YSaC, Vol. 859: Sorry, Charlie.

2010 November 23

Price to Sell – $650


Red two door sport car by Satan SC1, New radio Sun roof runs price to sell or best offer

The Devil went down to AutoRow
He was looking for a car to buy
He was in a bind ’cause his credit was declined
He needed to reapply

When he came across this sport car
with a radio sun roof priced to sell
and the devil took out his wallet
and said, “Boy, I need this car in hell.”

[more verses to follow in the comments, I’m sure!]

Thanks for the ad, Angel!

174 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 November 23

    I’ll bet you didn’t know it, but I’m a pretty good salesman too
    And if you care
    To take a dare
    I’ll make a bet with you.

    Now you sell a pretty mean car, boy
    But give this devil his due
    I’ll bet a red two-door sport car against yer soul
    Cuz I think I’m better’n you.

    Adores: 26
    • 2010 November 23
      CoffDrop permalink

      The salesman said: “My name’s Johnny and it might be a sin,
      “But I’ll take your bet, your gonna regret, ‘cos I’m the best that’s ever been.”

      chorus:

      Johnny you sharpen up your sell tactics and play your car dealer tricks.
      ‘Cos hells broke loose in AutoRow and the devil has the sticks.
      And if you win you get this shiny 650 in gold.
      But if you lose, the devil gets your soul.

      Adores: 17
    • 2010 November 23
      Mindfield permalink

      The salesman said, “My name’s Paladini, and margins might be thin,
      But I’ll take your bet, you’re gonna regret, ‘cos mine’s the best pitch that’s ever been.”

      Pladini, you loosen up your throat and pitch your sale hard
      ‘Cos recession broke loose in Georgia, and the devil needs his car
      And if you win, you’ll get this shiny Maybach made of gold
      But if you lose, the devil gets yer soul. (And that lovely Corvette.)

      EDIT: Dangit, took too long. πŸ™‚

      Adores: 15
      • 2010 November 23
        CoffDrop permalink

        Heh! I like yours better Mr. Field……

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 23

          Awesomsauce, both of you!

          Who’s next?

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 23
          Mindfield permalink

          Guess I’ll fill in the missing verse before Windy’s post, just for continuity’s sake. πŸ˜‰

          The devil cracked his knuckles and remarked, “You’re headin’ south,”
          And fire flew from his waggling tongue as he limbered up his mouth
          As he drew a sound from his vocal cords, he made an evil hiss
          Then a customer trained his eyes on him, and he pitched it something like this:

          [music stops]

          “Come on down to AutoTown, we’ve got the best deals on new and used vehicles in the entire country! All the biggest brands, Ford, Chevy, Toyota, Honda, Hyundai, Acura, Audi, Hummer — you want it? We got it! Look at this 2011 Hummer H3, just $44,000 fully loaded! No money down, no interest, and 0.5% financing for one full year! You won’t find deals like this anywhere else in the good ol’ US of A! Come in today and we’ll even throw in a set of truck balls absolutely free! Don’t wait, hurry down to AutoTown today for a hell of a deal!”

          [music continues]

          When the devil finished, Paladini said, “Well, you’re pretty good ol’ son,
          But sit down on that hood, right there, and let me show you how it’s done.”

          Adores: 15
    • 2010 November 23
      Windrose permalink

      FICA in the salesroom checking your score,
      Kick the tires and slam the door,
      Looks like this one’s gonna balk,
      Granny, will you loan me–
      Child, we’ll talk.

      Adores: 14
  2. 2010 November 23
    LimeLolly permalink

    Satan SC1 = $650
    El Diablo = $666
    Infiniti = ?

    Adores: 21
    • 2010 November 23
      mudslicker permalink

      Ininiti – $ ∞

      Adores: 13
      • 2010 November 23
        Limelolly permalink

        Thanks… I didn’t have time to find the symbol.

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 23
          mudslicker permalink

          Oh, according to me, ….. apparently that’s the Ininiti symbol…not the Infinity symbol

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 November 23
          LimeLolly permalink

          What I get for a quick check during work hours. Endless ennui.

          Adores: 2
  3. 2010 November 23
    Meredith permalink

    Millionths of doors for both of you.

    Now I have to find that red car that drives around my neighborhood, and send you a picture. The one with the “What Would Satan Do?” logo hand painted on the front…forked tail and all.*

    *Actual car.

