YSaC, Vol. 1380: Jeepers, creeper!

2012 November 9

Custom portrait of a sexy lady (set of 2) – $225


Adorn your bathroom or office with this one of a kind set! These professionally done images can be yours today so don’t waste another minute, as this bargain will not be around long!

 

I call this one, “Lady in Red.” The hoodie symbolizes the sublimated desires of the woman to be the young girl she once was, yet her pose reveals her as vulnerable to the wolves of society outside her window. The framing of the shot represents the gradual eclipsing of her youth; blackness is moving in, representing man’s inhumanity to man.

The ad is right — the symbolism alone is worth more than $300! Now imagine hanging these masterpieces in your bathroom (where all masterpieces of art should be displayed, naturally) and this is an artistic TRIUMPH.

[end faux artistic bullshit]

Actually, the more I look at this the creepier it gets; with the framing of the shots it almost looks like someone is spying on her through a peephole, and when creeperSparky takes the first picture she hears the shutter and turns around to look for her stalker. I’m not sure what would happen next, because that’s the point in the movie where I would cover my eyes with my fingers.

Thanks, OMV!

44 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 November 9
    wanda permalink

    Norman? Stop looking through the peepholes, Norman!

    Adores: 7
  2. 2012 November 9

    one of a kind

    Because after that, she got a restraining order.

    Adores: 11
  3. 2012 November 9

    Y’know, if I take my glasses off and squint a bit, Sexy Lady looks a little bit like Frances McDormand.

    :tilts head:

    Or a baby moose. I’m kinda blind without my glasses.

    Adores: 8
  4. 2012 November 9
    kelli permalink

    I always wanted a picture of a strange woman in a red hoodie for my bathroom and I wanted it to look like it was taken by a poorly hidden camera.

    No, wait, it was a world map that I wanted. I always get those confused.

    Adores: 17
    • 2012 November 9

      Geography class must have been a nightmare for you.

      Adores: 10
      • 2012 November 9
        kelli permalink

        I passed geography with an A and three restraining orders.

        Adores: 19
        • 2012 November 9
          funky "ass-noodles" monkey permalink

          I passed geography in a pickup going 90 mph.

          Adores: 7
        • 2012 November 9

          Win!

          Adores: 1
  5. 2012 November 9
    Karmyn permalink

    Looks more like something from Faces of Meth to me. Poor lady.

    I do not wish to imply she’s a Meth addict. Just saying it looks like one of those pics.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 November 9
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      I loved those tapes as a kid. We used to pass around the VHSes when nobody was looking in school, took them home, and scared the hell out of ourselves watching them when our parents weren’t around. They would’ve killed us if we had been caught watching them – tremendously inappropriate for young eyes.

      Oh wait, no. I’m confused. Those were tapes of The 700 Club.

      Adores: 12
  6. 2012 November 9

    Yes! You too can make your bathroom feel just like your favorite set of bushes with this new line of stalker art!

    If you’re too busy to actually get out there and do your own creeping, this art can let you vicariously live through the creeping of others.

    Adores: 10
    • 2012 November 9

      Kids today with their short attention spans can’t even be bothered to put on a squirrel suit and do their own stalking. It’s shameful.

      Adores: 10
      • 2012 November 9
        Kaziganthi permalink

        I agree, that is the problem with the world today, short attentio…

        Oooh, look shiny!

        Did someone say squirrel?

        Adores: 6
    • 2012 November 9
      ArtsyComputerGeek permalink

      That’s creepier than just creeping!

      Adores: 5
  7. 2012 November 9
    telegramsamo permalink

    I can’t wait to see this guy’s portfolio (on the evening news.)

    Adores: 8
  8. 2012 November 9
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Yep, nothing says sexy like sweat pants and a hoody. I’m going with sweat pants here because of the alternative.

    Adores: 7
  9. 2012 November 9
    Brer Fox permalink

    She knew Sarah was enduling her son with the new digital camera and high speed internet, but she never thought that she would be the subject of his antics.

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 November 9

      BF, did you forget to take the decontamination shower after yesterday’s post? enduling? Please put your lap top into an upright, and locked position and try again.

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 November 9
        Brer Fox permalink

        That’s what happens when I don’t spell check. Indulging, that is the word I was trying for.

        *fills cupholder with premium bird seed*

        I generally have two computers running at the same time. If I’m not sure about a word, I start to type it into the browser and I find a suitable spelling. For the last week or so, I’ve only had access to one computer. I am unable to cheat anymore.

        Thank you for getting me back on track Mama Windy.

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 November 9
          Bombdude permalink

          Hey BF, most modern browsers have these new-fangled things called “tabs”.

          I do the same as you, but I’m too lazy to actually move my arms and torso around 45° to type on another keyboard (I must have some sloth DNA in my genetic makeup), so I click the little + and open a new tab to do so… ;-)

          Adores: 7
        • 2012 November 9
          CapnMac permalink

          Mind you, $30-40 of KVM switch will let a body switch between separate computers using the same monitor, keyboard, & mouse.

