YSaC, Vol. 1625: Cold Hearted Snake
XL frozen rats for rat and snake lovers – $100
for rat and snake lovers. 50 frozen XL really big rats for that need something of a large size I have fifty XL frozen rats for sale for one hundred dollars ……… please feel free to email me about anything. five five five and five five five and one two one two . [Ed: not the actual number] leave a message or email and leave a message rats, snakes, ball pythons, boa, Burmese, cages, pets, rats, mice. cages, boa, pythons, ball pythons, snakes, rats , mice, Burmese. rabbits , hamsters, gerbils, and pets in general.
OK. I understand how 50 extra large frozen rats might be helpful if you’re a snake lover. When I was thirteen, I had a job feeding the rats and snakes at a local nature center on the weekends. And by “feeding the rats AND the snakes,” I mean, “feeding the rats TO the snakes.” Actually, the snakes only got a rat every now and then, and if the snake decided it wasn’t hungry, I had to retrieve the live rat from the cage, to the annoyance of all three of us.
However – what RAT lover wants fifty frozen dead ones? I like cats, but I don’t want a freezer full of kitty corpses. I could email this person to ask, but… they say to ask them about ANYthing, and it seems a waste to waste my one phone call on something as mundane as questions about rats.
I’m sorry – did I say ONE phone call? Must remember to edit that out… I try not to give away anything about my location. I have PLENTY of phone calls allowed. Not one. No.
Thanks for the post, Andrea!
This has a disturbing vibe all to similar to that Broderick & Brando film, The Freshman, only without insulation of it only being a movie and not illegal animal importation, sale, and distribution.
Frozen rats! Get yer extra large frozen rats here! For the rat lover of something of a large size! Get em while they’re big! Get em while they’re frozen!
Freezer Full of Kitty Corpses is the name of my Marilyn Manson Furry cover band!
XL Frozen Rats is my They Might Be Giants/Alaska/RATT mash-up band.
Kitty Corpses is the name of my Deadmau5 electro-rock cover band.
It’s important to have a supply of frozen rats on hand for rabbits, hamsters, gerbils, and pets in general. I feed them to my betta.
I enjoy cooking my family and my dog.
And what Burmese doesn’t love a good frozen rat?!?! I’ve certainly never met one!
This ad sounds like the writer had a stroke right in the middle of it! Bonus points for spelling gerberts correctly, but minus elebenty for minus elebenty for but minus elebenty for
Email about _anything_?
Dear Sparky-
Greetings and salutations. Please explain string cheese theory to me. I’ve never understood why kids like it so much.
Thank you in advance,
M2N2
“And pets in general,” huh?
I’ll take the whole set for my seeing eye chupacabra, then.
Ok, as if this was not enough of a dose of weird [hmm, “wierd” might be more apropos] as was, Spark is paranoid enough to spell out his phone number in the ad.
Gee, Spark, you’re trying to sell XL frozen dead rats for two bucks apiece–with hints of trade in regulated exotic species, too–and you are worried about being scammed or phished?
…coconut snakes, fried snakes, snake soup, snake salad, snakes and potatoes, snakes on a plane…
Aw, but I’m sick of these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!
*SC is dragged out back and beaten for the bad pun*
Now don’t do it again!
I’ll bet this guy was swamped with calls from Chinese Buffet Restaurants……YUM!!!!…sweet and sour rats..er…chicken!!!!!
Veteran’s Day Greetings!!!!
This has awful similarities to some of the pron offers I get spammed about. Frozen XL rats must help so much with penile deficiencies and lonely perverts with halitosis. Who needs Viagra ?
Ahem…Arsenio Hall on line two for you, dan.
Dammit, I just fed the last of the message rats to the carrier pigeon. Now what?
May I interest you in some message snakes, ball pythons, boa, Burmese, cages, pets, rats, mice. cages, boa, pythons, ball pythons, snakes, rats , mice, Burmese. rabbits , hamsters, gerbils, and pets in general?
