it.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 September 7
          EclecticBlue permalink

          I’ve only been changing diapers for a little under a year…. And if MrEB has any say in the matter, I’ll be changing diapers for many. Many. MANY more years. He’s been baby-hungry since MiniEB was about 3 months old. I thought it was supposed to be the other way around! (Though, I do want a little girl, so I can dress her up in pink and ruffles and bows and such. MrEB would get peeved if I did that to our male Mini…)

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 September 7

          Who knows, maybe someday he can dress up like that on his own, and hang out with Mr. Winkey and Justin Bieber on a cruise ship!

          **I just typed it, and I still don’t believe I said it.**

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 September 7
          Moira permalink

          EB, pink is a MANLY color, just ask any gentleman from Victorian England. You never, ever dressed a boy baby in blue because that would make him effeminate. And ruffles are pirate-y.

          The bows, well, you’re on your own.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 September 8
          Eclecticblue permalink

          Yeah, blue was girly because it was calm… How times and color interpretations have changed! I might be able to sneak by blue ruffles on a tuxedo-type shirt, but he still have problems with butterflies, flowers, headbands, tutus, etc…

          Adores: 0
  9. 2010 September 7
    Not My Name permalink

    If the last poster is a “quality babysitting business,” then why are they advertising on CL?
    Also, it’s quite obvious what the second ad is talking about, they babysit undead children.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 September 7

      Oh good, we need someone to control the zomb…

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 September 7
        kelli permalink

        Diaper changes on human babies are bad enough.

        “Time to change you, little undead Annie. Ooh, I’d wish you’d stop eating so many puppies. The fur is so hard to get off with the baby wipes.”

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 September 7
          EclecticBlue permalink

          THAT’S an unpleasant image.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 September 7
          zodiac permalink

          Everyone knows zombabies sensitive digestive tracts handle kittens better than puppies.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 September 7
          CapnMac permalink

          Wait, if we postulate Gerbets Pet Braaaaiiiiiins for ZomBabbies, doe that not infer zompuppies and zomkitteh about?

          Undead cocker spaniel attempting to lick a person’s brain out would be bad enough. But, ZomCats? Bad enough when the living cats curl around your head a is . . .

          Then, consider the poor ZomCat caretaker, going to all the trouble to bring FancyBrrraaaaiiins home, only to be spurned by the finicky ZomCat . . . (ooh, squicked myself: non-compliant ZomLitter box issues . . . )

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 7
          kelli permalink

          EB – be glad I only mentioned the fur.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 September 7
          kelli permalink

          Meow Mix, Special Brain Formula – now with 35% more gray matter.
          So good, zomcats ask for it by name.

          10th Life, for the finicky zomcats. After his nine lives expire, your zomcat deserves 10th Life.

          Purina Zomcat Chow, gives your cat a healthy coat*

          *coat may belong to another cat or animal.

          Adores: 10
        • 2010 September 7
          Moira permalink

          Many doors for Kelli!!

          Adores: 1
  10. 2010 September 7

    I like the idea of a free babbysetter. But you get what you pay for. Probably a perver.

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 September 7

      Usually you have to pay extra for the perver.

      What?

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 September 7
        sarajean80 permalink

        If you want more than one, does that make it pervers?

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 September 7

          Pervers are what you make a patiho out of…

          Adores: 5
    • 2010 September 7
      CapnMac permalink

      Hey, Ed lost his hat (Laurel will be sad).
      But, he’s got cool MiB glasses! WooHoo!

      Adores: 2
  11. 2010 September 7
    Mindfield permalink

    You know, there’s nothing wrong with this. The position of the baby — and everyone and everything else — can totally mess up the feng shui if you don’t do it right. In fact, back in the day, the feng shui took into account the placement of your baby (or babies) in order to achieve the most balanced TV reception, and often involved attaching antenna wires to their cribs or the ears of their bunny outfits. (Hence the entrance into common parlance of the term “rabbit ears.”)