    Adores: 18
    • 2010 November 23
      Lola permalink

      What do you want to bet that they aren’t actual Satanists and are just doing it for irony/to annoy people? I’d love to see someone in a really good devil outfit, reeking of sulphur, criticize their driving:
      “What would Satan do? How about, use the turn signal, you lazy idiot!”
      “Hey! Ouch! You just stabbed me!”
      “What else do you think this pitchfork is for, dumbass?” [evil cackle]

      Adores: 16
      • 2010 November 23
        sarajean80 permalink

        As seen on Pimp My Ride: Hades Edition

        Features custom dashboard inlaid with the teeth of unbaptised infants, seats upholstered with five now-extinct species of spider and the windshield washer fluid is made from the tears of our defeated enemies. Modified to run on the anguished screams of the damned, gets 25MPG city, 32MPG highway.

        Adores: 20
        • 2010 November 23
          mudslicker permalink

          What? No St. Lucifer medal hanging from the rear view mirror?

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 November 23
          sarajean80 permalink

          There’s a St. Elmo bobblehead in the back. It giggles when you drive over children speed bumps.

          Adores: 7
    • 2010 November 23
      kelli permalink

      Speaking of Satan’s car, the license plate is pretty funny to me.

      Adores: 3

  4. 2010 November 23
    MandaB permalink

    I had no idea Satan was making cars.

    Ooh, look, it has Fire and Brimstone tires!

    PS – I’ve missed you all!

    Adores: 24
    • 2010 November 23

      Hugs Manda!! We missed you too!

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 November 23
        Artsy Computer Geek permalink

        Glad your back. Did the kids finally untie you?

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 November 23
          sarajean80 permalink

          Halloween candy finally run out and the kids are now comatose?

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 23
          MandaB permalink

          Kids + class stuff + house stuff = really busy and no snark. I hate when my snark runs away. I’m glad it came back.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 November 23
          sarajean80 permalink

          Was it chased away by a herd of wild chihuahuas?

          Adores: 6
      • 2010 November 23
        Tankerbell permalink

        Manda was out conquering the world of math. She kicked it’s ASS, by the way.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 23
          MandaB permalink

          MUAHAHAHA! *ahem* I mean yes. Yes I did.

          Adores: 3
    • 2010 November 23
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      Clearly, Satan’s tired of hitching rides to Hell in old Chevrolets, cloven hoof on the clutch.

      Adores: 5
    • 2010 November 23

      We missed you too Manda!

      Adores: 1
  5. 2010 November 23
    Addicted Reader permalink

    Good morning Snark Lounge. This is an excellent earworm with which to start off the day.

    I’m so happy this will be a short week. I’m not sure I can make it through today, let alone tomorrow. And my advisor is leaving early today, so he won’t be there to know if I’m there. It’s so hard to stay focused sometimes….

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 November 23

      I’m with you AR…my vay-kay starts in 3 hrs and although I’ll truly, truly miss each and every one of you I’ll be away for a WHOLE week. Yay!!

      Added bonus, for the FIRST time in over 30 years my ass is NOT spending all day Thanksgiving in a hot, steamy kitchen.

      Double YAY!!!

      Adores: 6
      • 2010 November 23
        Artsy Computer Geek permalink

        Enjoy!!!!!!

        Adores: 4
  6. 2010 November 23
    christina permalink

    Doors, bees and gourmet chocolates for drmk! I don’t think I’ve ever had coffee in my sinuses this early before.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 November 23
      Tankerbell permalink

      I keep reading that as “government chocolates”.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 November 23
        Lola permalink

        Like government cheese only better worse … I dunno.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 24
          christina permalink

          I’m pretty sure Government Chocolate is IF’s Government Mule cover band.

          Adores: 2
  7. 2010 November 23
    Mindfield permalink

    Well, at least radio sunroof runs. That’ll help keep things cool and provide some tunes in the cabin when you’re driving through hell.

    Adores: 7
  8. 2010 November 23
    Kae permalink

    Sure, it sounds good, but you might want to see if you can swap the radio for an iPod dock or something. Radio stations in Hell are take their hellishness very seriously. They play the “Christmas Shoes” song over and over and over and…

    Adores: 9
  9. 2010 November 23

    I really feel for this guy. I had the New radio Sun roof runs the last time I visited Mexico, and let me tell you, they aren’t pretty.

    Thank the bees that I had some automotive strength Pepto Bismol with me.

    Adores: 17
    • 2010 November 23
      mudslicker permalink

      …are you sure that wasn’t automodium strength?

      Adores: 5
  10. 2010 November 23
    MandaB permalink

    Sure, the new radio sun roof runs, but it only gets 2 stations. One station only plays “Highway to Hell” and “Runnin’ with the Devil”. The other plays “I Will Always Love You” on repeat. I’ll pass.

