YSaC, Vol. 1210: With a .jpg of Rasputin and a beard down to his knee.

2012 March 16

ipad 32gb original - $200


barely used, not much to say about it. never has been emerged in water

if your interested in buying it then reply to this ad asap. text me for more details

Um.. why is it necessary to specify, specifically, that this iPad has never been "emerged" in water. Wouldn't one generally assume that an iPad has not been used subaqueously unless specified otherwise? That's a question one really shouldn't need to ask.

"Hey, wanna buy this car? It's never been on fire!"
"I've got a chest of drawers for sale - never been occupied by a family of angry badgers."
"How would you like to purchase this camera which has absolutely, positively, never been used to bludgeon a major religious leader over the head?"

What I suspect is that this is actually the Rasputin of iPads. It's been shot, stabbed, poisoned, hanged, buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters. But at least it's never been emerged in water.

Thanks for the link, sd!

103 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 March 16
    LimeLolly permalink

    The only thing it was used for was to post this ad on Craigslist... because he couldn't figure out how to download Angry Birds.

    Adores: 9
  2. 2012 March 16
    CapnMac permalink

    Harmuph.
    Ok, traipsed over to eBay.
    1st generation iPod 32gb are about $90.
    Factory-refurbished ones are about $200.

    Sparky has only shown us a picture of the box for a 1st gen iPod (no secondary market in the boxes that I can discern). Those boxes are chock-full of iStuff--charger, ear-buds, etc. Also a middling-important bit of consumer electronics.

    Sigh.

    Hmm. I'm tempted to propound on "emerged" as a conjugation of "emergent" in its Latin sense, meaning of immediate urgency.
    I guess that averring that this box has never been in a maritime emergency has some marketing value. But, that concept leads far astray. As in, so Sparky may have an iPod box from a cruise ship disaster? Or had been on BP's Horizon drilling platform?

    Oh well, off on my hour's commute . . .

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 March 16
      ratwoman permalink

      I think you may be on to something there, Cap'n. Sparky was on the Costa Concordia with his iPad, but he managed to hold it above the water while escaping.

      Adores: 4
    • 2012 March 16
      valarie permalink

      Errr...iPad or iPod? I can't see someone on an elliptical with the former strapped to his arm, though I do see much weirdness at the gym. Either way, take your electronics off the stairs! Someone is going to fall and break a leg.

      Damn kids.

      Adores: 3
    • 2012 March 16

      I might just be unaware, but I love the word iStuff! Capn, you may have invented a whole new advertising wave!

      Adores: 1
      • 2012 March 16
        funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

        Dude, I read that as "iStiff". Snort.

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 March 16

          The new Pecil iStiff 5g version q! Now with 25% more yuprobablti and twice the width!

          Adores: 7
        • 2012 March 16
          funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

          Now here I am thinking about what kind of apps does an iStiff get. My my my. Tsk tsk.

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 March 16

          I bet it has a touchscreen.

          Adores: 7
        • 2012 March 16

          It has a touch screen that wraps all the way around. It's also pressure sensitive.

          Adores: 5
        • 2012 March 16

          I hear they shrink when they get too cold and that it can affect their performance.

          Adores: 4
        • 2012 March 16
          funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

          That's why I got Hubby Monkey a skin for his. He loves it, says it helps a lot. I like the way it makes it look, myself.

          Adores: 4
        • 2012 March 16

          Smart move, with the wide range of skins available you can change them to match your mood - Hello Kitty, brightly colored silicone with little devil horns, maybe even faux leather if that's your thing.

          Adores: 7
        • 2012 March 16

          The skins are nice and certainly make the iStiff last longer, but I've noticed that the touch screen is less sensitive when you use one.

          Adores: 4
        • 2012 March 17

          *hauls the entire lot of you to the corner*

          Adores: 2
  3. 2012 March 16
    kelli permalink

    I believe that iPad has never been emerged in water. I also believe that a giant rabbit breaks into houses to leave baskets of chocolates for the Christian children who live within them. And I believe that strangers have the best candy, especially the unwrapped kind.

    Adores: 10
    • 2012 March 16

      I know you want to buy this lot I have that has never been a swamp. 8)

      Adores: 5
    • 2012 March 16

      I believe the discarded teeth of children are an acceptable form of currency and can easily be exchanged for cash.

