YSaC, Vol. 1621: We’re only making plans for Sparky
2013 November 1
House Plans for you to build a Development – $699
I have five models ready to go , from Traditional to Modern to Green!
I can modify the drawings to fit your site and needs.
Bill ### ### #### [leave message too]
This is, of course, how Donald Trump got started. He was just another John Q. Lunchpail, but then he bought a set of house plans off of Craigslist. And by “plans” I mean “random images almost certainly stolen from the internet.” Never mind that Craigslist didn’t exist yet… that’s just how entrepreneurial he was. Now you too can build a real estate empire around blurry images of concept homes. Bill will even modify the drawings for you. In MS Paint if you’re lucky, but probably just with crayons. Or possibly just by chewing on them.
Thanks for the post, Stephanie!
[profanity in OED quanta redacted]
[extremely long AEC diatribe–with more deleted expletives; also redacted]
[takes breath, pauses; explodes again in ragehate with imprecations and citations of near-universal Practice Law–redacted]
tl;dr
This may be too close to the vest for me to find humor in just now, and too much will be gallows humor.
*hands Cap’n flask, backs away slowly…*
Sorry, it’s a bit like seeing an ad from a tween offering expert soopreem kourt lawyerin, for cheap, jus ax me how.
Or pasting up torn-out pages of Gray’s Anatomy, claiming that they are that person’s own work and a great deal on neurosurgery. “I kin cut brainz, ax me howe!!11!!”
Houses, until recently, could easily be expected to stand for a century. Even the post-war developments (like Levitown) are still largely intact. At least where gentrification and inflation have not started a cycle of teardowns, at least.
What many do not know about these “house designers” is that, per stare decisis they are liable for all defects in design for the life of the building. Except that, most of these, well, one is forced to use “people” seldom have attachables at the end of any given year, let alone years presently unknown.
Sadly, all too many contractors will build to the cartoons these folk produce (which becomes a 50/50 of drawing and guess); and then complain that all architects are useless (if seldom in such a polite term).
So, when a person who studied for years and years, and practiced for years and years beyond that; some one focused on meeting the design goals of the client while not hazarding (even, occasionally, improving) the life, health, and safety of the clients and the public at large quotes prices much closer to $7000 than ‘Bill’s’ $700, that they trundle over on CL and take what they get. (Which, from the “artwork” shown is not even to college-freshman level.)
It’s rather like getting coronary bypass surgery from someone who had only ever dissected–sorta–a frog in middle school.
Good design is a gift; it ought not be restricted by any sort of division–wealth, social status, sapience, etc.
* wishes she knew how to put the slow clap gif right here *
For an additional $500, Sparky will change the aspect ratio of one of the stolen images.
Sparky has plans for you! Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say No More!
Because, you know, architecture and engineering and stuff.
And for only $1199, Sparky has some Florida real estate available for you to build on. Act now before flood hazard maps are revised!
Five models alleged, four images shown (poorly)–it’s another one ’em octangles!
Well you see, you take that one in Quadrant III but rotate it so that fancy roof hangs it off the side of a cliff, and you’ve got Model 5. And also the one I hope Sparky here decides to build and live in himself.
Have these plans been certified by the Three Little Pigs Engineering Firm?….’cause at least one ‘o them houses looks like the Big Bad Wolf been doin’ some huffin’ and puffin’ on their ass.
Anyone else got a post-Halloween sugar hangover? Acute beveraging will help!! The line forms at the 2nd house…..
That last one looks like the Bates Motel.
I believe that is a Meeting Hall based upon a Bavarian Cow Shed.
Or, it’s yet another example of the level of “architecture” one can buy on CL.
I was thinking more along the lines of Amityville Horror.
“Look! It’s Camelot!”
“(It’s only a model.)”
I thought it would be bigger.
Perhaps I’m cranky because Stonehenge was in grave danger of being crushed by a midget!
T-bell….”trod on by a dwarf”….there, fixed it for you…..
Stonehenge, you say?
Thank you, Jazzie – you have just established my viewing material.for tonight, as clearly it has been too long since I have watched that movie. Also, do you happen to know the way to the stage? Cleveland!
Bwahaha! In love with this song!!! Best rhymes I’ve heard in a long while!
“On second thought, let’s not go to Camelot. ‘Tis a silly place.”
The so-called “greenest” house… is actually a lot more different colors than I was led to expect.
Mold and mildew are often experienced like that, true enough.
Gak. Just happened to loom more closely at that “greenest design” image.
All that south-facing glass (has to be south, or the cantilevered photovoltaic roof is pointed the wrong way), if built very much south of 33-32ºN latitude would not be so much green as a charred color.
The angle on the roof is suggestive of a location sharing the same Latitude as, say, Calgary. What is “green” at 45ºN is not the same as at 28ºN; and “green” is very different on the west coast versus the east coast (despite all the LEED claims to the contrary).
Is it me, or is Cap’n sorta hot when he goes all architecty?
[convoluted corey]
Lessee, the local
trolls“house designers” are getting from $1 to $2 (woohoo, upscale McHouses) per square foot to cartoon this stuff.The cat is sleeping, and ten miles [points] thataways, so, I have to use a pedestrian, real, calculator: $699 ÷ $1.25 = 560 square feet (give or take a mackerel or twain)–52m² for our SI compatriots. This is about the size of the two-car garage shown in the top right graphic.
Perhaps, ‘Bill’ is being very literal, and has 1/4 scale models of these “homes” to flog.
Hmm, ‘Bill’ wrote “development”–I now wonder if he’s turning out model railroad houses . . .
[/corey]
[practice law corey]
One of the reasons my profession is oft belittled, scorned, and imprecated is from the confusion when people like ‘Bill’ are considered to be architects.
Sadly, there is more enforcement on hair and nail salons than there is upon those falsely, blatantly, and notoriously, operating as Architects.
There is gallows humor about this, in that other professions can bury their mistakes before the end of the week, but architectural mistakes can’t be buried for decades, and them become “historical landmarks.” That is, unless they fall down first.
[/corey]
Oh wow, Capn has a lot of coreys today. You know, I had a corey once.
*pause*
I really don’t have anything to contribute today. I just want to be part of the fun.
*pause*
[matt]Okay fine! I’ll just go over here and curl up on my [/matt]!
If I remember how to [matt] (versus [matte]) properly, the [matt] would be like:
“Hey, be nice! These people provide a valuable service for those living outside the jurisdiction of City Building Inspectors, Planning & Development Departments, and don’t mind a bit of deathtrap cartooned into their fantasy homes.”[/matt]
Or, maybe not.
Was your corey a haim or feldmen?
Does it come with the Legos to build all four houses?
Yes, just not at the same time.
Why yes, it’s just the one Lego, 10′ wide, 40′ long, 13′ tall . . .
I see no blueprints of Viking-era halls.
You get no investment from me, Sparky.
Now, we’re being told that Things were often more open-air evolutions, rather than constrained within an easy-to-heat-Hall.
Well, I’m not qualified to build a development so maybe House should just plan to stick to what he knows and I’ll plan to stick to what I know. Elmer’s glue and Duct Tape. *sniff*
I thought House’s forte was having a cane and berating underlings?
Cap’n, you’re on a roll here! Do you want to be punched now and again later, or do you want to take all your lumps on Monday?
Good Morning, Frank Lloyd Sparky!
Five plans, from Traditional to Modern to Green… which only leaves out two. I’m guessing “Paper” and “Home Designer Pro Default Example”.