YSaC, Vol. 1633: SQUAWK!

2013 November 29

Bird Parrot

I am looking to adopt one pet bird or pet parrot whom be healthy, young, and tame
The one bird or one parrot is one of these in the list
One singing male Canary or
One tame parrotlet or
One male and tame cockatiel or
One tame indian ring parakeet or
one tame mustache parakeet or
one tame Alexander parakeet or
scarlet parakeet whom should be quiet for a small parrot and tame
Or an amazon(lilac or blue fronted or red lored or yellow head, but not orange winged or red mexican head or white fronted amazon) should be younger than 15 years old and healthy(vet checked), tame,
Quiet for an amazon, and friendly and clean and polite language if it is talkative.
The birds or parrots whom I am NOT interested to adopt are
Lovebirds of any kind
African greys
Macaws of any kind
Conures of any kind
Monk parrot(Quaker)
Myer parrot or senegal parrot
Or any loud or screamer kind
Cockatoos of any kind
Finches of any kind
Please if you have any other kind of pet bird or pet parrot whom are quiet(not a screamer) or plucker(the feathers should be in good condition and healthy),but you are looking to re-home for any personal reason then please email me with a fair and reasonable adoption fee. I am very experienced with birds and parrots, but I am NOT a breeder.
I do not have dogs or cats or any other kinds of pets other than one pet parrot whom I love very much, and looking to adopt one more bird or pet parrot to keep his company and mine.
I also have a 7 foot fancy and good looking christmas tree with its stand and lights and green and red decoration, and it looks like brand new, and it was just used in my smoke free and clean home last year ,in case, you are interested for trade for less expensive bird like a cockatiel or parrotlet or canary, other wise, as I mentioned then I would pay for smaller parrot like indian ring parakeet up to $100 or for your amazon parrot whom you are looking to re-home up to $300.
The cage of the parrot or the bird should be right size and in good shape for your bird or parrot or I would buy a larger and right size cage for my future parrot myself.
Thanks for your consideration.
Happy Thanksgiving

I would like to write a snarky response to this Craigslist post. I would also like to have others write snarky responses in the comments.

Types of snarky responses I would like:
Pointing out that these types of birds typically cost vastly more than $300.
Mocking of the awkward wall-of-text style of this post.
Disapproval of the astonishing sense of entitlement on display.
Jokes about band names.
Lists of fictitious types of birds, some of which sound vaguely pornographic.

Types of snarky responses I would not like:
Comparison of the birds themselves to Hitler.
Obscure references to one-off Pokemon.
The entire Wikipedia article on methylene chloride.

Thank you for your consideration, and happy belated Thanksgivikhuah! (Oh, and thanks for the post, Kim!)

32 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 November 29
    Lou Stool permalink

    Just to save us all time. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methylene_chloride

    Adores: 9
  2. 2013 November 29
    Ralph permalink

    “…parrot whom be healthy, young, and tame”


    It’s a little early for Talk Like a Pirate Day, but clueless Sparky seems to want an accessory that’s a little more animated than a Norwegian Blue, but with “…clean and polite language if it is talkative” and not a mother plucker.


    Adores: 16
    • 2013 November 29
      CapnMac permalink

      None Shall Pass
      Ere they answer these Questions Thirty
      About Birds, parrots, and words Dirty.
      [insert wall of text–I’m lazy and it’s the day after Thanksgiving]
      [humerus ending]
      [far too subtle pun about blue crystalline cleaning solvent & NSAID]
      3. ?????
      IV. Profit

      Adores: 6
  3. 2013 November 29

    No finches of any kind, huh?

    Well, sorry, Atticus, you’re just not welcome in these parts.

    Adores: 6
  4. 2013 November 29
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    I did not realize parrots could be Quakers or that Quakers had monks. Do they talk in plain speech? “Polly would like thee to give myself thy cracker!”

    Adores: 6
    • 2013 November 29
      Dan permalink

      It’s supposed to be “Quackers”, I think.

      Adores: 5
      • 2013 November 29
        MissMommyNiceNice permalink

        Way to blow up my snark! I notice Sparky wasn’t looking for a talking ostrich…

        Adores: 6
        • 2013 November 29

          M2N2, pay no attention to flightless bird behind the curtain. It is Quaker, and they are illegal as pets where I live. Here’s a photo to explain why:


          They build huge community nests, they shred lots of wood and vegetation to make it, and they use any available tree or pole for a start. 8)

          Adores: 2
  5. 2013 November 29
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    Mustache Parakeet is the name of my hipster Stray Birds cover band.