    Nowadays of course, this practise has fallen out of favour, and feng shui now considers the placement of your young child(ren) important for harmonious circulation of low-power microwaves, so if you’re in an area with bad cell reception, it’s probably a safe bet there are no children in the area — or they’ve shifted into a bad position.

    Adores: 8
  12. 2010 September 7
    Yancy permalink

    As a tech writer, I see money to be made in helping people write craigslist ads. As an ethical human, I refuse to take that money. If I won’t let these people anywhere near my kids, I wouldn’t feel right convincing others to give them business.

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 September 7

      I view this site as a public service.

      Sadly, my parole officer doesn’t see it the same way.

      Adores: 16
      • 2010 September 7
        LimeLolly permalink

        Mostly because the public doesn’t get it. I think they read Craigslist or something…

        It satisfies my public service requirements, though.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 September 7

          Can I trade in all the punches I’ve collected from Windrose for community service hours, then?

          Adores: 3
  13. 2010 September 7

    I swear I commented about an hour ago, but it’s not here. Hmm…

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 September 7
      Mindfield permalink

      Perhaps it wasn’t properly set and fell out.

      Adores: 8
    • 2010 September 7

      Margarine

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 September 7
        EclecticBlue permalink

        Yes, margarine might make things fall out…

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 7

          Duct tape

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 7
          EclecticBlue permalink

          You know, that puppy isn’t really cute anymore, you’ve made it creepy… the creepy little puppy grin with the squinty eyes…

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 September 7

          Eye’s not squinty, she was just a babby there and her eyes weren’t open yet.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 7
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Still a creepy puppy grin, going on about dressing up laphams and duct tape and margarine and such…

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 September 7

          Wasn’t it you that had a “preposition” the other day…

          *Squinty puppy wags*

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 September 7
        CapnMac permalink

        “Margarina’s 25% off” is how the sign I saw earlier read.

        Adores: 1
  14. 2010 September 7
    Adranth permalink

    Does the first ad say that the poster is a pervert during the day?

    Maybe I need to go back to bed.

    Adores: 3
  15. 2010 September 7
    mudslicker permalink

    No. It’s just wishful thinking on their part.

    Adores: 2
  16. 2010 September 7

    Sparky’s new psycho calendar

    Manicday
    Turretsday
    Weirdnessday
    Perverday
    Freakday
    Batterday
    Sinday

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 September 7
      christina permalink

      This begs for a rewrite of “Friday (I’m in Love)” but I’m not feeling up to the challenge.

      Adores: 2
  17. 2010 September 7
    EclecticBlue permalink

    So… the site tried to load in Firefox for about an hour, until I finally gave up and opened Safari. Maybe that’s why we only have 41 comments so far today?

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 September 7

      I was having trouble with firefox for the past few days. Had to use IE. But FF seems to be working now for me.

      Adores: 2
  18. 2010 September 7

    Can only comment from my iPhone. Anyone else having problems with the site? I keep getting an error message “400 bad request”.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 September 7
      TacoMagic permalink

      I’ve not been having any problems. I’ve used Chrome, SRIron, and IE7 without issue.

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 September 7

      Just tested using Firefox, Safari, Chrome and IE and all are working for me. I’ll check with my hosting provider to see if there are any issues, but there never are in these situations.

      Try clearing your cache and restarting your browser; that works for some people when they have this problem.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 September 7
        EclecticBlue permalink

        I cleared all my cookies in FF, and it works now 🙂 Let’s see how long this lasts…

        Adores: 2
      • 2010 September 7

        I finally had to completely re-boot the ‘puter and now….I’m baaaaaaaaaack….

        Adores: 2
      • 2010 September 7
        CapnMac permalink

        When it fully stopped on my desktop on Saturday, I had to clear Cookies, Cache, Temp Files, and then Restart.

        Works in IE, but not FF on the desktop.