    Adores: 12
    • 2010 November 23
      MandaB permalink

      Hmmm…this was supposed to be up there under smiling puppy’s comment. Oh well! “And IIIIIIIII will always love youuuuuu…..”

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 November 23
        Windrose permalink

        *click* click* click* Darn buttons must be broken.

        Adores: 4
    • 2010 November 23
      Lola permalink

      What? Manda, while they’re a good start, I think the playlists are bigger than that, and I think the snarkers here can add suggestions. πŸ™‚

      I’m going to go with INXS’s “Devil Inside” for my Radio Hell playlist suggestion, and for “Seasons in the Sun” for Radio Inferno.

      Adores: 9
      • 2010 November 23

        “You Light Up My Life” is a must for any Radio Hell (Your Station for the HOTTEST Hits!) playlist.

        Adores: 8
      • 2010 November 23
        Camille permalink

        “Hot, Hot, Hot” and “Devil with a Blue Dress On” for Radio Hell.

        “Wildfire” for Radio Inferno. Worst song of all time, plus it has fire in the name and features a dead girl and her dead horse. Though “Seasons in the Sun” is also an excellent awful choice.

        Adores: 9
        • 2010 November 23
          Lola permalink

          Camille, I worked at a grocery store which was always tuned to a station that had an evening call-in program. Invariably, someone with no taste would call in to dedicate something to their baby daddy (though that term wasn’t known to me then), who was probably in jail. Favored selections were “Seasons in the Sun,” “Wildfire” (which I considered suggesting, it comes close second), and “Mr. Bojangles.” That was twenty years ago, but whenever I hear those songs … let’s just say I’ll do anything you want if you make them stop. When the stock boys turned the station at 11 to the classic rock station’s “Get the Led [Zeppelin] Out” program, I, no Zep fan then, was always happier.

          *twitch*

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 23
          mudslicker permalink

          we had soy
          we had rum
          we had seasons in the sun.

          Worst songs:

          Any song called “Patches” – sung by Dickey Lee or George Jones. There apparently are 2 different abominations with this title.
          Having my Baby – Paul Anka
          Watching Scotty Grow – Bobby Goldsboro

          either those or MmmmBop and about 75 more.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 November 23
          Tankerbell permalink

          Radio Hell would play “Sympathy for the Devil”, complete with a bonus track consisting solely of the “hoo-hoo” background vocals that stick in my head for hours every time I hear it.
          Radio Inferno would have Maria Carey block parties. *shudder*

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 23
          Lola permalink

          My mother is apparently twitching and muttering that her own personal Radio Inferno would include “Winchester Cathedral.” Grampdaddy may know what I’m talking about … for those who don’t, just take my word for it that my mother is in fact right (yes, I did say that), it’s a terrible song.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 23
          sarajean80 permalink

          The theme “songs” for CSI and CSI: Miami played on a continuous ten minute loop and renamed “The Crushing Of Roger Daltrey’s Testicles In A Vice, Part One.”

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 23
          mudslicker permalink

          earworm alert:

          The whistling part of Winchester Cathedral— performed whilst singer has his head deep inside a ceramic commode.

          Thanks for nuthin’ Lola!

          Adores: 4
      • 2010 November 23
        MandaB permalink

        For Radio Inferno, I also submit “My Heart Will Go On”, “Mandy”, and “Last Train to Clarksville”. Out of respect for our beloved Llamanun*, I will refrain from putting “Hang on Sloopy” on the playlist.

        *bees be upon her

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 23
          Lola permalink

          I think I may have shared this on here before, but (edited version) was at the front of a bus going around a bad corner in bad weather (I was certain that only the right front wheel was touching the road) while I stood just behind The Line, with nothing but the strength of my wrist holding the bar keeping me from flying headfirst through the windshield, and realized the radio was playing “Pleasant Valley Sunday.” More fervently than I can say, I prayed not to die, because I didn’t want that to be the last song I ever heard.

          Adores: 11
        • 2010 November 23
          kelli permalink

          John Denver’s “Rocky Mountain High” gives me the creeps.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 November 23
          Camille permalink

          (I kind of don’t hate “Last Train to Clarksville.” Sorry, MandaB. I’m with you on the other two, though.)

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 November 23
          Windrose permalink

          Why are you people messing with my MP3 Player? If you don’t like the songs, leave it alone!

