YSaC, Vol. 1647: Hey Mr. Spaceman

2014 January 3

Somewhere, deep in the New Mexico desert…

“Major, we’ve got a problem.”
“What’s that?”
“We’ve run out of leads on finding new aliens to hide from the American public.”
“How is that possible? It’s pretty much been ET central around here since Roswell.”
“Mostly, I think it’s because of the new checked baggage fees – most alien species won’t put up with that crap.”
“Damn. OK, activate plan Baker Nine.”
“We can’t, sir – we’re out of strawberry custard.”
“Baker Ten?”
“Won’t work in an even numbered year.”
“Baker Eleven?”
“Sorry, sir – Abe Vigoda is actually still alive.”
“OK, fine – just leave me alone and go put an ad on Craigslist or something.”

Need ET’s For Questionare

Answer Questions for Survey

Questions asked by Earth-born Human and needs voluntary information via scientific survey. Survey is specifically designed for “non-Earth” humans and/or humanoids. Survey has a range of topics. Please use anonymous email and send your email link.

Your participation is strictly anonymous (at least from my point of view…)

Will wish to meet you as part of this survey (in public or private location.)

Yes, this survey is only for ‘extraterrestrials’ and does not wish to interview native Earth born humans.

Thanks for the post, Kim!

25 Responses leave one →
  1. 2014 January 3
    CapnMac permalink

    So, Sparky, y’ got any proof y’r an Earth-born person?

    I’d be willing to wager that my world and Spark’s are sufficiently different as to equate to having differing space-time localities (if requiring some non-Cartesian geometry and rather a bit too mush quantum-probability geometries).

    Adores: 3
  2. 2014 January 3

    Thank you for agreeing to meet me here. I figured you’d like it here because no earthling would have come up with Starbucks. Does every alien from the Epsilon-Minus Quadrant speak such good English? Oh, and what was Plan 10 going to be?

    Adores: 8
  3. 2014 January 3
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    The NSA is going to have a field day with this. Shoot, I’ve said too much already. Where’s my tinfoil hat?! The humanoids are coming and I’m woefully unprepared! Has anyone seen my probe?

    Adores: 3
    • 2014 January 3
      nojazzhere permalink

      Sorry, MissMommy….those tinfoil hats don’t really work anyway…the voices still get through. Trust me… Sorry….The hemoroids are ARE coming, and I, too, am woefully unprepared. Preparation H won’t help us now…..by the way, I gots your probe right here. I’ll send anonymous e-mail with more info….be sure and open all spam and attachments, just in case.

      Adores: 4
    • 2014 January 4
      SilvaNoir permalink

      I should have known that was a fake mustache! You’re not an earth-born human at all, are you?

      Adores: 2
  4. 2014 January 3
    Yancy permalink

    I worked one summer at Philmont Scout Ranch in northern New Mexico. I worked in a backcountry camp. One of the scout crews that came through was from Roswell, Georgia. An adult leader turned to the camp staff and asked where we were from. I was the only native New Mexican. He asked how far Area 51 is from Roswell. I laughed and said “There’s Roswell. Then you travel through most of New Mexico, all of Arizona, and a bit of Nevada.” He was quite disappointed. He thought the two were only miles apart from each other, and he said the town of Roswell, Georgia really plays up the Area 51 connection. Car dealerships with blow-up aliens and such.

    Adores: 1
    • 2014 January 3
      CapnMac permalink

      “Hey, I need to fly into that Tucumcari place, izzat anywhere near Taos?”
      “What!? Whaddyamean, I should fly in from Amarillo? That’s in Texas!”
      “Huh? Haw could it be closer’n Santa Fe?”
      “Wait, what? I should fly to Lubbock, then Amarillo? It’s how many miles?”

      Life is hard. Life is harder as sparkii.

      Adores: 2
      • 2014 January 3
        Yancy permalink

        I would also expect sparkii to ask if they need to bring a passport, where they can change their money into pesos, and if it’s safe to drink the water.