        Tablet does not seem to care (other than running IE slowly like the bloated dinosaur it is). But, it’s also 7″ diagonally smaller than the screen on the desktop, which makes for some squinting.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 7
          EclecticBlue permalink

          I had to restart my computer for unrelated reasons, but YSaC didn’t come back until I cleared all my cookies. But then, of course, it forgot the prefilled name and email addy, and so the witty* comment I typed up was lost into the ether.

          *This may not be true.

          Adores: 2
  19. 2010 September 7

    In my experience, when there is a lot of snow, there’s no need for a babysitter. So just what is babysitter snow?

    Adores: 3
  20. 2010 September 7

    I think the last one is pron in disguise. Why else would you need to see the flexible babysitters that were available now?

    Adores: 2
  21. 2010 September 7

    BABYSITTERSNOW

    *Anagram fun*

    Try Swabbie Snot (No thanks, I’ll stick with regular snot)

    Witty Saber Snob (Smarty pants fencer)

    Stow Briny Beast (Sex on the beach)

    Beat Boss Wintry (best your supervisor at a snow ball fight)

    Ribbet Wasn’t Soy (Non-imitation frogs legs)

    Bit Sorbet Yawns (Valium ice cream)

    Warty Bobs Tines (No modeling job for Bob)

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 September 7
      MandaB permalink

      I think stowing the briny beast is what Captain Hook calls “alone time”.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 September 7

        It’s what Davey Jones does with his Kraken.

        Adores: 3
      • 2010 September 7
        MandaB permalink

        And what Captain Ahab does with Moby Dick.

        I’ll just go sit in the corner now.

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 September 7

          Using his harpoon?

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 September 7
          MandaB permalink

          “Thar she blows!” takes on a whole new meaning.

          Hammy, you’re a bad influence. I like you!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 September 7

          She’s breaching captain, head for the poopdeck!

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 September 7
        Windrose permalink

        And it’s what Chthulhu and I call. . .uh, never mind. Carry on. Nothing to see here.

        Adores: 1
  22. 2010 September 7

    OT: It’s raining here today. A coworker happened to walk by while I was half under my desk and asked what I was doing. Without stopping to think about it, I replied, “Looking for my unblubler!”
    It’s okay though, they already know I’m weird.

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 September 7

      Unblublers and ChesterDrawers (especially the French Prudential kind) have made their way in to my everyday vocabulary

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 September 7
        CapnMac permalink

        Well, I spent far too long in the residential cabinet biz, so they were “draws” before I got here. However, I note I have to explain “french pervential” more often lately.
        Which can be hard to accomplish deeplomately.

        Adores: 0
      • 2010 September 7
        zodiac permalink

        I used sweet jumping spice christ while moving furniture the other day, my in-laws stopped and just stared a minute. 🙂

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 September 7

          I regularly use unblubler and other memes as part of my snarkabulary.

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 September 7

      Adding to the OT: Today is me and Husband-monkey’s “crystal” anniversary. I came home to find the house covered in strands of plastic wrap webbing and a giant plastic wrap spider. Yep, he went with the crystal spider from Krull. One of the gifts was a crystal paper weight inscribed with as many memes as he could find a way to use as a way to compliment me. Yep, I found a keeper.

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 September 7
        zodiac permalink

        congrats christina*! That has to be the greatest use of a Krull reference I’ve ever seen.

        *emo band name?

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 September 7
          CapnMac permalink

          What, other than having Kevin Sorbo clean the kitchen and do the laundry shirtless?

          Adores: 0
  23. 2010 September 7
    EclecticBlue permalink

    In the interest of keeping everyone’s inner (or in many cases outer) high school humor amused, I have a couple fortune cookies to share with you. These are the fortunes that MrEB and I got yesterday…. We added “in bed” to the end of them, and then immediately regretted it.

    Mine: “You have strong potential for financial success.” (fits with today’s discussion of stripper/pr0n names…)
    His: “Children will plan an important role in your life.” (squick! hopefully not fitting with today’s ad….)

