YSaC, Vol. 535: Every day I get in the queue.

2010 January 3

Anyone looking for a job? Or love? Or even both? Have we got an opportunity for you:

looking for magic and love – 54


trying to get amagic business up and running. right noiw am looking for an asssistant to help me in magci business and aslo to be my lady. this lady is tobe between the ages of 25-35 willing to travle artound the couintry in about a couple of months and aslo be my lady this lady is not married or has asignivant other and no kids and likes to travel got to be petite and hair color is red blonde or brunette if interested get ahold of me here on craigslist on how to get hold of you telling me your age and how o get ahold of you so we can meet need an assistnt for my magic act

I know what you ladies are thinking – magicians are all sexy in their black clothes with their flashy moves:

535535b

But just remember, for every one of those guys, there’s probably several thousand of these:

535d535c

Don’t say we didn’t warn you!

Thanks for the link, Heather!

45 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 January 3

    hmmm

    “hair color is red blonde or brunette”

    so pink with black streaks wont cut it then? Shame, I was planning on going pink for 2010 so I guess I need not apply.

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 January 3

      “Oh, come on!”

      (Thanks to Dan, I will have “The Final Countdown” stuck in my head all day.)

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 January 3
      corn flakes permalink

      I think it’s actually “hair color is red, blonde or brunette” which pretty much means “I’m not picky, but must have hair”

      Adores: 13
      • 2010 January 6
        Maureen permalink

        Actually, I’m guessing that eliminating black hair is a sneaky way of specifying “must be white” without saying it.

        Adores: 4
  2. 2010 January 3
    Windrose permalink

    If his magic act is as good as his post, they won’t get on the road for years and years. Hope he lets his lady do all the accounting and advertising, cause this magician needs help!

    Adores: 1
  3. 2010 January 3

    I can has magic show?

    Kthx

    Adores: 9
  4. 2010 January 3
    Ed Snyder permalink

    Does aslo mean “age/sex/location/orientation?”

    Adores: 25
    • 2010 January 3
      Mimi permalink

      You so witty, Ed.

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 January 3
      Bianchi Sound permalink

      Aslo is the capital of Narway.

      Adores: 22
      • 2010 January 3
        Lola permalink

        Where Narwhals are from, of course.

        Adores: 13
        • 2010 January 4
          Bianchi Sound permalink

          Glad you didn’t say “Where Narwhals come from.” That would be Velampthriscrus.

          Adores: 4
  5. 2010 January 3
    Mimi permalink

    He seems to have developed magnetic “a’s”. They keep getting stuck to the next word in the sentence.

    He also seems to be looking for a lady named “Tobe.” Is that the exotic female spelling of the name “Toby?” What if the only lady named Tobe he can find has blue hair? He’ll be s.o.l.

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 January 3
      Bunny permalink

      That does present a difficult question for the guy. Tobe, or not Tobe.

      Adores: 27
    • 2010 January 3
      corn flakes permalink

      It’s Magic!! He made the “t” in “to” disappear. And reappear as an “i” in “now”.
      MAGIC!

      Adores: 3
  6. 2010 January 3
    canio6 permalink

    Apparently he does not want a lady who is a “asignivant” which I can only assume is a clairvoyant for the deaf. Telling futures in sign language is apparently more magical than his show. I am not sure I can support a magician with no respect for those with disabilities, especially one who is so clearly typing impaired, spelling deficient, and sense deprived.

    Adores: 34
    • 2010 January 3
      Lola permalink

      +1 for “sense deprived.” I’m using that from now on.

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 January 3
      Windrose permalink

      I think asignivant means the lady is unattached, like this guy’s brain cells.

      Adores: 4
  7. 2010 January 3
    Lola permalink

    Can’t spell or write clearly or probably communicate well in general, wants a (presumably) attractive helper 20-30 years younger than himself who is available to both be his assistant and his “lady.” Translation: “I can’t get a girlfriend any other way, so I’m going to advertise for a job position with ‘benefits’ and hope that someone young and desperate enough will answer.” … even not having seen the guy, I just threw up a little bit in my mouth reading this. If someone advertises for a job that has the expectation of the person in the job having sex with them, doesn’t that qualify as prostitution on some level? Can the police go after them? As well, ever notice that the men often don’t want women their own age? I assume they think that contemporaries are unattractive, but suspect that the real reason is that more older women may have wised up and won’t take their shit.

    Elvis Costello title reference, right? I just got up and haven’t had coffee, so I may not be correct.

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 January 3
      Bianchi Sound permalink

      The Who

      Adores: 0
    • 2010 January 3
      LurkRealClose permalink

      I thought it was The Who, Magic Bus.

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 January 3
        dan permalink

        The Who indeed. You win this lovely couch. It’s perfectly safe, really.

        Adores: 11
        • 2010 January 3
          Lola permalink

          Only had an aunt and her snake die on it!

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 January 3
          LurkRealClose permalink

          Wow, I can sell this on Craig’s List and make a fortune. Thanks, Dan!

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 January 3
        Lola permalink

        Makes more sense than “Every day I write the book.” Particularly with magic reference. Thanks!