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 March 16
        funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

        Well then, I'll be keeping Mini Monkey right over here by me. She's of prime teeth-dropping age.

        Adores: 1
      • 2012 March 16
        tankerbell permalink

        *hides rusty needlenose plyers behind back*
        C'mere, Children! I have some candy for you!

        (I got a big mortgage. Don't judge.)

        Adores: 4
      • 2012 March 16
        Kaziganthi permalink

        Have you seen that movie?
        Don't Be Afraid of the Dark
        Creepiest tooth fairies ever.

        Adores: 1
  4. 2012 March 16

    It's clearly a typo. Sparky meant to say that the iPad had never emerged from water. That is, this is not the magic iPad that the Lady of the Lake gave to King Arthur.

    Adores: 12
    • 2012 March 16
      valarie permalink

      Maybe they were trying to determine if it was a witch or not. Clearly it was as it didn't sink. So, you know, who wants to live with witchery? Best to sell it and be safe.

      Adores: 11
      • 2012 March 16

        You can't wield supreme executive technology just because some watery tart throws her pad at you! I mean, if I went around saying I had an iPad 5g just because some moistened bint coded it in Java 8, they'd put me away!

        Adores: 11
        • 2012 March 16
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          Come on over here Taco and see Lola's Laker Girls, she'll convince you otherwise.

          Adores: 3
        • 2012 March 16
          Lola permalink

          Hey, watch who you volunteer the twins for, Fracty! I don't want TacoMa'am after me!

          Adores: 1
      • 2012 March 16
        One Moving Violation permalink

        If it was a witch, it would weigh the same as a duck.

        Adores: 0
    • 2012 March 16
      camille permalink

      I had a similar thought, but mine was more like Botticelli's Venus rising from the sea. Do iPads come with a scallop shell?

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 March 16
        kelli permalink

        iPads only come with minty shells and only if the minty shell really works it.

        Adores: 5
        • 2012 March 16

          *Slips a dollar into his ipad's case*

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 March 16
          One Moving Violation permalink

          An iCandy shell

          Adores: 2
  5. 2012 March 16

    I'd give many doors to the Ostrimu if I could, I love a good Hitchhiker's reference first thing in the morning!

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 March 16
      Lola permalink

      >i>Hitchhiker's, and Indigo Girls. This makes me want to stay home and read H2G2 with their music on.

      Adores: 2
  6. 2012 March 16

    Anyone want to buy my spare TacoThong? It's never been... uh... hmm.

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 March 16
      valarie permalink

      Was it worn over or under the squirrel costume?

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 March 16

        I don't think there's a "good" answer to that question.

        Adores: 6
        • 2012 March 16
          valarie permalink

          Curiosity may have killed the cat (and/or fish), but satisfaction brought it back.
          Though now I'm doubting the whole initial query.

          Adores: 0
        • 2012 March 16

          I shall answer your question through interpretive dance.

          *SNAP*

          *Jingly Jingly Jangly Jingly Jongly Jingly Jankly Klankly Klingly Klunk*

          *Bows*

          Adores: 9
        • 2012 March 16
          funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

          *tucks another dollar into Taco/Tasty's iPad case*

          (I just can't get used to calling you "Tasty". Not that you're not tasty. Well, er, not that I would know if you are tasty or not. Blushing thru ma fur now.)

          Adores: 0
        • 2012 March 16

          Get used to the tasty!

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 March 16

          Taco, don't forget that jungling is now part of the TacoThongDanceOfInappropriateness!

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 March 16

          Look at you, TM/TS, gettin' all jiggy wit it!

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 March 16

          Or jankly wit' it, as the case may be.

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 March 16
          Tankerbell permalink

          I have a question. I thought the initial SNAP of the Taco Thong dance was a sapping of fingers. Which I could appreciate. But now I think it is the sound of the thong-donning process. Not so good. Which is it? (saythefirtsaythefirstsaythefirst)

          Adores: 5
        • 2012 March 16
          Lola permalink

          I always understood it to be the thong giving way from over-enthusiastic jingling. No?

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 March 16

          The snap is the final sound of the thong donning process, to test that it's on tight enough.

          Brain bleach will be available in the lobby for those who suddenly need it.

