YSaC, Vol. 1496: Set phasers to “litigate.”
Be known as “The Lawyer that Beat Facebook !”
First of all, I cannot pay you. Next, this involves a trademark dispute. Facebook is opposing my application for a certain mark so it’s time to go to battle stations. Since I may lose, it’s not worth 20, 40 or $70,000 to defend my mark. There is a 50/50 chance I win though so if you’re willing to invest some time and advise me for free, you can turn out being known as “The Laywer that Beat Facebook.” That’s sure to bring you a huge amount of business.
Anyway, if you’re interested, let me know, otherwise I am going at this alone. I will be getting my complaint letter any day now so I’ll have to answer soon.
Thanks,
Bobby
“Battle Stations, Mr. Sulu!”
“Why? Is it a Klingon?”
“No.”
“A Horta?”
“No.”
“A Megarite?”
“You don’t even know what that is – you just looked it up on Wikipedia.”
“True. So why are we going to battle stations?”
“Facebook!”
“Facebook.”
“Yes! Arm the photon tomatoes!”
…*sigh* “Whatever you say, Captain.”
Obviously Sparky is talking through his toupee, in honor of Captain Kirk.
I’d rather talk through my bare head, in honor of Captain Picard.
Toupee, or not toupee, that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the scalp to suffer
The drafts and reflections of outrageous baldness
Or to take wigs against a lack of follicles
And by opposing cover them? To dye, to comb-over…
The comb-over is the Trump card.
Now listen up, men! The task ahead of us is hard. It will tax every fiber of our ingenuity. There will be… no quarter. There will be… no mercy. There will be… no pay. What I ask of you may indeed seem… impossible. But in the end! …we shall almost certainly lose!
Hey, where is everyone going?
You too can be known as…
“The One-Millionth Idiot Looking for FREE Legal Advice!”
Gee Bobby-Sparky don’t you feel special now? You should. I mean, after all you are now a member of a very exclusive club.
Later, you might want to join these clubs:
“The Bazillionth Moron Looking for FREE Medical Advice!”
“The Gozillionth Doofus Looking for FREE Stuff!”
Whenever I want free services, I’ll post on Craigslist and make the service sound like a quest for glory: “Be known as the [service provider] who beat [something ominous-sounding].” Think it’ll work?
Be known as the Ice Cream Salesman who beat the Municipal Orphanage!
Be known as the Car Wash that beat Mothra!
Be known as the Strip Club that beat Old Navyzilla!
Old Navyzilla is a clear and present danger. Do not ever, under any circumstances, accept the credit card it offers you, or it will make your life a living hell. Don’t ask me how I know this. Off with its head!
Be known as the Llama-nun who beat the Ostrimu. Or as they call it, Friday Night.
I thought Friday nights were for Strip Parcheesi.
Normally, that’s precisely the sort of thing that in my Quixotic Arms uproar-ed, but, frankly, it’s a Monday (pardon my profanity). That, and it’s never the one sparkii to pennon the lance of righteousness denied; once started, it’s always a shish-kebab, and that’s a cruel weight for a horse to abear.
It’s one thing, when the pointy-haired come and request things for free because they can perceive no value in any labor but their own–those creatures are what they are.
No, it’s those who know a service has value, and yet, insist, kindergartener-like, that it ought be free, anyway–usually due to their own poor planning Eloi ways. Those are the vile ones. They learn to wheedle, cajole, implore, whine, and otherwise carry on in utter indifference to the fact that there might have been a simpler, less-expensive, way to achieve their ends, had they but been honest up front.
Dagnabit, how’d I get all this armor on, and who is going to feed Sancho?
Be known as the lawyer that trolls craigslist, because Sparky is getting resistance to his new social media site called:
a) Face Book
b) Facebooklet
c) Facespace
d) Farcebook
Why not just name it You Suck at Personal Contact?
I’ve got just the man for the job.
Carreon on my litigant son
There’ll be justice for sex.com
Lay your weary case to rest
Don’t you sue no more
[semi-Corey] Be known as the lawyer who got the firm conflicted out of taking any work from Facebook because you represented a Sparky who cannot pay you and probably doesn’t qualify for pro bono work either. [/semi-Corey]
[corey]As a person with professional experience creating both copyrighted and trademark IP, the number of sparkii out there convinced they have a “50/50 chance” at prevailing in court against a recognized IP owner is abominably high, in approximate inverse proportion to those who actually win cases.
So, Dave & tribe are more than substantially correct–a reputation for backing losing horses in IP issues is a bit like collecting a nick-name like “Stinky”–nobody much forgets that at all.
[/corey]
Hey….
Megarite is my all-Roman Catholic Megadeth cover band.
This is the oddest version of “Work for free to expand your portfolio” that I’ve ever seen.
I can just see the thought process that got Sparky the Statistician to the “50/50” chance of winning. “Well, someone has to win. And it could be Facebook, or it could be me. Therefore, the odds are 50/50.”
There are actual people loose in society who genuinely think statistics works that way, and that scares me. Of course, most of them should be broke after playing the lottery…
Statistics DO work that way, on any day that does not end in ‘y’. And, as every Sparky knows, tomorrow does not end in ‘y’. Therefore their case may be the one that wins tomorrow!
“a certain mark”
Ooh! Ooh! I bet I know which Mark it is! It’s Zuckerberg, right??
Stretch?
Question?
Quotation?
Birth?
Punctuation?
Book?
Skid?
Land?
Exclamation?
Mark of Cain?
Accent?
Brush?
Maker’s?
I think be known more like, “The Lawyer That Got Beat By Facebook.”
of the Beast?
Ruffalo?
-y Mark and the Funky Bunch?
TLTGLOoC
“The Lawyer That Got Laughed Out of Court.”
I’ll take ‘Mark Ruffalo’ for the night, Alex.
(Dunno about the rest of you, but Memory Alpha was more helpful than Wiki for searching Megarite <G>)
I tried to just ask Data, but he’s still prattling on about Robert Wise’s establishing shots and hasn’t answered the question yet.
Is Sparky looking for someone to work pro bonehead?
Sunday Crew, Dave, ghostie, Digi, PB, Sundays only at the 40 Watt! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Blind Justice!
His trademark application was turned down by Facebook? Does he file his taxes with MySpace?