YSaC, Vol. 603: The life of Riley …
We’re all about helping here at YSaC.* Sometimes ads appear serendipitously close to one another, and since we’re all about helping,* we like to engage with the serendipity. These particular ads appeared within three days of one another in the same market:
Ps3 for car that runs
Ok so I have a ps3 80gb hdd with all cables and 2 six axis controlers a ps3 cam and grand theft auto 4.
I’m going back to school and badly want a car. I’m looking for sumtng 94 and up that u would trade.
I really dnt care wat car it is however I do not not want to fix it up because you want even waist money
Tryn to fix it upmcuz it’s way to much. That being said thank you I know I’m askn for a car for the most
exspencive system out there LOL but yea hit me back.
My name is Riley
no ps3 sorry but…..
i do not have a ps3 so stop calling about it but i do have a 1998 maroon corvette i am trying to sale it needs a new front bumper but runs great need a larger vehicle i am asking $5000 or best offer
call me on my other phone anytime if i dont answer leave a message
xxx-xxx-xxxx
See? It’s perfect. Riley could trade the PS3 for the Corvette, and then he would have his car, and the second person would have a PS3 for all the people who are apparently calling him on his other phone and asking if he has a PS3. I love when things have a happy ending!*
* This may not actually be true.
Thanks for the ads, nairobired!
Dear Riley,
I am very glad you are going back to school. Judging from your post, this seems like a good idea. Remember to pay particular attention to the lecture on homophones.
Love,
Your Friends* at YSaC
*This may not actually be true.
Love,*
Your Friends at YSac
*This may not actually be true.
His spelling is really bad, but I don’t think it sounds like he hates gay people.
Oh, homophones…
Nevermind.
NTTAWWT
No, no, wait – that’s the OTHER phone – the one to call if you don’t want the PS3 that he doesn’t have.
I’m confused – it appears cat-math has stumbled into the Corvette/PS3/non-PS3 equation…
I really want to hit this Riley. Hard. Possibly even in the back.
Roll sneak attack damage.
(Reminder: Rogues do it from behind!)
Sapped girls can’t say no?
Oh wait, wrong game.
I wait for the Wizard to cast Smite Stupidity. When Riley’s head collapses, I steal his PS3.
I cast magic missile! I’m attacking the darkness!
Look out, Jackie – there’s a gazebo!
It wants the Shell of Minty!
Live at the Wat 40 2Nite!: Rouges Do it From Behind!
WHO has a rouge behind?
Wait…what were we talking about?
*(wonders off to stare at something shiny)*
upmcuz? Tryn? exspencive?
I KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON HERE!
He’s trying to switch between speaking Czech* and “English”** without a proper keyboard!
*I may not actually remember Czech letter combination
**Riley’s definition of English open to interpretation
I’m going back to school..or sumtng [like that]
But arallyn…he’s going back to school (not soon enough apparently) and he said “thank you”! Try not to read through the keyboards too much.
Truf.
Just for reference, I’m sick as a dog and trying to work while overloaded on Dayquil. Hence my return to the comments and not making a lot of sense.
I’m workin’ a bit of a Sudafed buzz right now.(Damn stupid useless sinuses) I can see why people make illicit drugs out of it.
Been in the same boat all week. Sorry if I infected you via internet, Arallyn.
Get ye to Urgent Care, Stephanie! You’re way sicker than me. My sinuses are giving me hell, though…haven’t bothered with real pseudophedrine in a while since my body doesn’t react much to it, unfortunately. Phenylphedrine works alright for me, but I haven’t found anything that really helps enough to let me hear and not have a splitting headache.
Just got back from the Urgent Care, the doctor gave me vicodin to help with the sinus pain and headaches….. I don’t like vicodin but whatever, I now have a doctor’s note to miss 3 days of work and soup. Delicious soup.
sarajean80: apparently for people with thyroid disease, Sudafed itself can have meth-like effects. I found this out when my mom had a cold, and I came home from high school to find that she had painted and wallpapered the living room… with a crooked border.
I’ve got ridiculously low drug tolerances so I rarely take anything over the counter, but I took one tablet last night so I could get some sleep without corking my nostrils. I am just now getting out of the having-meaningful-conversations-with-belly-button-lint stage.
Spring break starts after today. I’m lurvin’ the student exodus!
Keep taking that Dayquil! You’re on a roll this morning!
I know how you all feel, I’m on my thrid whiskey of the morning.