          *goll-durn writers today can’t even match Winchester Cathedral, that’s all I’m saying*

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 November 23
          mudslicker permalink

          Ooh yeah…Mickey Dolenz singing Pleasant Valley Sunday (or was that Davey Jones?)… the last sounds on earth….like an episode of The Twilight Zone.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 23
          Camille permalink

          I think we may have accidentally left out “Disco Inferno” for Radio Hell. And possibly for Radio Inferno as well, though I think it is not in the same league as some of the drivel on that playlist.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 23
          christina permalink

          Ah the shame. I like both Winchester Cathedral and Last Train To Clarksville.
          My radio stations in hell will likely be the same as the stations we have here. Top 40 crap and the classic rock that uses the words classic and rock very loosely. Like, Hold On Loosely kinds of loosely.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 23
          Camille permalink

          Just noticed something weird. “Winchester Cathedral” was recorded by the New Vaudeville Band – which has DEVIL right in the middle of it.

          Adores: 5
      • 2010 November 24
        ActionBatch permalink

        “Burn, baby burn! Dante’s Inferno! Burn, baby, burn!”

        Adores: 4
  11. 2010 November 23
    mudslicker permalink

    I’d love to see the CARFAX report on this one.

    One owner. Only driven to Satanic church service during the solstices. I’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse.

    I find it ironic this ad was turned in by Angel. Coincidence? I think not!

    Adores: 13
    • 2010 November 23

      I’ve got one of those Satan cars myself!

      *rereads car decal*

      Damn, never mind. My car was made by Stan.

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 November 23
        mudslicker permalink

        At least it wasn’t made by Santa. That one would be running on a V-8 reindeer motor. Only runs great in snow.

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 November 23
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Grandma got run over by a reindeer!

          Sorry, I might be in a silly mood. I’ll blame drmk for sticking with such a bouncy earworm so early in the day. Thanks!

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 23
          Addicted Reader permalink

          *sticking me

          Argh, not rereading until the edit has timed out.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 November 23
        Artsy Computer Geek permalink

        I had a minivan that I know was made and possessed by Satan (I don’t care that it said Chry***** on the outside.)

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 23
          nonsensicalcat permalink

          My last car was named Judas. He rebelled against air conditioning, the cd player, and the idea of windows staying up during snowstorms. You can never trust Judas.

          Adores: 11
    • 2010 November 23
      Angel permalink

      I found that ironic too!

      Adores: 6
  12. 2010 November 23

    Totally OT – but I just had to share the cause of today’s sinus enema….

    I’m getting ready to go on vacation, so one of the PR guys brings me a project that simply MUST be completed before I go.

    No biggie, it’s just a table with some information relevant to our business about different towns with…shall we say, possibilities?

    One of the categories is “Attractions”, and for one of towns (pop. 502) the “attraction” is….a well. Not just any well, but a friggin’ huge well.

    I read it. I blinked. I laughed my ample arse off.

    Ahhh…good times….I can just see this one…

    Lassie and Timmy head to the HUGE well, and…..

    Timmy – “Lassie, look it’s the HUGE well!”

    Timmy leans over to look down inside, just as Lassie decides to “greet” him in that unique way dogs have.

    Timmy – “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHH….”

    Splash!

    Okay, so I’m a twisted sort.

    Adores: 12
    • 2010 November 23
      Addicted Reader permalink

      Okay, so I’m a twisted sort.

      And that’s why you fit in here.

      What was I saying about focus?

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 November 23
        sarajean80 permalink

        But it’s perfectly normal to sort your M&Ms by color before you eat them!

        Wait, what were we talking ab….Oh, shiny!

        Adores: 15
        • 2010 November 23
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Yes to all that.

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 November 23
          Artsy Computer Geek permalink

          SJ – are you implying that everyone doesn’t do that???

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 23
          christina permalink

          My coworker sorts her m&ms by color and then eats them in descending order by volume. She’s the normal one.

          Adores: 13
        • 2010 November 23
          Lola permalink

          M&Ms, Skittles, Cadbury Mini Eggs … I don’t do it as much as I did when I was a kid, but will still do that occasionally.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 23
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Now I want candy.

          I was browsing in Godiva the other day while my husband bought me a present elsewhere in the mall, and it was SO HARD to resist buying something. It all looked so yummy.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 23
          Moira permalink

          If I have a flat surface to eat off, I will sort my M&Ms and then eat the extras so that I have the same number of each color. Then, I will eat one of each color, usually in a rainbow sort of order, and repeat until they’re all gone.

          If I don’t have a flat surface upon which to play this game, I just eat ’em randomly out of the bag.

          (Little compulsive but not terribly obsessive…
          Or is that the other way around?)

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 November 23
          CoffDrop permalink

          Huh? I thought everyone sorted M&Ms alphabetically……..

          Adores: 15
        • 2010 November 23
          sarajean80 permalink

          I eat them in the same order as the visible light spectrum, starting at red and ending with blue. Any browns are eaten first, since they are the most “chocolatey”* of M&Ms.