    Adores: 1
  6. 2013 November 29

    Harrumph! Okay, Sparky, before I will rehome my tame, young, healthy parrot to you, you must complete 6 credits worth of classes on Understanding Birds and Living with Parrots. Then I will do three home inspections, one of which you will not get advanced notice of. You will sign a contract saying you will not rehome or sell or breed this parrot, and that if at any time you decide you no longer wish to live with this parrot, you will return it to My Home for Happy Hookbills, you will not pass go, you will not collect $200 or whatever rehoming fee we decide upon. And your Christmas tree? Make like an angel and sit on it!

    Adores: 3
  7. 2013 November 29

    I once knew a tame male cock(ateil)…he was very good at the tame but not so good at the cock.

    Adores: 1
  8. 2013 November 29

    O, for a smaller parrot, quiet and tame
    An amazon, not aged beyond fifteen,
    A cage of proper size and age,
    And tree of goodly size and shape to trade upon!

    Adores: 3
  9. 2013 November 29
    Brer Fox permalink

    I would like to drink one soda pop or a Pepsi which is diet, freshly bottled, and trendy
    The one soda pop or one Pepsi is one of these on the list
    One tangerine diet rite or
    One trendy Pepsi Free or
    One diet and trendy Coca Cola Zero or
    One diet Vernors ginger ale or
    One diet sarsaparilla or
    Diet root beer which can be in a can if it’s Dad’s root beer or one A&W root beer if it is on tap or one Weinhard root beer which is in a bottle from a six-pack
    The soda pops or Pepsis I am not interested in drinking are
    Shastas of any kind
    Mello Yellows
    Pepsi Blues
    Pepsis with corn syrup
    Cokes with corn syrups
    Ginger teas of any kind

    Bird or a parrot? Really? Isn’t a parrot a bird or is it some kind of giant talking dragonfly?

    Adores: 8
    • 2013 November 29
      Brer Fox permalink

      You know, I could do the same thing with wanting to eat
      One fowl or one chicken…

      Adores: 2
    • 2013 November 29
      Kaziganthi permalink

      Giant talking dragonfly for the win!

      Also Giant Talking Dragonfly is IF’s Beetles-Crickets mash-up band.

      Adores: 2
  10. 2013 November 29
    HamCan permalink

    On the first day of black Friday Sparky gave to me.
    One singing male Canary
    One tame parrotlet
    One male and tame cockatiel
    One tame indian ring parakeet
    One tame mustache parakeet
    One tame Alexander parakeet
    And Finches of any kiiiiiiiind

    Adores: 6
  11. 2013 November 29
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    Marney shops for a pet.

    Adores: 3
  12. 2013 November 29
    CapnMac permalink

    Other than this sounding disturbingly like a stalkity-stalker’s census of Windy’s dream aviary, I’m at a loss coping with a non-bird parrot, parrolet, cocktiel, mccaw, just-no-finches-or-lovebirds (what a dufus).

    But, it sure dies seem like Spark’ would be just as happy with replica birds of paper-maché and feathers. Could guarantee that none of those would be screechers or be bred (not that screaming could be prevented–Spark’s house is probably a house of horrors beyond imagining).

    Adores: 2
  13. 2013 November 29
    CapnMac permalink

    Help! Help! Windy, dear, dear, Windy, Hammy furgots to close his code, so we area all Italic parrolitceeteils, or birds!

    Adores: 2
  14. 2013 November 29

    Wow. So many uses of the word “whom” in one ad, and only one of them was correct.

    Adores: 2
    • 2013 November 29
      Ralph permalink

      Birds are whats, not whoms. Only people are whoms. Even Whos in Whoville are not whoms.

      In any case, whya no chicken?

      Adores: 4
      • 2013 November 29
        Ralph permalink

        And before complaining that birds are whichs, not whats, remember what be proper pirate talk.

        That be all, folks.

        Adores: 1
  15. 2013 November 30
    nojazzhere permalink

    It ams what it ams!

    Adores: 3
  16. 2013 November 30

    So does the S in SC stand for Sparky? I think not. Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Pirates Providing Perches for Parrots!

    Adores: 1
    • 2013 November 30

      Nah, “SC” stands for “Snarky Cu-”

      Happy holidays, folks!

      Adores: 2
  17. 2013 December 5
    Jetboy permalink

    I find the list of birds not wanted to be amusing. It wouldn’t seem to be necessary after already listing the birds he/she does want.
    Also not wanted: seagulls, mallards, ostriches, cormorants etc.

    Adores: 1
    • 2013 December 10
      snardo permalink

      I too find the list amusing but for a different reason. Specifically, while sparky is interested in certain types of parrots, he is apparently not interested in Conures of any type. Too bad that Conures are “a diverse, loosely-defined group of small to medium-sized parrots” according to wikipedia. So you want a parrot, but only certain kinds of parrots? Glad we got that straightened out.

      Adores: 1
    • 2013 December 10
      Windrose permalink

      Jetboy, you just ruined my plan to rehome all my ostriches and cormorants. 8(

      Adores: 0

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