Is that not the same as taking cold medication. Oh… right. *Nurses his drink*
Haha, yeah, spring break…I’m missing my friend’s birthday party tonight because I’m so stupid sick, but hey at least I get to get out of this podunk town for 5 days or so starting Saturday! Student exodus today is good. I’m hoping most of University of MN gets outta here today…I hate having to take the bus back to Madison with them having already overcrowded it >:(
“Sorry if I infected you via internet, Arallyn”
You can get infected via the internet? Crap! I’m in trouble!!
Time for a trip to the clinic, hmm?
*waves from bed*
DayQuil day here. Just now able to feel like commenting and now able to make comments that won’t read like the OPs. Unfortunately, it’s not the drugs, it’s the bugs that are kicking my ass.
Did we all infect each other? Dang. I thought that what happens in VirtualVegas stays in VirtualVegas.
[corey]I’m slightly more worried that the line length is suggestive of using a ‘berry or similar phone interface to make the CL listing. Which begs the question of who is paying the phone bill.
Then, I’m also wondering if Riley is the author of both. He traded his PS3 to get a bumperless ‘Vette (which may or may not have a minty shell, but fails vehicle inspection). So, poor Riley has traded pig for poke, and _still_ people call him about the PS3 . . . [/corey]
I have the Riley scene for original ST, where he is singing (very badly) as the Enterprise plunges into the atmosphere of some distant planet nagging the mush that passes for my brain today . . .
Wiki definition: upmcuz —-
Q: “How many words can you list that have only one syllable?”
Riley: “up”….mmmmm…. “cuz”……
*crickets*
Q: What? Too many to list? *sigh*
MORE HAIKU!
I like some weird words
But I can’t pronounce them
tryn say upmcuz
(Tryn has one syllable the way I pronounce it)
You missed a syllable in middle line. I suggest you add “gud” to the end of the line.
I tried for about 10 minutes to decide if pronounce had 2 or 3 syllables. I decided on 3, I guess I was in error.
Drat.
Like Tron?
Yup, but with a y.
“I do not not want to fix it up because you want even waist money”
I cannot begin to untangle this one. But let me try. The double negative tells me that Riley might actually *want* to fix up a car, maybe because it’ll help him lose the spare tire he’s sporting (hence, the funds to fix the car, and exercise thereof, would be “waist money”).
Other than that? I really don’t have anything else. My brain hurts.
“I do not want to fix it up because you won’t even waste money” is how I translated it. (I speek idjit gud, rite?) I think he wants the owner to “waist” the money to fix the car bef0re he trades his priceless PS3 for it.
I could go for an even waist. Mine is all too odd.
Your Highness, I believe the line actually (ought) scan as:
“I really dnt care wat car it is however I do not not want to fix it up because you want even waist money Tryn to fix it upmcuz it’s way to much.”
Which may or may not render as “I really do not care about the make of the automobile as long as it does not presently require extensive repair–if you are motiviated to rid yourself of a vehicle you yourself have given up on repairing–as I am to impoverished in cash* to afford such.”
*May mean impoverished in spirit in addition or in exclusion of poverty of liquid assets.
[coutier’s bow; then retreat to nerdlaager]
I just realized that this guy spells like and has exactly the same crap sentence structure as a guy named Riley that I knew as a kid. He was a snot-nosed creep. His dog attacked me when I biked by his house and he blamed me for it. Last I heard of him, he got attacked by a shark in Hawaii and lost part of his arm. That would not bode well for fixing up cars.
What a heart warming story arallyn. I simply must invite you to the next hallmark get-together.
* wipes away tears*
That was beautiful. You should write for Lifetime.
Great story. I would love to know what he was doing when the shark got his arm; probably something he shouldn’t have.
I hear sharks can smell bodily fluids from miles away…
You mean besides blood? Eww! 😛
Blood is a bodily fluid now?
Erm, I always thought so before … if it’s not a fluid or from a person’s body, then what is it? I always thought of it as both …
(And why do I regret asking that question? I don’t think that it’s the possible corey-invocation aspect.)
If not, then they’ll have to drop several charges against me.
Lola, there is a much worse option for the answers to your question. Graham and I are around.
Lola, you thought it was “both”? Both what?
HHNF: Even if it didn’t come from your body, it’s still illegal to drench your enemies in it.
But, but, but they tell me that they always get an empty, hopeless vanquishy feeling when I do. It gives me a warm fuzzy feeling.
Are you sure it wasn’t a warm sticky feeling?
On second thought, don’t answer that.
I always thought it was both bodily output and a fluid. Are you going to tell me blood is neither?
HHNF: Clearly, I asked this question at just the right time! And I’m cosseted by cold meds, so *loopy tone of voice* whatever you say … I may not mind …
Whatever it is, it smells like pennies and moss.
