YSaC, Vol. 1204: Truckin’.

2012 March 8

1983 ford? van truck thing – $6000

ford caberliot onversion afun ride turns heads going down the road 460 power almost close to good on gas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ph#xxx-xxx-xxxx

It’s almost close to not entirely hideous, too. But it’s less almost close to that. This is like Ford’s answer to the Chevy El Camino (otherwise known as the world’s ugliest car/truck thing), except Ford decided that making a van/truck thing would be even more of a spectacularly bad idea.

Okay, so someone is going to post in the comments about how this particular Ford van truck thing is somehow ostensibly awesome because it has a built-in dual-cam overhead bivalve 16 gauge double barrel piston rotor engine mounted something or other, but there is NO. WAY. that you can convince me that this thing is anything other than a bad idea.

This is the product of two guys sitting around an oil barrel bonfire saying, “Well, what if you wanted to be able to haul sheets of plywood AND get laid in your truck at the same time? I know! Let’s cut the back half off of your van and build a velvet banquette seat into the cab of the truck!”

Thanks, J.Z.!

75 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 March 8
    Ralph permalink

    It’s almost a Van White — from the Wheel of Ford Hewn.

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 March 8
      funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

      Wow. I just now got that. Pat, can I buy a derp?!

      Adores: 0
  2. 2012 March 8
    tigprincess permalink

    If that came past me I’d turn my head in a “WTF?” kind of way … rather than a “Oh! my golly gosh! what a superb example of vehicular excellence” way.

    Or …ewee!! … does Sparkie 2 on the banquette actually ‘turn heads’?

    Before my brain goes any further I’m off to the corner and I’m taking my radio with me because David Tennant is coming onto bbc radio 4 in 45 mins in a play about falling in love via emails. ’nuff said!

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 March 8

      Sometimes being an American bites the big one.

      Adores: 3
      • 2012 March 8
        Lola permalink

        ghostie, sometimes the BBC has such things on podcast. I have caught them, and regularly stream Radio 4 so I know we can get it here.

        Adores: 1
  3. 2012 March 8

    I think that Sparky had been drinking too much caberliot before coming up with this.

    [Corey]The Chevy El Camino was GM’s answer to the Ford Ranchero.[/Corey]

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 March 8

      Canyonero!

      Adores: 5
    • 2012 March 8
      Lola permalink

      *impotently shakes puny fist at Dave and Ferret*
      Dang! You took my caberliot joke. That was my first thought.

      Adores: 3
    • 2012 March 8
      camille permalink

      Not.a.caberliot?

      Adores: 1
    • 2012 March 8
      Rabbit Roulette permalink

      Honda’s version is the Ridgeline. We own one, and it is the best little truck ever. Hubby is going to trade his little car in on one once we get this one paid off. It gets better gas mileage than his Suzuki hatchback, and is useful in just about any situation.

      Adores: 0
  4. 2012 March 8
    One Moving Violation permalink

    [corey] This is a factory built power unit for pulling a large fifth wheel horse trailer or large fifth wheel travel trailer. I have seen these at dealerships. I also had an employer who had one for his horse trailer on his ranch. The only time I ever saw him use it was to haul his yearlings to California every year. He could fit up to 24 yearlings in his trailer. The extended cab is intended to make the whole family comfortable. His was nicer and newer than this one.[/corey]

    Yaay! I got to do a corey!

    Adores: 6
  5. 2012 March 8
    One Moving Violation permalink

    This vehicle is not intended to be used to cruise the main drag on a friday night.
    You would just look like a dork with more money than brains.

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 March 8
      Lola permalink

      And more brains than taste.
      *looks at velvet lounge seat*
      *shudders*

      Adores: 3
  6. 2012 March 8

    I just realized something weird. Since “el” is Spanish for “the”, when someone talks about “the Chevy El Camino” they are actually saying “the Chevy The Camino”. (“Camino”, incidentally, is the Spanish word for “fugly-ass vehicle”.)

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 March 8
      camille permalink

      Sort of like The La Brea Tar Pits. Or, translated into English, The The Tar Tar Pits.

      Adores: 7
      • 2012 March 8
        Kaziganthi permalink

        …or chai tea – chai is russian for tea- so when someones asks for chai tea they are asking for tea tea…

        Adores: 5
        • 2012 March 8

          And then they might have to tee-tee, from drinking too much tea tea.

          Adores: 0
      • 2012 March 8

        My two least favorite phrases on the planet – “ATM machine” and “PIN number.”

        Adores: 8
      • 2012 March 8
        Jen permalink

        Or the Para(river)guay(river) River(river).

        “Look mum, I can see the River-river River from here!”

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 March 9
          Windrose permalink

          I like to do the River-river River Dance!

          Adores: 2
  7. 2012 March 8

    Oh Smedley! I think we’ve found your new ride!

    Adores: 9
    • 2012 March 8
      Lola permalink

      And in this case it will look better after an accident … so, maybe not?

      Adores: 2
    • 2012 March 8

      Let’s see a guard rail stand up to that! Wait, no, let’s not.