          This can get confusing at about four running computers, but, you need a rack-mount KVM to have enough backplane to connect that many, anyway.

          Oh, and the only odd part is convincing the switch to “play pretty” with multiple monitors.

          Adores: 1
      • 2012 November 9
        Tankerbell permalink

        Yeah, Creeper-Sparky wants to endule poor Lady in Red, but she has slipped out of the handcuffs and is desperately pounding on the window glass, hoping to catch the attention of neighbors or passersby when *CLICK* she realizes Creeper-Sparky and his effing Nikon are right. behind. her. Dammit! It’s back to the bathroom. The lonely, sound-proofed bathroom.
        Don’t worry, though…I’ve read this book. (This is flagrant ripoff of James Patterson’s “The Induler”.) Alex Cross saves Lady in Red.

        Adores: 2
      • 2012 November 9
        Tankerbell permalink

        Yeah, Creeper-Sparky wants to endule poor Lady in Red, but she has slipped out of the handcuffs and is desperately pounding on the window glass, hoping to catch the attention of neighbors or passersby when *CLICK* she realizes Creeper-Sparky and his effing Nikon are right. behind. her. Dammit! It’s back to the bathroom. The lonely, sound-proofed bathroom.
        Don’t worry, though…I’ve read this book. (This is flagrant ripoff of James Patterson’s “The Enduler”.) Alex Cross saves Lady in Red.

        Adores: 0
    • 2012 November 9
      Tankerbell permalink

      She has just slipped off the handcuffs and escaped the basement to pound frantically on the window glass, hoping to catch the attention of a passerby or neighbor when. *click* she turned around and he and that damned Nikon were Right. Behind. Her. This meant re-capture and back to the bathroom. The lonely, soundproof bathroom.

      It’s okay, though. I’ve read this one. This ad is a blatent ripoff of James Patterson’s “The Enduler.” Alex Cross saves her.

      Adores: 0
      • 2012 November 10
        ArtsyComputerGeek permalink

        Yet another rabid Patterson fan

        Adores: 0
  10. 2012 November 9

    Yeah, these are going to end up in the office all right. At the station house. On their way to the evidence locker.

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 November 9
      ArtsyComputerGeek permalink

      or in one of those “have you seen this person” fliers

      Adores: 4
  11. 2012 November 9

    “Why Mister Wolf, what big eyes you have!”

    “The better to creepily spy on you with, Red Riding Hood!”

    Adores: 6
  12. 2012 November 9
    DigitalAxis permalink

    Subject log, day 15:
    Subject is now definitely aware that there is a hidden camera in the bedroom, but does not appear to know where it is. Have not seen any luscious curves for nearly three days, so these will have to do. Beginning to regret the decision to mail subject anonymous words of encouragement.

    Adores: 12
    • 2012 November 9
      ArtsyComputerGeek permalink

      OK, you did it. You out “creeped Taco”. That is virtually impossible to do.

      Adores: 3
      • 2012 November 9

        At least without mentioning pecils or jars of toes.

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 November 9
          funky "ass-noodles" monkey permalink

          “jars of toes”

          Those are so awesome on toast with some peanut butter.

          Adores: 0
  13. 2012 November 9
    DigitalAxis permalink

    This post is the result of three factors:

    1: Decides to sell pictures of herself after that no good Darlene next door got HER picture in the paper with those giant radishes she grew.
    2: Can’t get anyone’s help to actually hold the camera, therefore improvises.
    3: Can’t figure out the self-timer, either.

    Adores: 2
  14. 2012 November 9
    LimeLolly permalink

    professionally done images

    Not professional at all — I counted the pixels and you didn’t have enough.

    Adores: 9
    • 2012 November 9
      Tankerbell permalink

      professionally done

      Creeper-Sparky keeps using that word. I do not think it means what he thinks it means.

      Adores: 0
  15. 2012 November 9
    CraigsLister permalink

    recomposed by Sparq Sparq and the Pariahs.

    ::Ahwrooooooh::

    What’s that I see posted in these parts?
    Why, it’s Sexy Red Hooded Art.

    Hey there, sexy red-hooded gel,
    You sure are lookin’ swell,
    You’re everything a C. L. stalker could want…

    ::Listen to me::

    Cutie with red hood on,
    I really think that you’re the bomb,
    And I don’t think that you should feel safe at home.

    ::Ahwrooooooh::

    That blond hair’s my fave,
    The color hair that stalkers crave.
    So just to see you don’t get away,
    I think I ought to peek on you a few days.
    Hope you’re not camera shy,
    ‘Cause there’s no place to hide.
    So until you get outta your place,
    I think you ought to pose and drop that mace.

    I’m gonna put my squirrel suit on,
    ‘Til I’m sure you think I’ve gone.
    And I can assure that custom portrait is done.

    ::Ahwrooooooh::

    Sexy red-hooded gal,
    I think that I will call you Val,
    You might think I’m a little, old creep, but so what.