That’s it, Lola, blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-a-lcohol.
Moss?
I’m not blaming alcohol for anything, just the NyQuil. 8) It’s the NyQuil typing, mmm hmm. My story and I’m stickin’ to … oooh, shiny …
Yeah, like…walking through the woods when the moss is damp. Kindof musty, tangy and dirty.
Man, I haven’t been in the woods for a while, obviously. You say “musty, tangy, and dirty” and I think “unmarried guy’s bathroom.” And not moss. Other stuff growing in the grouting, sure, but not moss.
Lola, I have no idea. I just like saying “[x] is [reasonable/commonly known fact] now?”
Sounds like Kate Moss to me.
Graham, do not mix Corey and Cat Math. YSaC might divide by zero.
WTF, Graham, I don’t come here for head-fuckery!*
And I think HHNF is right – it’s OK if you divide yourself by 0, but no! not the whole site! =8O
*This may not actually be true. I take what I can get these days.
Sorry, Lola, I’ll make sure to tag any future head-f*ck posts as such. And I’ll try not to divide anything by zero, but sometimes it happens accidentally.
Meh, this entire site needs mindf*ck tags most of the time, in that case, then! 😀 I still don’t understand how to divide by zero, so I think I’m safe … but with Cat Math, you never know. You could think you’re dividing by watermelon stiletto and carrying the tabouli, and it will turn out that that equals zero …
Lola, they say your head can be a prison
and these are just conjugal visits.
People will dissect us til this
doesn’t mean a thing anymore.
Hmm, I thought it was love that was a prison with conjugal visits … might explain a thing or two about my relationships.
Eek, jaimee fox is definitely Not.A.Lion; neither is that smaple in my head from “Take Me Out to a Dancehall” by Pat Green (from before he was a nashville-sellout).
Have not had nearly enough St Arnold’s lovely Spring Bock to cast aspersions let alone fire a kiln for blame (or ought I run an oast for malt?)
It’s only just gotten down to 53º at 51%RH, so I’m not sure that it’s a warm damp mossy smell the brisk north wind has brought indoors. Which has caused my cat to kick me in some sort of base|Cat code as he dreams.
Wait, my brain is a what?
Lets do some fun math here!
PS3 80GB Bundle with 2 controllers new: $400 Take 25% off for being used, so it’s worth at best $300
GTA4 used: $24 (Based on Gamestop).
So basically he wants a car for $324. And, he wants it in perfect working order without any current needs for repairs. Surely this deserves the “Unrealistic Expectations” flag.
However, for $324 I think I could hook him up with DA minty shell.
My friend’s selling a 94 Pontiac for $300, and it runs fairly well and doesn’t need any immediate repairs. She always kept current with maintenance, but she swears the car is cursed and haunted. So that might be a negative on the “no fixing” bit. Unless exorcisms aren’t considered fixing.
If it’s haunted, shouldn’t it cost more?
I would pay more for a haunted car.
I actually think she was talking about selling it so cheap because we all have this gut feeling that it’s gonna commit car suicide soon, despite being taken care of.
if it’s haunted, shouldn’t it cost more?
Well, yes, but recall it isn’t fixed, and one would not want to have to worry about litters of feral haunted cars in one’s environs.
Car suicide?
Oh..then it must be a Toyota.
Band name of the day:
“Suicidal Cars”
With their hit single:
“Break Down”
My mom bought a car at an estate sale once. It was a very nice car with all the luxury options, but we’re convinced its dead owner was not pleased about the sale. It had many mysterious breakdowns, flat tires, etc, and it seemed to attract oncoming traffic (we had several incidents where we were hit by other drivers). Eventually the power steering broke, and we took the opportunity to get rid of the cursed thing.
Ah, no big deal. Plenty of cars are possessed or have gremlins. Ask any mechanic.
So… You want me to trade you a running car that needs no work done to it at all, for a game system worth maybe $400?
Wow. Yeah, sign me up for that.
Good luck with McDonald’s University, though.
(“Say it with me class – ¿Quiere papas fritas con eso?“)
“Query papa for the Fritos can of ass.”
I love Spanish!
And you’re so fluent in it, too!
Really? I thought he sounded a little phlegmy…..
I think he’s had a few sips from his quart jar of “cold medicine”.
Sarajean — if you calculate it out in cat math it makes more sense.
I think with Cat Math you end up paying Riley O’Sparky $12.42 and a case of raspberry sherbert.
I get O’Reilly AutoParts, with a quart of DA Minty Shell Ice Cream.
I suck at CatMath.