        Adores: 1
  8. 2010 January 3
    Bianchi Sound permalink

    It’s sad that at 54 the only trick he’s mastered is making “ladies” dissappear.

    Adores: 15
    • 2010 January 3
      Lola permalink

      Many men of many ages manage to do this. It’s not a special trick …

      Adores: 9
  9. 2010 January 3

    Isn’t this guy advertising a week (and 2010 years) late if he wants to get into the magi business?

    Adores: 12
    • 2010 January 3
      queensbee permalink

      right, and right on epiphany sunday, too!! gotta go. here come the 3 wiseguys.

      Adores: 1
  10. 2010 January 3
    lost_compass permalink

    I’m sure he’s mostly looking for someone to look after his magic wand, and she’ll be pressed to digitate it.

    Adores: 31
  11. 2010 January 3

    As I read this I thought, Dear God, it could be someone exactly like Gob Bluth.

    And then, there was a picture. This was seriously the most disturbing and awesome way to start my day.

    *starts playing the final countdown*

    Adores: 4
  12. 2010 January 3
    Addicted Reader permalink

    I hope the lady see this…

    Adores: 6
  13. 2010 January 3
    queensbee permalink

    asignivant ???????? WTF?? a savant? or just an idiot? stick to the magic- makes people disappear. starting with himslef.

    Adores: 0
  14. 2010 January 3
    Steve-O permalink

    Is the magic act making your savings account disappear while traveling around the country in a 1960’s Partridge Family style bus performing “magic acts” at carnivals?

    Adores: 3
  15. 2010 January 3
    Texchanchan permalink

    It’s easy to imagine what the training technique would be for his “asssistant.” Dopey, incomprehensible instructions, petulant corrections, and outlandish accusations. Looking into my crystal ball I also see a lot of irritability and maybe stupid but dangerous temper tantrums, especially when he and the red blonde brunette differ on the definition of “lady.”

    Adores: 7
  16. 2010 January 3

    Oh! My dream job has appeared on CL at last! Just yesterday I was saying to myself “If only an illiterate wanna-be magician with absolutely no redeeming qualities was looking for a brunette who wanted to prance around pretending to be impressed whilst he performed lame disappearing coin tricks and got booed by Mrs. MacIntosh’s kindergarten class. Later, he would want me to perform a type of ‘trick’ on him that is at once disgusting, degrading, and still illegal in at least four states. What a blissful existence I might lead!”

    Alas, I’m happily married, I don’t meet the age requirement and I look hideous in sequins. Also, I have semi-decent taste. Drat.

    Adores: 16
  17. 2010 January 3

    Hmm, you have to question his sleight-of-hand magician skills if he isn’t dexterous enough to type sensibly and/or find the punctuation keys.

    But maybe he magically made all the punctuation disappear!
    (that’s quite an act)

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 January 3

      Well carie – I think it depends on what he was typing with………

      Adores: 5
  18. 2010 January 4

    This was the first thing I read this morning when I got up….

    I spent the day leaping around my apartment while loudly singing “The Final Countdown”.

    My cat, roommate, and any neighbors who saw me through the window all think I am insane.

    Adores: 1
  19. 2010 January 4
    Nicole permalink

    The only “tricks” this magician will be finding aren’t of the magical type. Perhaps this was his intent all along.

    Adores: 2
  20. 2010 January 4

    ok, maybe I’m having a “blonde day”, which I have to admit happens a lot, but I really don’t understand why several of you have The Final Countdown stuck in your head after reading this one.

    Will someone please put me out of my misery and explain?

    Adores: 0
    • 2010 January 4
      dan permalink

      The second magician in the “Do Not WANT!” section is Gob Bluth, a character from the TV show “Arrested Development.” He was a terrible, terrible magician, whose tricks always failed to work to a cheesy synthesized version of “The Final Countdown.” (yes, even worse than the original)

      Adores: 0
      • 2010 January 4

        thanks Dan. That’s one show I never watched, which explains why I didn’t get the reference

        Adores: 0
  21. 2010 January 4
    Heather permalink

    This was my submission–yay! FYI, this guy may still be looking for his assistant. A few weeks back there was a mad crescendo of every day posts from him, increasingly demanding. He’s been kind of quiet the past week, though. Maybe he got an assistant for Christmas?

    Adores: 1
  22. 2010 January 4
    kristen55 permalink

    Although this guy is clearly a total loser of the sort that CL seems to bring out of the woodwork in droves, it did remind me of a fascinating documentary I saw called ‘The lady in the box’ or something close to that, about magicians and their sidekicks, nearly all of who were actually their wives/girlfriend. And of course once the wife no longer fit in the box, hopefully by then they had a daughter they could convince to stuff in there. However I got the impression those assistants either fell in love on the job or were already involved before they decided to get in the box. I don’t think advertising for someone to do both is really appropriate…

    Anyway, a fun documentary if you ever run across it.

    Adores: 1
  23. 2010 February 19
    albi permalink

    I would take GOB over those sexy magicians any day.

    Adores: 0

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.