        Adores: 1
  5. 2014 January 3
    camille permalink

    What proof of extraterrestriality will you accept, Sparky? We’re not supposed to show our intergalactic passports to anyone except authorized TSA agents.

    Adores: 4
    • 2014 January 3
      Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

      If you think I’m humanoid it really is a pity.
      Look real close and you will notice I’m some kind of kitty.

      Adores: 2
    • 2014 January 4
      Katimomkat permalink

      Just let him (or her—why do we automatically assume Sparky is a male?) feel your invisible antennae. Yeah, that’s the ticket!

      Adores: 0
  6. 2014 January 3

    Nice try, Agent Mulder. But you’re not learning the truth about your sister and the cigarette guy that easily.

    Adores: 7
  7. 2014 January 3
    zoe permalink

    My planet doesn’t issue long form birth certificates. Will you accept a short-form as proof?

    Adores: 7
    • 2014 January 3
      P-Rex permalink

      I don’t know what a birth certificate is but I hear they are very important. Where can I get one of these births and how do I get it certified?

      Adores: 2
      • 2014 January 3

        Well, first you have to go to Hawaii, and have a mom and a dad. I hear.

        Adores: 5
  8. 2014 January 3
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Hey! I’ve spent way too many of your Earth years blending into your…I mean, sorry, I’m not an extraterrestrial at all. Nope. I’m not the ‘noid you’re looking for.

    Adores: 2
  9. 2014 January 3
    ***-*-[********] **** permalink

    Please use anonymous email

    I don’t know how to do this.

    Adores: 10
  10. 2014 January 3
    zero.nada.none. permalink

    I think there’s a law if you ask an E.T. three times if they are an alien they have to answer truthfully….just like with narcs….

    Adores: 6
  11. 2014 January 3
    Ralph permalink

    Since my internal clock does not coordinate with the Sun, I think I was born on another planet. However, it seems the Men in Black used one of those neuralyzer thingies on me, and substituted another story about my being born in Manhattan. Is that close enough?

    Adores: 2
  12. 2014 January 3
    tigprincess permalink

    Check date – checks again.

    No still not 1st April.

    Bursts into tears.

    “Is there no hope for humanity?”


    Adores: 2
  13. 2014 January 3
    CapnMac permalink

    (pssst, hey Spark’, good plan, but Ms. Braswell don’t pronounce her name that way . . . )

    Adores: 1
  14. 2014 January 3
    SpaceBug permalink

    Greetings my friends! We are all interested in the future, For that is where you and I we are going to spend the rest of our lives.
    Earthakin Sparky’s feeble attempt to profess our intact anonymity while meeting face to face has materially failed.
    We are well aware of plan Baker Eleven which we have dubbed ‘The Ahby Vigoda Dance With Stars Gambit’ and have completed erecting our Hadrian-Otterman defenses. Prepare for French prudential armwar.
    We have acquired the requisite amount of emasculated wombats and bred them with soft, fluffy bunnies to help create a most excellent bunwombastic lined, ultimate sheeptastic throne. Granted, it took us a while to realize that the wombats must first be bred with the bunnies prior to introducing them to the female of their species, but once done, they make excellent pests. …er, minions.
    We require only a red table to proceed.

    You had better brush-up on your Kobayashi Maru.

    Adores: 3
  15. 2014 January 3
    E.T. permalink

    Hi Sparks,
    If I fill out your silly questionare, will you let me use your account to place a long distance call?

    Adores: 3
  16. 2014 January 4
    Katimomkat permalink

    Survey is specifically designed for “non-Earth” humans..

    I have to wonder how Sparky learned of the top secret Government project, (code name Adam and Eve,) to colonize Mars with humans. In a clandestine mission, launched in 2001, NASA surreptitiously transported three adult males and three pregnant adult females of various cultures and races to Mars, with the objective to create a colony of humans on the planet. The project was not intended to be revealed to the public until the oldest Mars-born child reached 18 years of age.

    At least that’s what the little green men living in my attic told me.

    Adores: 3
    • 2014 January 4
      SilvaNoir permalink

      That could be a while. A Mars year is 686.98 Earth days

      Adores: 2

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