You Suck at Craigslist

Category: collectibles

  • YSaC, Vol. 1792: Sithi uhm ingonyama.

    Japanese rickshaw

    Small cellulite rickshaw good condition

    I … ew. I had no idea this was a thing. I wonder if I can get someone to carve something out of my cellulite? You could probably end up with a replica of Michelangelo’s David just from my thighs, and have enough left over for a Lionel Richie bust (which is totally apropos, since it was probably cream cheese dip that created the cellulite in the first place). Ah, the circle of life continues …

    Placenta – $40

    My wife just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and I have heard a lot about people taking the placenta and eating it. It really doesn’t sound that good to me, but we are strapped for cash and it is being properly refrigerated. Please email me if you’re interested, the doctor said it should last a few days.

    Gah. No. Also, no. It’s a thing, I get it … but no. And I’m definitely not eating someone else’s. I’m also terrified that my Google history now has the phrase “eating placenta” in it — in all caps, no less, because I accidentally hit the caps lock button so now Google thinks that I REALLY WANT TO TRY eating placenta. No thank you — THAT circle of life is ending.

    Thanks, Lyle and Kristen!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1729: Send me an Angle.

    Beany Baby, Princess Diane – $80

    Princess Diane Beany Baby, Valued at $1`49.00, Selling for $80.00.

    Princess, Like an angle she came from heaven above. She shared her compassion, her pain, her love. She only stayed with us long enough to teach the worlf to share, to give, to reach.

    Intrigued, I went and looked into what Princess Diane Beanie Babies are actually selling for. Turns out there are people actually asking hundreds of thousands of dollars for these things on eBay. Sadly, they’re only worth about ten bucks. There goes THAT retirement plan. I guess I’ll have to go back to trying to teach the worlf to share, and keep it company.

    Thanks for the post, Maggie!

  • YSaC, Vol. 336: Pay no attention to the pointsettia behind the curtain.

    My first test posting do not reply – $100

    This is only a test from me to me.

    333

    Um.

    Okay, then. Move along, nothing to see here.

    What’s even more strange is that this was originally posted on May 9th; as I’m writing this, it is May 29th. Once you’ve figured out how to post things on Craigslist, wouldn’t you maybe think about going back and deleting your test post? Maybe?

    Thanks for the submission, Krisha!

  • YSaC, Vol. 311: Let him who has the fat wallet …

    authentic polaroid picture of jesus – $100000

    this photo was taken by my mom,she doesnt even know I have it,she is a die hard jesus fanatic every day all day.thats why I know its him,other than the fact that in the photo he is wearing a robe and a crown with a cross engraved in the middle of it with his hand extended toward my moms shoulder.there is also an angel above him wearing white gloves and she has wings.now for the special part. my moms deceast mother is next to the angel with her hands pressed together in a prayin position and theres a halo around her head.Theyre surrounding my mom.what makes this picture even more special to me is It saved my life . At the time that I most needed god the very first stack of photos that I picked up in search of him or any sign of afterlife and he gave me the greatest gift I could ever ask for his son. I only ask that you look at it before you pass judgement, thank you.

    So, wait a minute … your mom is a “die hard Jesus fanatic”, yet you haven’t told her that a polaroid picture of her contains both Jesus AND her “deceast” mother? Wouldn’t this be something she might really want to know?

    And how does one authenticate pictures of Jesus? Is there a certification agency somewhere? Can you take it to the Antiques Roadshow people? I can just see Leslie and Leigh Keno waxing poetic about this picture of Jesus and zombie grandma.

    (And I’m amused, because way, way back in YSaC, Vol. X I threatened to start a zombie grandma tag, but didn’t think I’d ever get to use it again.)

    Thanks to Brian for sending this one in!

  • YSaC, Vol. 214: It’s a good thing the bear wasn’t German.

    Perfect last min. V-day present (BRAND NEW AND STILL IN BOX) – $30

    Vermont Teddy Bear. BRAND NEW AND STILL IN BOX!! Its a cream colored bear with bow tie w a heart in the middle that says “Ti Amo” (that is I love You in French just in case you didnt know) If you were to buy one off the net it would cost more than $50. So if you are still needing a Valentines Day present I have you covered, SHE WILL LOVE IT!!!! You can reach me at xxx-xxx-xxxx or by email.

    214

    That must be how you say I love you in French Prudential, since (as we’ve recently learned), French Prudential furniture is made by a guy named Al Italian.

    Sorry this is a little late to help those of you who were struggling to find gifts. I tried to help you, I really did. I’m sure that a “French”-speaking bear with severed hands would have been exactly the thing you needed.

    Edited to add: Some sleuthing by Courtney reveals that the suck-o-meter goes up to 11 on this one. Apparently the tag doesn’t even say “Ti amo” — it says “¡Te amo!” … which, of course, isn’t French either — it’s “I love you” in Spanish. So somewhere between looking at the bear (presumably sitting in front of her) and typing it in, the poster got the actual words AND the language wrong.

    Sent in by Lecia — thanks!