YSaC, Vol. 486: The five exclamation marks indicate sincerity.
This was posted in talent > gigs.
Looking for taklent baby!!!!!
I am looking for a stunning modell to play the partt of a actres in {insert film here}
I am not a machine- infact, the only reason I put {insert film her} is because you get to chose whic film it is as long as:
-it is titanic
-it has watar
-it is funny/ a bestsellorObviously you have to be hott…
-Kaly
Well, obviously you have to be hot. And, you can choose any film you want, as long as it’s Titanic! Although, she may have meant her list to be an and/or list, which would mean you could also choose any film that has watar. An IMDb search reveals that there is a Japanese actor named Tetsuya Watari; perhaps Kaly would like you to choose a film from Watari’s filmography?
And then there’s another post by the same person (the same email address was listed as the reply to address), posted three minutes later in community > artists:
I need U!!!!!
RLLY!!!!
I just need ??//??//??KTHNXS
You can see why it took her three minutes to compose this thoughtful masterpiece.
Thanks for the two ads, David!
seems like the spam-bot finally had the meltdown it deserves.
Looking for “taklent baby”? Is that anything like a thalidomide baby? If so, no sense in this person looking anywhere else but the mirror.
I mean RLLY.
KTHNXS
or maybe a harlequin baby? My sister keeps sending those to me on facebook… 🙁 Do not google this after eating. Or while pregnant.
Ooooohhh…*shudder*
I have seen a Youtube video of a harlequin baby. Ever since, it has occasionally shown up in my nightmares.
Viewing such things on Youtube never ends well- as I am always compelled to check out the “related videos” and last time, ended up watching a video of a small child in the throes of full-blown rabies.
Tackling baby?
… Still shuddering over {insert film her} … ew.
Another thought: “stunning modells” [sic] tend, if they want to work, not look at badly misspelled CL ads; they get an agent, don’t they?
There’s so much to love about these posts. Art Modell has a pretty impressive career, but I don’t think I’d want to see him in Titanic or any movie that has very much “watar.”
And I can’t help reading “Kaly” as another one of the items in the and/or list: could have watar; could be gigantic/gargantuan/titanic; could be Kaly.
But the thing I find most disturbing about this pitch is that the movies seem to be inserted into her: “{insert film her}.” So, is this movie going to be shot using colonoscopy technology? Is that watar going to be inside the human body?
What an opportunity to build up a film resumé!
They want a “bestsellor” involving water huh? Well do I have the idea of a life time. The setting: a bathtub. The characters: a rubber ducky, colored bubbles, a Little Mermaid doll, a toy boat and some ice cubes. The plot line: there is none, they all just hang out and float around, occasionally bumping into each other. The sound track will be done by all the hip obscure indie bands, and Coldplay. The title: Bathh Timme: Waht Heppens Wehn U Lev teh Roomm.
I have a feeling we’ll make millions if we market it to the hipster crowd.
…directed by Michel Gondry, from a script by Wes Anderson.
All that’s missing is a man-child with big dreams and issues with his father. Also, Kumar.
And a LOT of closeups of the quirky main characters face, making befuddled “I am so QUIRKY” looks. In this case, Mermaid Doll.
No, no. This masterpiece will be written and directed by my 6 year old nephew. The script will be easy as the only thing he can write is his name (barely), so we won’t have to worry about voice acting which will save a ton of money.
Instead of regular ice we’ll use dry ice to give it a nice layer of fog, and for kicks we’ll throw in some strobe lights randomly with a good techno beat behind it.
There will be lots of close ups for dramatic effect for you Meredith.
And having a six year old write it is what I think most indie hipster directors actually do.
It’ll also help for the credit sequence at the beginning, because everyone knows that if it looks like a little kid drew all the names and misspelled, then the movie has “heart”.
Heart, and authenticity. You just can’t buy that kind of twee realness with Hollywood money!
My thoughts exactly Meredith. Also, if there happen to end up being any speaking lines in the movie they should all be done by him and his friends. They all have speech disorders so it would be hard to understand, that way we could have subtitles! No indie flick is complete without subtitles.