          Adores: 4
        • 2012 March 16
          One Moving Violation permalink

          Taco went out to a boutique,
          'cause he wanted to be unique.
          he bought himself some undies
          that really changed his life.
          He went on back to his place,
          and he posted this on Myspace:

          I wear a thong size 65,
          and I can shake and jive.
          but when I stop dancing,
          bits of me keep wobbling about.
          You all think that I'm crazy,
          but that really does not phase me.
          I'm a big waterbed
          without a frame around me.

          (thong size 65, thong size 65)

          I wear a thong size 65,
          I will not take a dive.
          The pool could not take it,
          Nor the people gathered about.
          They all yelled, "Ow, my eyes."
          So I donned my squirrel disguise.
          I went back in my house
          for some time with my ol' lady.

          (thong size 65, thong size 65)

          At the mini bar,
          In the snark lounge.
          I look like a squirrel,
          And nobody knows,
          That I wear a
          thong size 65.

          Adores: 11
        • 2012 March 16

          Now Taco has his own theme song!

          Adores: 1
  7. 2012 March 16
    funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

    Hey! Maybe this is how I could sell my oven on Craigslist!

    "standard sturdy stove/oven range combo. all original parts*. absolutely positively never been emerged in water.** never been infected with a virus. $50 or some OBOs."

    *original parts from when purchased 15+ years ago
    **when it blew the element and burst into flames we beat the fire out with a dish towel, didn't throw water on it

    Adores: 8
    • 2012 March 16
      One Moving Violation permalink

      If HEAT makes things expand, then I'm not FAT.
      I'm just REALLY HOT.

      Adores: 8
      • 2012 March 16
        funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

        Hell Yeah you are!

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 March 16
          Bombdude permalink

          That response is even more apropos coming from your Monkey with Binos avatar... Stalk much?

          Adores: 1
  8. 2012 March 16
    The Other Dave permalink

    I wondering, then, if not water, what has it been emerged in? Oil? Sulphuric acid? Acid Washed Jeans? Gene Simmons Hair Gel? Electric Jello? Clockwork Orange?

    Has it been Immersed in water?

    Help me Obi-steve! You're our only hope!

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 March 16
      funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

      Hubby sometimes watches Gene Simmon's reality show, that man has the worst hair on tv. It kills me. If I were him I'd shave my head.

      Adores: 0
      • 2012 March 16
        One Moving Violation permalink

        Funky Monkey!
        Gender change is NOT an option for you. NO! NOT!
        If you were Gene Simmons, NO! There's better things for a monkey to be.
        You're Hankering for a spanking if you keep it up.

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 March 16
          funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

          No more spankings! That's all it's been at work this week! When I see the boss, I just bend over and prepare myself.

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 March 16
          tankerbell permalink

          We call that BOHICA. Bend Over, Here It Comes Again.

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 March 16

          *Rereads the minutes from the YSaC comments*

          "Boss likes to spank monkey at work. He did it a lot this week."

          Huh. My shorthand is getting better.

          Adores: 10
  9. 2012 March 16

    ghostie, you may have unlimited calls to your mom from the box today! You're welcome.

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 March 16

      I think I'll just send her a link to the Urban Dictionary instead.

      Adores: 7
      • 2012 March 18

        Ugh, my mum found that on her own, and for a week it was "I found out what 2 Girls 1 cup is!" or "Have you ever seen a goatse?" TURRBLE

        Adores: 1
  10. 2012 March 16

    Looks like a scam, especially since he's just showing a picture of the box. Sometimes sellers will show up with 2 boxes, the second for "another buyer", open the first box, show you the iPad, discreetly switch them and give you the second. Then you get home and find out you've bought a $200 piece of wood.

    But hey, at least it's not driftwood. (I assume... Because... it hasn't been "emerged" in water...)

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 March 16
      Bombdude permalink

      Then you get home and find out you’ve bought a $200 piece of wood.

      I wasn't sure if you were referencing this, or just pulling that example out of thin air...

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 March 18

        This Xmas in Canada there was an iPad scam with carefully weighted blocks of clay. They were actually sold through Best Buy and Futureshop too.