          *I know they aren’t, but they are.

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 November 23
          Lola permalink

          I don’t think I’d ever discussed this with anyone before, it was just something I did. It’s kind of nice to know I’m not the only one. *dabs tear* You are my people!

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 November 23
          Camille permalink

          I used to sort my Lucky Charms cereal into marshmallows and non-marshmallows, and then sort the marshmallows by color.

          I guess people who poke fun at others’ grammar, spelling, and punctuation probably score pretty high on the ol’ OCD-o-meter, huh?

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 November 23
          Addicted Reader permalink

          I do something very similar, sj, except that the brown ones, being the most chocolatey, get saved for last.

          Also, welcome home, Lola. Welcome home.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 November 23
          kelli permalink

          I did the m&m sorting thing too. I also try to eat my meals so that I don’t have more of one food than another at any time during the meal and that the last bite I take (not necessarily the last bite left) of each occurs around the same time. But I will willing wear socks that are of different colors and styles.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 November 23
          mudslicker permalink

          All I can say is….

          YOU PEOPLE ARE FREAKS!!!! FREAKS, I SAY!

          (vivisecting my Oreos does not count!)

          Adores: 10
        • 2010 November 23
          kelli permalink

          Mudsy, if we are freaks, you’re the bearded lady.*

          *A fake one, like those fat men in December.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 23
          mudslicker permalink

          I refuse to pick up a few extra hours at the mall this time of year. Besides, I’m Scandinavian and the necessary facial hair is a little hard to pull off.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 23
          Stephanae permalink

          I don’t sort M&M’s because they all taste the same, but Skittles absolutely must be sorted so that I can eat the yucky purple ones first and save the nummy red ones for last.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 November 23
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Mudsy, something about pots … and kettles … and takes one to know one …

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 23
          mudslicker permalink

          Hey…AR….aren’t you supposed to be working in a lab right now?

          *shush*

          πŸ˜‰

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 23

          Oh, I sort my M&Ms. The order I eat them in varies though. I save whatever color fits my mood for last and then usually go in order of my personal favorite colors (least to most) for the rest.

          As for the brown being the most chocolatey even though they’re actually not…you all remember the tan M&Ms, right? I swore they tasted like peanut butter even though they didn’t.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 November 23
          Stephanae permalink

          I miss the tan M&Ms. And I still have trouble eating the red ones. They’re just . . . not right. But they all taste the same to me.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 23
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Stephanae, I went about 20 years not eating the red ones. Way back before I was born, the red dye was found to be carcinogenic and replaced. Somehow my best friend in kindergarten heard about the red M&Ms causing cancer, but not that it was no longer the case. She’d had a tumor removed when she was very small, and was terrified of getting cancer again, so she wouldn’t eat the red ones, and warned me off of them too. (So I would give them to my little sister.) Even once I knew the whole story, it took me long time to get over the aversion to red M&Ms.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 23
          Stephanae permalink

          Yes, because of the carcinogenic red dye and the resulting PR problems, they didn’t make red M&Ms for a long time (although the carcinogenic type of dye was never actually in red M&Ms). So when I was a kid, there were no red ones. Blue ones are all wrong, too. The proper M&Ms colors are Brown, Tan, Yellow, Green, and Orange. I just don’t approve of the rest of those newfangled colors.

          I just love that you gave the dangerous M&Ms to your little sister!

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 23
          Windrose permalink

          I sort my M&Ms by alpha, Ms on one side, Ws on the other. Then by color.

          I also sort the meds I legally take by size, and if they are hard pills or nice soft capsuls. And I make all my ducks stand in a row!

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 23
          SpaceBug permalink

          Used to sort mine into traffic lights and ate them last.
          Pissed me off when they discontinued the red ones; wouldn’t buy M&M’s for awhile even after they brought ’em back.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 23
          Addicted Reader permalink

          I just love that you gave the dangerous M&Ms to your little sister!

          I may not have given them to her when I *actually* thought they were dangerous, but I went many years knowing they were not dangerous and not eating them anyway.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 23
          sarajean80 permalink

          If it makes you feel better/worse, I think the red dye used on M&Ms contains carmine, which is ground up blister beetles. Yum!

          Adores: 4
      • 2010 November 23

        LOL! AR I have no issues with foc- SQUIRREL!!

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 November 23
          Addicted Reader permalink

          I was talking about my own focus. Like the fact that I’m commenting on YSaC in the lab, which I’m not supposed to do, b/c then I can’t stop and get any work done.