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 September 7
      EclecticBlue permalink

      *will play

      The squick makes more sense that way…

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 September 8
        Moira permalink

        Now see, I totally read that as meaning that children will invade your bed at any and all hours, ensuring that you never, ever get to use your bed for its other common purpose. Ever.

        No squick.

        Just many small chaperones.

        Adores: 3
  24. 2010 September 7
    TacoMagic permalink

    My avatar if starting to make my brain twitch. I’m going to have to replace it soon.

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 September 7

      Would you like to borrow a puppy*

      *Costume

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 September 7

        The puppy looks shocked and appalled now.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 September 7

          Considering Hamcan’s usual comments, that’s fitting.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 September 7

          It’s my unusual comments you need to watch out for.

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 September 7

        By the way, did HHNF ever return the… I want to say squirrel (?) costume?

        Adores: 1
  25. 2010 September 7
    zodiac permalink

    Thanks to sparky #1 I’m replacing the word creeper with perver when talking about windowless vans*.

    *Except for the expression pedo-van, I like that one too much

    Adores: 2
  26. 2010 September 7
    CapnMac permalink

    Ok, was inspired.

    youji haikei would be Japanese for “Babby Setting” in the sense of flower arranging. Not sure if that prequires special pruning tools, or spaghnum moss to create a split-level effect.

    (For the curious, yoo JEE hah EE keh EE(h)

    Which caused the pun:
    bebisubiki which is babby roosting (as in what hens do on eggs).

    (For the curious, beh BEE soo BEE key–the alliteration making it pun worthy of a Nipponese CL Sparhiki)

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 September 7
      LimeLolly permalink

      Po po kajiwa. – The only remotely asian phrase I know.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 September 7

        POKETTO MONSUTO!!!!!

        That’s about all the Japanese I know.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 September 7
          CapnMac permalink

          Useful Nihongo

          Good day — Ko NEE Chee wah
          Good evening — Kohn bahn WAH

          Yes — High
          No — ee Yay
          Please — Dough Zo
          Thank you — Dough moe
          Thank you very much — Dough moe are EE GAH toe
          Thank you so very, extremely much — Dough moe are EE GAH toe, da eesh EE mash eh tay

          I’d like a [brand] beer — Dough Zo, BEEh rue [brand] OH koo Dah Sigh

          Where is the bathroom? — OH tea RHA EYE, wah doko deska

          I do not understand — Hah eye, wah kah REE mah sen, GAH eye jen des

          Please, do you speak English? — Go MEN Nah SIGH, EYE ee Goh hah NAH She Mah shoe kah

          Advance things like “¿Cuánto es la fianza?” “¡Jugend! Jetz hier mehr „bière,” ici aufbringen, Schnell! Schnell!” Or the ever popular “Какой путь избрать в американское посольство?” will require additinal lessons.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 September 8

          I thought gomen na sai was I’m sorry. Of course the only Japanese I know is from James Bond novels and J-pop (which is usually full of butchered French and English). I also randomly know how to ask where the bank is: Banco, wa doka desu ka?

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 September 8
          Moira permalink

          christina, it can probably be translated either way depending on context. Much like “pardon me” means “please”, “excuse me” or “I’m sorry.”

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 September 8
          CapnMac permalink

          Ah, conversational habit intruded into comedic intent.
          Gomen na sai is “I’m sorry” also in the sense of “pardon me.”
          Since you are creating a situation potentially embarassing to the other party, it’s considered polite to apologize in advance.

          If you have asked a simple question, and your answer provider has leapt out there with a novella of an answer, you use a spiffy phrase:

          Shitsurei shimas — Sorry for my incivility

          In the case of rattled off directions, Shitsurei shimas. Wakarimasen, anata no nipponjin wa watashi nitotte mo yoidesu.

