YSaC, Vol. 535: Every day I get in the queue.
Anyone looking for a job? Or love? Or even both? Have we got an opportunity for you:
looking for magic and love – 54
trying to get amagic business up and running. right noiw am looking for an asssistant to help me in magci business and aslo to be my lady. this lady is tobe between the ages of 25-35 willing to travle artound the couintry in about a couple of months and aslo be my lady this lady is not married or has asignivant other and no kids and likes to travel got to be petite and hair color is red blonde or brunette if interested get ahold of me here on craigslist on how to get hold of you telling me your age and how o get ahold of you so we can meet need an assistnt for my magic act
I know what you ladies are thinking – magicians are all sexy in their black clothes with their flashy moves:
But just remember, for every one of those guys, there’s probably several thousand of these:
Don’t say we didn’t warn you!
Thanks for the link, Heather!
hmmm
“hair color is red blonde or brunette”
so pink with black streaks wont cut it then? Shame, I was planning on going pink for 2010 so I guess I need not apply.
“Oh, come on!”
(Thanks to Dan, I will have “The Final Countdown” stuck in my head all day.)
I think it’s actually “hair color is red, blonde or brunette” which pretty much means “I’m not picky, but must have hair”
Actually, I’m guessing that eliminating black hair is a sneaky way of specifying “must be white” without saying it.
If his magic act is as good as his post, they won’t get on the road for years and years. Hope he lets his lady do all the accounting and advertising, cause this magician needs help!
I can has magic show?
Kthx
Does aslo mean “age/sex/location/orientation?”
You so witty, Ed.
Aslo is the capital of Narway.
Where Narwhals are from, of course.
Glad you didn’t say “Where Narwhals come from.” That would be Velampthriscrus.
He seems to have developed magnetic “a’s”. They keep getting stuck to the next word in the sentence.
He also seems to be looking for a lady named “Tobe.” Is that the exotic female spelling of the name “Toby?” What if the only lady named Tobe he can find has blue hair? He’ll be s.o.l.
That does present a difficult question for the guy. Tobe, or not Tobe.
It’s Magic!! He made the “t” in “to” disappear. And reappear as an “i” in “now”.
MAGIC!
Apparently he does not want a lady who is a “asignivant” which I can only assume is a clairvoyant for the deaf. Telling futures in sign language is apparently more magical than his show. I am not sure I can support a magician with no respect for those with disabilities, especially one who is so clearly typing impaired, spelling deficient, and sense deprived.
+1 for “sense deprived.” I’m using that from now on.
I think asignivant means the lady is unattached, like this guy’s brain cells.
Can’t spell or write clearly or probably communicate well in general, wants a (presumably) attractive helper 20-30 years younger than himself who is available to both be his assistant and his “lady.” Translation: “I can’t get a girlfriend any other way, so I’m going to advertise for a job position with ‘benefits’ and hope that someone young and desperate enough will answer.” … even not having seen the guy, I just threw up a little bit in my mouth reading this. If someone advertises for a job that has the expectation of the person in the job having sex with them, doesn’t that qualify as prostitution on some level? Can the police go after them? As well, ever notice that the men often don’t want women their own age? I assume they think that contemporaries are unattractive, but suspect that the real reason is that more older women may have wised up and won’t take their shit.
Elvis Costello title reference, right? I just got up and haven’t had coffee, so I may not be correct.
The Who
I thought it was The Who, Magic Bus.
The Who indeed. You win this lovely couch. It’s perfectly safe, really.
Only had an aunt and her snake die on it!
Wow, I can sell this on Craig’s List and make a fortune. Thanks, Dan!
Makes more sense than “Every day I write the book.” Particularly with magic reference. Thanks!
It’s sad that at 54 the only trick he’s mastered is making “ladies” dissappear.
Many men of many ages manage to do this. It’s not a special trick …
Isn’t this guy advertising a week (and 2010 years) late if he wants to get into the magi business?
right, and right on epiphany sunday, too!! gotta go. here come the 3 wiseguys.
I’m sure he’s mostly looking for someone to look after his magic wand, and she’ll be pressed to digitate it.
As I read this I thought, Dear God, it could be someone exactly like Gob Bluth.
And then, there was a picture. This was seriously the most disturbing and awesome way to start my day.
*starts playing the final countdown*
I hope the lady see this…
asignivant ???????? WTF?? a savant? or just an idiot? stick to the magic- makes people disappear. starting with himslef.
Is the magic act making your savings account disappear while traveling around the country in a 1960’s Partridge Family style bus performing “magic acts” at carnivals?
It’s easy to imagine what the training technique would be for his “asssistant.” Dopey, incomprehensible instructions, petulant corrections, and outlandish accusations. Looking into my crystal ball I also see a lot of irritability and maybe stupid but dangerous temper tantrums, especially when he and the red blonde brunette differ on the definition of “lady.”
Oh! My dream job has appeared on CL at last! Just yesterday I was saying to myself “If only an illiterate wanna-be magician with absolutely no redeeming qualities was looking for a brunette who wanted to prance around pretending to be impressed whilst he performed lame disappearing coin tricks and got booed by Mrs. MacIntosh’s kindergarten class. Later, he would want me to perform a type of ‘trick’ on him that is at once disgusting, degrading, and still illegal in at least four states. What a blissful existence I might lead!”
Alas, I’m happily married, I don’t meet the age requirement and I look hideous in sequins. Also, I have semi-decent taste. Drat.
Hmm, you have to question his sleight-of-hand magician skills if he isn’t dexterous enough to type sensibly and/or find the punctuation keys.
But maybe he magically made all the punctuation disappear!
(that’s quite an act)
Well carie – I think it depends on what he was typing with………
This was the first thing I read this morning when I got up….
I spent the day leaping around my apartment while loudly singing “The Final Countdown”.
My cat, roommate, and any neighbors who saw me through the window all think I am insane.
The only “tricks” this magician will be finding aren’t of the magical type. Perhaps this was his intent all along.
ok, maybe I’m having a “blonde day”, which I have to admit happens a lot, but I really don’t understand why several of you have The Final Countdown stuck in your head after reading this one.
Will someone please put me out of my misery and explain?
The second magician in the “Do Not WANT!” section is Gob Bluth, a character from the TV show “Arrested Development.” He was a terrible, terrible magician, whose tricks always failed to work to a cheesy synthesized version of “The Final Countdown.” (yes, even worse than the original)
thanks Dan. That’s one show I never watched, which explains why I didn’t get the reference
This was my submission–yay! FYI, this guy may still be looking for his assistant. A few weeks back there was a mad crescendo of every day posts from him, increasingly demanding. He’s been kind of quiet the past week, though. Maybe he got an assistant for Christmas?
Although this guy is clearly a total loser of the sort that CL seems to bring out of the woodwork in droves, it did remind me of a fascinating documentary I saw called ‘The lady in the box’ or something close to that, about magicians and their sidekicks, nearly all of who were actually their wives/girlfriend. And of course once the wife no longer fit in the box, hopefully by then they had a daughter they could convince to stuff in there. However I got the impression those assistants either fell in love on the job or were already involved before they decided to get in the box. I don’t think advertising for someone to do both is really appropriate…
Anyway, a fun documentary if you ever run across it.
I would take GOB over those sexy magicians any day.