Sigh……
You’re both wrong! I got pancakes times the square root of 10 cats 3, which equals approximately ish to the power of bees
*smacks forehead*
I forgot to carry the bees!
*recalculates*
Now I’m getting pineapple sherbert with drywall flakes and chocolate covered kumquats. I don’t like pineapple sherbert, anybody want to trade for some Minty Shell ice cream?
Not if that’s Chinese drywall, in which case run from those flakes!
I guess he doesn’t have any rare cereals that he could trade for it. His mom already gave them away to get his sister a car.
“Kwer-ah pah-puthz free-tahth kon ethoz”
would get some looks around here, the local rendition would be
“¿Quier fries tambien?”
Depends. A mechanically sound vehicle with a lot of rust or body damage would be worth about $400. Depending on what it is, of course. Think early ’90s Plymouth Voyager or Ford Escort.
Thousand dollar car ain’t even gonna roll,
Until you put at least a thousand dollars in the hole,
Put your money and there you are,
The owner of a two-thousand-dollar thousand dollar car.
Thousand Dollar Car
Bottle Rockets
I thought it was Nipsey Russell. Thank goodness for the citation.
Waist money…. like from strippers?
But it has to be even” waist money. Most strippers are kinda curvy.
Please ignore the random italics. It won’t let me fix it.
That’s ok sarajean we understand that random font changes sometimes occur.
Well, it could very well be even waist money, as long as the stripper doesn’t have, say, a 27 inch waist.
This is random, but why am I getting an ad for something called “quantum jumping” offering to help me “jump into the sprit world”?
Probably has something to do with the haunted car described above.
I don’t know about all of you, but my haunted car can also execute pan dimentional jumps. I mean if you buy a haunted car, why not spring for some of the extra features that you’ll use a lot.
That sounds so awesome.
There are very few things that vicodin and delicious soup will not make awesome. I think it’s the soup.
Did you bring enough to share with the whole class? The Vicodin, I mean…not the soup…unless, of course, you put the Vicodin in the soup…
Speaking of spiked soup…did that to my dementia-addled Dad recently with his antibiotics. The one time he won’t eat his favorite soup………
“Our soups this evening are a bold Cream of Oxycodone with Parnips and Rutabega, a provocatively spicy Tortilla Soup garnished with benzodiazepines, and a rather coy Codeine Gazpacho. Would you like a salad or a cot with that?”
Eye two is going back to skool, butt don’t need no car. Skool rekwi…ricq…um…makes me get books which r rly ecspensive. So if u have books I will trade you a Turbografix 16. This is a state of the art game system with hella
awesome grafix!!1!lol!
…ouch.
My fingers would have bent themselves backwards rather than typing some of that.
My condolences.
That made my eyeballs bleed.
My brain is all sad for you now.
What’s worse is the fact that I had my “smart” phone’s auto-correct feature on and it actually corrected a few words.
Wait, is no one else concerned about the fact that people are calling the second guy looking for a PS3? Are there a lot of people out there who use this technique to find game consoles? Just calling random numbers and hoping whoever answers has what you want does not seem like a winning strategy to me.
Clearly, you’ve never heard of telemarketing.
I had a ’94 Sumtng once, but it got lousy gas mileage and every time you went around a curve to the left the passenger door opened and if your passenger wasn’t holding on…..
And, what a coinky-dink, I just got rid of my Other phone. I upgraded to an Either 3K, and I love it.
You all are so mean, mean, mean. The poster says “I really dnt care wat car it is”, so long as it’s a ’94 or newer that doesn’t need fixing up.
I know that Toys ‘R Us has a brand new kiddie John Deere Turf Tractor with Trailer for $249.99. His homies can ride four in the trailer. It says “Driving is easy with an accelerator and brake on the same pedal, as well as two rear driving wheels with independent motors for performance.” It even comes with the 12-volt battery. There’s even an adjustable seat and adjustable armrests.
This is a primo vehicle that even FreeCreditReport.com wouldn’t make fun of. I’d certainly trade it in for the PS3.
Honestly, this is someone who needs serious help, and all you all can do is make snarky comments. ;)*
*This may not actually be true.
And, I suppose all the slackers searching for ps3 gaming consoles in ‘video gaming’ see the ad for a Corvette titled, “no ps3 sorry but…..” and think, “awesome left-brained guerrilla marketing!” and tweet the genius posting to all of their slacker friends.
I’m going out on a limb here, but I think our fatuous poster will have more calls for his non-existent ps3 than he will his Corvette. I can hear the ‘mushrooms’ in the basement now, whispering to each and giggling over the prank call.