        Adores: 0
  11. 2012 March 16
    Lola permalink

    I wish that personal ads were thusly phrased:

    "Never been in jail."
    "Never moved from girl to girl, wearing out my welcome and 'borrowing' money I have no intention of paying back." [Note: I went on a date with a guy who seemed like this - he didn't seem to want a girlfriend as much as he really, really wanted to move out of his parents' house - again - and had found a way to do it that didn't involve having to get a job. Note that we had only one date.]
    "Never kidnapped a pet and held it for ransom, with ransom = ex-girlfriend getting back together with me so I have somewhere to live."
    "Never did something to a woman's apartment that cause her to lose her damage deposit."
    "Never tried to raise snakes in my girlfriend's bathtub."

    Yes, we should definitely do this.

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 March 16
      camille permalink

      It might also be nice to know if the prospective date had never been emerged in water. Or deodorant. I think I went on a blind date with that guy once. I ended up wondering if the person who fixed us up had any sense of smell whatsoever.

      Adores: 2
    • 2012 March 16
      One Moving Violation permalink

      m4w -
      Hi, I've been in prison, but never incarcerated.
      I've been in jail, but never arrested.
      I've never worked in law enforcement or penal system.
      I was responsible for the safety of other people's children during those particular years.
      This is all true.
      If interested, e-mail

      (truth in advertizing, Lola, truth.)

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 March 16

        Oh I know this riddle!

        You're a blue school bus!

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 March 16
          One Moving Violation permalink

          Then it should have read "b4d". (bus for driver)

          Adores: 1
      • 2012 March 16
        Digitalaxis permalink

        He da Judge?

        Adores: 0
        • 2012 March 16
          One Moving Violation permalink

          No, wasn't really a riddle. I just worked two jobs. Driving school bus and delivering food to prison and county jails.

          Side note: I had a new student get on my bus with a worried look on his face.
          Is it true you were really in prison?
          Yes.
          What were you in for?
          Delivering produce.
          Huh?

          Adores: 12
    • 2012 March 16

      “Never tried to raise snakes in my girlfriend’s bathtub.”

      "Why does this baby snake you sold me smell like Head and Shoulders?"

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 March 16
        One Moving Violation permalink

        Baby snakes hardly got no shoulders at all you know.
        Shampoo should just be called Head.

        Adores: 6
        • 2012 March 16
          Lola permalink

          Thereby leading to the question "Why does this snake smell like Head?" and everyone in the vicinity subsequently overdosing on unintentional innuendo.

          Adores: 11
        • 2012 March 16

          You mean that really was a snake in his pocket and he wasn't just happy to see me?

          Adores: 11
  12. 2012 March 16
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    Original iPad? No, thanks. I prefer Extra Crispy.

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 March 16
      LimeLolly permalink

      With it's eleven secret apps and spices?

      Adores: 9
  13. 2012 March 16
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Where's the tea? What? (sorry)
    Where's the tea, wot?

    My new cybertronic brain has been emerged in water. (at least I think it was water) And I'm able to still use it effectively.*

    * this may or may not be true.

    *flings towels at everyone*

    ERROR: Reference not found.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 March 16
      Digitalaxis permalink

      Unhappy MACNAM
      Unhappy MACNAM
      Readme DR. MEMORY
      SYS
      DAT
      COM...

      Hey Pablo, I think he broke the President!

      Adores: 2
  14. 2012 March 16
    Digitalaxis permalink

    So I can infer from the posting that out of all the things that could have gone wrong, it specifically was not "emerged" in water. That just leaves PARTIAL "emersion" in water, cracked glass, malfunctioning screen, broken power supply, viruses (virii?), spyware, chipped back, faulty processor, damaged connector port, fried internal parts, dead battery, malfunctioning headphone jack, jammed reset button, electronic hum, blood stains, smudges, acts of toddler, mildew, total or partial existence failure, is totally not listed as stolen, heat damage, pancake batter, bent frame, missing volume button...

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 March 16
      One Moving Violation permalink

      ...and a cartridge in a pi tree!

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 March 16
        Digitalaxis permalink

        ...with one purchase of equal or greater value.

        Adores: 0
  15. 2012 March 16
    Tankerbell permalink

    Isn't that water on the lower left of the picture? Water encroaching on the iPad and threatening to "emerge" it? So the iPad currently has not been emerged. But you have to act fast.

