YSaC, Vol. 1064: Ride the lightning.
Looking for Sound & Lightning Person
Gods will productions is looking for someone who knows sound and lightning, someone who can work with cordless mics, sound board, and lightning for a new stage play LOVE HURTS which goes up march 2-7, that person must be at tech rehearsal to on monday march 1, we do not have a big budget, the pay is small , so let’s discuss, we will be in a off-broadway theater, with a very good chance to take the play on the road with various producers coming to the show and will be ask if you want to travel with us. if you have a price in mind you can also put it in your email back to me. 1 tec day, the run is 2-7. please email me as soon as possible please leave all info and numbers, thank you and god bless.
They’re looking for someone who knows lightning? Apparently Zeus and Thor were unavailable for this production. They must only work the union scale jobs. Knowing lightning is such a specialized skill; they were probably already booked for Spider-man: Turn Off the Stupid.
Thanks for the ad, Johanna!
Well, let’s see….if God needs someone to do lightning and sound…
Cecil B. DeMille comes to mind, and I’m pretty sure he’s dead so maybe God could look him up?
Yeah, try the Lamb’s Book.
You want to know if I’ll travel around the country shooting lightning at people?
HELLS YES!!!
Where do I sign up?
If God’s not willing, the curtain won’t rise.
Who’ll do the sound and lightning,
O God off-Broadway, who?
The lightning, Lord, the lightning,
Small pay and travel, too.
Grounded mimes need not apply.
Love hurts a lot more when lightning is being sprayed at the cast from the catwalk.
Actually, I’d go to see that.
Sent a bolt of lightning, very very frightening me!
Mama Mia! Mama Mia let me go!
I can never hear that song without thinking of the scene in the Wayne’s World movie where they headbang.
I was in college when that came out, and if it came on when we were in the car, we would inevitably headbang for at least a few beats, whether or not we even wanted to. And any time (I remember Easter Sunday morning, for example). Such is the power of popular culture.
He’s just a poor boy in a low-budget pay. Spare him his life, and just give some small pay.
Sound and lightning? Would this sound be thunder, by any chance?
No, I’m pretty sure it’s the sound of unicorns prancing across rainbows.
Or kittens in clouds.
Definitely one of those.
Probably.
Only if it’s delicate.
ALL SOUND AND NO LIGHTENING MAKE SPARKY A DULL BOY. ALL SOUND AND NO LIGHTENING MAKE SPARKY A DULL BOY. ALL SOUND AND NO LIGHTENING MAKE SPARKY A DULL BOY. ALL SOUND AND NO LIGHTENING MAKE SPARKY A DULL BOY. ALL SOUND AND NO LIGHTENING MAKE SPARKY A DULL BOY. ALL SOUND AND NO LIGHTENING MAKE SPARKY A DULL BOY. ALL SOUND AND NO LIGHTENING MAKE SPARKY A DULL BOY. ALL SOUND AND NO LIGHTENING MAKE SPARKY A DULL BOY. ALL SOUND AND NO LIGHTENING MAKE SPARKY A DULL BOY. ALL SOUND AND NO LIGHTENING MAKE SPARKY A DULL BOY. ALL SOUND AND NO LIGHTENING MAKE SPARKY A DULL BOY. ALL SOUND AND NO LIGHTENING MAKE SPARKY A DULL BOY. ALL SOUND AND NO LIGHTENING MAKE SPARKY A DULL BOY. ALL SOUND AND NO LIGHTENING MAKE SPARKY A DULL BOY. ALL SOUND AND NO LIGHTENING MAKE SPARKY A DULL BOY. ALL SOUND AND NO LIGHTENING MAKE SPARKY A DULL BOY. ALL SOUND AND NO LIGHTENING MAKE SPARKY A DULL BOY. ALL SOUND AND NO LIGHTENING MAKE SPARKY A DULL BOY. ALL SOUND AND NO LIGHTENING MAKE SPARKY A DULL BOY. ALL SOUND AND NO LIGHTENING MAKE SPARKY A DULL BOY. ALL SOUND AND NO LIGHTENING MAKE SPARKY A DULL BOY. ALL SOUND AND NO LIGHTENING MAKE SPARKY A DULL BOY.
Pay is small, but there’s the opportunity to steal our thunder.
I had to put CJ and Jen in the box together today, but since they are in different time zones it should work out, right?
So long as Jen brings the kibble and (sparkle)bits, I’m happy.
Whee I’m inna box!! Huh, why do I always get in then box around my performance reviews?
CJ, I’ll leave a copy of tomorrow’s paper in here, just make sure you don’t take the race results I’ve circled and bet on them! That’d be breaking the laws of time and I could get into trouble. ‘Course, a windfall on Race 7 (Sparklebits to place) could help a girl in trouble a lot…
This must be a play about weather people in love.
They really need this replacement. After their last concert the lightning guy bolted.
But I heard the play really sizzled .
You should have heard the audience – the applause was thunderous.
Review for LOVE HURTS: Electrifying!
(Sorry, that’s all I’ve got. You folks were waaaaay funny early today.)
It’s important that they hire a well-grounded person. The cast is all charged-up and ready to go.
Shocking!
Revolting!
Very current.
OHMMMMMMMMMMMMM………OHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM……..
Resistance is futile!
We shall take your potential and add it to our own.
You have been assimilated, your new Borg name is Electrocutus.
Electrocutus: That’s my old vacuum.
I remember that one. We did an outdoor photo-shoot so you could sell it on Craigslist. How’d that go?
Folks kept trying to pay me in “OBOs”. I was all like b—- please, and they were all like…
Long story short, I set it loose in the woods and let it roam free. On quiet nights sometimes you can hear it still.