      Adores: 1
    • 2012 March 8
      mud "" slicker permalink

      I’ll bring a bumper sticker!!!!

      😀

      Adores: 1
  8. 2012 March 8
    valarie permalink

    I call foul! There are no seat belts coming out of the red(?) velvet. One quick stop and pow! The passenger/hostage hits the octagonal table.

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 March 8

      Not if you securely tie fasten your victim friend to the seat supports bolted to the floor.

      Just tell him you are super cautious!

      Adores: 4
    • 2012 March 8
      mud "" slicker permalink

      valarie you’re assuming that this thing actually goes forward.

      *tisk tisk*

      Adores: 0
  9. 2012 March 8

    In 1983 Ford responded quickly to the gas crisis with their new sub-compact. They called it the Caberliot and it only had enough room to sit 18.

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 March 8
      mud "" slicker permalink

      18 what? Bloodhounds? Bigfootii? Budweiser Clydesdales?

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 March 8

        mudsy, I think it’s “Bigfooties.”

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 March 8
          mud "" slicker permalink

          I was torn ghostie. Very, very torn.

          Adores: 3
        • 2012 March 8

          According to the commercials I’ve seen for one of those Bigfoot-hunting shows, they also call them ” ‘squatches,” which sounds like something you’d need a prescription to get rid of.

          Adores: 3
        • 2012 March 8
          Windrose permalink

          “I gotta stop eating where Sparkies eat. I got a bad case of the squatches.”

          Yeah, that’s pretty nasty.

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 March 8

          The word just sounds so … itchy to me.

          Adores: 0
        • 2012 March 8
          mud "" slicker permalink

          Sounds more like a diarrhea problem.

          Adores: 1
  10. 2012 March 8
    kelli permalink

    Van Truck Thing is IF’s Cars/Van Halen/The Thing mash-up cover band.

    Adores: 9
  11. 2012 March 8
    Digitalaxis permalink

    To the FrankenTruck!

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 March 8

      It’s a vuck!

      And also vucking ugly.

      Adores: 7
      • 2012 March 8
        Kaziganthi permalink

        wait I thought it was a ‘tran’…

        or…

        It’s a trap!

        Adores: 2
  12. 2012 March 8
    Lola permalink

    Oil Barrel Bonfire is IF’s Southern Culture on the Skids cover band.

    Adores: 1
  13. 2012 March 8

    “ford caberliot onversion”

    So what does the offversion look like? Does it get almost closer to good mileage?

    Adores: 1
  14. 2012 March 8
    funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

    You know what? I have neighbors/relatives that would totally cruise the strip in this. While hanging out the window periodically screaming, “Woo hoo!” Then they would pull over and tell you how they went about creating this beauty and how much it cost and what kind of action they get in it.

    Adores: 7
    • 2012 March 8
      valarie permalink

      Are they from Vermont? We may have so much in common.

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 March 8
        funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

        Nah, we’re from the hills o’ Tennessee. Where it’s not illegal for cousins to marry.

        Adores: 3
    • 2012 March 8
      mud "" slicker permalink

      Would a couple of beer cans* come rolling out on to the asphalt as they got out of the cab?

      *PBR of course!

      Adores: 0
  15. 2012 March 8
    mud "" slicker permalink

    Well I’m a runnin’ down the road try’n to flatten a toad
    I’ve got seven brain cells in my mind
    Four that want to stone me, two that want to stone me
    One says pot’s a friend of mine
    Toke it easy, toke it easy
    Don’t let the sound of your own thoughts drive you crazy
    Light one up while you still can
    Wish this was a Chevy Van
    Just find a place where you can stand, and toke it easy

    Well, I’m a standin’ on a corner in Winslow, Arizona
    Such a fine sight to see
    I wanna hurl my Lord—-it’s a 1983 Ford?
    Slowin’ down to catch a van-truck bee
    Come on, baby, I got some May bees
    I gotta know if your sweet ride is gonna save me

    We may lose and we may win, but we will never see this again
    So open up I’m climbin’ in, so toke it easy
    Well, I’m a runnin’ down the road tryin’ to flatten a toad
    Got a world of trouble on my mind
    Lookin’ for a mutha’ who won’t blow my ____, it’s so hard to find
    Toke it easy, toke it easy
    Don’t let the sound of your own thoughts drive you crazy
    Come on baby, I got some May bees
    I gotta know if this sweet ride is gonna save me

    Adores: 34
    • 2012 March 8
      LimeLolly permalink

      *flicks the bic*

      OW !

      *activates lighter app on phone*

      Rock on, baby!

      Adores: 9
    • 2012 March 8
      MandaB permalink

      Brilliant, mudsy! Just brilliant!

      Adores: 1
    • 2012 March 8
      funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

      “Well I’m a runnin’ down the road try’n to flatten a toad”

      It’s funny ’cause it’s just so wrong!

      O/T: I’ve finally destroyed my keyboard at work. The keys are sticking cause I got food and crap stuck down in it. The control key was stuck and my keyboard wouldn’t work at all til I figured out what was going on and pried it up with a paperclip.