I’ll take a cage, ball python, cage, python, gerbil and cage. And some spam.
Rat here. How may I help you?
Ooh, a rat that garnishes herself with a wedge of lemon! Now that’s service.
“… for that need something of a large size….” — Women tell me this is why they don’t shop at the Mall, but I don’t think wearing rats is the answer.
[/corey] Actually, that’s not a bad price for large rats; they are on sale for less at Rodentpro.com but you have to add shipping.[/end corey]
Stock up now! Fortunately, planes are also getting bigger.
I went shopping for pants today and it was frustrating. Most of the options were extra small petite or extra extra large. Finding something in an average size was nearly impossible (nearly, did manage to find 2 pairs).
Were these rats raised free range on an organic vegetarian diet then euthanized humanely? Only the best for Sir Slithers About!
Frozen rats because your child doesn’t deserve Popsicles.
I actually gave out frozen rats to the trick-or-treaters this year. My house got covered with more eggs and toilet paper than the dentist who gave out floss and the health hippies who gave out soy-covered tofu, combined.
That’s a great way to get free toilet paper.
If anyone wants me, I’ll be somewhere else. Hiding.
Ok, so I made a bad pun version of Shakespeare’s Caesar’s Eulogy, except it was not very funny until I re-wrote it in Latin. Which then scanned drier than the bones of Cleopatra’s asp, so I went searching for a parseltongue translator online.
At which point the exercise was rather futile, as it would be easier to read in Klingon.
So, I’m debating a satire from “the Scottish Play” and will have to just resist the urge to translate it from the original Hungarian.
Oooh…render it in Klingon…pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze??
I don’t know why everyone is assuming the rats are dead. Unless by rat lover, he means loving rats stuffed with cream cheese, breaded and deep fried in coconut oil. I’m sure these rats are or were his backup rats. He probably has or had a pet snake in one cage and a pet rat in another cage. But every so often, his rat disappears. So he replaces it with a backup. Now he either suspects the snake is eating his rats and he got rid of the snake so he no longer needs all those extra rats or he is giving up on having a pet rat so he’s getting rid of…you guessed it. his backup rats. You want evidence?
Okay.
1) He put an ad on craigslist. craigslist is online.
2) He is selling his rats online, so the rats are online.
So, the rats are frozen in Carbonite, the online computer backup service. You’ll just need to download them then thaw them and they will be as good as new.
Why did you just let Ed know that’s not the actual number? What makes Ed so special that he gets all this inside information while the rest of us are left guessing? Huh? Why leave us in the dark? Oh, I bet you get a big kick out of us calling that number and finding out Sean Connery is on the other end instead of ratboy. HA..HA..HA! Big laugh, huh?
BBUY!
This is where I tell the story of the snake in my highschool biology class. The teacher put a live white rat for it to eat in its cage and covered it. She uncovered it at the end of the class. Rat and snake were in opposite corners. The rat was alive an unharmed. The snake had some nasty rat bites on it. The snake later got sick and died from the infection. That was one tough rat (and the inspiration for the vampire rat in my icon).
One of my college biology professors had an albino corn snake. I never got to see it eat, but the professor told us he fed it dead rats because the snake was so dumb that a live rat would “tear him to ribbons.” I guess some snakes just aren’t very good at being snakes.
To set the record straight, wild rats and mice have a fear of snakes that causes them to hold perfectly still in the presence of the predator. Rats and mice raised by humans do not have that fear, and will attack the snake. Most herpetologists feed dead rodents to their prized collections.
Is herpetologists catching? I feel like I might need to update my vaccinations after spending so much time here…
Nojazzie, could you hold my frozen rat’s ass for a moment? Punchity Punch Punch! Thanks.
Good Morning, Rat Baggers!
ooo!……nice!……nice….
don’t you know you’re not supposed to give a rat’s ass ? 😉
D’oh! Well, I only wanted him to hold it for a while, not walk off with it.