There will be no movies created on YSaC where Satanic Pomeranians don’t have complete artistic control of the soundtrack. It’s in the contract, dammit.
How could we forget?! They will be given total control. ALL HAIL HYPNO-DOGS!
Is this the next T-shirt/coffee mug theme?
Damn skippy, ed! At the very least, we have to be the stowage band, though a complete soundtrack of our masterpieces would be preferable.
I want a hypnodog shirt.
People will just think we ripped off Futurama 🙁 Otherwise I’d be ALL OVER hypnodog shirts.
Okay, so Art Modell is supposed to play the part of an actress?
Is the spambot offering to set up a photo shoot that replicates a scene from some well-known movie? Is that what we’re dealing with?
I think I went to school with Art Modell. Weird kid.
I can not have an empty comment.
“-it is titanic……-it is funny/ a bestsellor”
Ah yes, that award winning comedy, Titanic. I never actually saw it, but I can imagine just how funny the story of a foretold and preventable disaster would be, what with all the screaming, and the drowning, and the panic. Yes, it is due for a hilarious remake…possibly starring Cuba Gooding Jr. It’ll be just like Boat Trip 2!!!
And this “hott/stunning modell” PLAYING the part of an actress should push it right over the edge and into Oscar territory.
p.s. Is it just me, or, if you’re playing the part of an actress…doesn’t that then MAKE you an actress???
There were actually parts of Titanic that just about had me on the floor laughing. Mind you they were all at the most inapropriate times (i.e. Leo DeCaprio’s frozen, lifeless body being pushed from the door into the watery depths).
SPOILER ALERT?
Uhh. Oops. I guess it kind of spoils how it happens, but it’s pretty apparent from the begining of the movie that he dosen’t make it. If you haven’t seen it by now consider yourself lucky and avoid it at all costs.
Isaac — also, the boat sinks.
Well, now there’s no point in renting it. Thanks a llot, Llama.
BTW, Darth Vader is really Luke’s father.
Isaac, there’s an iceberg, too. And quite a bit of cold seawater. But the best part is when the UFO shows up and beams people from the freezing water to stock their pantry. Classic.
Ed, you’re reminding me of something I told a student who came into my classroom one day as I was packing up (he was in the next class) and asked me if I’d read Huck Finn all the way to the end. Obviously he was about to be quizzed on it.
I told him that it was pretty good, all the way up to the UFO abduction, which really ruined it for me.
Damn you! I thought that America had agreed to forget ‘Boat Trip’ had ever disgraced our movie theaters! I think even mentioning a sequel is now against federal law. Sit nicely at your computer, and a bunch of men in riot gear with AK-47s will be with you shortly.
Possibly, but you can’t get an Oscar for playing yourself. 8/
“p.s. Is it just me, or, if you’re playing the part of an actress…doesn’t that then MAKE you an actress???”
Not if you’re an actor. I mean, at no point does he actually specify that the “modell” needs to be female.
Ahhh, a good point, and well played my friend.
Also in the case that you are indeed Gisele Bundchen. No one mistakes her for an actress, even if she shows up in movies to “act”.
Because of this apparent oversight, I would love to see his responses to male replies. Heh.
I just want a series of the…pictures, maybe. Think our pal from two days ago could whip up somethin fancy for me??? I’d really like the zombie eye effect on them. Oh, wait…these are model’s we’re talking about…
We used a taklent dummy during football practices. We used a baby sometimes instead of a ball. A few of the guys who’d suffered a few too many concussions occasionally mixed them up, hence the term “taklent baby.”
Also, they missed a few “elebenty”s.
I am a hott taklent baby! But I am male…Howvr I am willng to play the partt of a actres. Ples respond with pix. Thx.
I once wrote a poem for a creative writing class at three a.m. while fighting the effects of ny-quil. I think I still outspelled this bot.
I wrote a comment on a student’s poem last night while I was falling asleep at my desk. It is totally incoherent, but all the words are spelled right.