I could see this as possibly being a drunk-boy prank. Select a number from an ad and ask for something random, then get mad when they don’t have it. Seems like it would require more thought than most drunks I’ve seen would possess, though.
Thing 1 & 2 are in the basement now. They saw ad #2 and said, “don’t call me about the ps3 anymore? where’s this guy’s number? I wanna call him now and ask for his ps3. What an idiot.”
Apparently the first poster hasn’t played his Grand Theft Auto 4 game enough or he could…acquire… the car he needs while keeping his beloved PS3.
For the record, if anyone actually gives that poster a car, I’d like to meet them. I have a few things they might be interested in — a few old cans of Crisco, a sofa with a snake inside, much more, too many to list.
I bet we could hook Riley up with a nice truck… it doesn’t even need any repairs!
Clearing out bees doesn’t count as a repair, right?
I think technically it would be considered cleaning. Like applying Armor-All to the dashboard, but with a greater chance of going into anaphylactic shock.
Riley just says 94. He did not say 1994. So anything from 1894 and up is fair game. A car doesn’t need AC nor a heater (at least not here) to pass inspection, so I wouldn’t consider those requirements. There is only one of him, so a driver’s seat with working safety belt is needed. No need to worry about a passenger seat or backseat (he could have more room for his skool buks). I’m beginning to see this a realistic possibility.
[corey]Here in Texas, you do not need an entire windshield, either. You only need enough glass to affiz the registration and inspection decals (oh, and said glazing must be sturdy enough to not endanger those adhering those decals, either).
Oh, and you must display your state-issued front license plate, so PS3-less Riley would have to afix that front bumper somehow (unless he can find a grille-suard at Tractor Supply to suit).
Also, you only have to have working original equipment, so an 1898 REO need not have seat belts, SRS, turn signals or the like–not as long as you can mount a license plate fore & aft, and have a 6×8 ‘square’ of windscreen handy.[/corey]
The reason the guy in the second ad is getting calls is because his ex-girlfriend is mad at him for ramming into her car (hence the need for a new bumper on his) and placed a CL ad saying he had a ps3 for sale for $25.
Boy, ex girfriend pranks just aren’t what they used to be. I’m rather disappointed.
Where’s the originality, the spark?
The random gunfire and judiciously applied SuperGlue?
Uh, look at who she was dating. Do ya really expect more from her?
I really, really, really hope that Riley gets spelling lessons when he goes back to school; I presume it’s Grade 5 he’s going back to?
For the tenth year running!
He would be in the same grade as Jethro Bodine. Jethro has a vehicle. They could ride together.
But if they go over a bridge it would be a Jethro toll
Nice one.
I’m sorry, i thought I would explode if I didn’t say it soon.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2eU2CG3WN8&feature=related
And with that, I must take my leave, as my sleeping pills are starting to earn their pay.
I much prefer Korn’s Word Up over Cameo’s. hadn’t heard this in ages. Goodnight, Merc.
This would be good earwormage. Thank you all most kindly.
Not-A-Lionel would gladly trade his dip head for a PS3! Or a Corvette! Or a salad bowl…Won’t someone lend me $5? Anyone? Hey, where are you going…?
hang on. gotta answer my other fone. or phone.
All right, time for the Irish jokes to get to commencing!
“Did I tell you I’m dating an Irishman?’
“Oh, really?”
“No, O’Riley!”
*crickets* *playing with their PS3s*
Sigh. Someone pour me a tall one.
*pours Windrose extra-big Irish whiskey, hands her puncher for CapnMac*
There, there, dear.
Now this Son of Caledonia will drink Orange whisky same as mackerel-snapper, e’en with a preference for Tullamore Dhu.
Head is swellt more than eno for being sidebar-honored; punched sans doctored fruit juice is just confusing me.
An’ I gots NCo aplenty iffin I needs confusin’
As I have had a wee dram or two: What’s Irish and comes out in spring?
Paddy O’Furniture……..
Oh, yeah! Hey, congratulations, CapnMac! It’s your first time, so we’ll be gentle.
You will be Gentile? Better than Samaritan, one supposes, but I know have “Lamb” by Chris Moore more than well lodged in my head . . .
Goodnight everybody I’ve got to goooo, gotta leave you all behind and faaace the truuuuth. Momma, ooohhhoooo…..
@CapnMac welcome and what a lovely pure English interpretation of Riley’s post a few comments ago – its a joy to read real long and proper words. I’ve got Ralf Fiennes voice in my head *this may not be true but it is a wish*
In CatMath the answer is anchovy and prune jelly with liver jus.