    Adores: 3
  16. 2012 March 16
    Tankerbell permalink

    This is actually a very timely ad. The BlackBerry you guys live in when I am at work had a bathtub-related incident the other day. So if you're feeling a little moist, that's why. It didn't get "emerged", but I can definitely see water spots under/in the screen. Gonna put it in a box of rice this weekend and see if that will suck the water out. So would you all please type "towel"? I figure that will dry it out from the inside. Right?

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 March 16

      *Looks around mischievously*

      Ocean.

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 March 16

        I cast Desiccate!

        :rolls die, checks table:

        Crap, I got eaten by a grue.

        Adores: 8
        • 2012 March 16
          One Moving Violation permalink

          iGrue, iEatchu

          Adores: 4
        • 2012 March 16

          Etu Gruete?

          Adores: 3
      • 2012 March 16
        tankerbell permalink

        *surreptitiously sprinkles cayenne pepper on Taco Thong*

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 March 16
          funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

          I am donating the fluffies I got off of Craigslist yesterday. You're welcome.

          Adores: 0
    • 2012 March 16

      ShamWow!

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 March 16
        tankerbell permalink

        Thanks, Archie! But could you please take this odd-looking, obnoxious guy in the headset with you?

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 March 16

          Sure thing. If only the shamwow absorption power worked on obnoxiousness. Hey....that might sell better, too!

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 March 16

          I've used ShamWow a few times; it's entirely misnamed.

          It's proper name is "ShamMeh."

          Adores: 5
  17. 2012 March 16
    Tankerbell permalink

    Can somebody please lend me some doors? One is not sufficient for TastyTaco's comment.

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 March 16
      funky "looking innuendo" monkey permalink

      I would but the internets say that my cookies are invalid.

      Adores: 0
  18. 2012 March 16
    Tankerbell permalink

    Or is it MagicSteaks? I'm so confused...

    Adores: 1
  19. 2012 March 16
    Yupa permalink

    This ad makes perfect sense to me. Sparky may have immersed his IPad in water, but when it emerged from the water it was no longer in the water. Therefore he never emerged his IPad in water.

    Adores: 1
  20. 2012 March 16
    SilvaNoir permalink

    I work in a shipping warehouse.

    It was going to be busy because we were getting in the new Apple iPads going out to the malls and such today.

    I told a gentleman whom I work with, and as English is not his first language, he heard that as “Apple Pies” and got very excited. “Oh, apple pies, apple pies for Irish week!” And it took me a few seconds to figure out he meant St.Patrick’s Day (tomorrow). It was kind of funny. I let him believe that apple pie is an Irish tradition because he was so happy about it, I just couldn’t crush those innocent dreams.

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 March 17

      You're a good person, Silva. 8)

      Adores: 4
  21. 2012 March 17
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Val is fine and Dave shines most the time.
    And Taco, now he's back.
    Ferrets go in the box you know,
    But you know what they're thinking about
    Posting on YSaC.

    Well, Windrose reads and is so amazed
    But on this day, she counts up all the doors.
    She chooses three and puts them in.
    Dave and Val and Taco, they made the score.

    "The box!" she said
    To all three there,
    and there was room for all,
    and each had a chair.
    The box, inside,
    'til night is nigh
    And you must keep it clean and not a pig sty.
    I'll thank you if you will...

    Did you ever read about an iPad that emerged from a lake.
    And never got wet.
    Well, except for the box, and a few other iThings.
    If some watery tart throws one at you, that's what you'll get.

    But Dave and ferrets say it's a typo
    And Valerie says it a witch, so you know.
    And Taco says they would put him away
    if he tried to wield supreme because of the B*tch.

    "The box!" she said
    to all thre there.
    and there was room for all
    and each had a chair.
    The box, inside
    'til night is nigh
    and you must keep it clean, not like a pig sty.
    I'll thank you if you will.

    yours will make an even 100 windy

    Adores: 2
  22. 2012 March 19

    I'm having senior moments! Ack! Forgot to punch ghostie out of the box on Friday morning! Sorry. Uh. won't happen again.

    Good Day, Sunshine!

    Adores: 0
    • 2012 March 19

      I think you mean "Sunday" morning, Windy.

      Adores: 0

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