          And, romanji is complicated. “______ is located where” is pronounced as Wah DOH kho des kah, but is written out in the proper way as “wa doko desu ka”. Conversationally, the “u” in desu is often omitted (along with a raft of othes vowels in verbs). It’s a sort of contraction, but not considered poor form so much as efficient enunciation.

          Adores: 0
  27. 2010 September 7
    kelli permalink

    Discussion that may have led to ad #3*

    Financial “Services” Spammer: We need a way to get more people to the site Sparky.

    Sparky: Why don’t we use the Craig’slist?

    FSS: Great idea, but our ad should have nothing to do with our actual site and services.

    Sparky: I’ve got it! We’ll advertise that we have “porfessional” babysitters!

    FSS: That’s good Sparks, but it needs more oompf

    Sparky: We can say that we have “profemost compatbales’ available. Who wouldn’t want one of those?

    FSS: Wonderful, it just needs a finishing touch so everyone that reads it nows how great we are.

    Sparky: We are “babmost awesome.”

    FSS: That’s it!

    *This may be untrue

    Adores: 2
  28. 2010 September 7

    I prophesize prostrated penguins will postulate predisposed progressive pedophiles, pervers, and profemost compatbale porfessional babbysitters to be self-evident; and as such, will propose perpetual propagation prevention both physically and psychically of said babbysittersinsnow for the protection of premature babmost awesomes.

    Adores: 5
  29. 2010 September 7
    Bunnee permalink

    Those were great. Despite my assumptions, I’m still trying to figure out what a perver day is. Does the second one put the kids IN the grave yard openings? They might crawl out. At least the third one is urgent and makes things happen “right now”. Craigslist is probably the last place I’d look for a babysitter, baby “setter”, or anyone that might think they’re competent enough to watch children.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 September 7

      I’m pretty sure “perver day” was meant to be “prefer day”

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 September 8
        Eclecticblue permalink

        Ok, Corey… 😉

        Adores: 1
  30. 2010 September 7
    Tonya Hardesty permalink

    I think I am most concerned that she is a “perver” by day. Perver is pervert without the t. Did she mean pervert or is this just a tragic spelling error and she meant to say prefer? Hmmmm.

    Adores: 1
  31. 2010 September 7
    Moira permalink

    will do evenings any age

    Oooh, sparkette has a time machine! Can you just imagine the fantastic field trips a la Mary Poppins to the Age of Enlightenment or the Bronze Age…

    Adores: 4
  32. 2010 September 7
    Windrose permalink

    I want to restart the pron star name thread down here, cause it’s so hard to figure out where to go to reply on the one above. 8) I would be Midnight Claydell, closely followed by Lucky Washington, and Baby Anza. Yeah, that’s what I thought.

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 September 8

      Other names I could parse:
      Fluffy Third (behind the scenes pron worker)
      Tibet Semenary (enlightened pron)
      Cassiel Parker (Jazz singer?)

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 September 8
      sarajean80 permalink

      Amigo Perry Creek. I also had about a million cats outside so I could replace Amigo with Precious, Sabrina, Tiger, Socks, and about a dozen other names. If I went with current pets and my most recent addresses;
      Fearless Fleming
      Firefly Highway 70
      Simon Country Pond

      Adores: 0
  33. 2010 September 7
    Camille permalink

    Windrose, can I have a punch?

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 September 7
      Windrose permalink

      Not yet, Camille, I’ll be back in 25 minutes (8:30 PM MPT) and you have to share!

      Adores: 2
  34. 2010 September 7
    CapnMac permalink

    “MPT”? Mountain Pacific Time? Macchu Piccu Time?

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 September 8
      Windrose permalink

      Naw, My Personal Time. 8) And I’m an hour late! Darn Facebook games.

      Adores: 1
  35. 2010 September 8
    Windrose permalink

    Camille! Alice Bluegown! The Dynamic Duo of Don’t Sucking! Punchity Punch Punch!

    G’Night, Forrest Lawn!

    Adores: 1

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.