A roamin vacuum – that sucks, FM…….
Listen, call me on the telephone
Sorry love, I’m not at home
I’m out on the town roamin
Leave a message after the tone
And I’ll get back to you in the nornin, oh yeah
The combination of the name being “Gods will productions”, and the statement that “pay is small” suggests that pay will be non-existent.
God’s will, you know…
Yeah, those Gods. For being all powerful they sure are lousy tippers. They probably make pretty bad bosses too…
Terrible bosses for sure. They’re all, “I know everything. I made everything. Don’t make me smite you!”
Or send plagues upon you…. plagues are no fun.
The worst is the vermicious kinids.
I love you so much for mentioning the Vermicious Knids! I was trying to explain to someone about them the other day and she insinuated I had made up the entire sequel!! Kids these days, won’t believe the title character of a popular children’s book went to space and fought shape-changing aliens!
Also, rather hard to send that second deputy or constable with the subpoena to answer for the floods, disasters, plagues and the like, too.
Having directed a few shows, I could seriously see the wisdom of having a lightning technician.
Sally, you’re a quarter-tone flat again on your solo. ZOT
Jim, the waltz is a three count, not a five-and-a-half. BZZT
Get your blocking wrong? Do so at your own risk. kaPOW
Note to self: get portable Tesla coil for next production.
I predict this is the future of game shows. People will be struck down by lightning or hacked into pieces or hit by a train on stage if they miss the questions. Imagine true to life games of Hangman. You want reality TV? Here ya go.
*CoughcoughDrWhodiditcoughcough*
Thundering,
standing hair,
Actors jump
Million Volts
They can’t act
Dancing sucks
Send my bolts
At their knees
With my lightning I will
Shock the play.
With my lightning I will
Charge the acts and sell the seats and
Make a big
Big smash hit
Hit in town
Then Broadway
Zap New York
Like a storm
U.S. Tour
Anyway
With my lightning I will
Shock, L.A.
It’s not a Force skill
Or a rain cloud
It’s a wire coil
Made it in my lab with some foil
Tesela helped me build it right
Shock all the people left and right
I make them dance with greater skill
Because I aim to harm, not Kiiiiiiiiiiillllll
So that’s the plan
Host a play
Shock them all
Every day.
Dance with skill
Hop and Jerk
Convulse too
It’s Okay
With my lightning I will
shock-
Why does this not have more doors?! Thank you for the earworm, bro… I must remember to add the soundtrack to my playlist.
Zillions of doors zapping your way.
It takes me until this momenen to realize that I typo’d “hop” as “hope”.
*Sigh*
I’ll fix it tonight. Should I fix momenen too?
*Facepalm*
Naw, might as well make a definition for it instead.
Okay, hope is now hop, and momenen is the time it takes to realize your comment doesn’t mean what you think it means.
This post is the message I fear will be waiting for me on the answering machine when I get back from vacation.
Ohh, look, a sea lion!
Well, which sort of theocratic thespian-ism is left open to interpretation (and interpolation). We have to presume whether a possessive was meant rather than a plural; the lack of an upper case “W” in will, also poses more questions than answers.
So, perhaps, this is some sort of Luddite devotional group. One which eschews such base wickedness as electricity. Which means illumination effects would require some other sort of ministration.
Now, the thought of a group limited to only Elizabethian education. q.v. the M.Night.Shamananadingdong movie, fails since somebody was on the intertubes long enough to post a CL ad.
Or, it’s all sounds and furies, signifying nothing but Sparki are idiot.
Those damned Scientologist ninjas!!!!!!
Zeus
1234 Mt Olympus Road
Greecetown, Greece
(555) 123-4567
Greetings, mortal! I would like to respond to your Craigslist ad for a Lightning Specialist. I believe I have the proper qualifications to take on this position. My qualifications are as follows:
1.) I’m a God… who throws lightning.
I believe that about sums it up. If you’re interested, please contact me.
Cordially,
Zeus
“Greecetown, Greece”
Bwahahahahahaha!
Slick.
Greeced Lightning?
Power corrupts. Electric power corrupts shockingly. He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind.
I suspect this is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
More overused aphorisms available on request.
Using God and lightning in the same ad makes me nervous. Reminds me of my last smiting.
They’ll smite you ’til you’re smitten!
(I wouldn’t mind getting a good smiting from Thor of the recent movie. Ga-row.)
…I honestly thought that said “cordless MICE,” so my first thought was they’re going to electrocute tail-less little mousies. Hoo boy.
Gads.
40 minutes of SCENE
With Sparkie interacting with disembodied deities creating competing SFX to vie for the stage-hand job (and a side appearance by Quetzalcoatl) . . .
All lost to a stupid missed keystroke . . .
Zero may be our Hero, but the Hypen is our Handyman. With just a little bit of effort…
*grunts, sounds of chainsaws, hammers, more grunts*
Mr. Hyphen can change this
“stage-hand job”
to this
“stage hand-job”
And I learned all here on YSaC. Yes. Yes I did. What a sweet ass-site.
To the corner!
*zing!*
I was thinking along the same lines…
It’s a hard on to avoid.
*snorts her drink* Dear God, Jen… corner with thee!
I don’t have to go to the corner, ‘cos it’s FRIDAY and hometime in 41 minutes!!! Wheeeeeee!!! *spins on chair with sippy cup full of beer*
This seems like a good time to do this:
Jen and CJ, Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Sweet Prince, and flight of angles sing thee to thy rest! *cue thunder and lightning*
Whee!!! *soars on cables, gets stuck, douses audience with sippy-cup-beer*
Best. Play. Ever.