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 November 23
        Mindfield permalink

        Yeah, okay, I’ll cop to sorting my M&Ms (or any small, multicoloured candies) according to their place on the colour spectrum. But I absolutely do not eat my popcorn by biting off the crunchy bits and making a pile of hulled “heads” that I definitely do not then eat by themselves because it’s like melt-in-your-mouth popcorn without the bits of hull getting stuck between your teeth.

        I mean, who does that? That’s crazy.

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 November 23
          mudslicker permalink

          It’s FREAKish….

          Hopefully, these snack food peccadilloes can be treated with drugs—drugs that can be easily sorted by color, shape, and size.

          Adores: 10
        • 2010 November 23
          Mindfield permalink

          I should point out that I do not eat the crunchy bits rather than just waste them. I just don’t eat the “heads” afterward.

          That would be silly.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 23
          sarajean80 permalink

          Smiley Puppy, try Googling “Japanese hulless popcorn”. It will change your (snacking) life.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 23
          Mindfield permalink

          Hulless … popcorn?

          It is permissible to drool in here? I mean, with a bib, of course.

          You may have just changed my life, at least as far as popcorn consumption goes. Looks like it’s going to be a bit hard to find but there seems to be some mom ‘n pop web store willing to ship bags of ’em. I might just have to try some. Sure as hell sounds like it’d beat Orville Redenbacher.

          Adores: 5
    • 2010 November 23
      Artsy Computer Geek permalink

      Maybe the well was on Peed Road (my personal favorite road name here in Raleigh).

      Adores: 3
  13. 2010 November 23
    Moira permalink

    Sparky has a Price to sell. He doesn’t tell us what that Price is but he is selling it for $650.

    Also, Charlie Daniels ROCKS.
    One of the customer conferences put on by the afore-mentioned business happened to be in Nashville and they hired the Charlie Daniels band for the end-of-conference shindig. That company seriously knew how to make a great party!

    Adores: 4
  14. 2010 November 23

    Hey everyone – I’m outta here. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday!

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 November 23
      mudslicker permalink

      You too CJ!!!!

      Remember the mantra: Cranberry sauce is evil!

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 November 23
        sarajean80 permalink

        Also – Gravy is not a beverage!

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 November 23
          Mindfield permalink

          LIES! Jones Soda says it is. As is turkey, green beans, mashed potatoes, and fruitcake.

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 November 23
        Lola permalink

        Cranberry sauce may be evil, but cranberry juice and vodka can help you fight the evil!

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 23
          LimeLolly permalink

          Cranberry sauce is evil.

          I decided to try to make homemade cranberry sauce tonight.

          Word of advice: Don’t look away from the stove once it starts boiling. Mine ended up heavily caramelized. I have to buy a new non-stick pot now. ::sigh::

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 23
          Windrose permalink

          LimeLolly, do yourself a favor and get a decent stainless steel pot instead. That non-stick coating can be deadly, and is bad for pets, kids, and most living things.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 23
          LimeLolly permalink

          That was the plan. And a sandblaster for cleaning up the burnt offerings. I don’t ruin pots and pans too often, but when I do, it’s done thoroughly.

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 November 23
        kelli permalink

        And pizza can be a traditional dinner.

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 November 23
          CapnMac permalink

          Meatloaf, too.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 November 23

        Cranberry sauce is NOT evil!

        More crazy food stories. I must have a perfectly balanced 1:1 ratio of cranberry sauce to turkey so that every bite has equal amounts of each. If I do not achieve this when serving up my plate and I discover that the ratio is off sometime during eating, I have to get more of whatever I did not get enough of so that the ratio ends up perfectly balanced. I usually don’t have to do the corrective servings anymore though because I’ve been doing this for about…let’s see, I’m 27…so, probably 20 years or so.

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 23
          25 Shoulder-knees permalink

          This actually makes a lot of sense…

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 23

          Ha! I am indeed among friends if my crazy cranberry/turkey thing makes sense.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 November 24
          christina permalink

          That makes perfect sense to me, Bridgete. I’m the only cranberry eater in my house but that will not stop me from making fresh sauce. Tofu turkey, yes, canned cranberries, no way.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 24
          Windrose permalink

          I am so craving turkey and cranberry sauce right now! Stop it! LOL

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 November 23
      MandaB permalink

      Have a wonderful holiday!

      And save the neck for me!!!

      Adores: 4
  15. 2010 November 23
    kelli permalink

    Sun roof runs price to sell or best offer

    I can’t get my sun roof to even run to the end of the driveway.*

    *Okay, I don’t have a sun roof.**

    ** or a driveway***

    *** I do have an end.

    Adores: 8
  16. 2010 November 23
    Litarider permalink

    As the Prince of Darkness, wouldn’t Satan want a moon roof instead of a sun roof?