…Moreover, there are questions of “re-seeing” the piece. The second and third stanza [crossout] And it’s [crossout] in the first half of the poem that you need
original languageformulas & phrasing as they got the other half to get over.I have written an apology for the student. I’m going to do a new final comment in a minute.
That actually makes sense to me.
Probably you need to get more sleep, then.
That explains some of the more, erm, enigmatic* comments I’d received from my instructors.
*Enigmatic, yet always properly spelled.
I’ve actually asked some of my instructors what their comments meant. Mostly they seemed to have some sort of an answer, except for my favorite instructor who looked me square in the eye and said, “I have no idea what I meant.”
I have to admire her willingness to admit that! If she was that consistently forthright in general, no wonder she was a favorite.
Haha, I can’t see any of my profs ever admitting that. When I was a kid and we lived in a smallish house, my mom always did her grading in her bedroom while watching TV and drinking scotch. That setup worked alright for her, except when she fell asleep.
There was also the issue with our elderly cats (18 at the time) urinating all over the in-class finals, which people INSISTED on doing in ink, even though it was a statistics exam and almost no one got the questions correct the first time….
I know that even when I’m tired, the spelling filter fails to disengage. Yay English major. Makes no sense, but at least it’s spelled right!
I have that same basic issue. When I’m drunk enough to fall off my chair, my internal spellcheck doesn’t turn off. If I chat with someone online in that state, they invariably don’t believe me, since I can still type.
Grammar filter turns off after about 5 or 6 drinks, though. 😛
Notice that the “t” in “titanic” is lower case. This person is obviously looking for a modell from a movie that is “titanic” in nature, i.e. of or about Titans.
That can only mean one thing- Ursula Andress, the hott, stunning actress who played Aphrodite in the epic 1981 bestsellar/comedy “Clash of the Titans.” (which, by the way, had watar…)
Release the Kraken!
I think you’re on the right track. However, since it was posted by “Kaly,” I’m reminded of Калин-царь in the 1956 Soviet anti-Mongolian film The Sword and the Dragon. If that’s the case, he’s using the Titans as a sort of Jungian archetype for all mythical/cosmic warriors.
“Obviously you have to be hott…”
Obviously! We don’t want any un-sexy babies playing the parts of actresses or modells in your watar movie. OBIOUSLY!
(I wrote this under the impression that the poster was looking for a talented baby- Baby Titanic? Like Anne Geddes only replacing actors with babies instead of putting babies in flower pots. HILARIOUS! Then I realized that they meant “Looking for taklent, baby!” But the visions of hott Baby-Titanic stayed.)
Would the sound track still be by the Satanic Pomeranians featuring Art Modell?
yes, but can they be baby poms?
Hmmm, that’s a great idea! Chibi Satanic Poms.
Strangely, the first movie I thought of was The Posiedon Adventure, the original with Shelly Winters not the remake.
I like how they spelled the words with double letters with just one (actres, Chose) , and the ones without double letters with double letters (Hott, modell)! Although, they did spell “stunning” right.
I hope my smile, FEMALETRAITS2, and FEMALETRAITS3 make me hot enough for this film!!!!!!!!!
I think it’s safe to say you could land the leading role in [ERROR: MOVIE NOT FOUND].
is there a way to remove this moron from the planet? and please, do not reproduce, please.
i need to sit someplace quiet.
Which one?
Also, where else do you frequently comment…? Your screen name seems very familiar…
Posting an ad for a baby and then demanding they be “hott” is uber-creepy
I’m calling Chris Hanson
I’m extremely tempted to send her/him pictures of pageant babies and write “R dese kute enufffff lol kbye.”
Love this bit:
a stunning modell to play the partt of a actres
“OK, I’m going to write an ad now and I’m going to double up the consonants where a single one belongs and I’ll just put one where there should be 2. Yep, that’s it – add an extra l to model, an extra t to part and take an s off actess. Then we’l waitt to see if anyone notices. Whatt funn!
Some highlights for me:
1. This enterprising casting director is planning to hire, not actors, but models.
2. Apparently this model-actor will be PLAYING THE PART OF AN ACTRESS. This reminds me of the person seeking the person who bought the person who bought some rabbits.