      Sigh. I’m going to have to call my IT guy. He hates me so bad.

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 March 8
        mud "" slicker permalink

        Get yourself some air-in-a-can and blow the sh*t out of that pecil keyboard!

        Adores: 1
      • 2012 March 8
        Windrose permalink

        Monkey, you need a keyboard condom. I am at work or I would find the link.

        Adores: 2
      • 2012 March 8
        Kaziganthi permalink

        You can also pop the keys off of the board and wash them in a dishsoap/water solution. or just clean thoroughly with alcohol prep pads.

        Adores: 0
  16. 2012 March 8

    MandaB, I have some special items in the box just for you today! There’s some books about fish and a stinky skunk. And HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 8) Enjoy!

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 March 8
      One Moving Violation permalink

      Ooooh, the sweet smell of skunk musk.
      *sniiiiffff*
      Mmmmmmmmm, sexxxy.

      Adores: 1
    • 2012 March 8
      MandaB permalink

      Oooh, look at the nice counters Ralph installed. You can barely see them under all this stuff. Nice job, Ralph! Disapproving Baby approves and there’s nothing fishy about that.

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 March 8
        valarie permalink

        Wha??? What is wrong with fishy?

        Adores: 2
  17. 2012 March 8
    Ralph permalink

    What a long strange trip it’s been.

    Adores: 1
  18. 2012 March 8
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    “almost close to good on gas”

    Yes, if that gas is nitrous oxide.

    Adores: 3
  19. 2012 March 8

    almost close to good on gas!

    It so very, very nearly gets gas mileage.

    Adores: 9
    • 2012 March 8
      mud "" slicker permalink

      I’d like to challenge it and the winter bagel to a drag* race….

      *sexy glitz clothes only! 😛

      Adores: 3
      • 2012 March 8
        MandaB permalink

        I am all for equality and I am pleased to see you supporting the vansgendered vehicle community, mudsy!

        Adores: 9
        • 2012 March 8
          mud "" slicker permalink

          Bravo Manda! Oh, and BTW…Happy Burfday!!!

          *hugs*

          Adores: 0
    • 2012 March 8
      MandaB permalink

      This looks like a vehicle that would get gpm: gallons per mile.

      Adores: 2
  20. 2012 March 8

    That [Zap Brannigan] velouuuur [/Zap Brannigan] backseat looks suspiciously large for the vehicle. Also that vehicle looks suspiciously like a boat. Also the photo location looks suspiciously far away from actual roads.

    I’m suspicious.

    Adores: 10
  21. 2012 March 8

    I’m reminded of Ron White’s bit.

    “I finally got something over those Mercedes-Benz driving in-laws of mine. When I first bought the van, I was very proud of it and took straight over to my brother-in-law’s house to show it off ’cause he’s such a prick.

    He takes one look at my new van and goes, ‘I can’t believe you didn’t buy a mercedes Benz.’

    I’m like, ‘They don’t make a van.’

    He goes, ‘Ron, I don’t think you fully understand the intricacies of Mercedes Benz engineering. Why, I got the 3 inch windshield wipers that keep my headlights clean in a rain storm.’

    ‘I got a place to fuck your sister.’ ”

    Adores: 13
  22. 2012 March 8
    Burton Frank permalink

    Hard to tell from the small pictures, but it appears to have been done disturbingly well. Not the most attractive vehicle for sure, but it actually would be a very comfortable way to tow a 5th wheel for a distance (assuming he knew what he was doing setting up the suspension — that could also go disastrously wrong).

    I once saw a guy with a (FWD) Cadillac Eldorado cut in half with the rear end a car trailer to easily tow his race car to the track with. That thing was quite pretty compared to this beast.

    I’m not sure where “almost good on gas” comes with that much weight and the 460. (I happen to have an F-350 with a 460 that gets 7 city/11 highway).

    Adores: 2
  23. 2012 March 9
    Windrose permalink

    MandaB, we’ll clean up the birthday balloons, streamers, and left over coffee slices. You go have a good Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Chop Shop!

    Adores: 0
  24. 2012 March 11
    TheEngineGal permalink

    I kinda like it! Imagine how cool you could make it! What a unique hot rod it could be!

    Adores: 0
  25. 2012 March 20
    Strommer permalink

    The Van-T.

    Built by a few different companies starting in the late 70’s
    VERY popular with Carnival/Circus/Horse Show people.

    The best of both worlds.
    A 1 Ton E350 Van Chassis with a Dually Long bed.

    I owned a 1980 Ford. Made by Eldorado the Trailer MFG. Pulled a 40ft fifth wheel like it was nothing.
    Newer ones were even nicer because they used more of the van including
    the side door. The ones I saw that were Chevy and Dodge had a custom
    bed that had real low sides…not as nice as the Fords with the stock bed.

    They come up on Ebay and Craigslist every once in a while.

    Adores: 1
  26. 2012 July 15
    Passerby permalink

    Y’know, my parents actually had a Ford Econoline van with *twin* couches lining the back (facing one another, of course). Ours was much classier; the built-in table was also a chessboard.

    Adores: 0

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.