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 November 23
      Addicted Reader permalink

      Well, there’s no sun in hell, so he wants to make the most of it when he’s driving around on the surface.

      Adores: 4
  17. 2010 November 23
    Tankerbell permalink

    M&Ms may be eaten in a random manner, but Skittles and Dots must be consumed 2 by 2, with both being the same color. Any singles left over may be consumed by themselves.

    Stephanae, I love the purple skittles. Trade ya for my yucky green Dots.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 November 23
      sarajean80 permalink

      I don’t eat enough Skittles to have developed a preference or Skittles-eating routine. The last ones I tried were :shudder: chocolate flavored. I believe they were made by the devil.

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 November 23
      Stephanae permalink

      That’s a deal, Tankerbell!

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 November 23
      25 Shoulder-knees permalink

      Jelly beans are also sorted by color, and eaten least favorite (white) first and most favorite (black) last.
      I also used to eat fruit cocktail, sorting the fruit out so that pineapple was eaten first, then pears, then peaches, then cherries.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 November 23
        Addicted Reader permalink

        I would do fruit cocktail in exactly the opposite order! We should have traded.

        Adores: 4
  18. 2010 November 23
    sarajean80 permalink

    : Looks in Golden Lotus Box:

    : Goes looking for soft pillows and duck tape.:

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 November 23
      Windrose permalink

      Muwa-ha-ha-ha! I’ve got you now, My Pretty! And your little cat, too!

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 November 23
        sarajean80 permalink

        :cringes:

        Not the face! I need my mouth for eating and occasional back-sassing.

        Adores: 5
  19. 2010 November 23
    CapnMac permalink

    Here’s to wishing thebst for all of holiday-ing.
    May your travels be uneventful, that you arrive safe from harm and that all dangers were safely behind you.
    Let there be peace and calm and joyous renunion (even if with **************, er, family).

    Remember those who keep watch; those that stand in steadfast lonely vigil that others may sit and petty bicker.
    Amid the din and uproar, consider all those whose ears still but ring.

    In the garish light, to frightful fashion sight’d, and pixelated stare–consider those who face the dark, who must discern a bump in the night from some horrible fright.

    And, as ever, all those for whom it is fore’er night.

    _______________________________________
    For Peace to be our profession, the wages are unending Eternal Vigilance; no matter by how many or how few.

    Standing guard even sitting behind a desk.

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 November 23
      sarajean80 permalink

      Wonderfully put, Cap’n.

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 November 23
      Addicted Reader permalink

      That’s beautiful Cap’n, did you write that?

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 November 23
        CapnMac permalink

        Above the underscore, yes.
        Have quite a quantity of doggerel in that vein to draw from.

        First one under the underscore would be a former CNO on operational readiness.

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 November 23
      mudslicker permalink

      Is it okay if I’m not going by boat? Will this still apply?

      Hehe…

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 November 23
        CapnMac permalink

        As long as you are extremely careful near the 38th parallel

        Adores: 0
    • 2010 November 23
      kelli permalink

      I must echo the others and say well put, Capn.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 November 23
        Tankerbell permalink

        Yeah, Cap’n, what they said. And I promise to be thankful for everyone who keeps us safe, and say a prayer for those who can’t have them home for Thanksgiving because they’re on guard.

        Adores: 3
    • 2010 November 24
      christina permalink

      Like everyone else already said, well put, Cap’n.
      Happy Holidays and safe travels!
      To the rest of you who still have to sit through another eight hours of work, see ya tomorrow.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 November 24
        CapnMac permalink

        Still no work for me, not tomorrow, in any event.
        No travel, either, other than to run a couple errands.
        Should be about, to engage in snark, unless the college kids have managed to infect me with the current rhinovirus <unhappy face>

        Perhaps the pawn shop will inspire me to further doggerel.

        Adores: 0
  20. 2010 November 23
    Stephanae permalink

    [OT]Wish me luck, everyone. I’m on my way home to hole up against the blizzard.[/OT]

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 November 23
      Windrose permalink

      Stephanae, why do you go to Dairy Queen if you don’t like the — Oh, sorry. You must be talking about weather. Best of luck, and a warm haven at the end of your journey!

      Adores: 6
    • 2010 November 23
      Addicted Reader permalink

      Stay safe, and warm thoughts to all who have the misfortune to be snowed on.

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 November 23
      kelli permalink

      Stay warm and safe.