    ::Ahwrooooooh::

    What luscious curves you have,
    The better to photograph.
    Sexy red-hooded chick,
    Just ignore that little click.
    Could you please not look so sad,
    Restraining orders can be bad.
    Maybe you’ll see through the gloom,
    You’ll be the star in my bathroom.

    Sexy red-hooded vamp,
    I’d like to take you to my camp.
    You’re everything a creepy, lil shit could want.

    ::Ahwrooooooh::

    I mean, squirrel noises, squirrel noises, squirrel noises…..

    Adores: 4
  16. 2012 November 9
    SpaceBug permalink

    (first attempt still waiting moderation
    trying again from different address)

    Red Hooded Gal
    by Sparq Sparq and the Pariahs.

    ::Ahwrooooooh::

    What’s that I see posted in these parts?
    Why, it’s Sexy Red Hooded Art.

    Hey there, sexy red-hooded gel,
    You sure are lookin’ swell,
    You’re everything a C. L. stalker could want…

    ::Listen to me::

    Cutie with red hood on,
    I really think that you’re the bomb,
    And I don’t think that you should feel safe at home.

    ::Ahwrooooooh::

    That blond hair’s my fave,
    The color hair that stalkers crave.
    So just to see you don’t get away,
    I think I ought to peek on you a few days.
    Hope you’re not camera shy,
    ‘Cause there’s no place to hide.
    So until you get outta your place,
    I think you ought to pose and drop that mace.

    I’m gonna put my squirrel suit on,
    ‘Til I’m sure you think I’ve gone.
    And I can assure that custom portrait is done.

    ::Ahwrooooooh::

    Sexy red-hooded gal,
    I think that I will call you Val,
    You might think I’m a little, old creep, but so what.

    ::Ahwrooooooh::

    What luscious curves you have,
    The better to photograph.
    Sexy red-hooded chick,
    Just ignore that little click.
    Could you please not look so sad,
    Restraining orders can be bad.
    Maybe you’ll see through the gloom,
    You’ll be the star in my bathroom.

    Sexy red-hooded vamp,
    I’d like to take you to my camp.
    You’re everything a creepy, lil shit could want.

    ::Ahwrooooooh::

    I mean, squirrel noises, squirrel noises, squirrel noises…..

    Adores: 0
  17. 2012 November 9
    SpaceBug permalink

    Red Hooded Gal
    by Sparq Sparq and the Pariahs.

    ::Ahwrooooooh::

    What’s that I see posted in these parts?
    Why, it’s Sexy Red Hooded Art.

    Hey there, sexy red-hooded gel,
    You sure are lookin’ swell,
    You’re everything a C. L. stalker could want…

    ::Listen to me::

    Cutie with red hood on,
    I really think that you’re the bomb,
    And I don’t think that you should feel safe at home.

    ::Ahwrooooooh::

    That blond hair’s my fave,
    The color hair that stalkers crave.
    So just to see you don’t get away,
    I think I ought to peek on you a few days.
    Hope you’re not camera shy,
    ‘Cause there’s no place to hide.
    So until you get outta your place,
    I think you ought to pose and drop that mace.

    I’m gonna put my squirrel suit on,
    ‘Til I’m sure you think I’ve gone.
    And I can assure that custom portrait is done.

    ::Ahwrooooooh::

    Sexy red-hooded gal,
    I think that I will call you Val,
    You might think I’m a little, old creep, but so what.

    ::Ahwrooooooh::

    What luscious curves you have,
    The better to photograph.
    Sexy red-hooded chick,
    Just ignore that little click.
    Could you please not look so sad,
    Restraining orders can be bad.
    Maybe you’ll see through the gloom,
    You’ll be the star in my bathroom.

    Sexy red-hooded vamp,
    I’d like to take you to my camp.
    You’re everything a creepy, lil dude could want.

    ::Ahwrooooooh::

    I mean, squirrel noises, squirrel noises, squirrel noises…..

    Adores: 0
  18. 2012 November 9

    Sigh. Word Press has gone Sky Net Crazy on us. Many messages were awaiting approval with a bunch of SPAM. Don’t know how to fix it. But will check in and approve as often as I can.

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 November 10
      Tankerbell permalink

      Yeah, but it’s fun to see our frustration grow as we post the same thing over, and over, and over. :/

      Adores: 4
    • 2012 November 10
      Tankerbell permalink

      Yeah, but it’s fun to see our frustration grow as we post the same thing over, and over, and over. :/ Clearly we think that doing the same thing over again will achieve a different result.

      Adores: 4
  19. 2012 November 9
    SilvaNoir permalink

    I sincerely hope the next picture in this series was her breaking the lens of Creepy-Sparky’s camera with her fist.

    Adores: 4
  20. 2012 November 10

    Taco, I certainly hope this doesn’t get moderated due to violence!

    Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Mr. Wolf!

    Adores: 2

Leave a Reply

Note: You can use basic XHTML in your comments. Your email address will never be published.

Subscribe to this comment feed via RSS