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 November 27

      Hahahaha…. Blizzard…. That was funny…. (Though, I guess depending on how much farther north you are, you might have gotten more than my half inch of snow….) (Yes, this is a super-late comment. I resisted late-commenting on the M&Ms—I do the EXACT same thing as Moira—but the blizzard was funny….)

      Adores: 0
  21. 2010 November 23
    SpaceBug permalink

    So, I take it that this car does not have a clothespin jeebus sitting on the dashboard.

    *I don’t care if it rains or freezes…

    Adores: 10
    • 2010 November 23
      Windrose permalink

      Not enough doors in the world to throw at you! 8)

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 November 23
      MandaB permalink

      Ironically, however, the air freshener hanging from the rear-view mirror is SpiceChrist scented.

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 November 23
        Mindfield permalink

        Well, Ol’ Scratch does love the smell of blaspheme in the morning.

        Adores: 5
      • 2010 November 23
        Lola permalink

        One of my friends gave me a dollar-store dangly (perfect for rear-view mirror or other) air freshener that was one of those changing ones (depending on perspective) featuring the Virgin Mary. The best part? The packaging warned against letting it hang in too-close proximity to painted or laquered surfaces. I don’t know what kind of “vanilla” scent one has to use if the off-gassing causes warnings like that.

        Adores: 2
  22. 2010 November 23
    SpaceBug permalink

    β™ͺ β™ͺ
    Red two door sport car, by Satan, SC1.
    New radio Sun roof price to sell; and she run.
    Fire and Brimstone tyres, and seats, she got two.
    So if you wear your Prada, then this’s the car for you.

    Adores: 4
  23. 2010 November 23
    Lola permalink

    Kind of OT but in follow up to yesterday’s anecdotes:

    Family. Driving people to drink* for thousands of generations.
    *or other chemical use

    Oyyyyyyyyyyyyy …

    Adores: 1
    • 2010 November 23
      Mindfield permalink

      My mother-in-law is staying the night while she’s in town visiting family. Surprisingly though (given the stereotype) she isn’t the one on that side of the family that’s hard to deal with, so it’s not a problem.

      Adores: 1
  24. 2010 November 23
    Steve-O permalink

    Diablo motors had a hell of a sale, downtown yesterday,
    Word got around, no money down, take years and years to pay;
    When I got there the lot was bare, but the salesman said hold on,
    For a little cash, I gotta two-tone Nash, out behind the barn.

    *It’s good to be back.

    Adores: 9
    • 2010 November 23
      Windrose permalink

      Steve-O!!!! Wow, it’s like an early Christmas! Hope you can stay awhile, especially with contributions such as that. 8)

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 November 23
      Lola permalink

      Steve-O!!! Welcomes!!!! Hope you can stay.
      A million adores for the Nash reference. Awesome.

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 November 23
      Steve-O permalink

      Well, I took a bit of a technological sabbatical, but I’m back for a while. It’s good to see the same friendly faces and a few new ones.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 November 23
        Lola permalink

        Stick around and I’ll temporarily revert to Catherine Deneuve in your honor. (Really.) 8)

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 November 23
          Steve-O permalink

          I rather liked her! I was curious about the current avatar though… I am rapidly growing fond of her as well.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 November 24
          christina permalink

          It’s STEVE-O! We missed you. I had to defend your honor a few weekends ago. I think it’s part of Windrose’s last recap.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 24
          Windrose permalink

          Recaps are in the fora, if you are interested. 8)

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 November 24
          Steve-O permalink

          Well thank you Christina, its good to be missed. I am blushing… Wait, that’s frostbite. It’s -6 degrees and people are having a hell of a time not wrecking their cars or keeping fires in their proper receptacles.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 November 24
          Lola permalink

          Christina Hendricks from “Mad Men,” “Firefly,” other productions. If you like her, I’ll leave her up. πŸ™‚

          Anyway … got any good EMS stories? πŸ˜€

          Adores: 1
    • 2010 November 24
      Angel permalink

      If the devil danced in empty pockets he’d have a ball in mine.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 November 24

        What happened to the other one?

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 November 24
          Windrose permalink

          He doesn’t like to talk about it. Still hurts.

          Adores: 4
  25. 2010 November 23

    car by Satan

    *Opens door*

    “Your door is a jar, filled with the souls of the dammed, BWAHAHAHAHA” *Echo*

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 November 23
      Angel permalink

      When is a door not a door?

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 November 24
        Windrose permalink

        When it’s a jar.

        Adores: 3
  26. 2010 November 24
    Windrose permalink

    sarajean80, here is a Punchity Punch Punch that will give you wings!

    G’Night, Spring Hill!

    Adores: 2

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